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  1. #1
    Relic Shield
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    ESSEX EARTHQUAKE APPEAL **NEWS REPORT**

    THIS IS A TRAVISTY! PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY

    ESSEX EARTHQUAKE APPEAL **NEWS REPORT**

    A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early hours of Friday 8th October 2004. Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims were seen wandering around aimless muttering "fackin ell" and "whatta cant." The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.
    Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Rear spoilers and body kits have fallen off at least 75% of the county's cars. Many locals were woken well before their giro cheque arrived.

    Essex FM (County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Basildon. One resident
    - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

    Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as normal.

    The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and fake sun tan lotion.

    HOW CAN YOU HELP?

    This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is the most sought after:

    High priority items to restore some local dignity include:

    Burberry baseball caps

    Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

    Shell suits (in family packs)

    White sport socks

    Rockport boots

    Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

    Required foodstuffs include Microwave pizzas, Haggen Daaz tubs and crates of Stella

    Just Think

    22p will buy a biro for filling in the compensation forms,

    £5 will buy enough chips,crisps and coke for a family of 9

    £25 will pay for a days supply of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

    Please do not send tents for shelter, as the influx of superior accommodation may drive down property prices in nearby Pitsea and Laindon.

    **Breaking news**

    Rescue workers have just dragged a blood soaked young girl from the rubble.

    When asked by the rescuers -'where are you bleeding from?' she replied "Romford"

  2. #2
    New Spam Forum
    Join Date
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    too long ;3

  3. #3
    E. Body
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    Bahamut

    just get the hell out lujan (*'-')

  4. #4

    Lmao ~ Non-Brits won't understand any of this, it's your accent i think >.>

  5. #5
    Relic Weapons
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
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    XD that was great!

  6. #6

  7. #7

    LOL

    Get the Bovril!!

  8. #8
    E. Body
    Join Date
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    rofl

  9. #9
    Cerberus
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    Gilgamesh

    lmao

  10. #10

    wow

  11. #11
    Relic Shield
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    Bahamut

    i'm replying in order to raise my post count, even though I have nothing to say

  12. #12
    Septislut Sexy Brigade
    Join Date
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    thats cheating! nvm you can raise ur count when everyone spamming the site during maintanence :wink:

  13. #13
    Chram
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    Ragnarok
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    Argent Dawn

    Hhheeeyyyy... I don't live that far from Basildon >.>

  14. #14
    Sea Torques
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    Leviathan

    Quote Originally Posted by Raiko
    lmao
    scoring brownie points again eh Ged? :wink:

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