How to start a conversation when online dating?

[BaneTheBrawler]

That shit is only as debilitating as you let it be. My mom has it and goes to the gym 4 days a week and leads a fairly normal life. Granted she has her bad days, but still.

good for her, thats not how it works.

[Odesseiron]

Don't get so salty. I know how it works. I've seen my mother though some really bad shit. Days where she couldn't even get out of bed. Flare ups so bad even the slightest movement hurt. But she doesn't let it stop her and never asks for sympathy from anyone. She did have to stop working because of it, but since then puts up a great fight. And always has a smile on her face and does all she can in spite of it. She perseveres and puts up a great fight.

My uncle also had it. Less severe than my mom. He always played the sympathy card. He always sat at home and did nothing and felt sorry for himself. He's dead now because of a bloodclot in his leg from inactivity. Bring that shit somewhere else.

Let's get back to topic. You can always ask what their favorite Nickelback song is. Don't take tinder too serious. Have fun with it. Be the different guy that says something other than "hey" they probably see that shit 5 times a day.

[Stumblingdrunk]

good for her, thats not how it works.

BUT I HAVE AN ANECDOTE!

[BaneTheBrawler]

That shit is only as debilitating as you let it be. ... She did have to stop working because of it

these are mutually exclusive statements.

[Venga]

My three biggest tips are:

1) Remember this is just to get your foot in the door. Do not try to get their whole life story or relate your own; that's for a face to face meeting. Make it clear you're not a creeper, try to convey some sense of humor / being well-traveled / being a generally interesting person who can form complete sentences, and then set up a face to face meet. Way too many people draft essays for these exchanges; simple and concise almost always wins the day in my experience.

2) It's not personal; it's Tinder / Bumble / Hinge / whatever and sadly it's a volume business. That girl you thought was your future wife from a few pixels on a screen / trite profile bullshit didn't respond? She's not your future wife; move on. You're now on the 7th reply with that coed from University X despite asking to meet up in the third reply? Stop replying. She'll either write back "So about that drink..." or you'll never hear from her again; move on. When I first got into this, I used to get bummed out about each no response. Now, each girl I message is forgotten entirely until I receive a message back.

3) Be yourself. I have never used shitty pickup lines in real life and I don't in the virtual world. I am not a dick in real life and I try not to be online either. "Sup baby; u looking fine. Free 2nite?" might actually work for some people; more power to them. I'll stick with the normal salutation, light humor, and proper grammar because that works for me and I want to meet someone who appreciates the same types of conversation. This also means do not use a photo from two years and 70 pounds ago or say you're 6'0" when you're 5'8". You might get your foot in the door, but it's likely going to be slammed shut when they realize that you're full of shit.

I hate and love the online dating world. Hate it because it feels like I'm comparing people as though I would shit on Amazon. Love it because of the ease of access is ridiculous and I work 80 hours a week. Re-reading this makes me feel like an asshole, but if you spend long enough in this world, you realize almost everyone from both sexes approaches it in a pretty similar way. I live with a hot girl who uses all the same apps and she is way more brutal than I am. Happy hunting.

Cheers for the replies guys. Been reading through and picking up some great advise.

Number 2 is something i picked up very quickly. I'm not afraid to take a change and get ignored, better that than not saying anything. I started using dating apps / websites and was very precious about who i spoke to them about, looking back that was the completely wrong idea. I now take the same approach as yourself.

I also don't try pick up lines or sleaze. Without sounding to lame im not just looking for a few bangs and move on, i actually want to try and get into a relationship. I completely agree using conversation and hoping they reply is better than a chat up line. Also, the girls who would be wooed by a chat up line probs arnt the type of girl for me anyways.

The bit i seem to struggle on is keeping the conversation going. I can open up and get them talking but struggle to keep it interesting and flowing. In real life im more than comfortable talking to girls about pretty much anything, that doesn't seem to merge into the online dating world.

