Have You Ever Been Caught AC Slatering?

[MF Perm]

bearsan, that post is made of absolute win lol

[Brendanv]

bearsan, that post is made of absolute win lol

can't have a shit story thread without this gem:

http://img172.imageshack.us/img172/3...4428806wr3.jpg

I couldn't stop laughing for like, 10minutes after I first saw this

ive seen this before. could it be this had like a thread of its own or was it in the you laugh you lose or random pic chronicles?

[Greyheim]

Not sure where on BG it was, I saved it from one of the *chans

[Tythera]

Was in the first you laugh you lose because it was the first thing to get me at page 25 or something

[simozene]

Greatest Thread Ever! I laughed my ass off so hard at these stories. XD

[Girl]

What does the AC stand for?

[Tyche]

Albert Clifford! Go me!

[HAcoreRD]

i gotta try this now

[Nitsuki]

I'm never gonna go AC Slatering again....

[Ivaden]

Before I begin my story, I wish to acknowledge that I am not a fan of shitting in public places or outside the comfort of my own home. However, desperate times call for desperate measures. This is my story:

It all started out on a midsummer Saturday, a peaceful, breezy day unlike the previous week which included thunder storms, tornadoes, and the like. A friend of mine's parents were out of town for a week so naturally he was going to hold a party. He is one of those friends who feels it's necessary to rebel against his parents at any given moment, and of course there was a strict rule of no partying while they were gone. Anyway, he was holding the party on the last day before they would return, to act as a going away party for the good times during the week that he surely had.

Myself, I'm a coy individual when it comes to meeting others. Often I will, admittedly, attach myself to this friend for comfort. Not physically, of course, but he does offer a sense of familiarity amongst his other friends when I am around. Shy by nature it is difficult for me to enjoy laughter with others, feeling awkward, wondering when it's appropriate to laugh or even make my own attempt at a joke. I estimate there were an upwards of sixty people at his house, so I was quite uncomfortable.

As any party would, hosted by a late-teens male, there were plenty of females there. Some were decent looking but the vast majority had faces that would seem to haunt me in the near future (you'll know why soon), thanks to the low standards held by my friend. Women, food, a fire, and alcohol. They were all present in this setting which happened to be for the most part the backyard of my friends house. Thankfully he lives deep within the woods in a log cabin -- a nice one, though -- and there were no houses nearby to take notice of what was going on at his property.

My attention was caught by the most stunning, beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life. At first I assumed I was seeing things thanks to the second hand smoke from marijuana because this girl was unlike any other at the party. Alas, the female was real and she even approached me after watching her for a good ten minutes! Unfortunately, this is where a series of unfortunate events began unfolding in my stomach.

We had a lot of pizza; my friend works as a delivery boy for the local pizza shop and they specialize in greasy pizza that would give a heart attack to the untrained body just by looking at it. At one point myself and my friend, and the rest of our mutual friends, literally lived off of this pizza, so I thought I was prepared.

I was wrong.

I couldn't hear what the girl had said, I assume it was her name, but the gurggling within my stomach ricocheted throughout my body cavity upwards to my eardrums. The sound was deafening, almost painful, bringing a tear to the corner of my right eye. It's one of those things where you have to experience it to understand, and before this very moment in time, I had never before withstood such pressure on my ears. It felt as if I were under water for hours with water pouring into them, then spent hours slapping the side of my head to expell the water so I could hear again.

I knew what was happening to me.

I had to get away from the girl, there would be no way I could possibly stay nearby knowing what was coming. I smiled and laughed, hoping to God she said something funny as my vision cleared. Holding up my plastic cup filled with coke and rum as a sort of toasting gesture, I turned and walked away. She never did follow me, and to date I never saw her again, perhaps for the best.

My friend's house, being a log cabin, had amazingly large glass screen doors as back doors, so I could see if anyone was inside, or if there was a line for the bathroom. Thankfully the house was clear and the bathroom door was open (for whatever reason his father decided to build it so the door opened outwards unlike most normal people).

I was in the clear.

