Non Religious Dating Religious.... Possible?

[Abandon]

that's OP syndrome

[ronin sparthos]

I'm not sure how you can equate me not participating in their religious rituals to being just as bad as being forced to participate.

It shouldn't be offensive for someone not to pray/bow their head, and it shouldn't be expected that everyone participate in that, especially when you know they don't believe the same way.

Also I'm giving up a lot if I end up going with this girl.. Currently dating another asian girl whose bi and brings home other girls for me.. So it's sexual bliss. But it's not something that can be a long term thing for reasons I won't mention. I just don't want to give up that awesome situation to pursue a potential candidate if we have no real future due to religious differences.

That's carries over into my sexuality concerns.. I'm used to dating girls who are a lot more open than christian girls tend to be.. (bi, light S&M, polymory, etc).

If what's bolded is true, why on Earth would you risk that for a relationship with someone thats serious about religion and more than likely will not drop her beliefs for you? Unless she turns out to be Unitarian or something.

[Inshiya]

The doctor is more attractive and has more long term potential (the other girl is leaving in the summer for a 2 year education program a decent ways away and I can't do long distance relationships while she's away).

Also the doctor is a native english speaker while the other girl speaks english as a secondary language, so there are some communication/connection barriers with the other girl.

[kuronosan]

I wouldn't bother with either. You seem like a waste of time for them.

[Blubbartron]

The doctor is more attractive and has more long term potential (the other girl is leaving in the summer for a 2 year education program a decent ways away and I can't do long distance relationships while she's away).

Also the doctor is a native english speaker while the other girl speaks english as a secondary language, so there are some communication/connection barriers with the other girl.

Sounds like you should try to keep the doctor on deck or something. If you can swing it, that seems like the optimal choice.

[Dantrag]

Damn for 30 something you sound like you're 18. Grow the fuck up and just talk to her. If you like her tell her and ask her her thoughts on the fucking subject. Stop reading into shit so far before you even get that done with. Tell her you want to "take it to the next level" but while you respect her devotion that is not something that is part of your life. Either she respects it or she does't. You two are each individuals that need to figure your own shit out.

I wouldn't bother with either. You seem like a waste of time for them.

^ this is starting to become my conclusion.

[Abandon]

I wouldn't bother with either. You seem like a waste of time for them.

yeah... kinda true now

[BerenTebogo]

Isn't this pretty much all relationship threads?

Can't we just make a stamp that says "Go back to masturbating." And be done with it? Nobody ever listens anyway.

[Inshiya]

I wouldn't bother with either. You seem like a waste of time for them.

Maybe not, who knows.

I've been honest with both of them. No one is in the dark. I'm not playing anyone. The doctor and I aren't "going steady" or whatever the kids call it these day and other girl knows my perspective on long term dating and where things are heading.

I brought it up only because at my age, once you commit to an actual long term monogomous relationship (bf/gf, not just dating), shit usually moves towards marriage. It's not a small thing.

I care about the other girl, but I've dealt with long distance relationships before and they're terrible.

The doctor is the first girl I've been really excited about (in my area, similar education, good chemistry) and I really want to make it work if it's possible.

There's been a lot of good feedback thus far (and not so good, but this is a gaming forum so I take it in strides), and I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't interested in considering people's perspectives.

[Dantrag]

Just talk to her and get her perspective on it.

"I really like you and want to be exclusive. I know you have your faith and that's important to you, do you think that me not being a religious person would get in the way of us being in a long term relationship?"

Say it how you want but just say it and ask. That's the only way to find out.

[Inshiya]

Ya we'll have that talk. I just wanted to hear from some people's experiences on the issue before moving in that direction.

I didn't want us to have the talk, both decide to move forward, then find out that it's a disaster.

Looks like people have made it work and have rewarding relationships.

Thanx for the feedback.

[archibaldcrane]

Didn't read the whole thread but I've been an atheist since I was 10, my wife's parents are born-again Christians and she went to a Christian college (8 years before we met). Fortunately she rarely went to church by the time we started dating so that wasn't a huge issue, and while her parents do a bit of "I'll pray for you" annoying stuff, they're actually surprisingly cool with me, ya know, marrying their only daughter. They very much know I'm an atheist and her mom kinda freaked out on her when she found out initially (well before we were engaged, her mom fb stalked me lol) but yeah, it's been fine basically. "How will you raise your child" hasn't even come up with them, at least as far as I know (our son is 8 months old).

[Deejay]

and as for deejay, we all know your girl finds some of us more amusing than you, lmao

I'm confused, how so?

[Heavencloud]

Maybe not, who knows.

I've been honest with both of them. No one is in the dark. I'm not playing anyone. The doctor and I aren't "going steady" or whatever the kids call it these day and other girl knows my perspective on long term dating and where things are heading.

I brought it up only because at my age, once you commit to an actual long term monogomous relationship (bf/gf, not just dating), shit usually moves towards marriage. It's not a small thing.

I care about the other girl, but I've dealt with long distance relationships before and they're terrible.

The doctor is the first girl I've been really excited about (in my area, similar education, good chemistry) and I really want to make it work if it's possible.

There's been a lot of good feedback thus far (and not so good, but this is a gaming forum so I take it in strides), and I wouldn't have asked if I wasn't interested in considering people's perspectives.

Bottom line is maybe it can work, but it really depends on how strong both of you are in your beliefs. It sounds like you might want something more, um, stable/monogamous than that other woman. I'm curious to know how the talk goes and if you end up together. Good luck.

[Stewey]

I was about to stop lurking for a minute and write out a decently long post about my being in a long-term happy relationship with a religious individual, despite being an atheist. However, reading beyond the initial post makes me feel like i'm wasting my time, so just pointers.

