What else can I do? (Friend is missing.)

[Ksandra]

Hey guys, please help me brainstorm.

Background: I grew up with a friend in CT, we were very close friends in grade/high school but lost touch after graduating. We both live in LA now and reconnected about two years ago.

He has type 1 diabetes and always always always had trouble with it. Going into shocks n' such and I remember in school him often needing a candy bar randomly or passing out and needing more insulin.

Because of this, he cannot drive and takes Uber everywhere.

He rents a room in a house with people he barely knows.

Recently he's been rather frustrated with work (bank manager) and not sure what he wants to do with his life. I know he has some friends here, but I don't know any of them. Anytime he's hung out with us it's just us or with my friends.


OK today:

He and my family were going to go to our friends' house for the 4th. Usually, he Ubers to our apt, and we head over, then at the end of the night we drop him off at his house. We do this a lot, in fact, we did it on Saturday and went to the Drive-in.


He has not answered his phone all day. Or messages (text or fb). His phone is on, I think, because it rings several times before going to his answering machine.

He has told me how he had a roommate who had to call the ambulance on him in the past from his diabetic shocks. He has told me he sometimes passes out but can always get to his insulin.

After not getting any response from him, we actually drove to the house to try and talk to the owners to see if he was there. No one seem to be at home. I was so worried I called the paramedics, and they came out and broke into the home. He was not there, and the place was completely clean.

I don't have any contact with the owners, but talked to some of the neighbors (all very nice) who seem to know the owners. I gave my number to hopefully give to the neighbors.

In the meantime I have called local hospitals, but he doesn't seem to be checked in anywhere.

This is very very unusual for him to not respond like this. Everything seemed normal when we dropped him off on Saturday.

I posted a fb message on his wall to see if anyone's seen him, but of course, it's only CT people who are responding and worried.

I don't know what else I can do. Every part of my instincts say something is wrong. This isn't just a random phone out of charge type incidents. But I don't know what else I can do.

Help. Please. I want to find my friend.

[arus2001]

At the moment, it doesn't sound like there's a whole lot you can do. Having not used Uber, I don't know if there's any way to trace his use history (outside of being on his account), so using that to see if he's gone somewhere is probably out. Should he show up, perhaps look into getting his info for that. An additional option might be to get a GPS tracking app for his phone that you could use to try and get a general location for him, presuming his phone is working. But something like that obviously requires a high level of trust, though understandable if medical concerns are a thing.

There any hang outs near his place he may possibly walk to? Or some kind of 4th activity like a parade, firework show, or whatever. I know a lot of businesses will be closed, but that's all I can really think of at this point.

[Ksandra]

yeah, I feel fucking stupid atm. Like, I know his medical stuff, yet I didn't get any sort of emergency back up stuff. I should have known.

I worry about depression. He's not happy in his job, and while I know he has friends out here I don't know how close they are. I mean, I posted a status on his wall to see if anyone has seen him and the only people responding are friends from CT to see if he is ok. None from LA.

idk, I feel like I gotta find him because no one else will bother. ;_; (His mom passed away about 6 months ago, and he never knew his father. Don't think he keeps in contact with any relatives.)

[Xno Kappa]

If his phone is still on and working law enforcement can ping it to the nearest phone tower. Often times to the phone itself depending on the coverage of the area. Although this is coming from a federal level, I'm not sure how it works with local police and I would most certainly assume it's different from precinct to precinct. Doesn't hurt to ask and explain the situation, see if they even have the capability to do so.

[Ksandra]

If his phone is still on and working law enforcement can ping it to the nearest phone tower. Often times to the phone itself depending on the coverage of the area. Although this is coming from a federal level, I'm not sure how it works with local police and I would most certainly assume it's different from precinct to precinct. Doesn't hurt to ask and explain the situation, see if they even have the capability to do so.

OK thank you. I am on hold with LAPD right now to try and see if they will drive out to his house again. I will mention this to them and see if they can do so. TY. I am trying to hold it together.

[Ksandra]

Still on hold. I found out what branch he works at. (God why didn't I find out before.) I am going to call them in the morning, if we haven't found him by then.

