General gaming news

[Parshias]

What stage are you, gaming bros?

The Seven Stages of Dealing with the Wii's Success

Stage 1: Hope
Time Frame: E3 2006-Wii's release
In this stage, you hope, pray, and above all else spend every waking second telling people that Wii is just an internet fad. Convince others and yourself that this amount of hype is normal for systems that end up in last place. Dismiss gigantic preorder lines as nothing but Nintendo fanboys.

Stage 2: Denial
Time Frame: Wii's release-Wii taking first place in worldwide sales
In this stage, you maintain the "fad" stance, but now the whole world is in on it. Ignore (and hope everyone else ignores) that systems don't sell in fad spurts and how important momentum is to system sales. Assure everyone that Wii's sales will crash soon and it will end up in last because "this is a marathon, not a sprint" or any other analogies that don't apply to video games you can think of.

Stage 3: Pride
Time Frame: Wii taking first place-E3 2008
Okay, Wii got into first, and that's not likely to change. Rewrite message board history and insist sales never mattered. Gamerankings is the new sales, tell everyone that only sheep follow console sales, hardcore gamers let reviewers think for them. Redefine hardcore gamer from "bitter Nintendo fanboy" to "Gamer who isn't sub-human." How much better non-Wii owners are becomes the new message that defines your life.

Stage 4: Sadness
Time Frame:E3 2008-2009
This is when you start going on about how Nintendo has abandoned hardcore gamers. You may not be able to force meme, but tell everyone that anyway. Pretend to be sad that Nintendo has abandoned gamers, but your real sadness is that nothing you did managed to stop Wii. Do everything in your power to make everyone as miserable as you are.

Stage 5: Anger
Time Frame: 2009-2010
As it becomes clear that Nintendo didn't abandon gamers, you lose control. Nothing you did worked, and you're pissed. The time for logic has passed, just bash Nintendo on principle. Insist that Wii Music is something they can never make up for, spam rehash accusations like they were fanboy accusations, go berserk like Steven Kent, anything you want, just don't accept how the console wars went.

Stage 6: Desperation
Time Frame: 2010 onwards
You've calmed down a little, but things for you are just getting worse. Throw everything you can at Wii, don't let logic stop you. Call everything Nintendo does lazy, bash entire genres, bash the entire generation (it's not like you ever had time to play 360 or PS3 anyway, their purpose is Wii bashing tools), insist that the Wii games that kept selling were a couple dozen freak exceptions and insist (third party Wii game here) sold 90% of its life numbers the first week. Try everything.

Stage 7: Acceptance
Time Frame: The second N6 is released.
Nintendo's new system is here, and you now realize Wii was unfairly bashed and a classic Nintendo console. Never under any circumstances admit that YOU bashed it, of course. N6, on the other hand, is a casual abomination. It is time to make sure everyone knows that Nintendo went downhill with N6, and stop those delusional fanboys from claiming people bashed Wii when it was new.

[Shojin]

Nintendo's new system is here, and you now realize Wii was unfairly bashed and a classic Nintendo console.

lol trollan

[Parshias]

lol trollan

Exact same thing happened to the NES. Only a lot later, I suppose.

[Kyo]

That whole essay is a troll, I'll give you a C+ for effort. Make sure you enjoy cookin mama in your spare time, the bitches love it.

[Parshias]

That whole essay is a troll, I'll give you a C+ for effort. Make sure you enjoy cookin mama in your spare time, the bitches love it.

Copypasta takes way more effort than that, son. I'll slip you a 20 for a B.

[ArchDizzle]

Exact same thing happened to the NES. Only a lot later, I suppose.

Nah, too obvious.

That whole assay is a troll, I'll give you a C+ for effort. Make sure you enjoy cookin mama in your spare time, the bitches love it.

ftfy.

[Kyo]

From my hood we only accept benjamins and that might take a couple games out of your library, but I know you gotta have that new nintendogs so I'll just take a Grant for now.

[Parshias]

From my hood we only accept benjamins and that might take a couple games out of your library, but I know you gotta have that new nintendogs so I'll just take a Grant for now.

Just checking: are you seriously making comebacks against the Wii using DS games?

[Kyo]

You mean they havent rehashed that for their "next gen" console yet, where are my manners.

[ArchDizzle]

You mean they havent rehashed that for their "next gen" console yet, where are my manners.

Pretty sure they were going to port it but something about it costing too much time & money to scale it back so the Wii could handle it so they decided to just keep it on DS.

[Kuya]

The bitch in your avatar is horrid.

edit: well, just bad

[ArchDizzle]

The bitch in your avatar is horrid.

edit: well, just bad

Are you fucking mad?

[Kuya]

Did this guy just misuse that?

[Kuya]

I cannot believe you just misused youmad. What the fuck.

[Kyo]

Well she does have a longneck, could probably suck a mean dick at least.

[ArchDizzle]

I cannot believe you just misused youmad. What the fuck.

Not Mad as in angry, mad as in fucking insane/crazy you silly bastard.

But you're ok with the naked dude in the sig right?

[Kuya]

Didn't even notice it until you mentioned it. Regardless, that bitch is still ugly; get a new one.

[ArchDizzle]

Just For You Kuya!

[Kyo]

That might be worse.

[Kuya]

I think it's better, even if blondes are boring.