Don't be combative, if she's assaulting you it's doomed but if you're both adults there's no reason that you can't calmly agree to disagree (don't assault her beliefs, that's ridiculous). My gf and I have had intellectual discussions about religion without anyone getting upset, but that's just us, it doesn't have to be discussed beyond stating your position.

Don't be afraid to step foot in a church a few times a year, I've yet to have a negative experience and there's a wealth of decent people who go to church and are worth meeting.

Realize (and this may not be the case for you) that your potential gf and her family have probably donated more of their time and energy in helping their fellow man than you have, and have likely done it without pushing their beliefs on anyone. This remains a facet of their faith that I admire, and I have begun donating some of my time to certain projects they are working on.

Give up on the kids, If i'm lucky enough to marry and spawn with my gf she can baptize or take them to church or whatever. I've explained to her that if they were to hypothetically come to me after they were cognitively mature (in my best judgment), and ask what daddy thinks about god, that I would explain my point of view to them in addition to explaining why its okay for daddy to believe one thing and mommy something else.

Good people, religious or not, are not defined by any one single belief that they hold. We are an amalgam of opinions and positions, and it's okay to love someone for some of the beliefs they hold, and be accepting of the rest, so long as you don't hate any part of them.

[Acevalefor]

Skimmed the topic and didn't see much in the way of actual experience with long term relationships other than Stewey. Forgive me if this has already been said.

I have been married for 13 years, together for 15. I am atheist but grew up in a christian home with very extreme grandparents who had a large part in raising me. It is because of their extreme beliefs that I ran far away from religion as a teenager. Well, that and an inability to believe things from a book with multiple falsehoods and contradictions. My wife is christian and has never wavered in her belief. We have had our differences, but never anything unsurmountable. She tried not going to church for a couple years and found herself unable to reconcile anything other than her belief in god. I tried going to church for a couple years and found that I could not reconcile anything other than a belief in science and knowledge. That, for me, was incompatible with faith. We are both fine with each others' beliefs. We have had 5 children throughout all of this and it has never been an issue. The older 3 have begun, in the last 5 years, to understand that there are many questions to be asked. They also understand that they will get a different answer from dad than they will from mom. We do not contradict each other. Rather, we encourage them to come to their own conclusion. Having two differing beliefs from their parents has given them insight into faith, religion, atheism, and agnosticism that many kids are not exposed to in their formative years. It works well for us. Only 3 of our boys voluntarily attend church, and the oldest doesn't even attend the same church or denomination that my wife attends. At 7 years old, our 4th child has decided that he wants nothing to do with religion. I am not sure how much of that is the discovery that if he doesn't want to go to church, he doesn't have to get up early.

tl;dr - I am atheist and my wife is christian. We have 5 kids. Religion has never been an issue in the 15 years we have been together.

[Ayn]

kids dont actually fuck things up one bit, as long as that talk happens. my parents got it right. let us decide what we wanted, but gave us knowledge on the religion, and let us do research and make the choice for ourselves. Jesus got 1.5/3 from my brood, not bad my nigga.

Seconding this.

My grandparents are a good example. Grandma's Christian, Grandpa's response was basically "fuck you" if anyone pressed him about religion.
They've been happily married for a really long time. Raised me, too, and my experience was like Abandon's.

[Abandon]

I'm confused, how so?

fuckin with you broham, relax. btw, go knicks

[Inshiya]

tl;dr - I am atheist and my wife is christian. We have 5 kids. Religion has never been an issue in the 15 years we have been together.

Awesome thanx. Me and her talked and we're taking things slow. We'll get to know each other a bit and go from there.

Realize (and this may not be the case for you) that your potential gf and her family have probably donated more of their time and energy in helping their fellow man than you have, and have likely done it without pushing their beliefs on anyone.

I don't think it's ever been shown that religious people help their fellow man more than non religious, unless you count tithing (which I don't).

On a related note: She wants to really wait on sex until we move past casual dating into monogamous relationship..

I've never done that, and it sounds horrible. I'm very sexual and my relationships are usually "hot and heavy." Part of the attraction is the sexual chemistry.

How do people foster enjoyable relationships without sex...? This is a totally new concept to me. To me if feels the same as someone saying "lets not have any deep conversations until we're exclusive" -> why would you be exclusive with someone you've never had a deep conversation with..

[Astylla]

Awesome thanx. Me and her talked and we're taking things slow. We'll get to know each other a bit and go from there.



I don't think it's ever been shown that religious people help their fellow man more than non religious, unless you count tithing (which I don't).

On a related note: She wants to really wait on sex until we move past casual dating into monogamous relationship..

I've never done that, and it sounds horrible. I'm very sexual and my relationships are usually "hot and heavy." Part of the attraction is the sexual chemistry.

How do people foster enjoyable relationships without sex...? This is a totally new concept to me. To me if feels the same as someone saying "lets not have any deep conversations until we're exclusive" -> why would you be exclusive with someone you've never had a deep conversation with..

The waiting on sex is a huge deal breaker for me. I'm a very sexual person and get fucking grumpy without that chemistry and fun of it. I'm the type that fucks on the first date lol.

I'm one of those people that believes sexual compatability is really important and waiting on it for an extended time isn't worth it to me. If we can't get that part down the rest is not worth it for me. Obviously people are capable of having meaningful relationships without it but again for me I can't fathom it.

I think it's worth repeating that only you can decide what's worth it in the long run. I think sacrificing too much of what you want only leads to frustration long term. Having standards and expectations is fine but if things don't mesh well from the get go why push it at all?