And now for a Random Fact about Chuck Norris

[Sadler]

In the year 2003 Chuck Norris made a claim that he had in fact written every book on 14th century history. When asked how he could've physically been able to write this material from this period seeing as he was born in 1940, he replied with "Because I'm Chuck Fucking Norris." and proceded to deliever a roundhouse to a small Vietnamese couple.

Chuck Norris once pinned James Bond down with a single finger and forced him to say, "The name's Norris; Chuck Norris."

Only two people in the world can kill Chuck Norris; Jesus Christ and Vin Diesel.

Chuck Norris singlehandledy discovered the fifth element while jacking off to Michael Jackson's "Beat it"

[obnoticus]

http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/9885/hat16jq.jpg

[Heian]

Chuck Norris bemoans the fact the typical American is unaware that Walker Texas Ranger is an unscripted reality show.

Chuck Norris puts paparazzi in his protein shakes.

Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

On the weekends Chuck's favorite pastime happens to be going to retirement homes. Not to help out, but in fact to swallow the souls of the old. This is the reason why he has stayed at the physical age of 55 for the past 213 years.

Mott's apple juice originally started as an inside joke between Chuck Norris and his invisible friend. His invisible friend bet him that he couldn't urinate into bottles and sell it to people.

November 22nd, 1963: Chuck Norris was driving through Texas when a lone assassin sitting on a grassy gnoll inside a book suppository shot him in the face. After recovering from the face shot, Chuck Norris found the guy who did it and killed him with a roundhouse kick. This is why the death penalty is so strictly enforced in Texas today.

Chuck Norris can penetrate a female from up to a mile away, not psychokinetically, he just has a very large cock.

When playing dodgeball, Chuck Norris will often light his opponents on fire, with lazer beams from his eyes.

If you play the Beatles' song, "Yellow Submarine" backwards, you will hear Ringo Starr sing praises of Chuck Norris's talent for animal husbandry.

Deeming his too awesome for the world of mortal men or heaven, God attempted to destroy Chuck Norris by swallowing him. However Chuck Norris beat the shit out of God's insides, causing God to vomit him out. This led to the popular euphamism for vomiting, "Up-Chuck">

Chuck Norris is the creator of Ving Rhames, one of the most convincing badass androids in existence.

Chuck Norris' heart beats once every week.

A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at your grimly.

On the sixth day God created Chuck Norris.