NFL Week 17: The failingest NFL thread to ever NFL

[Melena]

Manningham on IR for the Niners.

[Serra]

Wade Phillips being a douche:
http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/10...ans-coach-says

Not like the Texans would have been in the game if the TD didn't count.

[Bregor]

Adam Schefter
Raiders announced their former CB Nnamdi Asomugha will announce his retirement at the team's headquarters Friday.

Will forever have a place on the Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles ORIGINAL DRAM TRAM

[Bregor]

Pro Bowl selections, player draft coming in January:

http://espn.go.com/blog/nflnation/po...owl-selections

Brownies with five Pro Bowlers, they must be really good amirite

[Cail]

Panthers got 5 too. Also, wheres MEGATON

[Krandor]

Brownies with five Pro Bowlers, they must be really good amirite

Well, Chiefs sent 6 last year, and they were definitely something last year (good wasn't one of them)

And related to Cail's post, lolfanvoting. Frank Gore has no business being in the Pro Bowl this year.

He's been good, but not over players like Knowshon. Also, Foles wru

[Xajii]

He's been good, but not over players like Knowshon.

do you... do you not understand how the pro bowl works

[archibaldcrane]

0 Packers, but really guard Josh Sitton was the only snub.

[Krandor]

Does anyone at this point?

Eddie Lacy, Knowshon, Alshon, Foles, LaVonte David are pretty glaring holes imo

[Krandor]

Also, if you're referring to that they're in different conferences, that doesn't matter anymore remember?

[archibaldcrane]

Remember, the rule is you don't get to talk about snubs unless you identify the player selected who is undeserving.

Spoiler: show

*unless you're talking about interior linemen

[Krandor]

If that's the case, I'd take out Andre Johnson for MEGATON, Suggs for LaVonte, Rus Wils or Cam for Foles, and Gore for either Lacy or Knowshon. Also Revis for Rodgers-Cromartie.

[Arvin]

id easily put in megaton over demaryius or andre

[Bregor]

megaton over demaryius

Sacrilege.

[archibaldcrane]

Kinda crazy that 3 of the top 4 QBs in passer rating this season didn't even throw 300 attempts. (Foles, McCown, Rodgers)

[Arvin]

randall cobb off IR

[Arvin]

incoming GB superbowl win

[Tajin]

Probowl talk, I want to say its an improvement over Romo talk

[Tajin]

I am ok with ORTON talk though

[Bregor]

Well, this week's thread was going to be the PRIVS tribute I was talking about, but Cail went and jumped the gun. Now no one gets PRIVS.


Last week
M/L: 9-7
ATS: 11-5

Overall
M/L: 150-89-1
ATS: 119-113-8


SUNDAY, DECEMBER 29TH

1:00pm EST, CBS

Cleveland at Pittsburgh (-7) - So the Browns had their bye on week 10, when they were a respectable 4-5, with a 3-2 home record. Then they lost six straight games, voluntarily starting Jason Campbell in all but one of those losses. The only bright spots for the team have been Josh Gordon's ascension to the top tier of NFL receivers and a handful of solid performances from defensive stars (D'Qwell Jackson, Joe Haden, TJ Ward, to name a few). Otherwise, it's another typical Cleland season. Pittsburgh also had a rough go of things, and if they drop this contest it will only be their second losing season since 2000, covering eight playoff appearances and two Super Bowl wins. Rumors abound of Ben "Roeth IRA Account" Roethlisberger wanting out of town, but I'll believe it when I see it. Le'Veon Bell looks like a keeper at tailback, but it's once again up to management to bolster the offensive line in the off-season. Pittsburgh still has a slim chance at the playoffs, but Miami and San Diego are pretty big favorites, so good luck with that. Still, they'll come out focused and they won't lose to Cleland at home. Steelers win and cover.

Baltimore at Cincinnati (-6.5) -



$120.6 million, $52 million guaranteed, ladies and germs. Cincy still has a shot at a first-round bye, so no resting starters here. Bengals win and cover.

Houston at Tennessee (-7) - I don't care who you are, 13 straight losses is something special. The Texans have truly reached impressive levels of awful. Other than JJ Watt and a good pair of receivers, what's there to like in Houston? Matt Schaub and Case Keenum have been the blandest of quarterback tandems possibly ever. Tennessee is only slightly less vanilla, and they need to make some wholesale changes as well. I would dump CJ1K and Locker, keep Fitz for the short-term, maybe draft a project QB late, and continue to develop the young receivers and offensive line. But it is nice to see Alterraun Verner get selected for the Pro Bowl after an excellent season. Titans win, Texans with the points.

Jacksonville at Indianapolis (-10.5) - Believe it or not, the Colts could get a first-round bye with a little help. They need it more than anyone, because I feel like they're about to pancake in the playoffs, Marvin Lewis-style. The Jags have actually played decent football to end the year, which will be forgotten when they draft Johnny Manziel and go 1-15 next season. Colts win and cover.

NY Jets at Miami (-6) - No one on the Jets made the Pro Bowl, but Muhammad Wilkerson and Sheldon Richardson were two of the best D-linemen in the league this year. That's something to build on in Rex Ryan's defense -- that is, if Ryan will still be around in 2014 -- as they try to re-establish themselves as the premier defense in the AFC. Of all the teams to waste an opportunity last week, none was more heartbreaking than Miami. The complete inability to run the ball really got things out of whack from the get-go, and their first nine drives ended in punts. Now they have to win here, and hope Baltimore loses and/or San Diego wins. Both of those are pretty good bets, so just don't roll over on the Jets, and my preseason prediction of Miami in the wild card will come true. Dolphins win and cover.

