Random Win: The irl Fuck Ya thread

[Abandon]

[Astylla]

I almost sorta expected this viewpoint from you

I have to agree with him here. I was pretty much waiting for this response.

jfc, i do not understand you

I have to agree again here. I think people - and I'm going to say it women in general in this day and age get fucking offended over this shit as they interpret it as not being able to live their life and make choices as if it's some attack on their equality or feminism. It has absolutely nothing to do with that. Honestly had my mom been alive/ had any contact relationship with my dad , I would have asked my husband to inform them - but it wouldn't have changed the outcome - I see it as more of a I'm planning to propose to your daughter and wanted you to be aware and the opportunity for the person proposing to share what this means for the relationship. It's still considered a form of respect and tradition in many families that I have known.

[Abandon]

<3

[Tokitoki]

In fact, my ex-husband did exactly that and I resented him for it. Because I didn't ask him to talk to my family - and because he went into my phone while I was sleeping to get the numbers to call them! That's a huge violation and something I'm not okay with. Stop acting like I don't have reasons behind the way I feel about things.

I'd have to say, I assume he had only good intentions when he did this. Resenting him for it certainly doesn't start the marriage off on the right foot.

Maybe he should have known how you'd react, but considering the answers we just got from the other forums members (regarding asking parents) it's still thought to be a "proper" or at least common way to go about things. I don't think it has anything to do with being incapable of making your own decisions. You even said
"If I were younger or closer to my family I might be less resistant to this."

[archibaldcrane]

I'm an atheist. My inlaws are born-again Christians who my wife is very close with. Keeping this from being a lifelong family fight nightmare was high on my list of priorities.

So yeah, I gave dad a heads up.

[Ksandra]

I'd have to say, I assume he had only good intentions when he did this. Resenting him for it certainly doesn't start the marriage off on the right foot.

Maybe he should have known how you'd react, but considering the answers we just got from the other forums members (regarding asking parents) it's still thought to be a "proper" or at least common way to go about things. I don't think it has anything to do with being incapable of making your own decisions. You even said
"If I were younger or closer to my family I might be less resistant to this."

This is very true tbh. Don't be upset over your ex doing something that is still considered etiquette. I mean, I get he is your ex so you probably have some other things to hate him over that it's hard to look at it from the outside, BUT I am going to guess that the vast majority (if not 100%) of the people who are doing it are just trying to be polite and probably are going to ask their bf/gf regardless of the parent's response. I could see it feministic to not be upset if he didn't ask. But following etiquette is all about trying to do the right thing.


In my case, my parents refused to meet my husband until we got engaged. Looking back, he may have talked to them on the phone, but only if I were on like speaker. So, I really can't blame him for not asking, as it was on them to put that boundary, not him. (Which is sad because once they DID meet him they absolutely fucking loved him. My dad called my husband his "son" all the time and he was proud to say it, where he would never call my sister's husband that.)

If they hadn't been so against the whole idea of how we met, then I wouldn't be surprised if he did. And I wouldn't have an issue with it. If he didn't, eh I still wouldn't have issue with it either. I think under other circumstances my dad would have appreciated it though. He was definitely of the mindset our bfs should impress the potential in-laws.

[Airenn]

I could care less, but am too lazy to actually care less on the whole shebangbang of asking father's but I will say that apparently it's still a form of "giving away" their daughter as an object that pisses off a lot of women. I mean, that's what it used to be. Give away the daughter to another man so she can take care of him and have kids, dowrys and all that.

[Abandon]

eh, the giving away itself has nothing to do with the courtesy of me going to said woman's folks and asking for her hand in marriage. if anything, that's a time for dude and her folks to hash out thoughts and ideas of each other before mom/dad in law decide to make your married life absolute hell.

[Aksannyi]

He fucking went into my phone without my knowledge. If he had asked me, things would have been much different. Considering he turned out to be both controlling and abusive, I think I was right to feel violated by that. Going behind someone's back in a relationship is never a way to win favor.

[pohibaba]

He fucking went into my phone without my knowledge. If he had asked me, things would have been much different. Considering he turned out to be both controlling and abusive, I think I was right to feel violated by that. Going behind someone's back in a relationship is never a way to win favor.

And getting pissed off at imagined slights also isn't a good way to win favor. Sounds like you were/are both idiots.

[Jaffar]

When my now mother-in-law was diagnosed with potentially terminal liver cancer, she asked me to take care of her daughter just before going under the knife for a drastic liver re-sectioning surgery. I told her I would then, but I also checked to make sure I still had permission a year later, after she was declared cancer free.

I did not ask my wife's father, as he had re-married & moved to St. John back when my wife was around 8 and hadn't been involved much since.

[Boyiee]

I didn't ask her parents, fuck them.

I was dating her for 4-5 years before asking, her parents and her were going through rocky times in the last year (and this past month her dad apparently struck her younger sister) so fuck them, I don't need permission from those assholes.

I did get on one knee though.

[Quixon]

I didn't ask my Father in Law, more or less because I didn't care what his answer was going to be.



Edit: @ Boyiee similar to me. No abuse at all, but I was dating my wife since 2002. We got engaged after being together 11 years lol
I one knee'd it as well. And knelt right into a giant fucking puddle -_-

[Abandon]

i think a lot of you are missing the point

[Myrrh_Quetz]

"Honey, I'm planning to secretly propose to you in the near future. Is it cool if I get your parents number to ask if it's okay before hand?"

[bluefan]

This topic actually makes me laugh pretty hard. I have one friend where this topic is one of those buttons. He hasn't had a relationship for over a decade, much less a date, and he thinks asking the father before the proposal is, I quote, retarded. I can understand if the daughters relationship with her father is very shaky, but if they're on good terms, it will most likely be important to the girl.

Unless you know the girls father really well and he could care less himself, just go the safe route or like Abandon and Archie said, expect at least a few years of strained meetings with the in laws lol.

[Quixon]

i think a lot of you are missing the point

Not me. I get the "respect" aspect of it. If I thought the dude deserved that respect he would of been granted it. I'm also not one to do something simply because, "it's always been done this way". I was a more productive member of society at age 16 when I first had a job and started paying taxes than he was his entire life. Respect is earned, homie didn't earn it.

[Ksandra]

He fucking went into my phone without my knowledge. If he had asked me, things would have been much different. Considering he turned out to be both controlling and abusive, I think I was right to feel violated by that. Going behind someone's back in a relationship is never a way to win favor.

Idk, I guess because I didn't have that kind of relationship with hubby I just can't understand this logic.

We use each others phones all the time without needing to ask the other. If I have shit on my phone I don't want him to see (outside of like Xmas gift list?) then I think we have bigger problems than him trying to find my parents' phone number.

Do you think if the guy had been the real one and not controlling and a dick would it have upset you as much as it does looking back on it? (try looking at it from your old self's eyes since you are already jaded from the experience) You totally don't have to answer that btw.

[pohibaba]

The point should be that you're not asking for permission, you're asking for their blessing. My wife and her biological dad don't get along too well, but I still asked his blessing because even though we only see him once a year at the most, I'm still joining his family; he deserves the right to give me his opinion on that. I made sure to ask her mom and stepdad for the same reason.

[Abandon]

god, ksan nailing it today.

Also, quixon, i can see that point as well, and it makes total sense. the rest of you faggots should be like me and quixon, truest of bros.