BG Confessional

[Salodin]

Heartbreaking and I hope she comes around. Never forget addiction is a disease man, it won't always make sense and you should sleep at night knowing you went above and beyond what it seems anyone else in her life is willing or able to do atm. Really sucks growing up and losing relationships to things like this especially when you see them clearly going down the wrong path.

Stay positive and try reach out to her once in awhile. She isn't your responsibility but you are clearly a wonderful friend to her

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[Demosthenes]

Long post that got me in my feelings yesterday but I wanna get it off my chest because I told very little people in my IRL circle about this.

Few months ago, friend of mine seemed like she was going through financial trouble due to the economic instability caused by the COVID pandemic. Me being the stand-up guy that I am, tried to help her out financially as I've never forgot about the days when I was struggling to survive with very little food and constant stress of being able to pay my rent. Despite all of that, it started to seem like she was now homeless, however she had some "friends" she was with. Due to being in an urban area, they were able to find shelter in abandoned homes or "bandos" as they call them.

We kept in touch off and on and I slipped her some money just to make sure she had shit to eat to get through her day. Told me crazy stories about her time being homeless and I started getting unsettled because I honestly felt like she was eventually gonna get killed. Told her if it gets bad, let me know and I"ll drive down there and help her out and she thanked me for it and told me she'd let me know.

At some point two months ago, she basically disappeared and I feared for the worst. So much so that I started doxxing her information to get the contacts of her immediate family to see if they heard anything. Ended up speaking to her brother and her mom to get a missing person's report going because you have to be related to file one. Word started getting out about her going missing via social media and I started getting clues from various outlets about where she might be.

After about 3 weeks, she finally messaged me and her relatives back and apologized. Said she got her phone stolen and really had no way of reaching out. Told her to let me know where she was so I could see what I could do to help her out, She always seemed receptive to it but never actually did.

I started talked more and more to her family members and started learning a lot more about her than I ever knew.

Apparently she had a drug addiction and actually ODed once years ago but was lucky enough to get brought back via a narcan spray. After finding that out, I stopped giving her money but told her that I still wanted to see her because I wanted to find out from her side wtf was going on and why she chose to do this. Same story as before, seemed receptive to having me come but never actually gave me a location to go to.

A few times I popped up in her area to try to find her but never did. The area that she was in was so decrepit and just awful that I really didn't feel comfortable asking people present if they'd seen her because I honestly didn't want people to start recognizing me. It's like a real life Blighttown from Dark Souls, not even bullshitting. I'm talking people actively dealing, prostituting and shooting up in the middle of the street without any need for concern because the police don't give a shit anymore and figure if they can contain it to only that area, then fuck it. It unsettled the shit out of me especially because my friend was more than likely in the area doing the same thing.

Based on things she told me, figured I'd have to pop up at night time to catch her but never did because it means I'd probably have to pay for a hotel room for the night since it took me far away from home. I also ran the risk getting caught up into a dangerous situation because I'd been going by myself. Biggest motivation for me trying to find her was for her family because they live on the west coast and I figured I was close enough, and I gave her money that I had a responsibility to help them out because I likely helped fund her habit.

Yesterday, her mom got a message from her basically telling her to stop looking for her and that she was where she wanted to be and I just felt absolutely helpless. I did my research to understand the lifestyle but I just felt so bad for the family because it's fucked up. Like imagine putting your loved ones in a chronic state of intense worry because of your terrible habits? Tried to process in my mind why someone would willingly put themselves into a lifestyle so dangerous to their health when she had access to the resources that could've pulled her out of that situation. What killed me even more is that home girl is incredibly intelligent and would've had the world if she applied herself. Only conclusion I could come up with is that she was so far into drugs that she's no longer seeing shit rationally anymore or she fell in love with an absolute piece of shit of a person that encouraged her behavior.

Actually had a hard time sleeping last night because I could not come up with any justification in my mind for it that would allow me to accept it. Only thing left for me to do is wash my hands of the situation unless she contacts me. Spending the time to try to do the right thing just for the person you're trying to help for them to end up being such a disappointment just made me feel pretty shitty.

FUCK! This is really fucking rough!

[AoE]

Aireen?

I haven't talked to her since 2016 so nah. Lol

[Demosthenes]

You can't do anything but be a good friend. She is the one that's going to have to make her decisions. I know how the sense of responsibility feels, but you can never do more than your best. Keep on looking out for her, hope shit falls in place.

[Day]

Yeah man don't give up hope if you don't want to, sounds like you don't want to. I'd keep trying for as long as you feel like you can handle it mentally. It will probably be a lot of failure and possibly even pushback but you may reach her... maybe not. I'm not an expert by any means maybe this is horrible advice, but it's pretty clear you care about them.

edit: dont put yourself in danger though

[AoE]

I appreciate y'all and everyone except Fondue (lol) is right. Gonna keep my head on straight, just observe what I can from far away and hope she makes it out eventually.

