Alright, I need some advice BG.

[Intense]

I guess I could try, but it'd be a bitch to get over there.

Call her and tell her whats been going on.

[Perfect Night]

Most cities have Teen Safe Houses. I would suggest going to one, letting them know what happened, and they will get the police involved. I'm not saying stay there for a long period of time, but it would at least give you a place to stay at once the police get involved since I highly doubt you would want to go home, or that it would even be safe.

Once the police are involved and everyone finds out what exactly it happening and that it is real, try to work out something with a friend and their parents to find yourself a more comfortable place to stay for whatever length of time.

[Starfire]

If you do end up going to the school councilor, they might call your dad without telling you until they do.
One of my best friends told the councilor about her step-dad who was abusive, and they called him, and then told her later that they did. And she was freaking out because he was picking her up from school that day.
So just be careful, because the last thing you want to do is to give him a reason to do this to you again.
If you are taken away from him, you would probably go into a foster home, which isn't always so bad.
My friend [who talked to the councilor] lived with a foster family [and still does occasionally] until her mom divorced her step-dad because of his abuse. And she really loves living with her foster family, so don't let the thought of that bother you too much.
But do what you think would be best for your safety and health. Your dad seems like he shouldn't be able to go remotely near you.
So, just be safe, because you don't deserve to be treated like this at all.

[gandorf]

I didnt really read all of it but what its worth my dad used to beat me an my brother an sisters. He would kick me in my stomach throw my sisters till one day my sister picked up a bat an hit him with it. Then he slap my mom an now hes not allowed by the house or my mom. My advice is work out get bigger an next time he beats you whip his ass. Looking back now i got anger issues an short temper from it from all years of him walking all over me. Don't let it happen to you because you will most likely do same when you get older.

If any of this dont work next time he goes after you lay down an curl up in a ball an cry. Also why does his Gf just stand there an do nothing?

[Bartylby]

her dad was probly abusive, so she naturally would seek out that type of person and explain it away or just shut it out completely.

[Mysterio]

I don't think solving this violence with more violence, will help any...

[gandorf]

violence is always the answer that is the American way.

[Exoduso]

violence is always the answer that is the American way.

Good ol' street fight should do it.

[Melena]

nothing stops an abusive father like a quick swift kick in the nuts.

[Maguspk]

Hm, I read all the replies to this and I can only offer something in hopes that you take it for what it's worth and not a doctrine with definite answers. No offense to anyone, but I doubt anyone here is suited to give their own critiques on how he should go about handling this. The typical "call the cops" or "run away to a friend/relative" are all what you might think are the "right answers" but you shouldn't deal out such reckless commands without precognition and experience.

That being said, I was abused as a child too. Although it was my single mother and not to the extent you are being abused from what you've posted. I can't remember before I was like 9-10, only small spread out memories. I strongly believe something happened to me during those years that changed me forever, altering my psyche and the way I'd be for the rest of my life. I'm curious as to whether this has happened to you yet, if you have trouble recalling your past because of traumazing experiences so present in your life. If it hasn't you probably have a way to go before it does start happening, if it does start happening at all. The fact of the matter remains though, you will be affected by the ongoing problem of this abuse.

However, I will not proclaim proudly on the internet, where I have a distinct disjointment between what I say and the consequences it might cause. I think you should consider this when reading peoples drastic replies like: "You will die!" "You need to leave NOW". I wasn't going to intentionally say this but I decided to, I don't think the person you seek help from should be someone who you do not know personally, especially someone on a MMO forum because of the type of people MMOs breed (careless, usually selfish and proud people).

I recommend you go to a relative and talk to them about this. It doesn't sound like you have a good relationship with his girlfriend but if you can, talk to his girlfriend about this. Basically you want to reach someone who knows you, and knows your Dad. Someone he can't choose to beat instead of reason with. Going to the cops is a big decision, and judging by the fact that you live comfortably and have a computer, internet access and are healthy, is more than most have to say for themselves. I don't mean this in a mean way but I think you are looking at the situation in too drastic of a light, something needs to be done, but you definetely don't need to "Get a restraining order" or "GET OUT YOU WILL DIE".

Somebody before me mentioned that this is a product of his upbringing, and that is most likely true. That being said, he has no intention of killing you or hurting you but he definetely has issues in disciplining his child. The more I think about it, our situations are alot alike. I was abused up until the day I moved out to college. I am going to make a stretch and say, there are days, weeks rarely but sometimes, when you and your father are on great terms. He'll buy you shit, take you out to eat VERY OFTEN, and you two can reasonably get along. But too often you end up arguing eventually, or he has a bad day so he looks for something to take it out on. This happened often with my mom when she'd had a stressful week she's come home and yell about stuff and even beat my little Brother. I remember one day she went to swing at me and instinctively I threw my left hand up catching her right arm in my hand and squeezed and she got this terrified look in her eyes as if I was about to finally fight back. Sadly, after years of abuse that was a small "glimmer" of my will shining before being blotted out. I paniced aftering doing that thinking, oh my god what did I just do!?, and let go and threw my arms over my head, trying to protect myself from what I knew what about to ensue. I don't know why I included that but I felt compelled to, maybe you'll draw something from it, I dunno, if not no harm no foul.

