Horrendous Dating Stories

[Lbelle]

HAHAHAHAHA oh my GOD rofls;faklf;akafjaskfa hahahahahahaha. looooollllllll WHY DIDNT YOU GO WHEN THE CHICK GOT HER PURSE ROFL

omg im dyin hahahaahah that is the best fucking story everro roflorlfl

[noir]

omg im dyin hahahaahah that is the most fucked up story everro roflorlfl

Fucking quote!

[TaruDjinn]

Haha, good story :D

[MikedeeFenrir]

Oh wow. End this thread we have a winner. You're very lucky she was cool with it, some girls I dated would have dumped me on the spot with that story.

[Skyylya]

Mine wasn't really a bad date i guess, but it was a bad night. Back in high school i worked with this girl, she was a cute little blonde full of life. Well we make plans to go out one night and i was going to pick her up.

Well, while i'm on the way to pick her up, i stop at a stop light and when it turns green i start going. two seconds later i see bright red and blue flashy lights behind my car.....oh shi. Cop pulls me over, license, registration and proof of insurance please. So i give him my license, hand him my registration and look for my insurance card....can't find it .

He goes to his car for about 20 minutes and comes back. "son, you were doing 50 in the 30 (it was right after a stop light) so this here is a court summons for that. Your registration is also expired, so you've got this other court summons for driving an un-registered vehicle. Also, you've got this court summons for having no proof of insurance. THREE court summons for getting pulled over once...wtf. Cop then tells me that since my vehicle is unregistered, and i can't prove i have insurance he can't let me drive my car, i have to leave it on the side of the road.

Well he asked me if i could call anyone and get a ride home. Nope, gone, dad wouldn't care, brothers at college, grandparents off on vacation, i was by myself. Luckily though i'm only one town over from where i live, so i asked the cop if he could just drive me home. He say's he's not allowed to leave his town or some crap so i suck it up and just ask him.

I say that i'm supposed to be picking this girl up to take her out, and she lives in that town so would it be possible if he dropped me off at her house. I knew where she lived so i told him the directions. He was actually a pretty nice cop as far as they go. But while we're in the car he say's he grew up in the town and might know the family so he ask's her name. So i say, yeah her first name and while i'm trying to remember her last name, he blurts it out. Stunned i ask him, how did you know? To which he responds, "I work with her father." ..................

I'm about to get dropped off at this girls house in a police car on our first date, and the girls dad is a town cop.

He tells me not to worry a police car won't seem so wierd pulling up to his house, and to stay in the car. He pulls in and walks up, knocks on the door and her dad answers. A minute later i see him just bust out laughing and they wave me over. He was cool about it, said i had balls to get pulled up to their house in a police car and all that.

I still went out with the chick that night, she was cool and all but the whole tone for the night was kinda killed, needless to say that was the only time we ever went out.

It was a bad omen too, cause a month later i was with another chick i ended up seeing for 2+ years which was horrible

Edit: oh yeah, about the court summons, my mom's best friend was the secretary of the chief of police for that town, i got them all wiped clean off my record :D

[Lbelle]

ahh, that'd be so scary Skyyla. I'd be petrified to ever ride in a police car. Atleast you didn't have to hoof it I guess.

[gandorf]

Riding in police car is kinda fun its all plastic inside. Well its fun till your handcuff and hands behind you hurts your wrists

Only bad date i had was girl farted an smelt so bad i couldn't help but walk away. She thought it was rude an we didn't speak for awhile.

[Blackice]

Should have just explained to her that it stank and you'd be back in 10 minutes, lol.

[Epincus]

Mioko's story reminds me of Tucker Max, for some reason. Those familiar with his work know exactly which story I'm talking about.

[Blackice]

Link to said story: http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/en...nsue.phtml#278

[gandorf]

Lol i have read that story like 3 times already an each time it is just as funny as the last time.

[Epincus]

Actually, I was thinking of the weekend in austin story, it applies a lot better.

[MikedeeFenrir]

I just got out of a 2yr+ relationship and was emo. So my friend Chubbs introduces me to this girl. She's cool, works with animals blah blah blah. We date for a month, no sex (I was still hurting over ex ). So one night we go to a party get buzzed go back to her parents house. Make out in her bed. She starts sucking me off saying she wants it and so on, but procedes to stick her finger up my ass...I was caught off guard and she got a knuckle up there, I jump up and 'accidently' shove my joytoy down her throat making her puke. Oh it was great. After cleaning up she asked if I wanted to fuck her. I never talked to her again and I see her out all the time. She's now known as the knuckler

[gandorf]

O.O who would stick a their hand up someones ass? That is just nasty.