[Melena]

As others said, you can't help those that don't want to be helped. I've had to cut bait with a lot of people, because just watching them self destruct was ruining my own mental health. Think the worst was my x-gf, who I finally cut off when she called me begging me to piss in a bottle for her cause she couldn't bring herself to stop doing meth and pot, and if she popped hot again, she was going to lose all rights to her kid. Had to flat out tell her no, and if she can't even get clean for the sake of getting her kid back, I can't help you anymore either as I refuse to get caught up in that shit.

Hindsight 20/20, I should have cut ties with her long before. My former best friend and best man at my wedding is another I had to cut ties with. Last I heard he was shacked up with another friend in LA after (in no particular order) re-connecting with his x-gf and the accidental kid they had together, breaking back up with her, losing his condo, and probably a lot more shit. Last I heard he was at another friends wedding and tried to recruit everyone into some MMC cash for gold scheme and everyone just kind of rolled their eyes and went really, at your friends wedding?

[Andalusian girls]

sorry as hell to hear it AoE. i fell in with a pretty bad druggy/criminal crew in high school and have had that tale play out more than once over the years, friends, family, a few lovers. most of them are still wasting in that world, or dead, or in jail. handful of us made it out. as the others have said there's nothing you can do, you can't help people that are lost in that kind of self-destruction until they're ready to be helped.

that said the knowledge doesn't help much from my experience. when it ends in death or permanent addiction you spend the rest of your life wondering if you could have done more, if you could have saved them. one of those things you have to learn to live with.

[Astylla]

I appreciate y'all and everyone except Fondue (lol) is right. Gonna keep my head on straight, just observe what I can from far away and hope she makes it out eventually.

Best way to handle it and fuck that is a messed up situation. I also want to say that you went above and beyond and it really speaks volumes of your character .

I tried as well as my late mom to help someone that was basically a sister to me and went down that perpetual same rabbit hole.

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[Milkster]

Long post that got me in my feelings yesterday but I wanna get it off my chest because I told very little people in my IRL circle about this.

Few months ago, friend of mine seemed like she was going through financial trouble due to the economic instability caused by the COVID pandemic. Me being the stand-up guy that I am, tried to help her out financially as I've never forgot about the days when I was struggling to survive with very little food and constant stress of being able to pay my rent. Despite all of that, it started to seem like she was now homeless, however she had some "friends" she was with. Due to being in an urban area, they were able to find shelter in abandoned homes or "bandos" as they call them.

We kept in touch off and on and I slipped her some money just to make sure she had shit to eat to get through her day. Told me crazy stories about her time being homeless and I started getting unsettled because I honestly felt like she was eventually gonna get killed. Told her if it gets bad, let me know and I"ll drive down there and help her out and she thanked me for it and told me she'd let me know.

At some point two months ago, she basically disappeared and I feared for the worst. So much so that I started doxxing her information to get the contacts of her immediate family to see if they heard anything. Ended up speaking to her brother and her mom to get a missing person's report going because you have to be related to file one. Word started getting out about her going missing via social media and I started getting clues from various outlets about where she might be.

After about 3 weeks, she finally messaged me and her relatives back and apologized. Said she got her phone stolen and really had no way of reaching out. Told her to let me know where she was so I could see what I could do to help her out, She always seemed receptive to it but never actually did.

I started talked more and more to her family members and started learning a lot more about her than I ever knew.

Apparently she had a drug addiction and actually ODed once years ago but was lucky enough to get brought back via a narcan spray. After finding that out, I stopped giving her money but told her that I still wanted to see her because I wanted to find out from her side wtf was going on and why she chose to do this. Same story as before, seemed receptive to having me come but never actually gave me a location to go to.

A few times I popped up in her area to try to find her but never did. The area that she was in was so decrepit and just awful that I really didn't feel comfortable asking people present if they'd seen her because I honestly didn't want people to start recognizing me. It's like a real life Blighttown from Dark Souls, not even bullshitting. I'm talking people actively dealing, prostituting and shooting up in the middle of the street without any need for concern because the police don't give a shit anymore and figure if they can contain it to only that area, then fuck it. It unsettled the shit out of me especially because my friend was more than likely in the area doing the same thing.

Based on things she told me, figured I'd have to pop up at night time to catch her but never did because it means I'd probably have to pay for a hotel room for the night since it took me far away from home. I also ran the risk getting caught up into a dangerous situation because I'd been going by myself. Biggest motivation for me trying to find her was for her family because they live on the west coast and I figured I was close enough, and I gave her money that I had a responsibility to help them out because I likely helped fund her habit.

