NFL Week 1: Where we fail to predict the future.

[Tyche]

The NFL season is LESS THAN ONE WEEK AWAY! Preseason is officially in the books.

Season predictions

MVP - Patrick Mahomes
Offensive Player of the Year - Tyreek Hill
Defensive Player of the Year - Myles Garrett
Offensive Rookie of the Year - Caleb Williams
Defensive Rookie of the Year - Dallas Turner
Comeback Player of the Year - Russell Wilson
Coach of the Year - Dan Campbell

Division winners:
AFC East - Miami Dolphins
AFC North - Baltimore Ravens
AFC South - Houston Texans
AFC West - KC Chiefs
Wildcard teams: Cincinnati Bengals, Buffalo Bills, LA Chargers

NFC East - Dallas Cowboys
NFC North - Detroit Lions
NFC South - Atlanta Falcons
NFC West - San Francisco 49ers
Wildcard teams: Philadelphia Eagles, Green Bay Packers, Chicago Bears

AFC Championship: Miami Dolphins @ Baltimore Ravens

NFC Championship: Green Bay Packers @ San Francisco 49ers

Superbowl champion: San Francisco 49ers over Baltimore Ravens

Hot takes: 11-6 wins sole possession of AFCE. Aaron Rogers has <30TD and >10INT. Dennis Allen is first coach fired (mid-season).


Week 1 games.

Thursday, Sep. 5
Baltimore at Kansas City -3.5 - AFC Championship rematch/preview, as will be mentioned in the broadcast 800 times. Baltimore got nothing done in the AFCCG and had three turnovers. I expect the Ravens to make this game much closer, but KC taking the opening week W. 30-27 KC.

Friday, Sep. 6
Green Bay at Philadelphia -1.5 - Philly get to travel thousands of miles south for a home tilt in Brazil. This game is a potential NFCCG preview. These two teams finished last season on diametrically opposing trajectories. GB has had poor starts to the season, finishing 5-5 in their first 5 games in the last two seasons. Philly has started hot. Tough game to pick, but I think I'm going with the upset. 24-20 GB.

Sunday, Sep. 8
Pittsburgh at Atlanta -2.5 - I don't know if it'll be an entertaining game, but it should be competitive. Arthur Smith returns to Atlanta with Russell Wilson at the helm. I do believe that Atlanta will be improved, I do not think they're good enough to beat this Steelers team. 24-17 Pitt

Arizona at Buffalo -7.5 - I don't think Buffalo will be particularly good this season. I can't name their RB or a single WR. The middle of the field defense looks like it's going to struggle. Underdogs are 56-35-4 in the first 2 weeks. I think Arizona will be capable of putting up points, not certain Buffalo has the weapons to keep up. This is my big week 1 upset. Buffalo will be better, probably win 10 games, but I think they show some offensive pains to start the season. 24-14 Arizona.

Tennessee at Chicago -4.5 - Chicago gonna be my 2024 NFC team to root for. Love Caleb Williams. Laying 4.5 is a big number for a rookie in their debut, but Tennessee is retooling with a new staff. Chicago has playoff aspirations and I'm sure they are going to come out charged. 24-17 Chicago

New England at Cincinnati -9.5 - No review necessary until NE proves they can win a game. 35-10 Cinci

Houston at Indianapolis +1.5 - Very intriguing matchup. Houston opens on the road against a team that expects to compete for the division. Richardson was playing well for a rookie in his first four games and I expect him to continue to progress. Ultimately, I think Ryans puts the defense in position to get a very close win. 20-17 Houston

Jacksonville at Miami -3.5 - OBJ is on PUP. Chubb is still out. Phillips is returning from a horrific Achilles injury. But Tua, the other WRs, and the offensive line are healthy. I am curious as to how well the defense will perform under 1st year DC. I expect a lot of points on the board, and when that's the case, I'm probably taking the team with significantly more offensive weapons. 34-24 Miami

Carolina at New Orleans -4.5 - Saints finished last season strong and pushed for a playoff spot. Carolina will be better than last season but I expect some woes to start. I think Carolina makes a game out of this but ultimately falls short. 24-20 New Orleans

Minnesota at NY Giants +1.5 - I know nothing about this game. Too much in the air. Sam Darnold vs Daniel Jones. With how blitz happy Flores likes his defenses and how fucking awful the offensive line for the Giants is, I suspect we may see Jones die first game. 14-10 Minnesota

Las Vegas Raiders at LA Chargers -3.5 Lots of change between these two teams. The pieces look more in place for the chargers, seeing as LV will be starting a new QB. I trust a proven coach like Harbaugh to open the season with his guys ready to go. I think LA does the unthinkable and pulls away late. 30-17 LA Chargers

Denver at Seattle -4.5 - Denver has looked compelling this preseason, but they also played starters as much or more than any other team. Seattle, I believe, will struggle to put up points. I do think they'll turn in a solid defense, which should be another to just hold off a Broncos team looking to rebound from a lot of embarassment last season. 14-13 Seattle.

