Random Fail FWP Thread 2: Something, Something, Your Mother's a Whore.

[Roranora]

how do you just end up just sitting there, man i'm in and out in 5min

granted i've been crushing the fiber lately and my shits have been incredible - a long, contiguous, floating banana, fast like soft-serve, easy like Sunday morning. i also put my feet up on a little collapsible stool

shitting is all business these days

[Boyiee]

I’ve been known to do courtesy flushes in my own home because sometimes I’ll just lose track of time in there reading shit on my phone and if you let the poop sit too long it can stain the porcelain.

I'm tellin ya man up your fiber take metamucil a few times a day you'll never have stains again I'll stay there till my legs fall asleep.

[Angie]

Best ending of a phone call with a customer was when he told me "your father is a sailor and your mother is a whore".
(When I just could not give him the reply he wanted).

This qualifies for this thread, yes, no?

[Mayareira]

Balance the fiber intake. Too much fiber and you just overwork your digestive system. Too little and you’ll have problems. A well balanced diet along with probiotic support (via Kephir if you want to take it naturally) and your digestive system is good to go.

Add 45-1 hour walks every day to that for even better results.

If none solves your regular problem you may have a simple bacteria that can be taken care of with a course of antibiotics.

[Kalmado]

Nicest and most expensive dress shoes I've ever owned didn't even make it a year. Right sole falling apart.

[Melena]

Get to the gym and of course the AC is out. Fifteen minutes on the treadmill and I realized I also grabbed one under one of the ceiling lights. Can't say I didn't work up a good sweat on that thirty minute walk though.

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[dasva]

So right as I get the text saying the Comcast tech is here wouldn't you know it I noticed there be signal coming into my modem. Didn't have chance to reset everything to check to see if I got internet before got there but it appeared to be the case. Guy says he didn't do anything but does say one of my neighbors tried to flag him down saying they had an appointment... so all this waiting and whatever and it literally gets fixed by some other guy from a complaint from another apartment minutes before my guy gets here lol. Well at least he took my tv box since apparently I don't get it but they were still charging me so no splitter will help too


As far as the poop talk... ditto on the fiber. I stick to just taking some right before meal. Most I take about half the recommended serving more like a full if it's especially fatty and/or a ton of alcohol/sugar and my poops are amazing. Kefirs pretty great too especially getting back into the swing of things. Some people recommend resistant starches like raw potato instead of or sometimes with fiber but I haven't tried it too much yet and too much definitely make you gassy as fuck

[Astylla]

Started my county job last October and had to pay out of pocket for my uniform as once probation is over 6 months later you get an allowance which is once a year.

So about 4 weeks ago emailed my HR rep to ask about it, she followed up that it should be on this paycheck at the latest. Check my paystub and nope not on it..so emailed her back today but it's after hours.
I'm owed $550 so I really want this back lol.

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[djzombie]

So I don't know where to put this, leaning on the side of fail.

Got offered a new position at work. In a group meeting when the department split was announced management indicated that it was not a position change so there would be no raises.

Also, had my review in March, still haven't seen my raise yet. Got news this week that our raises will only be retroactive until June 1st because our new business daddy gives out raises for their company in July and they are trying to transition us to their schedule. Thanks, I'll just lose 3 months of raise pay bro, it's cool. We still don't know when our raises will be in our paycheck.

So now I'm not sure if they really meant to no raises for the new position or just said that in the group meeting so:
a.) people who didn't get offered the new job who have been there way longer don't get butthurt
b.) they don't have to negotiate the salary increase from the promotion because now it was unexpected so anything is better than the nothing I was expecting.

I took this position to get it on my resume, it really is a disservice to my department that they call it customer care. Seems they do so to intentionally diminish their employee's value. Never seen any customer care expected to navigate unix servers and troubleshoot APIs. So if there is no raise it just pushes me faster out of the business as it will be easier to find a new job with the new title. New position is Product Support. Basically cuts out much of the simple tasks anyone can do so I can concentrate on mass requests or complicated troubleshooting.

TLDR: Basically I'm being promoted to L2 with no raise, cause fuck me. There is a small chance I'll get a raise in addition to my merit raise, but probably not.

I don't know how they can claim it's not a new position when I get a new title and I'll be reporting to a new boss (who works in Northern California).

