Sexuality Philosophy (Questions, ideology)

[Salodin]

That's not the same thing.

I understand hey is in a relationship. I'm asking why she considers it romantic. She has a partner in crime as it were, but obviously my definition of romantic relationship is different then hers. I'm asking what hers is.

[Cream Soda]

To me, it seems like most people are overly possessive of their SOs, as if they own them. I can't understand that at all.

Not really; at least not in my view. You can have sex with whoever you want. That said, it doesn't mean I'm going to stay with you. It simply means we aren't right for each other and that's okay. There's 7 billion people on this planet. We'll both find someone we're more compatible with

[wipers]

Not really; at least not in my view. You can have sex with whoever you want. That said, it doesn't mean I'm going to stay with you. It simply means we aren't right for each other and that's okay. There's 7 billion people on this planet. We'll both find someone we're more compatible with

What percentage of those 7 billion would you say are attractive ?

If you break it down roughly 3.5 billion women. Let's say 10% of that is attractive. You are looking at about 300 million attractive people.

Let's say 10% of those are crazy cat ladies. You are left with 30,000,000

Of those 30 million what percentage are single mothers ? You see it goes on and on !

[Cream Soda]

I'd take a crazy cat lady over someone who is going to fuck around. That girl would just be another addition to your statistic, as compared to a viable candidate

[Pirian]

What percentage of those 7 billion would you say are attractive ?

If you break it down roughly 3.5 billion women. Let's say 10% of that is attractive. You are looking at about 300 million attractive people.

Let's say 10% of those are crazy cat ladies. You are left with 30,000,000

Of those 30 million what percentage are single mothers ? You see it goes on and on !

Unless you're going after the crazy cat ladies, 270 million is the correct answer, not 30 million. Either way, the only factual estimate you made was your initial one of 3.5 billion women. The rest is a Drake'esk equation where the formula might not be far off, but there is little to no basis for the numbers you're putting in except what seem "reasonable" to you

[wipers]

Well the odds of finding someone you like out of 3.5 billion is good either lower your standards or increase your search radius.

I seem to attract single mothers. It's a gift and a curse.

[Charismatic]

Sounds like a full on curse to me, but you do you!
I used to be okay with them but single mothers are now on my shit list.

[Kuya]

Open relationships are super awesome

[JigglyJam]

I guess now that I think about it I can see how love and sex can be mutually exclusive and how they can also only be 1 to 1 and everything in between that range. I suppose the answer is "shit's situational". However people like to spend their time.

Wouldn't it be more efficient/easier to love someone and be sexually attracted to them at the same time? Putting aside the likelihood of finding said person of course.

[Aksannyi]

Wouldn't it be more efficient/easier to love someone and be sexually attracted to them at the same time? Putting aside the likelihood of finding said person of course.

Well this operates under the assumption that people are only capable of loving one person at a time - I've personally found that not to be the case. Love isn't finite, so theoretically, you could love multiple people at a time while not necessarily being sexually attracted to all of them, the same way that you can be sexually attracted to a lot of people all the time, but not in love with all of them.

[Charismatic]

Can you though? What do you define as romantic love? (I was specific because of the type of relationships people are discussing)

[Aksannyi]

Can you though? What do you define as romantic love? (I was specific because of the type of relationships people are discussing)

Romance, like going out on dates, doing nice things for each other, spending time together, maybe making out or at least kissing, which isn't always sexual. I have never personally been unattracted to anyone with whom I was in a romantic relationship, but I've heard of it. I think that trying to define love, sexuality, romance, etc., is kind of hard because it's going to depend on the individual.

If you are asking for my personal definition of romantic love, I'm not sure I can quantify it. You know when you feel love for someone, it's not something that I can easily explain. I think most people would be hard-pressed to define love and pin down an exact definition. I really think it's very individual.

[Charismatic]

I dunno, the idea of making out and kissing and so on with someone I'm not sexually attracted to sounds... strange. I just can't wrap my head around it. IDK.
And the stuff you mentioned short of that is mostly stuff you would/could do with anyone.

Just sounds mostly like a close friendship to me without the sexual component to it. I dunno, sounds weird and I just can't grasp it.

