Horrendous Dating Stories

[Epincus]

As part of a local radio competition to win a spot at a singles event on valentine's day, a radio station near me wants people to send in highlights of the absolute worst dates that they've ever been on. Some epics from this set:

-A guy held up his date for an hour, insisting he's worth it. When he finally arrives, he took one look at his date, said her breasts aren't worth it, and left.

-Someone went on a date with a girl whose picture showed she was slightly older than he was. Turns out the picture was of his date's daughter. Turns out the guy was a police officer, so he went to use the restroom, snuck into the kitchen, flashed the badge and said "Police Business" to escape out the back door and leave her there.

-Someone took a date to a wedding party, had the best looking girl there (by far, evidently), but it turned out the girl was an alcoholic. After having a few (dozen) too many, he had to carry her back to the car (to the cheers of the other guys there), then drove her back to the garage. Upon arriving and checking to see if she was okay, she asked him "Are you going to rape me now?" He waited an hour for her to sober up so she could drive home, and later quit his job that he worked at with her.

---

Those were some highlights that I heard from the contest, but I don't have any epic dating stories myself. What do you guys have to offer? I'm sure with some of the screwed up stuff I see on the boards you guys can put a few good ones together.

[Huggo]

Eh, this is all I have for right now, simply because it happened last week.

So this girl I meet at school. She asks me out, actually. She's one of those artist poet chicks. I figure, why not? She's kinda cute, we can just go get coffee or something.

So I meet her at the coffee shop as planned, and she instantly shows a distaste in what I was wearing. When she asked me out, I was wearing an old Distillers Tshirt from high school (don't listen to them anymore) and on the date, I wore a Clash tshirt with a black Hurley zip-up hoodie I bought from Pacific Sunwear. So she's ragging on me saying I'm a tool, a poser, and I was probably lying when I said I like X and Y bands.

So then she shows me that she's fucking neurotic. Every 5 minutes she's asking me if I think she's fat, ugly, boring, stupid, etc. She mentions she's a painter, so she asks if I wanna see a painting she did. I see it, it's fucking dogshit ugly. She has NO skill. But, I keep assuring her "Yeah it's ok." and offering advice to help her improve it. She wants me to read all her fucking poetry, which is even worse. She thinks the music I listen to sucks, so she thrusts these Radiohead cds into my hands. Then, end of the night she just all of a sudden leaves. I go home, thinking about what a fucking psycho she is, when she calls. She asks me if I wanna take her out to a movie the following Monday, and I just tell her simply "As friends? That's ok if it's not a date, cuz you're really not my type. It's nothing personal." And she flies off the handle saying I think she's fat, ugly, stupid, a shitty painter, etc. I still had to give her cds back, so I told her to meet me at the college. I give them back, say thanks, and she just walks away without a word.

[Epincus]

You know, I knew a lot of people like that when I was a teenager. I avoided em like the plague.

[Danos]

not great but this would be my date last week which was terrible:

Day starts off at work and talking on IM:
her: AHHH i couldnt sleep last night
me: why?
her: i had terrible cramps all night
(not getting any tonight and she's probably gonna be moody)

I leave work early to drive down to philly, its a 90 minute drive for me and forecast was for rain and snow/ice so I get down to her general area by 5 (mind you, she gets off work at 5:30). I text her:

me: which building are you in, I'm here but cant quite figure it out
her: you know i'm still working right, its only 5
(FUCKING UNGRATEFUL BITCH)
I eventually find it with her directions and said I should come in and not wait in the car, so I jus wait in the car till 5:20 and come in cuz I had to piss really bad.

We both drive to philly because she had to be a driver for one of her friends bday later tonight. Get to dinner and she's already texting her friend and definitely eyeing something (prolly the waiter) this proceeds throughout the night. Conversation, pretty bland but constant.

End of it she says "well my friends bday thing is at blah blah and you're more than welcome to come but I dont know how late you wanted to stay out so I didnt want to keep you" At this point I was thinking "is this fucking bitch serious? She might as well have just said, you're time is up and I can go home now... Don't paint that shit pretty for me.

