How to be a good wife (or girlfriend)

[Plow]

It must truly suck to have no desire to reproduce.

Why?

Because most people sucking is no excuse to behave as tho all people suck? It's like saying "Yeah I'll do my time here but the world doesn't deserve my children."


And then denying yourself the joys of a relationship because the reality is probably that you don't believe yourself or anyone else is worthy of it.

[Ivve]

It must truly suck to have no desire to reproduce.

Why?

Because most people sucking is no excuse to behave as tho all people suck? It's like saying "Yeah I'll do my time here but the world doesn't deserve my children."

Uh? I have no desire to reproduce personally because I don't feel that I would be a fit parent. So people who don't breed just for the sake of breeding have some superiority complex? Wut?

[Plow]

um, read the whole post?

I know a whopping 3 sentences is rough but...

[Ivve]

You said something about babies. And then you said something about relationships, which I assumed you meant to apply to romantic relationships.

[Ashira]

It must truly suck to have no desire to reproduce.

Why?

Because most people sucking is no excuse to behave as tho all people suck? It's like saying "Yeah I'll do my time here but the world doesn't deserve my children."


And then denying yourself the joys of a relationship because the reality is probably that you don't believe yourself or anyone else is worthy of it.

Or maybe I find myself incapable of a regular, healthy, normal relationship, find I do not enjoy sex, and truly do not wish to force children into a world that hasn't exactly treated a lot of people I know very well? And I also don't think I can focus properly on children when I still need to fix my own head. How's that? Is that selfish? Or is it more wise than me falling into the social norm and having children I am not ready or prepared to have? Wouldn't that be the more sucky thing to do?

The world is overpopulated, it is hardly as if the only purpose of living is to procreate anymore. Is it selfish to try and find a relationship only for one's own fulfillment, or does one have to always consider that the ultimate point is to have a kid? Maybe I just have no desire to have sex, and that makes it difficult to have children.

How about the fact that I do not feel financially secure enough to have a child and take care of it in the way I would like to? How about I am already pushing that "biological clock" type age and am not sure I will end up secure enough in a relationship and home before I will consider myself too old?

Welcome to the modern age!

[Septimus]

The saddest part is that people who do not feel the need to have children are the ones who are probably best equipped to raise well-adjusted children that will benefit society and the world in general...

Fortunately I don't have to worry about kids.

[Neosutra]

As funny as this is, there are some really good points in it, that are hidden behind the blatent sexism.

1. If a woman/man chooses to be a housewife/husband, there job is to take care of the house/kids/husband/wife.

Some of the simple things they suggested are some of the things alot of couples forget and end up coming back to hurt them.

When the guy comes home, alot of times newly wed wives will start going on about their day, problems, the kids, when the husband (using a working man in this example and a housewife, though it coudl be switched) has just got home from a long day at work. Having a a place of comfort reduces the stress and removes the added conflict in an environment that suppossed to be warm and comforting.

Taking time to make sure you look respectable for your mate will do nothing but help your marriage.

Actually putting some thought into what you cook instead of heating up some frozen food 20 min after he gets home reminds him your working too.

Coming home to a clean house shows him your pulling your weight in the relationship. Marriages take effort and work, if one person is doing all the work, it wont last long.

I think what this article intended was to have a reminder of how to respect your partner if your role is the comforter. Alot of men/woman today treat it as unemployment, watch TV, go shopping, relax, go out with friends. And as a result their partner becomes bitter and resents the unequal share of responsibility, resulting in divorce alot. Take away the blatent ultraconservative "man is god, woman are weak" bullshit and youve actually got some good advice in there.

edit: and you dont enjoy sex ?? (@ ashira) O.O

[Fhqwghads]

Never mind the fact we've been together for 5+ years and live with one another. The thing that really pisses me off is they offer insurance to same-sex partners that aren't wed, but if you're straight and unwed you can't have it. Total bullshit.