[dasva]

2 days in a row people have crossed train tracks near me without paying attention to idk flashing lights, horns being blow or the multiple signs some even printed on the ground so not noticing till too late so getting killed. Also didn't help that one was supposedly warned ahead of time multiple times thru the week and one guy tried to get off his bicycle in the middle of the tracks for reasons?

[Zealot]

You saw 2 people die in 2 days?

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[dasva]

I didn't see it but it's like all of about a mile or 2 from my work. I'm sure those train conductors are all fucked up right now though

[Melena]

Well, it made the news out here at least. http://www.ktvu.com/news/rail-death-...ss-population_

[Anoat]

I learned in a Reddit thread about train conductors that if they know they are gonna hit something or someone jumps on the tracks or whatever, the protocol is for the conductor to hit the emergency stop button and then gtfo of the cabin so they don’t have to witness someone go splat. It sounds metal as fuck.

[dasva]

Food truck I follow posts it's doing some limited time items that are super popular but they only do every couple of months today. Only bringing enough for first 50 customers or something. So I make sure I'm here right at noon when they say they start. They already here so good sign... and they dont start setting up till 1230 and still not taking orders almost 1.5 hours after they supposed to start. Thanks guys woke up early to make sure I dont miss out and you take forever

[Kalmado]

My gut and part of my brain is telling me pizza tonight since wifey is working. My gut and part of brain is also telling me how pizza is a terrible idea.

[Roranora]

the only fail here would be to not have pizza

[Tokitoki]

My gut and part of my brain is telling me pizza tonight since wifey is working. My gut and part of brain is also telling me how pizza is a terrible idea.

Make your own and cut down on the extra fatty shit.

[Kalmado]

Make your own and cut down on the extra fatty shit.

That would be a weekend experiment. I have nothing at home and today is a "later" day for me hence the lazy thoughts of chain pizza. I do have some burger in the fridge. Now, the surprise game of if it's still good!

[Tokitoki]

Is it more than a day or two old? No good.

If you're working late then making pizza is probably too long a wait, but it's not a difficult process.

1 packet of quick rise yeast
1-1/3 cup of warm water
Pour the yeast in a large bowl and pour the water over. Let it sit for 10-15 minutes to dissolve in the water.

Add 1 tbls salt (I use kosher salt) and 2 tbls spoons of olive oil to the bowl. Then add 3-1/3 cups of flour. Use an electric mixer (stand mixer like a kitchen aid is even better) and mix until it forms a uniform dough. If it's too dry, add water 1 tbls at a time, if it's too wet add 1 tbls flour at a time. When you no longer have any remaining flour in the bottom of the bowl, and your dough isn't sticky, the dough is ready to rise. Grab the dough out of the bowl and pour a dab of olive oil in the bottom. Put the dough back in the bowl, then use it to spread the oil along the sides of the bowl as if you were greasing a baking dish. You only need a thin layer to prevent it from sticking. Then flop the dough onto the other side that did not get oil on it to coat that side as well.

Cover the bowl with plastic wrap or a clean dish towel and let sit for an hour to an hour and a half, until it's risen to more than double it's size. Meanwhile, if you have a pizza stone or a baking steel, throw that in your oven at 450-500 and let that preheat all the way until your throw your pizza in the oven. Split in half to form two balls of dough after it's more than doubled in size, then allow to rise again another 15 minutes.

At that point you can start stretching your dough. Work from the center out so that you don't end up with a think doughy center. Take out the stone or steel if you had one, otherwise get a non-insulated baking sheet, and sprinkle some cornmeal on the surface to help prevent sticking. Put the pizza dough on the surface and quickly press a much of dimples in the dough with your fingertips, this prevents the crust from bubbling up. Pour a little olive oil on the dough and spread in a thin even layer. This prevents the dough from being too soggy when you add the sauce. Next top with the sauce, then your cheese. I usually use a small ball of mozzarella, about 8 oz, for one pizza.

I put the pizza in for about 10 minutes before I add my toppings to prevent them from getting too dry or burned. After that I throw the pizza back in for 2-3 minutes until the crust gets a good gold brown and the cheese is browning with some bubbles.

Remove from the oven, let sit on a cutting board for a few minutes, slice, and eat.

This makes two doughs, so throw the other in a plastic bag or a tupperware with a locking lid and put it in the fridge.