To wed or not to wed, that is the question

[Dimmauk]

My wife and I were children of divorce, So we were hesitant about getting married. It was more to make our families happy. We got married on April fool's day because we were leaving our home town because of new jobs and it was the best day before we left. We've been married for 17 years, and loving it. We are not religious so we got married at a church of her grandma's choice, we had the reception at a VFW we rented out cheaply.

Just get married already! It's better for everyone

[BaneTheBrawler]

yeah dude courthouse weddings are a thing. if your only real objection to it is that you don't wanna blow money on it, then you're just not looking at all the options. Also, damn dude, she's said she's fine with a small wedding and youre still this hesitant on it? cold, bro.

you can get a lot of similar protections for your spouse individually but it's difficult and time consuming and often leaves room for legal issues if something should happen, whereas marriage is clearly defined and relatively easy. example: you're on your deathbed, she walks into the hospital and says "I am rata's designated bullshit legal term here, let me see him." they're gonna need all sorts of verification before they let her anywhere near you. She says "I am Rata's wife." and they MIGHT check her ID.

It sounds to me that you simply don't really care either way aside from the financial aspect, so look at it this way: If you don't feel strongly about it, it's important to her, it would protect you both if something happened, AND you can find a compromise on the financial issue, why the hell WOULDN'T you get married?

I have a buddy who thinks the way you do and honestly I don't get it. The only objection either of you seem to raise is that it's "wasteful" which okay fine but you can literally just pop into a courthouse and sign some papers and be done. You MIGHT need to bring some witnesses, but they usually have notaries around so even that I think wouldn't be insurmountable. How wasteful you want to be about that process is entirely up to you and your SO.

[Tokitoki]

yeah dude courthouse weddings are a thing. if your only real objection to it is that you don't wanna blow money on it, then you're just not looking at all the options. Also, damn dude, she's said she's fine with a small wedding and youre still this hesitant on it? cold, bro.

"Small wedding" means nothing. We had 95 people including ourselves, the photographer, and the band and we easily paid 55k for all the standard stuff (caterer, flowers, band, photos, etc.) plus more for tips and shit.

[BaneTheBrawler]

fair enough but the rest of my point stands.

[The Stig]

This may be why I am single but my idea of an ideal wedding is:

1. The court thingy (me, my wife, family)
2. Hire out a KFC
3. [Large] Family Bucket each table/family. Booze will be available (brought in mass from Costco).
4. 16gb ipod + playlist will be connected to the restaurant's sound system
5. Giant Bouncy Castle will be temporarily installed for shits and giggles. Outside or in.

Dress Code: Casual/whatever you're comfortable in. No formal. Fuck that.
Donations: Optional. Prefer no donations. Just come, chill, have fun
Media: Everyone has a good smartphone. They can all add it to my Facebook/socialmedia/cloud of choice

The girl would never agree, but hey one can wait/hope/die alone

[Melena]

"Small wedding" means nothing. We had 95 people including ourselves, the photographer, and the band and we easily paid 55k for all the standard stuff (caterer, flowers, band, photos, etc.) plus more for tips and shit.

That's why we did ours in Lake Tahoe. Paid a couple hundred for the cake, minister and license was a couple hundred I think. Made our own invites, Astylla made all the table decorations, spent 300 at costco on booze for the night before + champagne at dinner, dad paid for the dinner which was under 3 grand for 30 people approximately. Out of pocket for Astylla and I including our hotel room and going to reno to gamble and drink for a day and private dinner for ourselves was under 3 grand for everything.

[Tyrath]

Damn homie lol. You gonna deny your girl one of the most important days of a woman's life cuz you cheap lol.

This is basically what it comes down to.

Suck up the cost, do a small wedding and move on with your life.

"Small wedding" means nothing. We had 95 people including ourselves, the photographer, and the band and we easily paid 55k for all the standard stuff (caterer, flowers, band, photos, etc.) plus more for tips and shit.

I don't think 95 people is my definition of a small wedding even if it includes the band and all that.

Small to me is just the bride and groom and very immediate family. How many people were in your actual wedding party?

[Dantrag]

Married with kids for the legal reasons is enough. Just go to the courthouse then go out to dinner with the families. Don't waste money as you guys have already progressed passed all the other crap.

[Kalmado]

Did courthouse. Had reception at the only real chinese restaurant in town. Had about twenty or so people. Don't think we spent over $500 on everything (excluding rings). Going 7 years strong.

[Hellfury]

Heck, there are serious amounts of the stuff you can do yourself if you plan far enough ahead without having to involve all that much external help, make her hijack some friends, cook yourself, as others mentioned, buy stuff in bulk.

Whatever you do though, contemplate whether she is truly ok with the status quo and that's it's not just something you consider to be ok because it suits you.

edit: also; 95 people is no sane definition of "small".

[Tokitoki]

That's why we did ours in Lake Tahoe. Paid a couple hundred for the cake, minister and license was a couple hundred I think. Made our own invites, Astylla made all the table decorations, spent 300 at costco on booze for the night before + champagne at dinner, dad paid for the dinner which was under 3 grand for 30 people approximately. Out of pocket for Astylla and I including our hotel room and going to reno to gamble and drink for a day and private dinner for ourselves was under 3 grand for everything.

My wife made the save the dates and invitations, my friend did the flowers for cost, wife's friend did the cake for free, the photographer was a friend from the local pub that does photography and art stuff for a living (Master's in photography), the band was my friend's cousins (they rock, though), the tables I took from a friend that made them for his own wedding. Overall we saved ten thousand+ I'd guess between all that shit, but we were still at 55k+.

[Zetanio]

If/when I get married. I'm gonna cook for the reception. Only because that means I can go drink and hang out with my buddies while cooking.

[Tokitoki]

As far as the small comments; you guys don't know NYC weddings, then. We have had the smallest wedding out of the last 6-7 we've been to the last 3 years EASILY. Most are over 200 people.

[Tyrath]

Well no, we don't do NYC weddings.

[Zetanio]

As far as the small comments; you guys don't know NYC weddings, then. We have had the smallest wedding out of the last 6-7 we've been to the last 3 years EASILY. Most are over 200 people.

This is the truth. I have 3 more this year. Smallest is probably gonna be around 250-275.

I don't even buy gifts anymore unless they are a close friend. They all get married at venues in Westchester or CT. It's 150 a night minimum for the hotel. I'm spending at least 500 bucks to be at your wedding. You don't get a gift.

[Wulfgang]

I'm spending at least 500 bucks to be at your wedding. You don't get a gift.

Poor form sir!

[Zetanio]

Poor form sir!

They don't even notice when there's 200+ thank you notes to write.

[Tokitoki]

They don't even notice when there's 200+ thank you notes to write.

We had a list of every gift from each person for writing Thank Yous.

[Zetanio]

Yeah but you didn't keep a list of who didn't give you anything, did ya.

[Tokitoki]

Process of elimination would tell us who gave us nothing. I actually know who the only people we didn't get anything from was, but we didn't expect anything from them as they were invited last minute because we had just met them. They came as "dates" with a friend of ours whose bf was on tour and couldn't make it.