[Xno Kappa]

They can also check to see if he's made any recent purchases on his debit/credit history, but that process in and of itself takes a bit longer and often requires the individual to be missing for a set period of time before a warrant/magistrate authorization can be authorized.

[Ksandra]

Police said they can't ping the phone right now because it isn't justified to do so yet (guess there's procedures regarding it). They said to fill a missing persons report if I don't hear from him by tomorrow (and if he doesn't show up at work), but I guess I gotta be convincing since he's an adult. But I imagine if he doesn't show up to work, that's a huge thing.

[Xno Kappa]

Figured as much. Sorry to hear that. When I worked military cases if a servicemen went missing it was a simple five minute procedure to do so with minimal red tape. Hope everything turns out for the best.

[Ksandra]

We drove by the house again, all the lights are off. I guess a neighbor told my husband that the owner was celebrating the holiday at his sister's. I don't know when he was planning on coming back.


I am afraid this is going to lead to a long scary road. I mean, I posted on his fb wall asking about him and I have zero people from LA responding. Everyone is either people from CT worrying or people outside the LA area. He had friends here, but I don't think they were friend friends, ya know? Which means I am going to have to handle it all, and idk how to do all this. I am not even family so my access is limited.

So here:

I asked the police about filing a missing persons report. He mentioned I have to have a lot of evidence the person is missing because an adult is allowed to do whatever the fuck they want. I am going to call his work first thing in the morning. I would imagine that if:

1. he doesn't show up to work
2. he isn't responding to calls
3. hasn't posted on fb since Saturday when he normally posts on a daily basis

That should be enough evidence, right?

Can I get the police to call Uber to see if he's used it? What info does Uber need? (I can't seem to ask myself since it wants you to log into the app or something.)


I hate they can't ping the phone. It rings several times before going to vm. That means it's on, right? Wouldn't that be the best time to ping it?

Sorry, I am sure these are basic questions, I just don't want to feel like I'm having to do all this on my own.

[Melena]

Yeah if it's multiple rings, it's on. Typically with adults it has to be 24-72 hours before a missing persons report can be filed

[Xno Kappa]

Police would have to subpoena Uber for that information, and it can be done only after an official missing persons investigation has been initiated. If the phone dies then now they would have to subpoena the appropriate carrier for the phones last known signal, a turnaround time that depends entirely on an individuals work ethic at the phone company. Unfortunately I can't tell you whether or not you'd have enough evidence by tomorrow, it just seems to differ greatly at the local level from city to city.

[Ksandra]

So, thank God, he is at least alive.

At 2:30 am he messaged me saying, "So sorry, been quite sick. I didn't see my phone

[Ksandra]

Just posting an update:

He's been found. He was in the house in diabetic shock. I don't know is the paramedics somehow missed him or what. But the most important thing is he's alive.


They won't let me see him yet because I am not family. Hopefully soon.

[Xno Kappa]

Glad to hear.

[tyven]

im glad he wasnt fuckin done boo

[Moss]

that's quite a fucking fail if the paramedics just overlooked him

"Well there was a large lump in one room but it wasn't moving"

[Anoat]

He was in the house the entire time? We just got Sophia'ed.

[Byrd]

that's quite a fucking fail if the paramedics just overlooked him. "Well there was a large lump in one room but it wasn't moving"

That does seem strange. "Hey, go check for my friend who might be in a diabetic coma, so you'll probably want to check everywhere in his house."

Is it possible he was out somewhere else, in some depression fugue, and is either mistaken or misleading you about where he was and what he was trying to do there?

[Ksandra]

Friend is still in ICU but doing better.

He finally was able to confirm with me today that yes, he was in his room on Monday. Paramedics who came on Tuesday also mentioned his door was locked and so they didn't think the Paramedics from the day before had checked it. I wasn't allowed to follow them inside, so I had to take their word that they had searched everywhere.


Huge HUGE fucking fail indeed. This could have easily killed him. His sugar level was over 600 (machine couldn't read higher than that).

I am going to insist upon him to install a ping your phone app with me so I can find him if this happens again. I also requested with the doctor that he get set up with a specialist who works with type 1 patients to help him. He is a shithead when it comes to his diabetes, and this is not nearly the first time he's gone into shock.

This is probably the worst though because of how long it took to find him.