I slipped inside under the guise of getting more drinks for some friends. This would eventually be my downfall, having to lie and say I was getting drinks for someone. However my stomach was pushing something towards my ass with every step I took and I had no time to think, and under these circumstances I was not a fast thinker like I usually am. The nuclear bomb being prepped for launch in my bowels coupled with the fact I was incredibly uncomfortable with all the people around, if there was a pregnant lady in front of me I would have had no qualms about pushing her the hell out of the way even if for whatever reason it was in front of a descending flight of stairs.

With a mad dash into the bathroom and a quick grip of the door handle, I had simultaniously entered and shut the door at the same time while pulling my pants down and turning towards the toilet all in one fluid motion. It was quite impressive on my part, and under different circumstances I'm sure it would be a sight to see someone move so elegantly.

Unfortunately, that was not the last fluid movement.

Because the door had been opened before I entered, I mistook the bathroom for having its light on. When the door was shut, I was in the dark. I couldn't reach the lightswitch on, I was already mid-squat going downward towards the toilet with the sensation of my ass exploding. However, and I will never be more ashamed of anything in my life as I say this, the toilet seat was up. It makes sense now because the party was heavily populated with males and stupid ones to boot, so of course there would be no consideration to leave the seat down.

It was too late now. I slid a bit into the toilet because I wasn't expecting it and even jumped a little because it startled me. That, or it could have been the cold feeling of the toilet water splashing against my ass and even my lower back some.

Diarrhea galore was now splattered into the toilet bowl, onto my ass, and some on my back. As much as I wanted it to stop, collect myself and go for a second try, I could not. That pizza grease wanted to come out, and come out now. With my ass sunk into the toilet seat a bit, thankfully no spray was getting onto the floor or nearby walls. That, if only that, is what I can truly be thankful for as an outcome of this incident.

I could hear footsteps outside of the door and my eyes strained to look around for toilet paper. Like normal people, surprisingly it was right next to the toilet hanging on the wall. I figured I would get out of this situation peacefully, and if there was a foul stench left behind I could always, if questioned, blame it on one of the dirty girls at the party.

"Dude... are you okay in there?" Was paired with a couple of frantic knocks. It seemed as if someone had noticed me in there afterall, but would they know it was the shy, timid me? "I heard some noise."

It hadn't occured to me then, but the force of my diarrhea dookie splashing into the water at a short distance from my ass to porcelain and water had made incredibly disturbing sounds akin to a giant tree falling and splitting.

I cleared my throat and replied in a changed voice, trying to imitate one of the voices I
listened to throughout the night. "Just finishing up!" I waited to move at all inside of the bathroom before I saw the shadows of feet go away from the crack under the door.

Finally I would get some peace. Or would I?

Suddenly a large roll expelled from my ass, no longer a liquid foe, but now a solid log. I never gave myself a chance to sit up and reposition myself on the toilet, so some of it rubbed up against my ass cheeks as it coiled in the toilet. It was a disgusting feeling to say the least, I would compare it to finger paints smeared up against my butt. However, just knowing that it was not finger paint, but a large coil of my feces, did not make it any more pleasant or bring back childhood memories of painting with my hands.

I gagged because finally I moved and my ass was no longer an air tight seal to the danger below. The smell was awful, I can't even describe it and give it justice. I'm one of those people who enjoys the smell of their own farts, but christ this was going too far. Maybe a butcher could more accurately describe the smell, compare it to a rotting corpse of road kill or something.

At this point, the stench and the shame of what was happening was too much, and I began crying. I did not sob or making crying noises, but tears were not being held back. I felt so bad, couldn't help but think what if someone was outside and would see me... and this smell, what if they would smell it? Thankfully atleast, it seemed the beast that was my bowels had subsided, leaving me to finish what it started.

I grabbed the toilet paper and handled my business, it was very hard to do so in the dark to be honest. Finally when I felt, hoped, that I had done an adequate job of cleaning my back and ass I stood up and turned the lights on. Pulling my pants up I turned back around to the toilet to glance before I flushed.

My jaw dropped. I had used so much toilet paper, and there was so much doodoo and liquid doodoo in the toilet, it was definately not going to flush without a fight. I couldn't risk just leaving it there, because there lied the possibility that someone was waiting outside. I couldn't just peek outside and see, because if there was, it would seem a little odd that I would peek out and quickly retreat back inside with a flushing sound to follow.