[Lbelle]

I just got out of a 2yr+ relationship and was emo. So my friend Chubbs introduces me to this girl. She's cool, works with animals blah blah blah. We date for a month, no sex (I was still hurting over ex ). So one night we go to a party get buzzed go back to her parents house. Make out in her bed. She starts sucking me off saying she wants it and so on, but procedes to stick her finger up my ass...I was caught off guard and she got a knuckle up there, I jump up and 'accidently' shove my joytoy down her throat making her puke. Oh it was great. After cleaning up she asked if I wanted to fuck her. I never talked to her again and I see her out all the time. She's now known as the knuckler

Two things:

1. Chubbs from FFXI on Pandemonium?
and
2. Ew.

[Danos]

its all in the way you say things. Either you wanted me there or you want me to be a 5th wheel.

[BerenTebogo]

Well it's common knowledge I've stuck my hand up Mikedee's ass many times.

But that's just different.

That's manly.


...

what?

[MikedeeFenrir]

Two things:

1. Chubbs from FFXI on Pandemonium?
and
2. Ew.

No. His hand is in my avatar pic. you can see the fat grip around my face.


Sath you wish I would let you near my butt, only 50 yr. old women my touch it's sexy firmness. :3

[Quicklet]

I've since told most of my friends this so it's not as embarassing as it used to be, but it took a long time for me to tell anyone this story.

Back when I was first hanging out with this girl I've now been dating for like 7 years now, we went to a mutual friend Dave's birthday party. Dave's house was about a 20 minute drive on the highway (San Jose >> Los Gatos).

I drove both this girl and myself out to the house where we hung out for a while and then someone made some decision to go to some park of some sort (I forget why really). A large group of us all drove out to the damn place somwhere in Santa Cruz. My 'date' and I got hungry on the way there from Dave's and we made the mistake of grabbing some McDonald's. So, after we ate, we arrived at this park and BOOM. I have got to shit and I have got to shit RIGHT NOW. This was during the very beginning of this relationship. We hadn't even become "girlfriend/boyfriend" yet and I was still nervous and extremely shy about everything around her so this was a very bad situation.

I went hunting for a public restroom in the immediate vicinity for walking was almost an impossibility while keeping the fluid poo inside me. Found one! Nope, it was after sunset so it was locked up, and I was getting pretty bummed out at this point because I was about to crap right in my pants. Not only was I with this hot girl that I was in love with, I was also at some park far from home with a bunch of people/acquaintences for a friend's birthday. I was trying my hardest to figure something out to get out of there as soon as humanly possible. Apparently God smiled upon me because, right then, some cops came by and kicked us out for being at a public park after sunset (when they officially "close"). So, this girl and I start heading home and I am so psyched.

"I forgot my purse at Dave's..." Ohmygod. I was forced to make a large detour off of our straight route home to go back to this friend's house (where no one was going to be home because they went elsewhere after the park) and hope to somehow get her purse back before I shat all over the place. We get there and I park and struggle to pry and lift myself out of my Camaro's bucket seats and stand uncomfortably, clenching my asscheeks together, leaning over the roof of my car, acting as cool as possible while I say "I'll wait at the car." She walks 20 feet over to the house and manages to get her purse from Dave's sister who, thank bajeesus, was home.

Finally! We're driving the longest 20 minutes of my life back home so I can drop her off and go spray poo all over the place, I just needed to hold it long enough to not ruin my chances with her. We pull up to her house. At this stage, we usually had a little short chat and then parted ways when I dropped her off at home. So I tried my fucking damnedest to act normal regardless of the critical status of my asshole. Then, she goes in for a kiss.

We kiss. It is during this wonderful (and memorable) smooch goodnight that I completely filled my pants with liquid feces. My eyes were as big as golf balls. Oh but was she ever oblivious to the horrifying mess I just created in my jeans while our lips and tongues met and her eyes remaned innocently closed. I broke the kiss off, as playfully as I could pretend, and tried to rush her the hell out of my car before the atrocious odor hit her nostrils. Luckily, I succeeded in hurrying her out without bumming her out too bad.

This was the fastest drive home from here on. I didn't once slow down for any of the 6+ stop signs on the way from her house to mine. Ruined 1 pair of boxers. Ruined one pair of jeans. Trickled down and ruined 1 sock. Lastly it created a nice little stain on my grey cloth seat upholstry in my otherwise flawless Z28. 1 full roll of toilet paper later the worst night of my life was over.

At least she thought it was funny 5 years later when I finally told her. Whew.

Best. Story. Ever.

[sephir]

wow thats insane.... worst Date I ever was on was with this girl I met at a concert a few months ago. Basically we go on this date and she then tells me that her parents aren't home(we were both in HS).
One thing leads to another and we end up back at her house making out. She then stands up and pulls my hand leading us to the bedroom. We continue to make out as we start to undress eachother. About 2 seconds before I stuck it in I heard a sound that still haunts me to this day...the sound of a door opening. Her 12 year old brother came home early from his friends place and just walked in on us about to do it. Needless to say we were both extremely embaressed and had to explain to him what he saw.


Haven't seen or heard from her since.