Dallas at Cleveland -1.5 - This may be my favorite matchup of the week. I could see this being competitive. I could see Dallas winning by double digits. The question is whether Watson is going to finally start firing for Cleveland. I think he comes out with something to prove and, unfortunately, surprises the league with a vintage Watson game. 28-21 Cleveland

Washington at Tampa Bay -3.5 - Unsure where to go with this game. Commanders have all new everything's. Tampa had solid performances last year, but lost Canales. I think Washington will have better days ahead, but Tampa still has solid pieces that have been in place, and they're at home. 14-10 Tampa Bay

LA Rams at Detroit -3.5 - I think the setting and atmosphere resulted in Detroit playing right in the 2nd half of their wild card matchup earlier this year. I don't think it's a mistake they'll make again and run away with the game in the 2nd half. 35-24 Detroit


Monday, Sep. 9
NY Jets at San Francisco -5.5 - I'm not of the opinion the Jets will be anything above mediocre. I think Rodgers will struggle. I think think he will lead the division in a single meaningful QB stat. Jets have allowed him too much meddling and the postponed honeymoon is going to result in a lot of divorces to end the season. 30-17 San Francisco

[kuronosan]

This'll take a while.

Cliff notes is I think the Bowl will be Chiefs: Lions.

[Xno Kappa]

My man just wanted to skip training camp. I’ll take it!

https://twitter.com/Schultz_Report/s...06323152855072

[Rhyis.]

MVP - Patrick Mahomes
Offensive Player of the Year - Breece Hall
Defensive Player of the Year - Micah Parsons
Offensive Rookie of the Year - Caleb Williams
Defensive Rookie of the Year - Jared Verse
Comeback Player of the Year - Aaron Rodgers
Coach of the Year - Dan Campbell

Division winners:
AFC East - Jets (3)
AFC North - Bengals (2)
AFC South - Jags (4)
AFC West - Chiefs (1)
Wildcard teams: Ravens (5), Dolphins (6), Bills (7)

NFC East - Eagles (2)
NFC North - Lions (1)
NFC South - Falcons (4)
NFC West - Rams (3)
Wildcard teams: Niners (5), Packers (6), Cowboys (7)

AFC Championship: Bengals @ Chiefs
NFC Championship: Niners @ Lions

Superbowl champion: Bengals over Niners

[Rhyis.]

NFC East - Dallas Cowboys

NFCE division winners don't repeat.

[Tyche]

Siriani can only fake his way so long.

[Tyche]

https://twitter.com/JeffDarlington/s...22336615141455

[Celeras]

Offensive Player of the Year - Breece Hall

Well damn now I'm not even sure if I should keep this locked and loaded if it actually happens lol

[Rhyis.]

[Tyche]

Twitter shut down in Brazil. Friday should be a fun day for /r/NFL, especially since it's on peacock and no one is gonna see it.

[Melena]

MVP - Big Cock Brock
Offensive Player of the Year - CMC
Defensive Player of the Year - Micah Parsons
Offensive Rookie of the Year - Caleb Williams
Defensive Rookie of the Year - Jared Verse
Comeback Player of the Year - Aaron Rodgers
Coach of the Year - Jim Harbaugh

Division winners:
AFC East - Bills (4)
AFC North - Cincinnati(3)
AFC South - Texans(2)
AFC West - Chiefs (1)
Wildcard teams: Ravens (5), Dolphins (6), Browns (7)

NFC East - Commies (4)
NFC North - Lions (2)
NFC South - Bucks (3)
NFC West - Niners (1)
Wildcard teams: Eagles (5), Packers (6), Cowboys (7)

AFC Championship: Texans @ Chiefs
NFC Championship: Niners @ Lions

Superbowl champion: Niners over Chiefs

[Tyche]

I will cook my dick before cutting it off and eating it if the Texans win the AFC North.

[Melena]

I went dumb. Not as dumb as Cowboys being in an east division, but dumb none the less.

[Rhyis.]

I will cook my dick before cutting it off and eating it

[Xno Kappa]

Fire!

https://twitter.com/Giants/status/1829274186294206657

[Weltall]

Uh, 49ers first round pick Ricky Pearsall might have just been shot

[Weltall]

https://twitter.com/dionlimtv/status...ScNj4cKg3IEI_w

[Krandor]

Someone was trying to steal his Rolex apparently

Sounds like he's stable at least, and they arrested the person who shot him

https://twitter.com/Gia_Vang/status/1830030550155084114

(Local NBC anchor)

[kuronosan]

Hopefully he catches a break and the rest of the passes this season. That sucks.

[Anoat]

Nah Pearsall was always a big baby manchild launching into tantrums at UF

Not saying he deserved to be shot of course but I’m like oh he’s ok? Well back to saying fuck ‘em now