Engagement

[vagus]

Buddy is planning to propose to his GF this summer. He told me yesterday since I'm his closest buddy. He admitted he is doing it to appease his GF's parents since they're Christian.

Her father has been bugging my buddies GF's brother and mother about not being engaged. It will be there one year anniversary when he plans to drop the question. By getting engaged he feels she moving into his parents basement will be accepted.

I questioned him to make sure it's the right time. Should I push the subject or just let it go?

[Sepukku]

The only reason IMO to get married is cause you want to; can't imagine I'd ever pop the question for some chick without actually wanting to myself and the motivation being internal.

[Cream Soda]

Bugging her after 1 year? Fuck that shit he shouldn't do it at all. Talk him out of it. Do it only when he's ready and not a second earlier

[Boyiee]

Me and gf have been together for like 5 years, not engaged. 1 year? Getting bugged already? Red flag ahoy.

DO NOT give the ring on a gift day (birthday holiday[christmas] anniversary) because when they break up the ring will be considered a gift and he could have trouble getting it back to sell it.

[Roranora]

Hrm, not sure about the start to this one. Especially the

He admitted he is doing it to appease his GF's parents since they're Christian.

part.


Get married cause you're ready and game on regarding life partner(s) / thing(s). And tax benefit. But we're not bartering goats for 14 year olds anymore, so I don't even know what marriage is today. All the reason I'd be hesitant about being dragged into it if you don't feel like it's your own or what have you.

It's cool that you're that best man dude and can be one of the ones who can talk to him about all this jazz.

[vagus]

He says they're ready. The engagement is the next step to moving in together.

I'm jacked to be best man. But still feels rushed. My 2 year is coming up and the idea hasn't even popped int our relationship.

[Artemicon]

Almost 9 years here with mine. We just got engaged last October and It was hard for me to come to that because we were just fine without it... Obviously I don't subscribe to the whole marriage thing but she did so I did it because I want to be with her and she wants that.

Id say he needs to do some real soul searching before he goes through with it.

[vagus]

Should I tell him to sit down with his GF's father and have a serious conversation ? That seems like a better idea. And suggest he make a big effort to be learn the culture to truly appease the due rather then popping the question so soon?

Or am I out of line?

[Aksannyi]

Bugging her after 1 year? Fuck that shit he shouldn't do it at all. Talk him out of it. Do it only when he's ready and not a second earlier

This, a thousand times. Rushing into an engagement/marriage is a terrible idea.

The thing that throws up a red flag to me is the appeasement. Don't ever do something like that to appease another. If her family is that against him being with her, for any reason, the only thing that will fix that is time - and sometimes, not even that will do it. I don't know what Christianity has to do with it (unless they're planning to move in together?) but it seems ridiculous to get engaged for anyone except yourselves.

[Ratatapa]

She wants the money

[vagus]

They want to move in together. It's why they want the engagement. My buddy ain't no rich nigga.

[Sepukku]

He says they're ready. The engagement is the next step to moving in together.

It may be worth noting to him that most people live together BEFORE getting engaged these days, as living together can significantly alter the dynamics of a relationship. Not necessarily garunteed will, but there's a good chance there will be some shift and some additional incompatibilities may reveal themselves cohabiting.

[Dimmauk]

Getting engaged before living together? WTF?

[wipers]

This has making a big mistake written all over it.

[Quixon]

I was with my wife almost 10 years exactly before we were married.

He shouldn't be giving in because of someone's religious beliefs. That's absolutely ridiculous lol. What happens when they have a kid and her parents want the kid baptized or any of that shit?

[AidenCarby]

Must be some quality pussy for him to even consider putting a ring on her this early in the game.

[Artemicon]

Talking to the father isn't a bad idea if he really likes this girl. But he should be warned, religious people are some of the hardest to reason with because their opinion is God's opinion and anything against that is absolute blasphemy.

[Dimmauk]

I was with my wife almost 10 years exactly before we were married.

He shouldn't be giving in because of someone's religious beliefs. That's absolutely ridiculous lol. What happens when they have a kid and her parents want the kid baptized or any of that shit?

I waited 7 years before I got married to my wife. We arent very religious, so that helped.

[TummieGaruda]

So what I take from this is that they have been dating a year and they want to live together but due to the parents religious beliefs they feel that they should be engaged/married first before this happens. What I'd like to know is how old they are and is the gf old enough to make her own decisions.

As someone else has said living with someone changes the dynamic of the relationship. You really get to see how people really are and you learn a lot about that person.

[Vandalhart]

I think getting engaged to appease anyone is probably a bad idea.
That being said, they can easily get engaged to shut up her parents and not have any problems afterwards.
All an engagement is is a promise to wed. They can easily change their minds or take along as they want before actually getting married.