Yesterday, her mom got a message from her basically telling her to stop looking for her and that she was where she wanted to be and I just felt absolutely helpless. I did my research to understand the lifestyle but I just felt so bad for the family because it's fucked up. Like imagine putting your loved ones in a chronic state of intense worry because of your terrible habits? Tried to process in my mind why someone would willingly put themselves into a lifestyle so dangerous to their health when she had access to the resources that could've pulled her out of that situation. What killed me even more is that home girl is incredibly intelligent and would've had the world if she applied herself. Only conclusion I could come up with is that she was so far into drugs that she's no longer seeing shit rationally anymore or she fell in love with an absolute piece of shit of a person that encouraged her behavior.

Actually had a hard time sleeping last night because I could not come up with any justification in my mind for it that would allow me to accept it. Only thing left for me to do is wash my hands of the situation unless she contacts me. Spending the time to try to do the right thing just for the person you're trying to help for them to end up being such a disappointment just made me feel pretty shitty.

Addiction is a monster and once it has control: you die, others near you die and you want help or you hit rock bottom and finally have your epiphany to seek help

Until she contacts you, leave it alone. Can't help those that don't want to be helped. Unless you feel strongly enough to hold someone hostage while they go through withdrawals and can think more clearly and sober.

[Astylla]

I thought about posting this on Facebook but honestly don't want want that exposure..just need to vent stuff out.

I'm not doing okay..at all. My mental state is a constant state of flux, and while the pandemic has caused some of it , I'm aware it goes deeper than that. I've got a fuckton of emotional baggage I'm struggling to let go of , stuff that I'm allowing to affect me day in day out. My career path I'm on while financially great , isn't without it's own dangers. I work for a law enforcement agency , but am classified as a civilian and not sworn however still am lumped in with the agency as a whole. I used to feel proud to say who I work for , now it causes me anxiety.
On a day to day basis at work I have to be ready to adapt to variety of situations and while most are fairly routine , letting my guard down can put others at risk.


I feel judged constantly in my head and by others , something I never really shook from years of abuse in school and home. Now with the state of things I feel like I constantly have to watch my back. I've slipped into some bad habits physically, and trying to find that balance between working overtime to plan ahead and giving myelf time to mentally reset in addition to improving my physical self.

I'm relying more on alcohol these days , on my days off only and not to the point I'm falling over drunk or being stupid..though that has happened in the past. I do come from an alcoholic family and background, and honestly out of the family I know I probably am the most stable which is saying something.

I'm just trying to find my motivation again , for myself. No one can do it for me and while I have support from those I care about and love which is still something I struggle to accept , I know that I'm capable of doing better because I've done it before.


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[D44kpunk]

do you want to continue working for law enforcement agencies? i guess that is a hard question you need to ask yourself. i can't see it getting better before it gets worse and unfortunately the good people in these industries like yourself will continue to suffer because of the actions of a few.

if the answer is yes, at some point you need to accept yourself for who you are and say "i am doing good things i am a good person" and not care what people might think of you because of your profession. not to say that you should be blinded by that mentality but there is a lot of hate in the world and it's easy to let yourself get consumed by it

[Astylla]

do you want to continue working for law enforcement agencies? i guess that is a hard question you need to ask yourself. i can't see it getting better before it gets worse and unfortunately the good people in these industries like yourself will continue to suffer because of the actions of a few.

if the answer is yes, at some point you need to accept yourself for who you are and say "i am doing good things i am a good person" and not care what people might think of you because of your profession. not to say that you should be blinded by that mentality but there is a lot of hate in the world and it's easy to let yourself get consumed by it

That is excellent insight and a good question actually, I appreciate the response.

I will certainly say upfront I am not loyal to a fault to my job , agency , whatever. I've seen the corruption first hand and it absolutely is not excusable. I can't control how others view me or my profession as a whole , but I can continue to work ethically and report what I see personally or choose to move on.

I'm not so detached from reality to think just switching to a different state , county job etc. would suddenly fix things. I've just fought my entire life from the bottom up to make something decent of myself without a college education ( that's another rant for another time lol) , so I know right now this is the best place for me to be as far as stability and job security. Being an adult sucks sometimes I guess is the bottom line.

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[Rhyis.]

Ive been helping a laid off employee of mine in a somewhat similar situation to AOE's friend these past bunch of months. Shits all fucked up and real. Such is life.

[Xno Kappa]

I’m starting to feel like I made a mistake taking on this new job. I’m surrounded by retards whom the majority of their investigative training background is “well this is how we’ve always done it.”

It’s going to take everything in me not to lose my cool if I hear that fucking answer one more time.

[NynJa]

YCS mods on only banning people of a certain political leaning:
“well this is how we’ve always done it.”

[Dimmauk]

YCS mods on only banning people of a certain political leaning:
“well this is how we’ve always done it.”

Not true but keep trying. They're consistently banning the biggest retards

[NynJa]

Not true but keep trying. They're consistently banning the biggest retards

[D44kpunk]

even i attempt to respect the confessional thread.

smh dimmy, smh.

[Boyiee]

Holy fuck that's funny