The Ninja Printer Assassin

[Mina]

You getting around to blowing up that box of dildos, shepard?

This guy had to do this shit on the day corporate was coming to visit. My company merged with a bigger company less than 2 months ago. We had a small layoff last week so the amount of disgruntled people at work is pretty high. In short: the amount of suspects is too high, no one's coming forward, this guy totally got away with this.

I keep saying guy without knowing if it's a guy or a girl, but tbh no woman in my office is capable of a push up let alone crawling across the floor metal gear style.

[shepardG]

That box of dildo's is in dildo heaven. Which I assume is real place filled with porn star angels and rivers of k-y.

Did the arm in the video have gloves on?

EDIT: on second thought, dildo heaven sounds alot like real heaven.

[Serra]

I feel very invested in this story. I hope that's not the end of it.. Where's the next update, Mina!?

[Melena]

So you guys have all that security, but yet you don't have a secure print copier so you can send the job, walk casually to the copier and it will only begin printing when you punch in a PIN you create?

[Mina]

So you guys have all that security, but yet you don't have a secure print copier so you can send the job, walk casually to the copier and it will only begin printing when you punch in a PIN you create?

People at my work can't even fucking remember their password for their windows login. I have a girl who on the daily asks for my help on how to use a mouse.
No. We don't have that. I count my blessings for it too because I'm in charge of most of the system access around here and I'm sure that PIN shit would be passed down to me to keep track of.

I don't think we have that much security personally. We rent out a building that has 5 other companies inside. Now the building manager and the security office are both located in my particular company's office space. We have a wide mishmash of cubicles and due to a lot of the layoffs a good portion of the cubicles are empty. They made the one part of the building where the security office + building manager's office be the empty side of the cubicles so I suspect the guy could have been lying in wait for the security guy to go on a bathroom break and make his move. It's not like anyone would have seen him.

Each office has a special card-key lock on all the doors and you need to have the proper key lock to get to different parts of the building. What's odd to me is that the security room does not have that unique lock on it like most of the other rooms (including the server room which is next to the copier room).

Obviously your card key is recorded electronically when you open the doors. The copier room does not have this card key lock either.

Edit: Sigh... now that I think about it... pretty sure that security room used to be the space we did interviews in... The old security room got turned into the lunch room area. It still has a card key lock.

I feel very invested in this story. I hope that's not the end of it.. Where's the next update, Mina!?

I just got home. I suspect no more updates because this guy got away with it. 100%. I hated those printers but I hate not having printers even moreso.

[Melena]

People at my work can't even fucking remember their password for their windows login. I have a girl who on the daily asks for my help on how to use a mouse.
No. We don't have that. I count my blessings for it too because I'm in charge of most of the system access around here and I'm sure that PIN shit would be passed down to me to keep track of.

I don't think we have that much security personally. We rent out a building that has 5 other companies inside. Now the building manager and the security office are both located in my particular company's office space. We have a wide mishmash of cubicles and due to a lot of the layoffs a good portion of the cubicles are empty. They made the one part of the building where the security office + building manager's office be the empty side of the cubicles so I suspect the guy could have been lying in wait for the security guy to go on a bathroom break and make his move. It's not like anyone would have seen him.

Doing IT for law enforcement, I feel your pain on the pants on head retardery with PC's. The Secure print i'd hope would still work cause when you hit print, it asks for a 4 digit code, you enter it in, then when you get to the copier you hit the button to print the job and it asks for the code you entered. So it's a 1 time thing.

[Mojo]

Where do you work at? I'm trying to understand the motivations for doing this.

[Mina]

Doing IT for law enforcement, I feel your pain on the pants on head retardery with PC's. The Secure print i'd hope would still work cause when you hit print, it asks for a 4 digit code, you enter it in, then when you get to the copier you hit the button to print the job and it asks for the code you entered. So it's a 1 time thing.

That would actually be awesome. Still would probably not fix the printer problem we have. The printers we have are shit... well I keep saying have, had...

