2013-14 NFL Week 5: JASH Freeman never paid for drugs... not once!

[Bregor]

Last week
M/L: 9-6
ATS: 7-7-1

Overall
M/L: 44-19
ATS: 32-28-3


BYE WEEK: Minnesota, Pittsburgh, Tampa Bay, Washington


THURSDAY, OCTOBER 3RD

8:30pm EDT, NFL Network

Buffalo at Cleveland (-4) - The Bills just took care of Baltimore, and they're a dog to Cleland? Ouch. Sure, Joe Flacco threw five picks in that game, but there's a decent chance Brian Hoyer does the same here. The good news for Buffalo is Fred Jackson looks great, and he'll do work with Spiller limited or out. Cleland is worth watching for one reason and one reason only: CAM'RON. I can't wait to hear Mayock break down how fucking good he is. Well, there are two reason to watch them, actually, if you like defense at all. BARKING MAD Mingo already has three sacks, Joe Haden is a blanket, and D'Qwell Jackson has been one of the best middle linebackers in the league for a while if anyone was paying attention to Cleland. They didn't miss Jabaal Sheard, Billy Winn, and Quentin Groves against Cincy, but they might here against a better run game. As much as I find the Browns in first place to be awesome and hilarious, it will end sooner rather than later. Bills in the upset.


SUNDAY, OCTOBER 6TH

1:00pm EDT, FOX

New Orleans at Chicago (PK) - There are certain teams that bite me in the ass when making predictions and/or bets. Every season Dallas seems to be one of them, but this year it's New Orleans. I just don't think they're that good. Three decent home wins and squeaking by Tampa (when JASH was still quarterback no less) isn't going to get me fired up. I'm very interested to see what the Bears defense can do to slow Breesus down in Soldier Field. As for Chicago's offense, Cutty had a pretty bad day in Detroit, but instead of moping about the sideline, he caught fire in the fourth quarter and made it a game. This showed me a lot more about his confidence and competitive drive than anything in seasons past. If he and Forte stay healthy, they will be dangerous. I like them to put up numbers against the Saints defense. Bears win the pick'em.

Detroit at Green Bay (-7) - The Lions sit atop the NFC North. This is their quarterback:

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and this is their coach:

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Raise your hand if you expect them to be there come January. Green Bay is coming off a bye and still has Aaron "TD" Rodgers (the "TD" stands for Third Down) so I expect a lot of offense. Also Eddie Lacy should be healthy, but he's fat so who cares. Packers win and cover.

Seattle at Indianapolis (+2.5) - The Seahawks got hit in the mouth by Houston last week, but scrambled back to an impressive win in overtime. The 14-play, 98-yard drive at the start of the 4th quarter was a thing of beauty, and if you didn't believe in them before, you should now. That said, they can be vulnerable on the road, and I really like what Indy is doing. At 3-1 and with a +54 point differential, they're one of the best teams in the AFC. With a smart, accurate quarterback and an improving defense, they'll be able to overcome TRENT's three yards per carry, amirite? (Once again, talk to me in a year, also when not playing San Fran or Seattle. Yes I know it was the Jags last week. Shut up.) Colts in the upset.

Philadelphia at NY Giants (-2.5) - Ladies and gentlemen, the NFC East:

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Eagles in the upset I guess.

1:00pm EDT, CBS

New England at Cincinnati (-1.5) - I said before that this is an important stretch in New England's schedule. Their division is weak, so the games against Atlanta, Cincy, and New Orleans all in a row would be very important. So far, so good. Kenbrell Thompkins looks comfortable, and the offense is heating up. Losing Vince Wilfork hurts a lot, but they should be able to make do with the speed they have in the front seven. The Hard Knocks buzz has definitely worn off for the Bengals, but they might be in better shape had they used players featured in the show. Tyler Eifert and Giovani Bernard are wasting away as older, lesser men get carries and targets. If Dusty Baker Marvin Lewis were smart, he'd make some changes. But he's not, so the pick is New England in the upset.