I conclude with going to the bar with her and keeping her company till her friends get there since we finished dinner early. Her friends start coming in and what not, so I make my convo's and tried to finish my beer. Once that was done I just say I have to go home blah blah. She at least had the courtesy to stay by me with her friends around to keep me company and said that "I should stay and I really didnt have to go home" and "let me walk you to your car" after I said I was leaving. I was infuriated at this point, hell I was bout to bail and take another girl.

But at the end of the night, I guess I played the better person. IF this wasn't a person I used to work with and was a random pick up. I would've burned that bridge and walked out on the dinner.

[Lbelle]

I'm failing to catch why she was in the wrong here Danos. You knew she had plans later in the night, so why get angry when she not only invites you along but stands by you the whole night?

If she walked off with her friends, or didn't invite you, or didn't ask to walk to you to the car, or tell you it was okay for you to stay, then...maybe...bitchy? But she sounds pretty nice to me.

And if she told you she got off at 5:30, that's probably when she wanted you to come pick her up. I just don't see why you had a bad date lol.

edit: and hoooly shit Huggo. What a weirdo.

[XxSlusherxx]

She at least had the courtesy to stay by me with her friends around to keep me company and said that "I should stay and I really didnt have to go home" and "let me walk you to your car" after I said I was leaving.

Did you mean to say she didn't do these things? because otherwise this part seems like she kinda made up for some of it.

[scrockstar]

FYI 95% of people that are under the age of 25 and wear The Clash t-shirts are posers.

Worse date i've even been on:

About three years ago I ask out this girl who went to the same high school as me. Not a looker but she had a really cute face and a nice body plus i knew she was really into me, so i invited her to a small chiller of about 8-9 people at my friend's house. Everything is going well, she seems to like my friends, she's all over me and my friends's parents have way too much alcohol in their house. Good times. Anyways we've all been drinking a little hanging out on the deck in the back, i'm going to get another drink and i ask her if she wants me to maker her a screwdriver. Now my friend, his dad works for Naked Juice which goes well with any kind of vodka, she however does not know what a screwdriver is (oj and vodka) and tells me 'sure'. i go make 2 and come back. Long story short, she turns not only to be allergic to citrus but too self-conscious or whatever to just not drink the damn thing. The night ends with me (over-reacting a little) meeting her parents (and her 300lb pissed off dad) at the hospital. Since then i stick to Jack and Cherry Coke.

[Kiro]

Oh wow, that must've been awkward.

[Axil]

Sounds like im not missing out on much

[Lbelle]

story.

Oh shit, was she alright? I bet her dad was really pissed, but..ack that sucks lol.

[scrockstar]

ya she was fine, her throat kinda closed up so it was hard for her to tell me what was wrong, i called her parents and and got in the car. least i got a good story out of it.

[Huggo]

FYI 95% of people that are under the age of 25 and wear The Clash t-shirts are posers.

Guess I'm in the 5% that isn't.

edit: and hoooly shit Huggo. What a weirdo.

Just thought of a good follow-up moral to my story. If the chick paints, writes poetry, and plays guitar (and does all 3 very poorly) she's probably got some serious emotional baggage.

[Lbelle]

or is just seriously emo and not worth the trouble

[Stilgar]

I guess I can count myself lucky that I don't have any horrible date stories.

The worst that's happened to me is taking out this girl that I thought was really sexy, and at the end of the night, taking her back to her dorm room and not even kissing her. I was trying to act like I wasn't too eager, you see. Well, things came up, as it was near the end of the semester, and I never got to take her out again before we both went our separate ways for summer break. School starts up next fall, and it just so happens that my roommate takes an interest in this same girl (I was dating someone else by then) and finds out that she was ready to get down and dirty with me, but she had thought I wasn't into it from my act.

So guys, just be your horny selves from the get-go.

[noir]

Huggo your story got me thinking of this movie i saw on IFC but i can't remember the name but at the end of the movie the main character ends up sewing all the different body parts of the guys she went out with through the movie and lying in bed with it then it comes to life lol...So i'd keep an eye out for that chick

[miokomioko]

I shit my pants.

[Stilgar]

I shit my pants.

And what excuse to leave the date did you use?