The difference is that the same-sex partners do not remain unwed by choice. Most of them would get married in a heartbeat if they were able too. (Not that same-sex marriages would be any less prone to being disastrous than straight ones...)

But the point stands that there are unmarried couples receiving benefits that I'm denied, based on my sexual orientation. They should either offer coverage to all couples, married or not, whether they're homosexual or straight, or not offer it to any unmarried couple, whether they are homosexual or straight.

[Ddz]

The saddest part is that people who do not feel the need to have children are the ones who are probably best equipped to raise well-adjusted children that will benefit society and the world in general...

Fortunately I don't have to worry about kids.

Oh god I just had this same exact discussion the other day. The morons of the world can't stop having children and the smart ones realize that there's no reason to have kids; or, if they decide to, they don't breed like rabbits. They have 1-2 kids and call it good. So you end up with little morons in epic proportions and a few smart, stable people raised by intelligent adults.

I pretty much share the same exact view as Septimus. I also agree with Ivve where I just feel like parenting isn't for me. Not everyone shares the same purpose in life. My ultimate goal is not to be mommy. It terrifies me, haha.

[MF Perm]

Never mind the fact we've been together for 5+ years and live with one another. The thing that really pisses me off is they offer insurance to same-sex partners that aren't wed, but if you're straight and unwed you can't have it. Total bullshit.

The difference is that the same-sex partners do not remain unwed by choice. Most of them would get married in a heartbeat if they were able too. (Not that same-sex marriages would be any less prone to being disastrous than straight ones...)

But the point stands that there are unmarried couples receiving benefits that I'm denied, based on my sexual orientation. They should either offer coverage to all couples, married or not, whether they're homosexual or straight, or not offer it to any unmarried couple, whether they are homosexual or straight.

That's only because of abuse of the system. Most companies allow common-law marriage where it applies, you just need to be together for a certain period of time and able to prove it. I think that's a fair compromise seeing as any 4 month old couple can't abuse the shit out of benefits and them break up and cause all these problems.

Blame people for being retarded and fucking thinkgs up for the rest of us, not people looking out for individuals who can't marry by law.

[Ivve]

The saddest part is that people who do not feel the need to have children are the ones who are probably best equipped to raise well-adjusted children that will benefit society and the world in general...

Fortunately I don't have to worry about kids.

Oh god I just had this same exact discussion the other day. The morons of the world can't stop having children and the smart ones realize that there's no reason to have kids; or, if they decide to, they don't breed like rabbits. They have 1-2 kids and call it good. So you end up with little morons in epic proportions and a few smart, stable people raised by intelligent adults.

I pretty much share the same exact view as Septimus. I also agree with Ivve where I just feel like parenting isn't for me. Not everyone shares the same purpose in life. My ultimate goal is not to be mommy. It terrifies me, haha.

Honestly, I'm not afraid to be a mother. It's just that I've already done all of that. My mother became disabled when I was pretty young, and so I was the person that took care of my family. As much as I love them, it was not a job that I volunteered for or was equipped to handle as a 12-year-old. I would not elect to enter into a similar arrangement, simply because the feelings that I have about my family and my upbringing would absolutely poison my relationship with my husband and children.

[Ryko]

I eventually want a kid just to prove that this family isn't doomed to complete shitbags for father figures.

Now to work on not being a complete shitbag...

[Akanei]

I think the idea is that once you realize you want a kid for a less selfish reason, you win.

[Ryko]

Yeah I guess proving a point isn't exactly the most laid back and accepting/loving way to raise a kid, then again the point was moreso just to make sure I do it right and not be negligent >_>

[Deejay]

I eventually want a kid just to prove that this family isn't doomed to complete shitbags for father figures.

Now to work on not being a complete shitbag...

To be honest, I love my freakin' parents a lot. My dad went to Columbia University and graduated with top honors, hes a VP for international data corporation so he's got a nice salary. His brother spent a lot of time in jail and died recently due to improper use of prescription drugs. I miss my uncle and I loved him dearly, but i'm grateful that it wasn't my dad who took that path in life.