Kansas City at Tennessee (+2.5) - Beating Jacksonville and three NFC East teams isn't terribly exciting, but that's who Kansas City had on the schedule. Even though the final score was a blowout, they struggled to get away from the Giants, turning the ball over three times and only being up 17-7 at the end of the third quarter. They'll need to do more offensively moving forward. I've been unimpressed with Tennessee in the recent past, but I was about to get on board with Mike Munchak and the progress the team has made. Then Jake Locker goes and gets himself dinged up, leaving the offense in the hands of Ryan "Lesser Neckbeard Than Orton" Fitzpatrick. Chris Johnson is averaging 3.3 a pop and hasn't found the end zone, and trading Locker's athleticism for Fitzpartrick's, uh, Harvard eduction I guess, isn't going to do them any favors. Chiefs win and cover.

Jacksonville at St. Louis (-11.5) - I'm not going to talk about Jacksonville until further notice because doing so makes me sad. I think the Rams are pretty good, but they've been in the way of some good offensive teams under pressure to get wins. Now it's St. Louis who probably feels like this is a must-win game, and rightly so. After this they go at Houston, and not many teams start 1-5 and sniff out a wild card spot. Now would be a good time for Daryl Richardson to get on track, considering the Jags give up over 160 yards per game on the ground. Rams win and cover.

Baltimore at Miami (-3) - Joe Flacco should probably spend less time looking at his money and watching Antiques Roadshow and get better at playing quarterback. Everyone knew his contract was bad, but he's always been a decent passer. If he regresses at all, he'll go from "Todd Helton contract" to "Carl Pavano/Darren Dreifort contract" in a heartbeat. (Also if you don't get that, watch some baseball you un-American fucks.) Don't let Jon Gruden or the snarky tweets from Monday night fool you -- Miami is legit. They got in a hole against a good team, which spells trouble when your gameplan is efficiency, ball control, and defense. Missing their best defensive player didn't help either. This is a big game for the 'Fins, coming before their bye and being a big out-of-division test. If they start to feature Lamar Miller more and get Cameron Wake back, I really like their chances here. Dolphins win and cover (although I'd buy it down to 2.5 if I could).

4:05pm EDT, FOX

Carolina at Arizona (+2) - Carolina has the fewest passing yards per game in the league. That's right -- Jacksonville is ahead of them. That seems awful, but the rest of their yardage stats are great on both sides of the ball. Coming off their bye, I like them to keep up the ground game and play good defense. Greg Hardy is quietly becoming one of the better defensive ends in the league, and we all know about Kuechly by now. Eventually they will need some help at receiver, but one thing at a time. Arizona is a bit of a head-scratcher for me. They should be better just by bringing in a veteran quarterback, but they had Brian Hoyer wasting away last season. Terrible organizational decision making, Cards. At least their defense is legit, but I still like Cam and DeAngelo to break off some decent runs. Panthers win and cover.

4:25pm EDT, CBS

Denver at Dallas (+7) - From last week's thread:

Also can't accurately judge a defenses performance until they have a serious matchup. RIVERS looks to be their first legit test, assuming he doesn't derp face it up.

Then D A L S lost to PRivs:



The Tyrannical Touchdown Tosser is gonna carve 'em up. Broncos win and cover.

8:30pm EDT, NBC

Houston at San Francisco (-6.5) - From last week's thread:

So why am I always so down on the Texans? Matt Schaub. He's the ultimate caretaker quarterback, and I don't think they'll ever go deep in the playoffs with him under center. It's why you should never use win-loss records when evaluating the position, the team is 21-8 with him starting since the beginning of 2011, but in my opinion he's hardly the catalyst of most of those wins. It's hard for a playoff team to dump their #1 quarterback, but in this case I think it's necessary.

Then he threw a Deion right to Richard Sherman to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. I'm sorry, but if you're up 20-3 at halftime at home, and you can't shut the door, you're not a Super Bowl contender. As for the 49ers, they snapped out of their offensive drought thanks to a big day from Frank Gore and accurate passing from Kaepernick. It will be tougher sledding against Houston's defense, but I still like them to come out on top. San Francisco wins, Houston with the points.

