Non Religious Dating Religious.... Possible?

[Inshiya]

My wife is extremely religious. I am not. She asked me once and tried to push. She never bothered me again when I explained after watching my father waste away to nothing due to cancer I firmly believe there is no higher power because to allow that to happen to someone is horrific and cruel. That being said I don't knock her or her beliefs, never have.

Don't be a dick towards her based on the belief system. However if she pushes it on you, or starts preaching you need to let her know that you respect her beliefs but they are her beliefs and not yours. My wife said that her biggest concern before we got married was religion. It can work and it only becomes an issue if you guys make it an issue.

Thanx a lot man, that's very helpful.

[Aragon of Odin]

Brill, how do you deal with religious stuff when it comes to Brill Jr? As in, will he be Baptized or anything? Has she pushed for it really and does it bother you at all?

In the same boat really, so generally just curious.

[Brill Weave]

Brill, how do you deal with religious stuff when it comes to Brill Jr? As in, will he be Baptized or anything? Has she pushed for it really and does it bother you at all?

In the same boat really, so generally just curious.

Baptism is one I'm letting her have. The reason being that she feels extremely strongly about it. I don't. I was baptized. I recognize the importance of it to my wife even if it means nothing to me. Give her this one. It will ultimately mean more to her than it will to you. A little splash of water and you're relationship will be much happier. An hour of annoyance for you is an easy sacrifice to make. You don't have to belief, just being present and allowing it to happen will mean the world to her.

[Aragon of Odin]

Baptism was one I was always ok with(as I explained earlier), it's a one and done thing, it's a reason to hang out with family/friends, and I've always liked the idea of Godparents in a symbolic way (not what the actual church defines a Godparent as).

[Brill Weave]

Baptism was one I was always ok with(as I explained earlier), it's a one and done thing, it's a reason to hang out with family/friends, and I've always liked the idea of Godparents in a symbolic way (not what the actual church defines a Godparent as).

We're the Godparents of my two nephews. My sister and her husband are the Godparents of the boy. It's an easy in and out deal. Splash some water, go home and party with friends and family. You've got the right mentality going in.

[Moss]

waterboarding your children for religion? disgusting

[Aksannyi]

My boyfriend is Jewish, I come from a Catholic background but don't really follow any particular religion - I think the closest I fall under would be something more new-agey, but I have no real name for it.

It hasn't really been an issue for either of us. I'm sure that if we have children, he'll want them to be Jewish and I'm okay with that (I definitely don't identify with Catholicism on any sort of a level to have my kids be Catholic, although my boys were baptized in the Catholic church because it made my [ex] in-laws happy).

It's important to communicate more than anything, but I wouldn't say that religion is always a dealbreaker. Would I consider converting to Judaism for his sake? Maybe, but I don't think I'd ever practice - just be Jewish on paper only, really - and I wouldn't want to convert if I were just going to phone it in. But I don't think it's that important to him that I would be Jewish, maybe his family but not him.

[Aristio]

So I've been single for a while (dating a lot, but nothing super serious) and I met a cute potential candidate recently.

Cute young asian doctor, great chemistry between us. No kids, seemingly sane (we'll see).

Problem is: I'm a rather stark atheist, and she's Christian (and not just a Christian in name). She apparently comes from a really religious family and it's part of her life..

Does anyone have experience with inter-faith (or lack of faith) relationships? Is it doomed? Should I just cut my losses and give up on a potentially good catch?

I don't want her sticking with me with the dellusion that she'll one day convert me... and I don't want to continue down that path if I know she really wants me to convert.

I'm also concerned that the sex won't be that great since she won't be as open minded/experienced :/.

Any thoughts? Experiences? Sage Advice? Fuck you's?

In my experience, people NEED to agree on five things if a relationship is going to last a while. Sex, Money, Kids, Religion, and Marriage. And the reason these five are key, is because there is no/hardly any middle ground on the five.

If for instance you don't want kids and she does. Either you're going to feel pressured to have kids, or she'll feel like she needs to 'convince' you to have kids. There is no middle ground here, you either have kids or you don't; you can't have half a kid. Or, let's say your goals for sex are different. If she wants it all the time, and you are a bit complacent when wanting sex; she'll feel her needs aren't met/neglected and you'll feel uncomfortable. There is very little middle ground with these issues because they fall under our personalities, rather than habits. If I'm frugal, then that's my personality, which in my opinion cannot be changed. However, leaving down the toilet seat is a habit, which can be changed. Personalities don't change, habits do.

[bluefan]

waterboarding your children for religion? disgusting

[Aristio]

Baptism is one I'm letting her have. The reason being that she feels extremely strongly about it. I don't. I was baptized. I recognize the importance of it to my wife even if it means nothing to me. Give her this one. It will ultimately mean more to her than it will to you. A little splash of water and you're relationship will be much happier. An hour of annoyance for you is an easy sacrifice to make. You don't have to belief, just being present and allowing it to happen will mean the world to her.

Also, pretty much this. Need to know what's important to you and what isn't. Pick your battles carefully and always remember that you won't always have it your way and that's okay. It's a little splash of water in Brill's case. Who the hell cares about magic finger water? Is it worth having to fight over it?

[Deejay]

My girlfriend believes in reincarnation and I give her shit for it all the time because I'm an asshole.

What I've noticed is that it's usually harder for the religious person to get with an atheist than it is the other way around. As long as she's cool with you not really caring for that part of her life, things should go well. My gf knows my opinion, her parents know full well too and they're cool as long as i partake in their holiday festivities and bow my head during grace and what not.

[Tyrath]

Bunch of whipped motherfuckers in here.

