How to save cousins from abusive mother?

[isladar]

Oh well that's good then.

Not to be flippant, but I'd much rather get CPS involved than give the benefit of the doubt to someone hitting a child. Sure, it could be that they're not hitting them that hard, but hey, better safe than sorry.

[Ksandra]

isla/brynth that is all largely irrelevant. The guy is within his rights to call cps because of seeing the kids hit (dishes incident) and signs of neglect (shoes).

My sister had to go through a cps event, trust me, if there is abuse going on, CPS will find it. So w/e we think is unimportant.

[isladar]

True that.

[Byrthnoth]

Yeah, I'm not saying that calling CPS is a bad idea and I'm surprised that he hasn't already done it, but I would be unsurprised if it comes back negative.

[Acevalefor]

My sister had to go through a cps event, trust me, if there is abuse going on, CPS will find it. So w/e we think is unimportant.

What triggered the investigation? I am curious because we have a nosy neighbor that called the cops on us because one of our boys likes to scream and wail when he doesn't get his own way. Cops came, saw that he has 3 older brothers and dismissed the whole thing as a little brother throwing a fit, which is exactly what it was, but CPS didn't even get a nod even when the neighbor called saying she thought we were abusing him by making him stand in the back yard screaming.

Also, a 7-year-old telling his speech therapist that his dad likes drugs and has guns didn't trigger anything either.

[Seraph]

Yeah, I'm not saying that calling CPS is a bad idea and I'm surprised that he hasn't already done it, but I would be unsurprised if it comes back negative.

According to the OP, CPS was already attempted and came back negative. I guess you can try it 500 times but there are way too many posts implying that making a simple phone call is going to fix this issue. I don't really see how someone else calling can be more convincing than the kid themselves calling, but maybe you catch a break and the mother slips up.

[Ksandra]

What triggered the investigation? I am curious because we have a nosy neighbor that called the cops on us because one of our boys likes to scream and wail when he doesn't get his own way. Cops came, saw that he has 3 older brothers and dismissed the whole thing as a little brother throwing a fit, which is exactly what it was, but CPS didn't even get a nod even when the neighbor called saying she thought we were abusing him by making him stand in the back yard screaming.

Also, a 7-year-old telling his speech therapist that his dad likes drugs and has guns didn't trigger anything either.

Well, my sister's husband has a temper, but I have never seen him be physically abusive (well once..with my cat, unrelated long story). He's mostly a shout and stomp feet kind of guy.

Anyway, my sister and him (and I guess his father who lives with them) had a shouting fight. He threw keys at the father and left the house and my sister called the cops on him. In the police report the cops listed the grandfather holding the baby when the keys were thrown at him (my sister claims that's not what happened at all, but I wasn't there so who knows). And therefore, the cops had to report it to CPS.

I will say that while it's good CPS is thorough, they can be complete douchebags. At the time I was a substitute teacher so could basically set my own hours. For the next 2-3 weeks I didn't work so I could stay at their house everyday as like another witness in case they tried to pull something. The woman was constantly trying to get my sister to sign a paper saying her husband couldn't see the baby, even by doing shady things like trying to get her to sign it without reading it. Also, my sister and her husband had a lawyer and were adamant about not signing anything without going through him first (good for them). Anything the CPS worker gave them, they faxed it over and waited, but the worker tried to get them in trouble for "delaying the investigation." She also did some crazy things like forced my sister to have the fridge stocked with like 3 months worth of baby food (which is bullshit because before that she made her own, I made my own, it's a million times better).

It's very possible she just got unlucky with a bitch of a CPS worker, but ya, for sure that experience lets me know that there are those that will look for ANYTHING.


Oh, and ya it's funny you mention the screaming thing. I've heard before of people calling CPS all the time for those that live in apartments because they can hear a baby crying. Makes me panic all the time as my daughter still likes to cry a little before going to sleep. @.@;

[archibaldcrane]

Definitely call CPS each time you are made aware of an incident of abuse or neglect. It may even be helpful to not let the kids know you are doing it, because if future sister-in-law knows it's you you'll never see the kids again.

Stay persistent, but that's about all you can do.

[BaneTheBrawler]

my parents got CPS called on them because i had an ear infection and didnt feel any pain, so when my parents noticed something wasnt right and took me in, the doctors freaked out because it was so inflamed and whatnot that they didnt believe me when i said it didnt hurt. they thought my parents MUST have been neglecting me. But apparently they had me checked out by therapists and whatnot and i never changed my story and was acting fine, so they couldn't do shit. Jerks. Luckily I don't remember any of that shit.