11:35pm EDT, NFL Network

San Diego at Oakland (+5) - I've heard the following phrase uttered by quote unquote experts on television in real life: "If it weren't for Peyton Manning, everyone would be talking about Phil Rivers." Well, I guess that could be true, but they're implying we would be saying good things and not reveling in timeless moments like these:

Spoiler: show

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Oakland gave me a false sense of security last week. They fooled me into thinking they were decent by looking respectable in losses to Indy and Denver. I forgot that their only win is against the Jags and they literally have no offensive line. Allowing the Redskins to win took care of any positive thought I had on their franchise. This game is being delayed due to based ball playoffs, so now it's in the middle of the night and on NFL Network, meaning everyone should bench all their San Diego and Oakland players in fantasy so they're not tempted to watch this hot mess. Chargers win, Raiders with the points.


MONDAY, OCTOBER 7TH

8:30pm EDT, ESPN

NY Jets at Atlanta (-9.5) - So the Jets are 2-0 at home and 0-2 on the road. Geno Smith may be finding the hostile environs of the NFL are a little different than Iowa State or RUTGERS. I still don't really like much of what they have going on, and outside of Jacksonville and Pittsburgh they should be among the worst teams in the league. Atlanta, on the other hand, is way too good to be 1-3. They have some issues on defense, especially in the secondary, but this should be an opportunity to get healthy, both literally and in terms of confidence. Falcons win and cover.

[Headspace]

New England is an upset pick? What the fuck

[Omnipotent]

PATRIOTS

[Krandor]

New England is an upset pick? What the fuck

Along those lines, how the fuck are the Giants favored? Even at home, the only game I would pick the Giants is a matchup against the Jags.

[Moss]

New England is an upset pick? What the fuck

Wilfork loss is big

[LiquidFriend]

I'd put money on the Tennessee Titans. Ryan Fitzpatrick has been money against the Chiefs the last couple times they faced up.

[Bregor]

I'd put money on the Tennessee Titans. Ryan Fitzpatrick has been money against the Chiefs the last couple times they faced up.

http://media2.kshb.com//photo/2010/1...29_640_480.JPG

[Xajii]

All it took was 5 INT to push you off the bandwagon Bregor? I am disappoint

[Chrius]

GO COWBOYS!!

[Brill Weave]

I can say living in Pittsburgh watching the city cry is hilarious. Every Monday it's like the end of the world. If the Pirates weren't in the playoffs drawing media attention away from the Steelers it would be downright glorious.

[Tajin]

Don't think Bregor was ever 100% in the Ravens bandwagon

[Kalmado]

Quit hating on the Lions! Ok ok they're gonna get curbstomped and Schwartz will have a meltdown....

[Bregor]

All it took was 5 INT to push you off the bandwagon Bregor? I am disappoint

I still like Ballmurr for a wild card, they should murderize the AFC North.

[tyven]

bob trips on bye going to chipotle in williamsburg. redskins bout to win 12 in a row. GOD DAMN THIS FUCKING WORLD

[Xajii]

wild card
should murderize the AFC North.

ur sending me mixed messages bb

[Bregor]

ur sending me mixed messages bb

Still think CIN gets it done, just not this week. They should both get 10-11 wins.

[Tajin]

Skelton key signed with SF or I cant read twatter.

[Melena]

Flynn bumped to third string for the Raiders. Not even Purple Drank fell that quickly with the Raiders.

[Bregor]

Skelton Key signed and Flynn benched. Sounds like the Bay Area has some QB issues.

Meanwhile, BRIAN HOYER 17TH LOLOLOL: http://sports.yahoo.com/news/week-5-...023951042.html

Brownies gonna lose so bad this week.

[Melena]

I picked up Hoyer this week cause it was either him or Flaco since RG3 is on a bye this week.