Spoiler: show

I kid...mostly.

I personally wouldn't budge on stuff like baptism and whatnot. It's the principal of the matter for me. If my kid wants to be baptized he can make his own decision when he is old enough. Luckily my girlfriend is atheist too so not an issue for me.

In response to OP though, there are no absolutes when it comes to these things. These relationships can work sometimes and sometimes they just won't. Nobody else will be able to answer that one for you without being in your shoes and experiencing your relationship for themselves. Certainly keep in mind that you guys do have this difference and see if you can establish a relationship where it works for both of you. Make sure you don't get forced into anything that doesn't make you feel comfortable and keep the same open mind for the girl's feelings. Beyond that, it's really just something you have to try out to see if it will work. The degrees of success vary based on the tolerance of both sides.

And if you deem it won't work out in the long run, don't limit yourself from having a more casual relationship (assuming you are both cool with that) just because she is religious.

[Grey Jorildyn]

I agree on those five tenets mentioned earlier. You just gotta be in agreement on them. Organized religion disgusts me in particular though and I could never see myself with a jesus freak. I had a roommate who was super Protestant and that was bothersome enough. I have a co-worker now who is similar and signs his emails with god bless you and gives out advice like 'god will take care of it'. Get outta here with that shit. I don't want your fake god to bless me and I certainly wouldn't want my future wife to hang some morbid depiction of a dead guy nailed to some wood above my door. Definitely not something I'd budge about. To each their own though (just don't do it for the pussy).

[MrW]

Being someone who has gone through this particular situation I'll give my two cents. I'm not religious by any stretch of the imagination but my partner was a pretty devout Christian. Her grandfather is a pastor and her grandmother is most certainly a pastor's wife. There are three fundamental beliefs you are going to have to discuss: sex before marriage, how to raise your children, and living together before marriage.

If none of those are issues (by what you said regarding her beliefs, i bet they are) then disregard but i can bet that even if you get to the point of discussing it, you might run into problems down the road. I found that you shouldn't settle on your core needs in a relationship. I sacrificed the sex and living together before marriage and the sex part is what really ended our marriage. I can get more specific via PM if you'd like. Long story short, you're going to have to bend on your beliefs as your religious partner probably won't. If you're OK with that... great (but you shouldn't). If not, its MUCH easier to find someone with similar beliefs.

[kuronosan]

I subscribe to the idea that others are free to have their own beliefs, as long as they don't seek to infringe on the rights and beliefs of myself or others.

I personally don't care if my family or anyone else believes in God, Jesus, Mohammed, or any religious figure. If it makes them feel good and they aren't actively forcing those beliefs on others I'm not bothered in the slightest. I'll partake in family activity, say prayers, say grace, and whatever else in the name of family harmony. It doesn't change what I believe (or don't believe, for that matter).

To me, telling someone you refuse to pray with/for them can be just as obnoxious as them demanding you pray with/for them. If I decline to do it and they press the issue then I have a right to say "Look, I don't believe that". If I offer to do it, then I really don't see the harm done.

[Abandon]

Aragon or whatever nailed it, the rest of you are just... wat. and dont listen to seph, im about 94% certain he married the first girl that agreed to go on multiple dates with him.

[Abandon]

and as for deejay, we all know your girl finds some of us more amusing than you, lmao

[Inshiya]

I subscribe to the idea that others are free to have their own beliefs, as long as they don't seek to infringe on the rights and beliefs of myself or others.

I personally don't care if my family or anyone else believes in God, Jesus, Mohammed, or any religious figure. If it makes them feel good and they aren't actively forcing those beliefs on others I'm not bothered in the slightest. I'll partake in family activity, say prayers, say grace, and whatever else in the name of family harmony. It doesn't change what I believe (or don't believe, for that matter).

To me, telling someone you refuse to pray with/for them can be just as obnoxious as them demanding you pray with/for them. If I decline to do it and they press the issue then I have a right to say "Look, I don't believe that". If I offer to do it, then I really don't see the harm done.

I'm not sure how you can equate me not participating in their religious rituals to being just as bad as being forced to participate.

It shouldn't be offensive for someone not to pray/bow their head, and it shouldn't be expected that everyone participate in that, especially when you know they don't believe the same way.

Also I'm giving up a lot if I end up going with this girl.. Currently dating another asian girl whose bi and brings home other girls for me.. So it's sexual bliss. But it's not something that can be a long term thing for reasons I won't mention. I just don't want to give up that awesome situation to pursue a potential candidate if we have no real future due to religious differences.

That's carries over into my sexuality concerns.. I'm used to dating girls who are a lot more open than christian girls tend to be.. (bi, light S&M, polymory, etc).

[Abandon]

oh ffs, shut the fuck up then. this is basically a GUYS, IM SMASHING A 10 NOW, BUT THINKING ABOUT SMASHING A 7, HALP

[kuronosan]

I'm not sure how you can equate me not participating in their religious rituals to being just as bad as being forced to participate.

It shouldn't be offensive for someone not to pray/bow their head, and it shouldn't be expected that everyone participate in that, especially when you know they don't believe the same way.

Also I'm giving up a lot if I end up going with this girl.. Currently dating another asian girl whose bi and brings home other girls for me.. So it's sexual bliss. But it's not something that can be a long term thing for reasons I won't mention. I just don't want to give up that awesome situation to pursue a potential candidate if we have no real future due to religious differences.

That's carries over into my sexuality concerns.. I'm used to dating girls who are a lot more open than christian girls tend to be.. (bi, light S&M, polymory, etc).

Who said I was referring to you?