BG Confessional

[Cail]

Dad's dad died 10 years before I was born (45, heart attack I think...my dad never talks about him) Dad's mom died in her 60s (long time smoker)

Mom's dad still alive at 80, Mom's mom still alive at 81? I think. Great grandparents stayed alive into their 90s iirc

[Andalusian girls]

wait is your mom alive? if so you gotta leave again

well she been gone for 28 years but she's probably alive somewhere yeah so maybe a sadder less common no parents club

also it's wild yall got grandparents still kicking my last one was gone by my early 20s. price of parents being old af when they had me.

[Tokitoki]

All my grandparents are dead too.

60 something - heart attack
70 something - brain cancer
85ish - heart issues
91 - leukemia

[Tokitoki]

And my mom

53 - kidney and liver failure due to alcoholism

[Milkster]

My uncle told me a story about how the bookmobile driver in his neighborhood growing up was this 6'6" black guy named Ray and how he'd always come by their street because he was totally nailing my grandma. He of course viewed it from the eyes of a kid whose already deadbeat mom was now cheating on his dad, but my mom told me that Ray reconnected with my grandma years later and sent her love letters until the day he died. My grandma passed too but I think her sister still has those letters.

Sent from my SM-N960U using Tapatalk

Explains why you're tall. Continue on her legacy it's your destiny.

[Dimmauk]

My grandfather(mom's dad) and my father both died at 65. Both were long time drinkers. I just turned 45, so have about 20 years left. Sad

[Tokitoki]

We never knew my maternal grandma's actual age until she was turning 80 and asked for a party like we had for my grandpa.

She wouldn't tell anyone how old she was, including my grandfather, which makes me wonder wtf that relationship was like.

Actually I have an idea what that relationship was like. She slept in a room on the ground floor by herself while my grandpa slept upstairs in a room by himself. My grandpa would come over to our house to call family and friends back in Ireland because my grandma would listen to his conversations if he called from their house.

[Melena]

Don't know much on my mom's side of the family as they are all fucking crazy, and proof florida man knows no state or gender. I do know my grandfather on my mom's side who I actually liked died when I was like in 6th grade. I believe my grandmother on that side passed away within the last few years, but I noped the hell out of the funeral as the last time I saw my uncle, it took more restraint then I care to admit to not punch is face in repeatedly.

My dad's side of the family, my grandfather passed away when I was in 4th grade. Lung cancer, long time smoker and alcoholic, so no shock there. My grandmother though, after he died, she un-retired a few months later to work part time at a donut shop. Worked there up until her late 80's before she was medically unable to do so due to angina and other health issues. She passed away in December 2010 at 93 years old due to a stroke. She survived the stroke, but her memories were all several levels of fucked, heavy dementia, so she was in a nursing home. I think something registered in her mind that's where she was and she just shut down, as she always said she never wanted to live in one, and well, euthanasia isn't legal, and she needed dedicated care. If it wasn't for that stroke, I think she'd still be alive and gardening to this day.

[Day]

depressed, havent gotten out of bed

[Fondue]

[Day]

this nigga eatin beans

[Mertron]

my quarantine life hack is i have vanilla protein powder that gets mixed with water

for the past few weeks i haven’t been buying milk really, so when i have cereal, i just mix the protein shake then pour it over the cereal

im basically multitasking, i am a genius

[Mertron]

for the record i pour the cereal first then the protein shake, im not a monster

[Roranora]

but is the 'nilla shake chilled?

[Milkster]

my quarantine life hack is i have vanilla protein powder that gets mixed with water

for the past few weeks i haven’t been buying milk really, so when i have cereal, i just mix the protein shake then pour it over the cereal

im basically multitasking, i am a genius

I tried this but it's way too sweet compared to Milk. Maybe comparable to almond milk but still it's super sticky and not the sameeee

[Mertron]

i have been having a miserable time of late

i never really think of myself as someone who suffers from depression, I just think life sucks sometimes and am sad. every now and then though it gets to the point of actually feeling ill and physically affecting me, and i am at that point now. my friends noted the other day that i look good and have lost weight/been working out, which is true, but it is mostly because i am down to one meal a day, which i only eat so i do not drop dead; i only eat out of habit

part of this is because of quarantine im sure. i feel like no one misses me or wants me around. ive always wondered why people bother with me anyway, as i feel like my group of friends only hang out with me sometimes out of habit, and I am not sure what i even contribute to the group sometimes. now basically sitting at home all day i feel completely invisible. sure we do zoom stuff sometimes, but not often (maybe like three times since this all started), but as soon as we are done i feel like I no longer exist to them

what has made matters worse is my closest friend had his dad pass away about two weeks ago (not rona related). a girl i used to date was in town for the funeral and asked me to hang out with her the other night (for the discord people that remember, this is the ex that was in town for xmas and stood me up). she was upset about the funeral and wanted to talk. it led to more, but then the next day she basically gave me the cold shoulder all morning, blew me off when i texted her that day to see if she was okay, and i bumped in to her at a gathering for Memorial Day where she refused to speak to me and then tried to throw herself at an acquaintance of mine (who has a girlfriend and had to push her away). this has not done wonders for my self esteem

i feel like i can’t bring this up with my close friend, who is one of the only people who knows about us (we kept our dating secret because we have a lot of mutual friends, or maybe she just wanted that because she’s ashamed of me), because his dad died and i will look like a bitch for complaining about it to someone who has actual problems. part of me is paranoid because at the gathering i kept convincing myself that people must have found out what happened because i felt like some people didn’t care that i was there (though as I said before, i feel like this a lot of the time anyway). the two times my friends have had small in-person gatherings i have left early because i feel like no one cares i am there anyway, and also because my chest hurts from the anxiety and sadness

Today is Memorial Day, so I drove down to see my family (i see my parents every so often since they’re close to my part time job; this was the first time i saw my sister’s family in two months). Along with not eating well, I have not been sleeping well either: last night i fell asleep at 11:30, woke up at 2:30, then laid in bed until noon to head out. i ate one burger, promptly felt nauseous and tired, laid on their couch for an hour in a pity coma, then told them i had to leave because i didn’t feel well

i feel completely terrible all the time, though i do feel slightly better typing this. but i feel like an absolute waste of a human being, am convinced that i suck and no one cares about me, that my life is a joke, and that everything about me is a complete failure

tldr: i am convinced that everyone i know hates me and it hurts

anyway back to shitposting

dak prescott sucks

[Rhyis.]

[Mertron]

see, he sucks, he forgot to bring a football with him, you need that to sports

[Rhyis.]

for real you need some regular ass every day face to face communication in your life. that is legitimately the cure you're looking for

[Mertron]

it’s a catch 22, because i have gone out a couple times this past week after being a good little shut-in the last two months, but again, the entire time i am out i am convinced people hate me, which just makes it worse

I know it’s probably in my head, but I’m just fucked up right now