funniest joke or phrase

[Norelco]

Guys vs Girls at the ATM

HIM:
1. Pull up to ATM.
2. Insert card.
3. Enter PIN number and account.
4. Take cash, card and receipt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HER:
1. Pull up to ATM.
2. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
3. Shut off engine.
4. Put keys in purse.
5. Get out of car because you're too far from machine.
6. Hunt for card in purse.
7. Insert card.
8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it.
9. Enter PIN number.
10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes.
11. Hit "cancel"
12. Re-enter correct PIN number.
12A Hit "cancel."
12B Call husband/boyfriend to get correct PIN number.
13. Check balance.
14. Look for envelope.
15. Look in purse for pen.
16. Make out deposit slip.
17. Endorse checks.
18. Make deposit.
19. Study instructions.
20. Make cash withdrawal.
21. Get in car.
22. Check makeup.
23. Look for keys.
24. Start car.
25. Check makeup.
26. Start pulling away.
27. STOP.
28. Back up to machine.
29. Get out of car.
30. Take card and receipt.
31. Get back in car.
32. Put card in wallet.
33. Put receipt in checkbook.
34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook.
35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook.
36. Check makeup.
37. Put car in gear, reverse.
38. Put car in drive.
39. Drive away from machine.
40. Travel 3 miles.
41. Release parking brake.

AHAHAHA, I love this. My fiance however, is pissed.

[Heroic]

Not a joke but still a lol.


1. Go to google, clicc on maps.
2. Look up New York.
3. Get directions from New York to France.
4. Read number 23.
5. Every blonde from New York dies.

[Velgadess]

Grass on the Field

The ambitious coach of a girls’ track team starts giving his squad steroids. Their performance soars, and they go on to win the county and state championships. The day before the nationals, Penelope, a 16-year-old hurdler, comes into his office.

“Coach,” she says, “I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest.“

“Oh my God!” yells the coach. “Well, how far down does it go?”

“Down to my balls,” she replies, “and that’s another thing I wanted to talk to you about…"

[cassiraa]

President Calvin Coolidge was known for his reticence. According to legend, at a party, a woman bet her friend that she could get him to speak to her anyway. She went up and said: "Hello, Mr. President, I bet my friend that I could get you to say three words to me."

"You lose," Coolidge replied, and walked away.

[Justice]

Guys, be careful with your jokes. Carlos Mencia may be reading...

this is win

[Bartylby]

President Calvin Coolidge was known for his reticence. According to legend, at a party, a woman bet her friend that she could get him to speak to her anyway. She went up and said: "Hello, Mr. President, I bet my friend that I could get you to say three words to me."

"You lose," Coolidge replied, and walked away.

haha. that's awesome

[Eston]

Did you hear about the new jewish luxury car they made?































It stops on a dime.

[Norelco]

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

Beer nuts are $1.59 and deer nuts are under a buck.

[MikedeeFenrir]

What did the mother say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

Get out of my sun.

What's the difference between St. Patricks Day and Martin Luther King Jr. Day?

Everyone wants to be Irish on St. Patty's

What's the differnce between a pizza pie and black father?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

Very Old: There's a mexican, black guy, and neo nazi who's driving?

The police.

What do you call a seven course meal for the irish?

Cabbage and a six pack.

What do you say to a floating TV?

Stop n_gger!

Very old: Why are jewish peoples noises so big?

Cause air is free.