Half the time when you tried to print, it would only print a few select pages from what you wanted. Copying required you to go through tons of bullshit questions instead of a simple 'copy->start'. Faxing is ass and I never bothered with it because the thing never wanted to work properly. If you told IT about this, their response was 'eh... we'll get to it.'

Like I said, I can understand why someone would be pissed at these printers. I myself was a pretty high suspect due to how many times I've flipped shit over it with IT & HR.

[Mina]

Where do you work at? I'm trying to understand the motivations for doing this.

:/ I'm sorry for kinda dodging your question. I've always been hesitant to say my company name.
I guess specifically you could consider the specific branch I work for as kind of a debt collector. We don't necessarily call people, it's more like we handle other aspects of it.
Kinda complicated. Dunno if I should really delve into it. Not really part of the story. I could go on about some of the client shit that goes on, but that's definitely a no-no.

My job specifically? I basically get shifted jobs and tasks that other people are not assigned. From IT, HR, to client relations, to system access, to R&D... some days I'm even the accountant.
At least it pays well.

R&D: I sit down with the analysts and help build programs with them. Usually simple coding stuff, nothing too crazy. I only went for 4 years of programming before I had to drop out of college.

[Melena]

That would actually be awesome. Still would probably not fix the printer problem we have. The printers we have are shit... well I keep saying have, had...

Half the time when you tried to print, it would only print a few select pages from what you wanted. Copying required you to go through tons of bullshit questions instead of a simple 'copy->start'. Faxing is ass and I never bothered with it because the thing never wanted to work properly. If you told IT about this, their response was 'eh... we'll get to it.'

Like I said, I can understand why someone would be pissed at these printers. I myself was a pretty high suspect due to how many times I've flipped shit over it with IT & HR.

That's why for larger areas we lease copiers from xerox/konica. All we have to do is supply paper, they ship the toner, come out for maintenance and have 24hr or less turn around time for on site service. I think we are ditching konica though and going strictly with xerox.

[BaneTheBrawler]

maybe it was the IT guys. easier to set up new, better printers than to fuck around making old ones work right. my HP wireless printer is bitchin. easy to use, easy to set up, does everything. only difficult part about it was finding ink; for whatever reason, the local stores stopped carrying ink for it for a while. they carry it now, though. weird.

[Dimmauk]

Yeah best way to get new stuff is if it breaks. Plus the new company has to buy new printers. The Printer assassin is top tier. Disabling the cameras etc..., he probably was wearing white and blended into the walls.

[SamanosukeShiva]

government job or private sector?

[NynJa]

I have a girl who on the daily asks for my help on how to use a mouse.

WHY DOES THIS INEPT PIECE OF SHIT HAVE A FUCKING JOB AND I DONT

[BaneTheBrawler]

she has tits

[Mistress Stowastiq]

I keep thinking you will lose your classified documents when the printers are hooked up again and the print job finally goes through, making random person get your classified info.

[NynJa]

she has tits

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...DzLUH1NE#t=101

[Callisto]

I keep thinking you will lose your classified documents when the printers are hooked up again and the print job finally goes through, making random person get your classified info.

My thought was the guy busted all the printers as a diversion, while everyone was busy trying to figure out why the hell someone would beat up some printers he was doing something actually diabolical, like raiding the break room fridge

[Mina]

Anyways, police officer in the building today. No idea what that's about. ;/

WHY DOES THIS INEPT PIECE OF SHIT HAVE A FUCKING JOB AND I DONT

She makes bank and sits at her computer all day looking stupid. I have serious problems with this and also the girl who's only good at stapling shit.

Every day she asks me how to use a mouse and she types with 1 finger. At a job where 99% of the job is computer related, I don't fucking understand it.

She always tries to click on shit with the tail of the mouse. SMH. "Mina, the mouse is broken."

[Rocl]

to be fair good stapling is a very marketable quality and a rare skill