I forgot where I was going with this post so i'll say this:

To me, I think the biggest bane to proper parenting these days is the divorce rate among married couples. How is a kid supposed to learn the differences between right and wrong when he has two parents bickering on who has to make dinner. Add in the fact that it's hard to have a proper mother/father figure in your life when you only get to see him/her once every month.

[Intense]

I think the biggest mistake is getting married at too young of an age. I know a lot of people from HS who got married within 2 years of graduating...

Its unfathomable to me why someone would gain the freedoms of graduating high school and becoming an independent adult, then turn around willingly trade it in to be tied down "for as long as you both shall live(yeah right)." Why would you feel fit to decide to spend the rest of your life with someone when you dont even really know yourself yet?

[Fhqwghads]

Never mind the fact we've been together for 5+ years and live with one another. The thing that really pisses me off is they offer insurance to same-sex partners that aren't wed, but if you're straight and unwed you can't have it. Total bullshit.

The difference is that the same-sex partners do not remain unwed by choice. Most of them would get married in a heartbeat if they were able too. (Not that same-sex marriages would be any less prone to being disastrous than straight ones...)

But the point stands that there are unmarried couples receiving benefits that I'm denied, based on my sexual orientation. They should either offer coverage to all couples, married or not, whether they're homosexual or straight, or not offer it to any unmarried couple, whether they are homosexual or straight.

That's only because of abuse of the system. Most companies allow common-law marriage where it applies, you just need to be together for a certain period of time and able to prove it. I think that's a fair compromise seeing as any 4 month old couple can't abuse the shit out of benefits and them break up and cause all these problems.

Blame people for being retarded and fucking thinkgs up for the rest of us, not people looking out for individuals who can't marry by law.

I'm not blaming the people, I'm blaming the employer. With divorce rates at an alarmingly high number, using marriage as the qualifier for who gets benefits in heterosexual relationships is asinine. What's stopping people from hitting Vegas for a quickie marriage, abusing the system, then divorcing?

[Exoduso]

I don't see myself getting married before my late 20's...

It seems like getting married before then would most likely end in a divorce, and be rendered a huge mistake in the long run. But that's just me.

[MF Perm]

Never mind the fact we've been together for 5+ years and live with one another. The thing that really pisses me off is they offer insurance to same-sex partners that aren't wed, but if you're straight and unwed you can't have it. Total bullshit.

The difference is that the same-sex partners do not remain unwed by choice. Most of them would get married in a heartbeat if they were able too. (Not that same-sex marriages would be any less prone to being disastrous than straight ones...)

But the point stands that there are unmarried couples receiving benefits that I'm denied, based on my sexual orientation. They should either offer coverage to all couples, married or not, whether they're homosexual or straight, or not offer it to any unmarried couple, whether they are homosexual or straight.

That's only because of abuse of the system. Most companies allow common-law marriage where it applies, you just need to be together for a certain period of time and able to prove it. I think that's a fair compromise seeing as any 4 month old couple can't abuse the shit out of benefits and them break up and cause all these problems.

Blame people for being retarded and fucking thinkgs up for the rest of us, not people looking out for individuals who can't marry by law.

I'm not blaming the people, I'm blaming the employer. With divorce rates at an alarmingly high number, using marriage as the qualifier for who gets benefits in heterosexual relationships is asinine. What's stopping people from hitting Vegas for a quickie marriage, abusing the system, then divorcing?

Yeah that's true. But I'll stop here before I turn this into another universal healthcare 9 page debate, lol. We all know where I stand on that.

[Ashira]

I think the biggest mistake is getting married at too young of an age. I know a lot of people from HS who got married within 2 years of graduating...

Well, the stigma is still there that one needs to be married before, say... 25 or so for a woman; despite the fact that life expectancy has gone up about 20 yrs or so since the beginning of the century. If not more.

And since women couldn't strike out on their own and find a way to make a living, they didn't have much choice. Now we all have time and choice and whatnot to find what we want to do, so why rush?