Random Fail FWP Thread 2: Something, Something, Your Mother's a Whore.

[Moss]

i mean, you're allowed to feel what you feel but exclusivity is the standard mode for "in a relationship" status. whether he's the one or not isn't really what's at issue, it's whether he's a strong enough contender to be "boyfriend" material.

Eh, a lot of people go on dates for a while before deciding to go full exclusive.

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[Yuri-G]

full disclosure: I haven't dated much at all, so that might put this in context. this is literally new to me lol

and yeah that's the thing, I'm not ready to be in a relationship with him. he's a wonderful guy but he's not the most sexually attractive and has a few personality quirks that drive me insane. I could see myself being with him long-term but I could also see that not happening. it's almost as thought we don't know each other that well yet lol

honestly it just bugs me that he's mad crushing on me and I'm just dating him

I think what I'm going to do is just talk with him in person next time we hang out and be like "Look, I'm not seeing anyone else and I have no plans to, but at the same time this is moving too fast and I'm not ready to put pressure on this," and see where that goes. If that's a problem for him, then we can talk about that - I really do have a lot of care and respect for him so I'd want to hear his feelings as well. but if he needs me, at two weeks, to guarantee the future - no. I can't and I won't.

[Moss]

full disclosure: I haven't dated much at all, so that might put this in context. this is literally new to me lol

and yeah that's the thing, I'm not ready to be in a relationship with him. he's a wonderful guy but he's not the most sexually attractive and has a few personality quirks that drive me insane. I could see myself being with him long-term but I could also see that not happening. it's almost as thought we don't know each other that well yet lol

honestly it just bugs me that he's mad crushing on me and I'm just dating him

I think what I'm going to do is just talk with him in person next time we hang out and be like "Look, I'm not seeing anyone else and I have no plans to, but at the same time this is moving too fast and I'm not ready to put pressure on this," and see where that goes. If that's a problem for him, then we can talk about that - I really do have a lot of care and respect for him so I'd want to hear his feelings as well. but if he needs me, at two weeks, to guarantee the future - no. I can't and I won't.

That's sensible. If he can't handle that then it's a red flag anyway.

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[Yuri-G]

That's sensible. If he can't handle that then it's a red flag anyway.

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thanks. because of my inexperience I legit appreciate the feedback.

[BaneTheBrawler]

Eh, a lot of people go on dates for a while before deciding to go full exclusive.

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sure i get that. 2 weeks is a while.

i guess it depends on how you view "in a relationship." To me, that covers everything from "This person is really cool and we've decided to see if maybe we work as a long term thing" to married.

To me, it sounds like guy just wants to move from occasional dates to "This person is really cool and we've decided to see if maybe we work as a long term thing" and is looking for confirmation that yuri is also at the "i like you and i want to see if this could work long term" stage which it kinda sounded like he is? idk, man. If you think it's too fast, yuri, it's too fast. I'm not pushing you in either direction, to be clear. You just seemed like you could use an opportunity to kinda talk things out and figure out where you're at.

fwiw I think your plan is a good one. Communication good.

[Yuri-G]

thanks Bane. he's definitely at that place and I have to be honest with myself and admit that I'm not. but that doesn't mean I don't see it happening. and where that leaves us, we won't know until we talk about it.

[Mayareira]

It is quite early at this stage to declare yourself “in a relationship” even if you have every intention and compatibility to do so. I mean you can of course do that but can’t demand it from your partner. And I agree with Moss, it is a red flag if he can’t handle this. Why? Simply because you don’t know him (and he doesn’t know you), and the beginning of a relationship is perhaps one of the most exciting stages as you are getting to know each other.

This is the stage you should have your inner rudder, your emotional control should kick in even if you are madly in love. I suggest you to be understanding, continue getting to know him but cautious for red flags as lack of emotional control usually makes it much difficult and energy-deplating in relationships.

[Melena]

I have to pay taxes this year for the first time and it fucking blows. I reviewed my W2 and it looks like this year I paid in about $2k less on federal taxes than I did last year, despite not changing my status. Gonna have to talk to someone at corporate about it so this doesn’t happen again next year but it’s too late for this year. Lame.

Could be a bit of the trump tax break fucking things up as some employers couldn’t even get the necessary info to withhold properly until late January early February due to how they rammed it through.

I had to drop a little over 900 to the feds because astylla makes so much less than me she has to withhold at the single rate and her previous full time job couldn’t figure it out and despite her filling out her forms to withhold at single, putnher at married and never changed it after a few emails.

[Zetanio]

Job hunting fucking sucks.

I'm trying to get into a institutional position and the interviews are fucking brutal. I'm confident I'll get offers but the actual process is grueling and monotonous. Had to cancel running my D&D game this week because I just didn't have enough time between work and interviewing to get enough planned.