[Moss]

The bit i seem to struggle on is keeping the conversation going. I can open up and get them talking but struggle to keep it interesting and flowing. In real life im more than comfortable talking to girls about pretty much anything, that doesn't seem to merge into the online dating world.

This is why you don't spend too long chatting online or over text, talk over drinks or coffee.

[Anoat]

This is why you don't spend too long chatting online or over text, talk over drinks or coffee.

Word. You don't want to chat TOO much, otherwise when you do meet up it could end up turning into awkward silences. If you think you run the risk of this happening, instead of coffee/drinks as a first date, I would recommend an activity like darts or pool, something you can both engage in and talk about instead of sitting there quietly sipping your drinks until one person finally decides to bail.

[vagus]

Unless drinks are involved, stay away from darts. Lol. Just got for coffee, most will for that. If they don't like coffee frozen yogurt I guess

[Moss]

I go for drinks right after work so I'm in business clothes and look like a baller. Can leave after 15 mins if neither of us are feeling it. If we are, we've hopefully found a mutual interest at that point and plan a date around that.

Word. You don't want to chat TOO much, otherwise when you do meet up it could end up turning into awkward silences. If you think you run the risk of this happening, instead of coffee/drinks as a first date, I would recommend an activity like darts or pool, something you can both engage in and talk about instead of sitting there quietly sipping your drinks until one person finally decides to bail.

This is why I avoid the standard dinner date unless I'm already pretty close with the person. There's too much pressure on both sides to keep conversation going and fill in all of the silences.

[Conformity]

"Hey do you give rimjobs" "Can I have a rimjob" "You give great rimjobs on the first date thank you"

[Darus Grey]

I've always taken a sales(always be closing) approach to online dating, after way too many time wasters(people who would literally txt/phone you for 6h a day for a month but never want to meet up).

My most successes on OKC were always along the lines of "I'm going to X on Y, I see you share an interest in Z, I'd like to go with you to X, let's talk about that".

All conventional wisdom says this comes off as creepy and pushy(and people themselves sometimes say as much in response), but it resulted in the most in-person dates for me than any other strategy. Essentially you're just treating online dating like off-line dating and just trying to skip all the wasted time leading up to a meetup that may go sour anyways.

It also naturally selects for people who are frankly less boring and more open minded if that's your preference.

[thetruepandagod]

Just have fun you nonces.

[Zzsark]

10/10 would read again and probably will

[BerenTebogo]

Still laughing over "I want to cut your head off"

[Guitarman]

I've always taken a sales(always be closing) approach to online dating, after way too many time wasters(people who would literally txt/phone you for 6h a day for a month but never want to meet up).

My most successes on OKC were always along the lines of "I'm going to X on Y, I see you share an interest in Z, I'd like to go with you to X, let's talk about that".

All conventional wisdom says this comes off as creepy and pushy(and people themselves sometimes say as much in response), but it resulted in the most in-person dates for me than any other strategy. Essentially you're just treating online dating like off-line dating and just trying to skip all the wasted time leading up to a meetup that may go sour anyways.

It also naturally selects for people who are frankly less boring and more open minded if that's your preference.

Echoing this. I'm having FAR more success meeting up with women asking them sooner rather than later. Exchange messages 4 or 5 times, then invite them out for something lighthearted and fun. Woman I'm meeting on Tuesday is a fellow guitarist, so I asked her for a quick meet at starbucks to share music stories. Quick, public place, very relaxed sounding, so she agreed without hesitation.

[AidenCarby]

Fucking lol

[Kalmado]

I'm dying here. That is amazing 100/10. Post of the year quite possibly.

[thetruepandagod]

isabella-san gets me without fail every time i look at it.

[Scizor]

Amazing read, I need more!

[Tokitoki]

isabella-san gets me without fail every time i look at it.

Absolutely. I couldn't help but laugh at that one. My co-workers looked at me funny.