Non Religious Dating Religious.... Possible?

[Inshiya]

Nah, I think it's still a shitty attitude, but I will say that it's dumb on her part as well, acting like sex is going to magically change things either way. Your earlier post sounded like you expected or felt entitled to sex because you're a nice guy and like, you deserve it more because of that. It may not be the way you meant it, just how it came off.

That said, as stupid as it may seem to you, it's still her right to make that choice. She may end up regretting it or changing her mind. Then again, from the things that have gone on in this thread, I'd tell you it sounds like this one might not work out. Too many "if/then" factors. Just my opinion.

Probably how I came off, you're right that it's douchey if that's my attitude. No one deserves sex.

Again though, I'm in no way discussing her "right" to make the choice. I'm talking about the reasoning behind these choices for a lot of women (and men).

[Astylla]

I don't mean slut as a pejorative term. I'm a slut. Read the book "the ethical slut," tis a good read.

We're not talking about consent issues here, we're talking about a woman's warped perspective of sexuality as currency instead of sexuality as intimacy. "I 'gave' that guy sex, and things went bad, thus I don't want to 'give' it away anymore." That's what's sexist.

I'm not "expecting" her to give sex because she had sex before, I'm frustrated that she's created this artificial cultural blame for her past relationship failures on sex.

It's like the guys who treat a girl perfectly and get walked on and then just turn ice cold and stop treating them respectfully. -> It wasn't you being a romantic gentleman that fucked up that relationship, it was the woman being a sociopathic cunt.

Well you get points for reading a great book everyone should imo.

I was kind of like that for awhile, meaning I felt that I was ruining things by jumping in sexually too fast. Then I tried it to and found out it didn't matter if we waited or not, if the relationship was doomed it was from the start not dependent on how fast I slept with them. It sounds like she is under the impression it will make a difference when really it probably won't either way.

While she does have the right to feel the way she does I get where you are coming from too I just don't think you are willing to give her the space she wants and really think your attitude needs to match her wishes if you are serious about this at all.

Have you considered that you aren't meant for a monogamous relationship?
I'm the type that tried to fit myself into that box for society sake and it made me miserable. I enjoyed the freedom of sleeing/dating multiple people who all were the same way and found a partner that I thought I was going to be monogamous with and as we evolved we discussed that we both are okay with it being open.

Some of your comments are definitely wants your cake and eat it too which is fine but you can't dictate to someone else how to feel. Sometimes I wonder why people feel the need to try and tie themselves down when some just aren't wired that way. I think you should take more time focusing on why you are so gung ho about this one person and forcing it to work over finding someone more compatible.

[Inshiya]

Have you considered that you aren't meant for a monogamous relationship?

I have considered that, but I've spent the last year or so "drowning in a sea of pointless pussy" (to quote Californication) and it hasn't been rewarding. I've considered more open/polymorious relationships, but I haven't been able to make those work (not to mention finding an attractive, kidless, intelligent, successful professional who is ALSO poly is nigh impossible.. 5% of 5% of 5% of 5% of so one).

[Tyrath]

I'll bottom line this for you. You're going to either have to respect her wishes and stop trying to push her into sex, or you're going to need to move on.

[Eurell]

She's not "not sleeping with you because you're a good guy". She's not sleeping with you because she wants to make sure you're a good guy before she does.

[kuronosan]

Hate to say I was right, so fuck the rest of you.

[Inshiya]

How were you right?

And I'm not pushing her into sex. Quite the opposite. I discussed her goals and expectations and have no interest in changing those. I told her that I did like her and I'm fine with waiting until she feels comfortable and ready.

I was just venting to you gentlemen (and ladies) about what I perceive to be a warped blame system in relationships (ladies blaming sex, men blaming "being nice"). Men treat emotional support like currency and stop giving it out when they're burned. Women treat sex like currency and stop giving it out when burned.

Basically men and women just cutting out a core piece of intimacy because they have battle scars from before.

I'm ready for someone long term and special, so I'm ok waiting til she's comfortable. It's just a new experience for me and I'm not sure how to handle the relationship with a lack of physical intimacy (since that's a big part of emotional connection for me).

[kuronosan]

You handle it one day at a time. Welcome to the world of commitment and compromise.

[Melena]

Hate to say I was right, so fuck the rest of you.

Doesn't take away the fact you were a self righteous ass about it.

[Tyrath]

Nor was he right. It doesn't mean that the guy isn't looking for a "real" relationship. Simply that he might be looking for what he wants with the wrong person.

Still a judgmental ass.

[Aragon of Odin]

I have considered that, but I've spent the last year or so "drowning in a sea of pointless pussy" (to quote Californication) and it hasn't been rewarding.

[Brill Weave]

I knew before I even clicked into the thread that's what you posted. I fucking knew it lol.

[Aragon of Odin]

Yeah, it just seemed so fitting! lol

[Inshiya]

The drowning it it isn't supposed to be a brag. Do people still brag about getting laid in the age of Tinder?

It's a comment that it's not fulfilling.

[Heavencloud]

The drowning it it isn't supposed to be a brag. Do people still brag about getting laid in the age of Tinder?

It's a comment that it's not fulfilling.

And you're frustrated with her for wanting a (potentially) fulfilling relationship. Lol.

[Abandon]

the amount of bravado is amazing, i cant help but cheer/laugh

still kind of a douche, but go forth and slay them young asians, i suppose

[kuronosan]

Doesn't take away the fact you were a self righteous ass about it.

Confidence, bitches, etc. Whatever you want to call it.

My posts are often devoid of essential context so I find it difficult to say I'm "self-righteous" when a bunch of asses come down on me for calling a douche a douche and then when he turned out to be a douche I'm the one that is self-righteous.

I may be haughty at times and very ignorant to a lot of things due to the way I was raised but I'm a quick learner, and if it's one thing I've learned on BG and life it's that the more story somebody has to tell, the less they want you to know about their part in it.

I brought up my marriage not to brag or toss out anecdotes but to illustrate that successful relationships that are fulfilling needn't be about sex.

He equates sex with fulfillment. Fine.

I'm not going to pretend that these sorts of attitudes, especially given his recent posts, are totally okay and constitute a great relationship. Yea. They can. With the right people. This woman clearly is not right for him.

Second of all, it's not self-righteous or judgmental to tell someone who gets fussy because he doesn't like a girl's idea of a relationship not revolving around sex. If anything, it makes him a total asshole for acting like she's terrible for choosing to connect with men on a different level based on her past experience. Something that EVERYONE DOES.

So I'm sorry, his comments illustrate someone who throws a tantrum when he doesn't get his way. That's how it looks, so that's how I call it.

If his newer comments depicted anything different I would change my tune.

They don't. So fuck that noise.

Frankly I'm baffled as to why the feminist crew hasn't come in and torn him a new asshole.

[Abandon]

aksyanni kinda did, but i think (no offense to her really) that we've seen it so many times we've pretty much learned to ignore it

[Senji]

Aspergers feminist tirades? Yeah that shit gets skipped.

BG also apparently has a high herbivore ratio.


However this chick is also 30+. The phases of trying the polar opposite of a past experience are over. Yeah she slightly developmentally stunted because that's what often happens with the md program. If she doesn't really what she wants/knows what to look for, it's gonna also end up on you if you're willing to give her the benefit and the opportunity. Though the beginning of this thread sounded as if things were solid with the exception of the region thing, and wanting some additional perspective before opening that can with her.

[Abandon]

i think you misspelled assburgers