Hollywood: Arbitrarily Sexual Assault whack-a-mole (II)

[Demosthenes]

I mean it's kind of the inevitable result of the culture of "asking for consent ruins the mood". A lot of you are completely ignorant about how poly actually works and it really shows.

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I've never been in a poly situation, but I've been in a relationship that had to be open (until it wasn't) to work.

[Salodin]

I mean it's kind of the inevitable result of the culture of "asking for consent ruins the mood". A lot of you are completely ignorant about how poly actually works and it really shows.

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this entire thing falls under "Good luck young men" imo

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[Karbuncle]

Meresagi sounds like the only one in the room who has any experience at all with this type of situation and he’s applying the kind of nuance you might find expect in a hot down under situation in a long term relationship… so I’m really agreeing with what he’s saying on this topic. (Edit: And no I dont mean alleged sexual assault, I mean being in a relationship with an Asexual individual and what that can sometimes lead to)

Unless there’s something a little stronger than “we got a little heated, he made a sexual move, I told him no and he stopped”, idk why y’all are out for fucking blood cause this seems like a nothing burger misunderstanding that could happen to literally anyone who reads the situation the wrong way. Like any one of us could be in what we think is an intimate moment with the misses and she says “no im not in the mood” and BAM, congrats, the only thing keeping you from becoming a Reddit certified sexual predator is you not being famous and your wife not posting a 262 page manifesto about it.

Not saying he’s confirmed not a creep, but I am saying the instance of “sexual assault” here seems like a misread and he backed off completely when told too, humor is a very common defense mechanism and sometimes you end up saying something stupid or insensitive as a knee jerk response you might later regret or realize was dumb, because people aren’t perfect. If he had kept going with some “oh I know you like it” type shit then yah, for sure awful, but he backed off immediately when asked which to me screams “misread the moment but respects her wishes”

[Obsidian]

I personally think making a 260 page document out of one "probably shouldn't have done that" moment in a 6 year relationship is a little absurd and undermines the credibility of the entire thing, but that's just me.

[archibaldcrane]

If you are someone's partner for 6 goddamn years and had no interest in meeting their sexual needs in any manner, but then the moment the worm turns you're the A1 testimonial in their burn book talking about how he's a sex criminal because he tried to get some action one time and was easily rebuffed, you are engaging in extremely dishonorable behavior.

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[Madeline]

I'm asexual as well and I find the whole situation to be gross. If I told my partner it's a no go and they did it anyway I'd be upset but I wouldn't be putting them on blast and trying to tear them down either. Especially when we were "cuddling." Everyone here is a bit shit and it feels overblown. Two things can be true.

Talk to your damn partners and stop being explosive over everything. And respect boundaries and ask for consent. I've had a million talks about what I do/don't like, what I will and won't put up with and that's necessary if you're going to have boundaries and a functioning relationship as an asexual individual, especially if your partner isn't asexual.

[Mrbeansman]

As someone else in kink scene and poly the manifesto makes my eyes roll. Forgetting a boundary in a hot moment happens all the time but she re-established her boundaries and he respected them so I don't know why we're even still talking about this.

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[Tymon]

Because men on a macro level are pretty definitively rapey and gross in an incalculable number of situations and I am personally 100% ok with guilty until innocent being the standard for us having to put up with it until we collectively decide to stop being rapey and gross. I don't consider that to be a bridge too far at all and honestly couldn't care less about anyone else's incel tier whining over it.

[Tymon]

Occasionally situations blow up in a guys face like this while the countless thousands to millions of rapes and assaults go completely without justice but we hear about almost every single high profile situation like this because alt right incel freaks make sure that it shows up in your feed every time. Always an opportunity for radicalizing a few more young impressionable idiots.

Any man in here having some kind of righteous indignation over this needs to, step 1, shut the fuck up. And step 2, point your fury at yourselves and the society we've carefully cultivated to normalize SA for thousands of years.

[Obsidian]

I'm very honestly not sure who you're yelling at.