Also, when I was a kid and I hit my classmates "I didn't hit him that hard!" was not an acceptable excuse. I don't see why it would be for an adult hitting a child.

[Ddz]

Withholding food is a case for neglect. Can we get more details on how the mother is "beating" them? If it's just spanking...lol. All of the other comments about the way she disciplines them and withholds privileges sounds like good parenting (as long as they are actually doing something wrong). You can't really dictate to people how to raise their kids.

[Pringles]

Is them moving to NC to live with their father a worse option for them? You had mentioned school system as the only negative in regards to that. Unless he's going to treat them just as badly or worse than her, maybe contact him and explain the situation to him.

[Cliron]

The location of abuse is worrying for me.

My ex lived in X and I got to visit during the winter; his mother was in the school board or something so I heard some stories that made my blood run cold.

That state is as backwards as fuck. I can see them construing things quite a bit in favour of the mother.

[myreality]

Call CPS! I had to do it to my sister, they investigate everything! They have to see the kids and talk to them. The fact you knew for two years and just now contemplating what to do may have had disastrous results for the kids psychology. Call them now. Be insistent, document everything. Once cps opens a ticket they do all the work.

If there is abuse they will find it.

[Outlaw]

I 100% agree with what isladar is saying. call CPS!. Next time you witness abuse or they show up with marks call them immediately. Better yet call 911. In this situtation I would even exaggerate a little bit. "OMG she is beating her so bad I think she mite kill her!" That will get the cops there fast. Cause how are you suppose to know? She mite actually do it one of these days.

[Ksandra]

HOW DOES A TINY BUG KILL SOMEONE?


(I had to say it 'cause you did it twice)

[Outlaw]

lol! Yeah.. I'm not the best speller. <bonks self on head> M-I-G-H-T! ^^;

[Skjie]

unless an investigation reveals the domestic abuse, which a previous one he triggered with a call to social services did not (my fiancee's mother stepped in to cover with a fake alibi and the church community helped, since the family contained two senior church members, including the deacon, while their mother cleaned up her act on the abuse until the investigation stopped, and then beat him really hard for calling them on her). He has a distrust of the authorities being able to help him, and he doesn't want to make his sister homeless by doing this. Worse, their mother works for the school district, and puts on a really good act for her coworkers.

Not sure why people are saying a simple call to CPS is going to solve the problem when it's already been noted that already failed. Also, not telling the kids that you are calling CPS on their behalf isn't going to prevent them from getting beaten for it.

Honestly, the best you can do for them is provide as much support as you can until they are old enough to leave and then help them with therapy.

[Ksandra]

Because anytime you suspect new abuse you call them, and they may eventually find something.

[bungiefan]

Thanks, I was posting when I normally would have been going to bed, and this site is blocked by my company firewall so I'm just finally able to read the responses. We are organizing the information we have to do a better report to them in a coherent way. I've also been reading up on the child abuse policies trying to figure out just what information I have would qualify, because it's so nebulous.

This restriction of privileges isn't from poor grades or not doing chores, they have been constantly "grounded" since I met them, but that's the reasons she gives.

As for how they are beaten, it's not "spanking", I was cringing when I saw it, but my fiancee decided to walk out on the visit to try to shame the parent and when I was asked why she was leaving, I voiced my objection. I didn't have a camera on me to record the incident at the time (oh how I was wishing I did to have solid proof). What I saw involved fists pounding them, but my fiancee says she'll use whatever she has available to her when she reaches out, such as wooden spoons, shoes, belts.

I don't know his father. He's married to another woman and hasn't been involved in raising him. He has visited him once at age 9.

Alaska is a state that in domestic disputes, tends to rule strongly in favor of the mother.

I haven't seen much in the way of marks on them, but physical punishment shouldn't have 10 minutes of blows being thrown. My fiancee says when she did get marks, they were usually where she'd have to be down to her underwear to show them.

As for trying a covert route, that's what the email communication was. Any gift I've given them has been suspect, and confiscated by their mother before they got to use it. I have had a hard enough time getting them books to read that aren't Christian literature without her destroying them or at least keeping them away from her kids.

We can't get physical access to them anymore, except maybe at their schools, since she discovered the unapproved email communication last night.

Planning on making a call tonight to their hotline.

He used his school email address to communicate. We're looking through it to see if he mentioned any specific abuse, to get the school involved in checking it out.

[tyven]

the children are going to end up as terrible alcoholic criminals that abuse others because you posted on a final fantasy forum instead of doing something about it 2 years ago.