Basically what I'm getting at is it goes from one extreme to the other, good times, him buying you stuff, and bad times, him beating you, yelling at you. I don't think you're in danger, I do think he has anger problems, but I think you should stick it out and NOT take it to the police. The police are forced to take action, and after you've done that you can't go back and say, wait nvm I'm happy again. Once you make that call you are going down a one way street. Your father will most likely be out of your life until you are well into your twenties, and consequently you will have most likely grown up much worse off than you would have (financially). I know it's kind of selfish to consider these aspects, but in reality you need to consider them. This will affect the rest of your life and it's easy for all these posters to sit behind their keyboards and preach at you to leave and call the cops, but they aren't you, they aren't in our shoes and they don't have any right to tell you that imho; even if you did come asking for advice.

At any rate, weight the options you have, think about it, and talk to a relative or someone close who knows you both well.

[Plow]

Ok.. See the story sounds a little worse than you initially made it sound.

Has he ever tried to put his hands on you in a restraint, such as try to choke you or hold you down and hit you?

Basically.. I retract my earlier statements from the most part.

YOU ARE NOT SAFE.

IT WILL GET WORSE.

YOU COULD DIE.

Find your mother and find her fast, file a restraining order against your father, run away and suck dick on the street if you have to, just get the fuck out.

If you do not get treatment for this the rest of your life will suck, and because I told you this you will have no one to blame but yourself if you don't seek and get professional help.

This will make it difficult for you to form relationships with other people. You will never have true friends. You will never end up with a high quality woman. You most likely will become an alcoholic. You will fuck up your kids.

Actually, thinking on all of this more and more does remind me of a incident around August '05 I think, it was the day Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire was coming out in theaters (Funny way to remember a day, but meh). I was planning on going to the movies with him (Didn't have a g/f at the time and really wanted to see it) to watch it, and we got into a huge ass argument. I was basically crying about something, I forgot what, and he told me to stop, I told him I couldnt and it was a natural human reaction, at which point he did actually grab my neck and slam me on the ground, I'll never forget that, my vision was blackening and shit, I know I would've been dead if it were another 5 seconds, I was trying to tell him I was dieing too through squawks in my throat. I know it sounds like its all fictional, but I just wasn't thinking about that shit. Some child service people did come a few weeks later to speak with my dad, and this was just when I thought I really did something bad so I didn't tell anybody about it.

Dude, ok. I promised myself I'd read the entire thread here before I responded, and I did. I almost had to stop and respond immediately right when I read this, but I read it all just to make sure I got all the info.

You HAVE to get out. Devek is absolutely 100% right, with what you have said here it is very clear that your life is absolutely in danger every moment you stay in this situation.

This is not your fault, and there is nothing you could have done to stop it.

What you must do now is get away. If he has done things like headbutting you, let alone strangling you, you cannot stay there. There are people all over the U.S. who are ready, willing, and able to help you. You have got to find them, and get them to get you away from him. A restraining order will be very important, you need to get away and be certain that if he tries to come and harm you again he will be choosing to face very serious consequences. Remember, a restraining order does not have to be permanent, and if he chooses to violate it before you are ready to agree to be around him, it is entirely him choosing, and knowing exactly what the consequences are. It is not a "bad thing" that you would be "doing to" him at all.

Here are some people whom you can get in contact with that will be happy to help you:

The National Domestic Violence Hotline
1.800.799.SAFE

Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline
1.800.4.A.CHILD

S.A.F.E. House 24/7 hotline
702.564.3227

These are just a few of the resources available, and there are trained people who dedicate their lives to helping people like you and your father ready to help you at all of them and numerous others.


The S.A.F.E. House website offers this safety plan, please, do these things at the very least as long as you must stay there, for whatever reason you feel you have to stay:

SAFETY PLAN

* Prepare for your safety even if you don’t think there will be a “next time.”

* Have an escape plan; avoid the kitchen and rooms with weapons, know somewhere safe and secret to go (friends, shelter, motel).

* Teach the children to dial 911 and what to say.

* Keep a list of important phone numbers (family, friends, shelters).

* Store a bag packed with spare keys, ID, important papers, important phone numbers, money and clothes outside the house or at a friends.

I really hate to use "fear" to get a point across, but you really, really need to understand that your life is in danger. Not just the rest of it psychologically, but physically your life.

Please, get out of that situation, and please do it absolutely as soon as you possibly can. There are people everywhere that really want to help you, please, go to them.