[Eurell]

I dont think anyone is out for blood or saying this is bad for rape. Its just clearly a sorta shitty thing they did. This has been pages of everyone just yelling right past eachother lol

[Meresgi]

Because men on a macro level are pretty definitively rapey and gross in an incalculable number of situations and I am personally 100% ok with guilty until innocent being the standard for us having to put up with it until we collectively decide to stop being rapey and gross. I don't consider that to be a bridge too far at all and honestly couldn't care less about anyone else's incel tier whining over it.

Shades of grey. This shit was subtle and doesn't fall into a "guilty till innocent" view for me. Yeah there are times for sure and I think any allegation should have a look but this is one of those "you're gonna need to provide way more evidence then this" for me to take it as full blown sexual assault. Now if it was her getting shitfaced with a guy she's told before she's asexual, he gets her black out drunk and takes advantage of it, then yup that's guilty until you can prove there was some innocence there. But i'm not for 100% across the board, that type of outlook is crap and just leads to extremes and only showing the ultra versions of men being dirtbags and women being pieces of shit, and just feeds into incel redpilling or "performative male" bullshit too.

As someone else in kink scene and poly the manifesto makes my eyes roll. Forgetting a boundary in a hot moment happens all the time but she re-established her boundaries and he respected them so I don't know why we're even still talking about this.

Yeah, if she reestablished a boundary and he respected it then that's it. There's nothing sexual assault-y about that.

Not saying he’s confirmed not a creep, but I am saying the instance of “sexual assault” here seems like a misread and he backed off completely when told too

Yeah like does he have a history of this shit? Did all of his other 20+ partners come out and say "yeah while we were sexual for sure there were times i wasn't in the mood, told him so, and he pushed me past where I was comfortable"? Lots of factors. Seen guys get fucking blasted out of the kink scene for a misunderstanding and I've also seen women get fucking ganged up on for a legit SA experience too and driven off.

[kuronosan]

If you are someone's partner for 6 goddamn years and had no interest in meeting their sexual needs in any manner, but then the moment the worm turns you're the A1 testimonial in their burn book talking about how he's a sex criminal because he tried to get some action one time and was easily rebuffed, you are engaging in extremely dishonorable behavior.

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^

[thetruepandagod]

The dogs I grew up with wouldn't eat food that didn't belong to them. They wouldn't touch a steak because they'd been trained that our food was not their food.

cool, except interpersonal relationships are a continuous learning experience that you are 'trained' in by completely inconsistent feedback where the only winning hand to spare anyone's discomfort is to literally never engage with anyone. show me what your dog would do with completely contradictory training.

If someone says they don't want something accept that they don't fucking want it unless they actually say they want it. Don't matter how hot and heavy things get, you use your fucking words before you proceed.

before you say just communicate that is not always an option as not everyone is actually capable of communicating, let alone communicating their feelings with honesty or consistency. not all of us have the luxury of finding people that are capable of such things. you say listen to their words no matter what, no matter how hot and heavy it gets. what if they are begging to fuck you verbally but the body language says anything but? do you continue to engage because of what they said? do you stop because of what you perceive as very much not wanting it? they then get hurt and sad if you stop if you do stop because of your discomfort with it? you can't make these blanket statements without the nuance of each and every individual instance. kudos to you for finding people that are capable of communicating it genuinely must be wonderful, no matter how open and honest i have tried to be with the girls that come into my life there has never been any sort of consistency to a meaningful degree between what they say, what they do, how they react.

[Demosthenes]

You're right, no reason why we would use the tools we have to make sure someone is ok getting their crotch rubbed.

[thetruepandagod]

i think why this is so frustrating to me is because it feels a lot like punishing a kid in class for asking questions. there is nothing in this instance that screams SA.

i would call a guy whining over and over for a bj from his gf who isn't in the mood SA before i'd say this is

[Salodin]

Man panda, I wish I could give you a hug homey

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[Eurell]

Touching someones crotch against their consent is SA. Full stop. Nobody gives a single fuck because this is the most stupid minor incident ever.

Still a shitty thing to do, but who fucking cares.

[kuronosan]

Ah, so abandoning nuance it is then. Gotcha.

[thetruepandagod]

Touching someones crotch against their consent is SA. Full stop.

consent is nuanced and fluid, able to be revoked while you are balls deep or granted during a fickle mood. you people claim this black and white nature but know full well intimacy and relationships are anything but.