[Deftscythe]

Huggo your story got me thinking of this movie i saw on IFC but i can't remember the name but at the end of the movie the main character ends up sewing all the different body parts of the guys she went out with through the movie and lying in bed with it then it comes to life lol...So i'd keep an eye out for that chick

I've heard of this movie. My friend watched it with his now ex-gf who said, I shit you not, "I can kinda relate to that." Needless to say, bitch was crazy.

[Vixy]

Huggo your story got me thinking of this movie i saw on IFC but i can't remember the name but at the end of the movie the main character ends up sewing all the different body parts of the guys she went out with through the movie and lying in bed with it then it comes to life lol...So i'd keep an eye out for that chick

Holy shit I remember that movie. I remember he started avoiding her and I was like "DONT LET THAT BITCH IN YOUR HOUSE, SHES GONNA KILL YOU AND CUT YOUR HANDS OFF". LOL Wow that was awhile ago.

[miokomioko]

I shit my pants.

And what excuse to leave the date did you use?

It happened while I was kissing her goodnight, I wrote up the story in that other 'embarassing things' thread. I can repost it I suppose, seemed people enjoyed it.

I've since told most of my friends this so it's not as embarassing as it used to be, but it took a long time for me to tell anyone this story.

Back when I was first hanging out with this girl I've now been dating for like 7 years now, we went to a mutual friend Dave's birthday party. Dave's house was about a 20 minute drive on the highway (San Jose >> Los Gatos).

I drove both this girl and myself out to the house where we hung out for a while and then someone made some decision to go to some park of some sort (I forget why really). A large group of us all drove out to the damn place somwhere in Santa Cruz. My 'date' and I got hungry on the way there from Dave's and we made the mistake of grabbing some McDonald's. So, after we ate, we arrived at this park and BOOM. I have got to shit and I have got to shit RIGHT NOW. This was during the very beginning of this relationship. We hadn't even become "girlfriend/boyfriend" yet and I was still nervous and extremely shy about everything around her so this was a very bad situation.

I went hunting for a public restroom in the immediate vicinity for walking was almost an impossibility while keeping the fluid poo inside me. Found one! Nope, it was after sunset so it was locked up, and I was getting pretty bummed out at this point because I was about to crap right in my pants. Not only was I with this hot girl that I was in love with, I was also at some park far from home with a bunch of people/acquaintences for a friend's birthday. I was trying my hardest to figure something out to get out of there as soon as humanly possible. Apparently God smiled upon me because, right then, some cops came by and kicked us out for being at a public park after sunset (when they officially "close"). So, this girl and I start heading home and I am so psyched.

"I forgot my purse at Dave's..." Ohmygod. I was forced to make a large detour off of our straight route home to go back to this friend's house (where no one was going to be home because they went elsewhere after the park) and hope to somehow get her purse back before I shat all over the place. We get there and I park and struggle to pry and lift myself out of my Camaro's bucket seats and stand uncomfortably, clenching my asscheeks together, leaning over the roof of my car, acting as cool as possible while I say "I'll wait at the car." She walks 20 feet over to the house and manages to get her purse from Dave's sister who, thank bajeesus, was home.

Finally! We're driving the longest 20 minutes of my life back home so I can drop her off and go spray poo all over the place, I just needed to hold it long enough to not ruin my chances with her. We pull up to her house. At this stage, we usually had a little short chat and then parted ways when I dropped her off at home. So I tried my fucking damnedest to act normal regardless of the critical status of my asshole. Then, she goes in for a kiss.

We kiss. It is during this wonderful (and memorable) smooch goodnight that I completely filled my pants with liquid feces. My eyes were as big as golf balls. Oh but was she ever oblivious to the horrifying mess I just created in my jeans while our lips and tongues met and her eyes remaned innocently closed. I broke the kiss off, as playfully as I could pretend, and tried to rush her the hell out of my car before the atrocious odor hit her nostrils. Luckily, I succeeded in hurrying her out without bumming her out too bad.

This was the fastest drive home from here on. I didn't once slow down for any of the 6+ stop signs on the way from her house to mine. Ruined 1 pair of boxers. Ruined one pair of jeans. Trickled down and ruined 1 sock. Lastly it created a nice little stain on my grey cloth seat upholstry in my otherwise flawless Z28. 1 full roll of toilet paper later the worst night of my life was over.

At least she thought it was funny 5 years later when I finally told her. Whew.