[BRP]

Do a barrel roll

[Mysterio]

Do a barrel roll

this seems to be a semi-serious thread, I was holding back, lol

no fair!

[Endo]

I grew up with an abusive parent and well for all of you saying just kick his ass I am 29 now and although my father is older a tad slower I highly doubt the hand of God would let me come close to whipping my fathers ass. He would win somehow and then he would let me know the mistake I had made :D

When I grew up I just accepted it since I had no mother my pops was all I had, and now that I have children of my own I realize the mistakes he had made with us and have never put my hands on my 3 kids (then again they are all girls and well boys hitting girls = chumps). I called CPS and got laughed at but they did show up to investigate. Just be prepared if you go that route that its nothing that happens immediatly unless they deem you in serious danger. DO NOT FIGHT BACK AGAINST YOUR PARENT. The min you do that your kinda screwed. They will take the parents stand of out of control teen and your argument will be null, so please do not listen to everyone saying get bigger fight ect.

Whomever said to contact a school counselor has the right idea but just understand that they have to get the local authorities involved by law. Does not mean that they will arrest you or your dad just means they will be notified of a potential child abuse case. If you got a friends house maybe talking to their parents will help. Thats kinda how I got through to my dad when after receiving 15 stitch's in my chin and he split it back open I ran to my buddy's house and his mom (she is black not prejudice but if anyone has EVER felt the wrath of a pissed off black woman you understand) she went straight to my house with her husband and basically made my dad feel like a child. Look at all your options just do not try to fight your parents with firsts because you will lose

[Parshath]

I didn't intend on replying to this thread, as it's a very sensitive subject. But I have to say that Maguspk's post is one you should very seriously consider.

Sure, it's easy to run to the cops or move out, but that should only really be a last resort. Now I can understand and appreciate that your father can be violent, but running to the cops won't help matters. That should, again, only be a last resort if you feel you're in serious danger of being badly injured or even worse.

It just sounds to me like he's had a bad upbringing, and considers this the normal method of disciplining children. I think the best thing to do would be through a qualified medium, such as a counselor.

I can also understand though, that if you approach your father with this suggestion (ie. "I think we should see a counselor"), you can't really gauge how he's going to react to it. This, I'm afraid, I can't really offer any advice on. If you do decide to suggest this to him, try to get him on a really good day and try your best not to turn it into an argument.

I'm betting that despite all of the violence and chaos within your home, I'm sure that you still love your father and wouldn't wish to lose contact with him or anything. I'm sure you'd much rather fix things with him than cut him off completely, which I feel is what would happen if you were to go to the police about it. But by all means, if you genuinely feel that you're in physical danger - do it. As much as you may want to fix your relationship with your father, if it ever does get to such a point where you feel extremely threatened or in danger, don't hesitate in protecting yourself by calling somebody or getting out.

I'd suggest that you look at ways in which you guys can fix your relationship, and find him a little help with his fatherly duties.

I think you'd both be much better off with proper counselling rather than cutting yourselves off from eachother. But please, don't feel as though this is set in stone in any way. Take this all with a pinch of salt. Do whatever you think is right for both you and your father. I'm sure you'd prefer knowing that you and your father are on good terms, rather than going through life thinking about how you were just cut off from him.

Whatever you do decide to do, though, I wish you the very best of luck and I hope it all turns out well for you and your father.

[yayaok]

everything has already been said really, but i really urge you to actually take action and call up, move out, or do whatever

many times people ask up and recieve the answers but they do not take actions, and the stuff continues

hope all goes well, stuff like this shouldnt happen take care lol

[Fayttt]

Thanks everyone, with all the advice I'm going to just stay where I am till Monday standing up for myself if it's necessary (I'll just run to my friends house early if something really comes up within the next couple days) then i'll be going over to my friends house for a while, while I speak to the police and counselors at school. Thanks everyone for the advice, I would probably have had no clue on what to do if it wasn't for you guys.

[KaotinCerberus]

Basically at the age of 16 i was in the exact situation you were. From the age of 12 my dad was abusive and would throw me and the ground and kick the crap out of me. Broke some ribs a few times. It basically happened anytime my mom wasnt there. Yes he was a highly respected member of the church, the community, and among friend. No one ever believed me. I went the the cops 3 times and nothing was done each time. Both times me having broken and bruised ribs. Honestly when it came down to it for me there was no correcting the situation at home. Problems like that take years to fix and i wasn't about to take that for another 2 years. So i moved out. Basically supported myself for the last 3 years and am now going to an art school in chicago. And surprisingly i have a pretty ok relationship with my dad now. We still have never spoke of what went on but we're at least able to be civil to each other. Honestly i just feel you should get out of the house. He has some messed up ways of dealing with his anger and theres not reason for you to let yourself be the person he takes it out on. Thats just my advice but its from someone with some pretty similar experiences. Hope this helps and PM if you ever need to talk. Its really nice to talk to people who have went through the same thing.
Kyle