I decided to try flushing against my better judgment. It seemed to be going fine until the toilet paper, then it clogged. My heart sank to my stomach and suddenly I felt like expelling more crap, but it was only a momentary feeling. The water did not flush fully and it was still the disgusting mixture of diarrhea and water, a certain dark orange-yellow in color.

Before I saw if it settled and finally sunk down, I had quickly washed my hands and exited. There was no one there thankfully. I had to seek out my friend, the host, to solve this problem. I didn't want anyone else to see what had happened, so I was very quick.

I found him and nearly dragged him back inside to his bathroom. The look on his face, I will never forget. He almost hurled, and I don't blame him.

Now, my friend is not exactly the most... quiet, of friends. That and he had been drinking and most likely smoking, so he was not in the right state of mind. My friend did the unthinkable, and ran out of the bathroom and back outside. I quietly followed him, hoping that he had a solution outside.

Instead, I was embarassed to the point of wanting to kill myself, or him.

"HE CLOGGED THE TOILET! EVERYONE, HE CLOGGED THE TOILET!" There was a burst of laughter from him and the rest of the people, though I'm sure there were a few people who did not care or found it disgusting. I'm sure that beautiful girl was one of the disgusted ones.

I could feel the heat on my neck and face, I was blushing uncontrollably. It felt as if I
had been sunburned. I left through the front door without saying my goodbyes, leaving my friend to take care of the rest banking on the hope that he was drunk and wouldn't remember who did it.

Never again will I take a number two outside the comfort of my own bathroom. You may say, "What if it's another accident?" Well, I can assure you there will never be anymore explosive diarrhea. I'm never, ever eating pizza again, or any greasy foods.

Thank you for your time.

LOL
I wrote this but it's not about me, I promise. It's a story about one of my friends who did something like this last Saturday. I wasn't at the party so some things will be exaggerated just for my own entertainment, but I figured I'd post it.

[Mizango]

I'm never gonna go AC Slatering again....

LoL, Again.

[Doofus]

This thread needs to be stickied.

[Sera]

These are fantastic. Thank you.

[ertyu]

anyone ever had to shit really bad. Like it hurts your ass to hold it in any longer, and you have to bend over to relieve the pressure or else it feels like you're going to die? I had to shit so bad last week and I couldn't, because I refuse to go to public restrooms ever since my last incident. I was out at the mall and I needed to go get a little more shopping done, so when the feeling hit I just ignored it and told myself I'd be home soon anyways. About half an hour later on my way home it hit me like a sock full of nickels. And when you're driving it's the fucking worst. You try shifting your weight the little bit that you can but it just doesn't relieve any pressure that needs to come out.

I live about 10 minutes from the mall and I think that was the longest drive of my fucking life. The entire time I was shifting my weight, driving almost in a sideways motion. When I reached home I ran inside, threw open the bathroom door and did that "move" that was in Bearsan's post. I had one (1) singular shit get expelled from my ass with force comparable to a rocket ship taking off. It took about a half second to get released from me and then it was all over. The pressure gone, a feeling of rejuvenation, a feeling of losing 5 pounds at once, and I had that sensation in my asshole that it had just been stretched to 8 times its normal size. I got up to survey my work and it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. A piece of poo so long and thick that I thought my eyes were deceiving me. The starting point was unclear, but it stretched well into parts of the plumbing that leads it away. It was so big that it even came out of the water and was clinging for dear life against the ceramic walls of the bowl. It had to be about as thick as a pepsi can. I just sat there and marveled it until it was time to part ways. It was one of the best feelings of satisfaction I have ever had.

[Totien]

There was a time when for about a month a friend of mine was living with me. He didn't have a car, so I had to give him a ride to and from work. One night, about halfway back to my place.. he asked if I wouldn't mind going a little faster. Knowing what this obviously meant, I grinned and, just to be a jackass, slammed on my brakes for a second. He moaned in agony and informed me I shouldn't have done that.. a moment later I realized why and rolled down my windows to try to escape the rancid smell that was filling my car.

