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  1. #1

    Greatest Joke of all Time NSFW (Bad words/No Pic)

    So I was watching HBO

    There was this documentary about the oldest yet raunchiest joke that almost every comedian knows

    It’s called "The Aristocrats" (Its on HBO on Demand if you have it)

    The thing is theres a premise which I will not go into, but you can create your own story and work up on other comedians sayings and make it more vulgar/nasty than the last 1 said it

    I see alot of BG forum whores, having those zinging 1 liners, I wanted to see if you can come up with something good also

    Oh btw hers mine sorry no cliff notes just read for all doing work and have free time:

    On a damp, muggy Friday afternoon, A guy walks into a Talent Agency.

    There he meets with the boss, Sid Velesterberg , (a Jew to the Core) who loves to hire/book new Family acts that tour the states.

    The guy tells Sid "Boy do I have an act for you".

    "Go ahead kid" Sid replied, unbeknownst to Sid his voice sounded like it was filled with cum stuck in his throat, he was gargling and slurping his own saliva so he didnt't dry up his crusty ass mouth.

    The guy goes well I was Downtown and a Sign that read "You will never will believe this", and I was curious, so I went to see what the hell this all about.

    I took my seat and the curtain raised, walked about a 40 year old man wearing a nice suit and said Hello to the audience.

    He then started to disrobe butt naked, and then sat in a chair. From the stage left the audience sees a nice voluptuous woman no later in her late 30's with a hammer come up and smack the mans nut sack with the hammer. The nut sack turned black n' blue with semi-blood gushing out of it. The woman starts to unrobe and lays down. The man gets up from the chair goes squats on the woman’s face and lets the blood drip from his sack into the woman’s mouth. While that was going on a nice looking girl comes up on stage and yells Mom, Dad Timothy is ready. A boy no more than 15 comes out naked and barfs all over the father/mother and amazingly unbeknownst to the audience the Husband has taken a huge diuretic dump into his wife’s mouth.

    So the wife is gurgling and spewing vomitesque, diuretic shit, and blood from her mouth like if she was a mountain.
    The young girl come running out to the stage and starts sucking off her Dad, while the son chews out his mothers’ cunt.
    Out of nowhere and old couple comes up on stage and start 69'ing each other. Extra skin hanging on there bodies flapping left and right, back and forth, with that ben-gay musk.

    All of a sudden the boy after chewing his mother cunt out, goes gets a curling iron and singes her sister’s young twat and makes it extra crispy for the penetration. The father goes away to the back of the stage, while the wife plays in the infested fecal/vomit/blood puddle that is in front of the stage. The husband returns with a poodle and rams his cock so far up the Chihuahua’s ass that the dog screams in pain, and the father starts undulating back and forth ramming the dog with his cock until he busts a nut which fills up the dog like a balloon with all the semen/blood and the dog shoots off like a star into the audience, and sprays the audience with all the disease infested fecal/semen/blood matter.

    By now the audience is so sick, that they also are vomiting uncontrollably but the wife just brushes up the vomit and starts swimming in the pool that has been created by the vomit. The brother and sister are still fucking hard, where out of nowhere a HUGE big black man with a 15" cock comes on to the stage wearing the "The token Black Guy EOE" (Equal Opportunity Employer) shirt and takes over for the brother. The brother gets behind the guy and starts tickling his ass with his tongue. He rams his cock into the crispy yet crusty cunt of the young girl who is gushing blood and screaming in pain, cause from her clit being burned to a crisp + a 15" cock ramming inside of her. The black man realizes that missionary is to painful for her and reverses her to Doggy style where he rams her so hard that he blows the young girls back out.

    The husband to goes into the audience to look for the dog, walking thru the vomit infested floor, while his nut sack is gushing blood like it was Niagara Falls. He grabs the dog which was hiding underneath a table and goes back to the stage and announces "Here’s the BIG FINSIH!!"

    The wife who had been swimming in the fecal/vomit/blood pool gets up and runs up to her Husband and kisses him with all her might. The old couple that were 69'ing get up and start double teaming the kid who was busy ticking the token black guys ass. The black was still going at it, even though the girl body looked like she was shaped in the letter "S". The Husband and wife go to there daughter and take to baseball bats and fix up her back cause they know this is a non-union show, so no HMO coverage.

    After getting there daughter back into shape they all stop what they are doing and get into a Huge circle jerk consisting of the wife, old lady, old man, black man, young son, and the husband and they all start masturbating hard and they all jizz on the defunct S shaped daughter and the husband punches his daughter on the nose and eats the jizz.

    THE END


    Sid was flabbergasted by all what the guy told him.
    Sid couldn’t believe what he heard, he was outraged at the thought his agency of hiring that kind of an act.
    He asks the guy vigorously to leave the agency.
    The guy reaches the door, and Sid stops him.
    He goes what in the world is this act called.


    The guy goes Heh!!!....................................:

    THE ARISTOCRATS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



    Your turn to write 1 and see if you can top mine


    Just google The Aristocrats to figure out this Joke

  2. #2
    I Am, Who I Am.
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    ...

  3. #3
    Melee Summoner
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    I think I threw up a little bit reading that

  4. #4
    E. Body
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    I thought jokes were supposed to be funny?

  5. #5

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by Djzombie
    I thought jokes were supposed to be funny?
    Me to... What the hell

  7. #7
    Bagel
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    Sylph

    that was.... interesting...

  8. #8
    Yoshi P
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    Gorefiend

    I heard the Southpark one a long time ago and thought it was hilarious. But after reading it, it's not funny anymore.

    This thread fails. Miserably.

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by ertyu
    that was.... hot... :D
    i agree

  10. #10
    Black Belt
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    Re: Greatest Joke of all Time NSFW (Bad words/No Pic)

    Quote Originally Posted by Who Dat?
    So I was watching HBO

    There was this documentary about the oldest yet raunchiest joke that almost every comedian knows

    It’s called "The Aristocrats"
    That's where i stopped reading. I know the joke and the documentary sucked.

  11. #11

    So I googled it and apparently the documentary was just a movie of it being told 100 times over by different comics. I closed the window when I saw "Carrot Top" and died a little inside.

  12. #12

    I saw the movie in theaters and thought it was pretty good. Had a good laugh, and enjoyed watching row after row of people run out of the theater in disgust.

    Bob Sagat won the prize though. That is one sick mother fucker.

  13. #13
    Old Merits
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    Yeah I have seen this a few times actually. It isn't really so much funny as it is an really old inside joke amongst standup comedians. One day this might pass for good humor and this joke will be thought of as being lightyears ahead of its time. Here is to hoping that day never comes.

    Yeah Bob Saget's standup might not be funny, but he is a vile disgusting motherfucker. Really never would have guessed from his network TV work, but after seeing other shit he has done (not just this) I changed my mind about him being a goody good family comedian lol. He still sucks though.

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