When the bitch doesnt put out.

[Slapper]

Stolen from another forum :D

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

[Bebopaloo]

So gunna use this. <3 Slapp

[Elcura]

LOL, great story.

[untouchable]

rofl

[Nirokun!]

that was great :D

[Fistandantilus]

That was the best story ever.

[macbain24]

ROFL

[SephYuyX]

Golden.

[Shaede]

Classic!

[Norelco]

Olde! But still good. I got the "honey I'm too tired tonight, can we do it tomorrow?" I hate that, pisses me right off.

[Ksandra]

lol XD

[SilverBreeze]

Two thumbs up, ouch!

[othellojr]

lol, rate up!

[Bwelch]

Oh man, that's good stuff. XD

[Veritas]

fuckin slapper lol

[Epyslon]

damn lmao

[Awoir]

Genius!

[Lbelle]

oldy, but amazing.

[Senoska]

lmfao

[Not Kuno]

Flawless Victory