For reference I interviewed for 5 hours on Wednesday at one place. 5 people, an hour each.

[Tokitoki]

That's ridiculous. I can't imagine 5 hours of interviewing.

[Mayareira]

I can suggest mediatation and overall calming techniques. Works perfectly well. 5 hours is a serious test of mental stamina.

[Zetanio]

It's more of having to do a whole day's work in 3 hours in order to free up the rest of my day. I can easily concentrate for that long or longer in work situations. I definitely do meditate in some fashion or another every day.

5 hours is bad but my friends that worked for a few of the more esoteric consulting companies have had far worse. 2-3 days worth of interviews all day. Having full blown case study examples put in front of you and having to full dive in and attempt to solve problems.

Woooooof. Fuck being a consultant.

[Yuri-G]

It is quite early at this stage to declare yourself “in a relationship” even if you have every intention and compatibility to do so. I mean you can of course do that but can’t demand it from your partner. And I agree with Moss, it is a red flag if he can’t handle this. Why? Simply because you don’t know him (and he doesn’t know you), and the beginning of a relationship is perhaps one of the most exciting stages as you are getting to know each other.

This is the stage you should have your inner rudder, your emotional control should kick in even if you are madly in love. I suggest you to be understanding, continue getting to know him but cautious for red flags as lack of emotional control usually makes it much difficult and energy-deplating in relationships.

You give great advice and it really helped, just FYI. I have a lot of roadblocks when it comes to relationships so it's easy to question myself and ask if I'm just being too cautious - but no, I don't think I am. Not in this case. I think what you said is spot-on, especially having emotional control (and the potential for this shit to be draining down the road)

[Xno Kappa]

Job hunting fucking sucks.

I'm trying to get into a institutional position and the interviews are fucking brutal. I'm confident I'll get offers but the actual process is grueling and monotonous. Had to cancel running my D&D game this week because I just didn't have enough time between work and interviewing to get enough planned.

For reference I interviewed for 5 hours on Wednesday at one place. 5 people, an hour each.

I got a panel interview next week for my dream job and preparing as if I’m testifying lol. I’ve testified countless times the past decade in front of juries and such, but I haven’t legit interviewed for a job in almost just as many years. >_>;

Bracing for it to be at least an hour long.

[Guitarman]

It's more of having to do a whole day's work in 3 hours in order to free up the rest of my day. I can easily concentrate for that long or longer in work situations. I definitely do meditate in some fashion or another every day.

5 hours is bad but my friends that worked for a few of the more esoteric consulting companies have had far worse. 2-3 days worth of interviews all day. Having full blown case study examples put in front of you and having to full dive in and attempt to solve problems.

Woooooof. Fuck being a consultant.

I hear you. I'm a consultant for a global organization and the job is fucking mentally exhausting. There's been nights where i don't have the mental capacity to do more than just browse reddit until i pass out. The fatigue is real.

[Kalmado]

I hear you. I'm a consultant for a global organization and the job is fucking mentally exhausting. There's been nights where i don't have the mental capacity to do more than just browse reddit until i pass out. The fatigue is real.

I have days like that when it seems like the entire day is dealing with mad/annoying/difficult customers. I get home, have some drinks, eat dinner, and pass out. Like, I can't even focus on watching a basketball game. My idiot friend who works in a factory always says I'm a wuss because I sit at a desk all day. Yeah, no.

[Zetanio]

It really is. More power to ya.

[BaneTheBrawler]

yeah that's pretty much why i couldn't make my call center job work. On its own it usually wasn't that stressful, but between that and my crohn's, most days were collapse-in-front-of-computer days. after a while my symptoms got aggravated from the stress and that was the end of that. i'm still working through the fallout mentally, a year later. there are days when i hate myself for not being able to make it work.

i think if i tried to do what some of you guys do my guts would probably fill with acid and eat me from the inside out.

[Zetanio]

Yes. It would. Shit gets wild. Nothing like finding out at 6:30 that you need to be in NOVA by 10:45 for 8 hours of meetings then catching the 9pm train home and walking in at 12:45. Fall asleep to wake up and have to go back down again the next afternoon.

At least I don't have to pay for the tickets.

[Kalmado]

Yes. It would. Shit gets wild. Nothing like finding out at 6:30 that you need to be in NOVA by 10:45 for 8 hours of meetings then catching the 9pm train home and walking in at 12:45. Fall asleep to wake up and have to go back down again the next afternoon.

At least I don't have to pay for the tickets.

Yeah I don't have the stomach or thick enough skin for that type work. Same with Guitarman's work. Speaking of Guitarman are you on Sylph? Saw a Taru w/your name.

I'm just thankful today being a 1st'er and 3rd'er day it hasn't been so bad. Even started a new auto for a quality person. Now, what for lunch when nothing sounds appealing but I'm hungry.