1:00pm EST, FOX

Carolina at Atlanta (+6) - The top seed in the NFC is still up for grabs, and no one is playing more consistently excellent football than Carolina. They're also sending five guys to the Pro Bowl (Cam, Kuechly, Tolbert, Greg Hardy, Ryan Kalil) so it's nice to see them get the recognition. Outside of New Orleans in the dome and Seattle at the Link, there's no team I would want to play less than the Panthers on any field. Meanwhile, the Falcons had their comedy of errors against Washington before playing San Fran pretty tough. But I doubt they have anything left in the tank on a short week against this defense.



Sorry Matt. Panthers win and cover.

Detroit at Minnesota (-3) - SCHWARTZ!

http://d3j5vwomefv46c.cloudfront.net...gif?1387758246

Calvin Johnson could be out for this game, so this game will come down to the battl-zzzzzzzzzzz. Vikings win and cover.

Washington at NY Giants (-3.5) - I love watching Mike Shanahan twist in the wind. He went to Kirk Cousins in an attempt to win the last three games of the season and pin Washington's problems on Bobert Triple. Of course, this brilliant plan backfired, since the Indigenous Peoples are just terrible at every position from the head coach on down, and not even KC1 can save them. They lost to the Cowboys while Tony Romo had a broken back, true story. Meanwhile, the Giants have some small problems that should be easy to fix. Some health for their offensive weapons, some extra help in the front seven, and fewer derpy moments from Eli, and the G-Men will be right back in the playoff picture. Justin Tuck is having a nice bounce-back season, now they just need to get Jason Pierre-Paul back on track and they can continue to shill for Subway. But London Fletcher's last game will give DC just the emotional bump it needs to win impressively and troll their terrible fans for the next eight months. Indigenous Peoples in the upset.

4:25pm EST, CBS

Denver at Oakland (+11.5) - Top seed within his grasp?



The Tyrannical Touchdown Tosser sees all. Oakland is going with Terrelle Pryor to start, and he and McGloin should have a decent battle on their hands come August. Broncos win and cover.

Buffalo at New England (-8.5) - Thad Lewis is once again starting for the Bills, ending EJ Manuel's rollercoaster rookie year. I think Buffalo has to be pretty happy with his performance, and with three Pro Bowlers on defense (Jairus Byrd and Williamses Mario and Kyle) they have a solid foundation. They could sneak up on people in the AFC East next season. I'm so happy touchdown tom made the Pro Bowl, he can book his flight now since the quarterbacks who are actually good will be going to the Super Bowl instead. Patriots win, Bills with the points.

Kansas City at San Diego (-9.5) - Since Kansas City is locked into the 5th seed in the AFC, they'll be resting their starters at some point. They have eight (!) Pro Bowlers, including Jamaal Charles who is about to get robbed of every MVP and OPOY award by the TTT. So of course he'll sit on the bench while I lose the BG Champs title game. Week 17 playoffs, everybody! The Chargers need a win to get themselves or the Dolphins into the postseason, and since they're two of the teams I've enjoyed watching the most this season, I'm rootin' for PRIVS. (If you're lucky, you'll get bonus PRIVS content next week!) Chargers win, Chiefs with the points.

4:25pm EST, FOX

Green Bay at Chicago (+3) -

We shall see. this is cuttys prove it year. No excuses

Packers win and cover.

Tampa Bay at New Orleans (-12) - How delicious would it be for the SCHIANO MEN to help knock New Orleans out of playoff contention? In the dome, it ain't gonna happen. At least we'll always have

http://cdn2.sbnation.com/assets/3440173/broken.gif

Saints win and cover.

San Francisco at Arizona (PK) - Of course, the second half of New Orleans missing the playoffs would mean Arizona beating San Fran here. But the 49ers are still playing for the division and a first-round bye, and I think they have the advantage in this one. Even though they haven't come on like gangbusters like I thought they would after their bye, a five-game win streak is nothing to dismiss, even if they've beat the likes of Washington, Tampa, and Atlanta along the way. Kaepernick is playing pretty well, and you can see what Crabtree adds to that offense. Arizona, for their part, is having a hugely successful first year under Bruce Arians. Any concerns about a soft schedule were dispelled when they marched into Seattle and got a solid win to get them into this position. Move the Cards back to the NFC East and they probably have 13 wins. As it is, they'll fall just short of the playoffs. WELP. One footnote -- Jim is the gift that keeps on GIFing:



49ers win the pick'em.

St. Louis at Seattle (-11.5) - St. Louis lost Jake Long last week, placing a sour note on what had been a pretty good second half of the season. If they could pull out a win here, they'd be 8-8 and still in last place by at least two games. Ridiculous division, NFL, just ridiculous. Seattle won't lose back-to-back home games, but their aura of invincibility is pretty much gone in my opinion. Pete Carroll needs a big win to get some swagger back-- nah, who am I kidding? He always has swagger. Seahawks win, Rams with the points.

8:30pm EST, NBC

Philadelphia at Dallas (+6.5) - KYLE. ORTON. TIME. MOTHER. FUCKERS. Just jokin', Dallas will crash and burn like always. Nick Foles isn't going to the Pro Bowl, despite having the highest passer rating in the league. He'll have to settle for a division title instead. As for Dez, he is going to the Pro Bowl, and he'll probably stomp around and yell at people when he doesn't get enough targets. Oh, I mean, when the team is losing. He just wants to win so much! Eagles win, Cowboys with the points.