[Gredival]

Being sexually attracted to multiple people is easy; most can accept that as an uncontroversial facet of human nature. Love is a bit different because there are complex emotional depth to a romantic relationship (usually intertwined with attraction). Given that monogamy is the default assumption for most people, many will say you can only love one person.

However, I think that upon close examination, most people would agree that people are capable of being in love with multiple people at one time. If you accept the idea that for any one person there are a multitude of potential matches (i.e. we don't all have one soulmate) then, the only issue is timing. If you have legitimately loved two people at different points in time, there is no reason to think you couldn't love both of them simultaneously in the right conditions.

The X factor isn't love -- it's loyalty. Or rather, how a specific couple defines loyalty. I would wager that most people, even if they loved multiple people, would agree they can only be loyal to one. This is because of their understanding a special commitment to each other that usually includes exclusivity is a crucial part of any romantic relationship, a long term partnership, or a marriage. It's not a relationship if it doesn't include the sacrifice of loyalty, that exchange of opportunity to commit to one other person. And for most people, if you are in that sort of relationship, sex is a special intimate thing that is only shared with the person you make that commitment to.

For people whose don't feel the need for such exclusivity, other arrangements are possible.

But monogamy isn't just societal. It was a social evolutionary adaptation for a lot of animals, including humans. If you examine the few sections of the world where polygamy/polyandry societal structures evolved, you find that it's because the conditions of those regions favored survival individiuals with those relationships.

But in most regions of the world, monogamy was the most useful relationship, so it's no surprise most of us are hard wired to feel possessive of our significant others. (Hand in hand with that, biologists have found that cheating is also an evolutionary tactic amongst species that practice mongamy; the cheating male gets to create more progeny by cheating and the cheating female has the chance to obtain offspring with better genes while having the inferior male still provide shelter/protection/etc.)

[Koul]

There's pro's and con's to open relationships as there is with monogamy. It's up to everyone to find out what works best them.

Personally, I could never do an open relationship. I don't get possessive or jealous or anything like that but because dealing with one persons needs/wants/desires is exhausting as is. I can't imagine having to juggle more than my own and my bf. I also wouldn't feel like I would be able to truly connect with someone if I had multiple partners. If it works for others, kewl, neato. Glad it works. But as a virgo introvert dealing with peoples emotions is beyond draining for me. Dealing with people in general is beyond draining, actually.

In regards to soul mates, I think a soul mate doesn't specifically need to be a romantic interest or a relationship type. It can be a really close friend ala the girls on sex and the city or something along those lines.

[Psion]

I would totally dig multiple boyfriends myself, and open relationship appeals to me. Personally I'd think multiple people would make dealing with other people's needs easier as well, since you can't be expected to do all that alone... that's what the OTHER boyfriends are there to help you out with. If, gods forbid, you're not in the mood for sex, whether it be too tired/migraine from hell/whatever, but the others are... well, there ya go. everyone's happy, cause they still got the others to have fun with. Things like house expenditures go up as well, of course, but with more people making money things become easier on the financial side as well. And I feel there would be more personal growth as well for all, since there'd be more people with their own individual points of view of the world.

Didn't the greeks have different names for different types of love? agape, eros, etc?

[Andalusian girls]

philia - love of friendship, companionship, often between soldiers. basis for a lot of gay lovin
eros - love of sexual attraction, desire, obsession. amour fou, romes & jules, etc
stroge - familial love, parent-child more than anything else
agape - love without expectation or hope of gain, a love often extended to humanity as a whole, or to the Gods (C.S. Lewis said this was the best of loves)

[Darkmagi]

The one open relationship I've been in was great and I think such relationships can be fine as long as everyone is honest with each other about their feelings. It essentially ended because of a jealousy issue and people not speaking up, I can imagine that's where most would find it difficult to be in that kind of relationship.

[NynJa]

Open relationships are super awesome

Sure, until your girlfriend gives you shit for sleeping with another girl without her around.

[Koul]

MTV did a True Life episode on this, linkage:

http://www.mtv.com/shows/truelife/tr...st/#id=1631509