We got back to my place and I went to my room and turned on my playstation while he did his business. He finished up and joined me and after about half an hour I had to take a piss. I opened the door to the bathroom and I swear my life flashed before my eyes. The smell was so God aweful.. I lost my balance, my vision blurred, I had to breathe through my mouth, but even then it seemed I could taste it, which made me start to heave. Not wanting to have to clean vomit of my bedroom carpet I made a lunge for the toilet. As I did I came face to face with a mound of shit that was well over water level, and I threw up right on top of it, adding to the pile. I realized my friend had been watching me the whole time, laughing hystarically. I flipped him the bird and he said, "That's for hitting your brakes, fag."

Amazingly, everything went down after only three flushes. I decided to pee outside.

Meteora, /r/ sauce on your avatar plz

[Misterjingles]

So the other day at work I went to the bathroom to take my shit, fortunately, our bathrooms here are pretty nice, clean, stone walls and floor, always stocked with toilet paper, what more can you ask for? I walk into the bathroom and immediately walk towards my preferred stall, the handicapped one (because of all that legroom), I do the door check to make sure that no one was in the stall and it opened easily, so I do a 180 turn so that I face the door to lock it and then make a 90 degree turn to face the toilet in the span of less than 2 seconds. When I turned around there was a pleasant surprise, there was someone already there. An awkward silence followed which was ended with a "Ploop" and "Occupied." Flustered, I go into the stall right next to his and start shitting, but it seemed everytime I let one out, the old fuck wanted to one up me. I couldn't have that, so I made sure that I had angled my shit make the maximum amount of noise and splash (I wasn't worried as there was plenty of toilet paper and really soft) and a 10 minute shit battle ensured, there was barely any lulls. But I suddenly noticed that I was running out of poop and running out fast, I had to end this. The smell in my stall was very foul and it gave me an idea, I started fanning towards the other stall with the folder that I carried with me (I just picked up these confidentical documents, but I couldn't read them today, there was more important things at hand) and I soon began to hear the old man gagging. Urged on by his gagging, I stood a little so that I was squatting over the toiler, fanning the fresh fumes from the toilet into his stall. I heard him desperately grabbing toilet paper and trying to finish up. Victory was assured as I heard the flush and his stall lock go "click". Wanting to see this man's face I finished up myself. As I walked out of the stall, what I didn't notice was that the traffic into the bathroom literally stopped, there was a group of people waiting to see who was making all that commotion, I didn't do the "walk of shame" though, I was the winner and it was the "walk of awesome". I go to the sink and see the old man there washing his hands, I go next to him and start washing my hands and give him the look of "better luck next time" and look him in the eyes, his eyes had pure cold hatred and I walked out, victorious. So remember, the moral of this story is to FUCKING MAKE SURE YOU LOCKED THE STALL DOOR PROPERLY.

[Viena]

@ Meteora: WTF, are you serial? How come you don't fall in?

@ MF Perm: My fiancee, no shit (irony to come!), only poops about once every four days. I've literally heard her cry in pain, and then she complains about bleeding. She's cried harder taking a shit than giving birth. She said she's always been like that. I, on the other hand, try to take at least 4 shits a day. They are usually complete in about 15 seconds. I rarely have a difficult poop. My old college roomie doesn't shit very often, but when he does, it's like prepping for a date. He gathers books, cigarettes, comfortable clothes, and spends about 45 minutes on the shitter. I've seen some amazing pooping rituals, but shitting backwards takes the cake. Then again, there's this:

http://www.joejo.ca/japan/toilet.jpg

God, I was in Italy this one time, and went to take a shit in a convience store off a highway on the way to Geneva, and they had those hole-in-the-ground shitters in the bathrooms like they do all over Europe, and of course it didn't have any stalls, just a big room with several porcelain-lined holes in the ground and some sinks along one wall. Well I just happened to be having a bad case of diahreea at the time, so needless to say it wasn't pretty afterwards.

I was quite surprised by that statement, as I live in Europe and traveled through it, but never seen one of those. So I investigated, and as expected, the Wikipedia would be my friend. From Squat toilet:

"can still be found in some public buildings and at motorway services in France, Italy, Balkans and, more often, in the former USSR."

I guess that would explain your finding, but you shouldn't make a statement like that based on one subject!

[Mayareira]

I like to read or play my DS on the crapper, but I hate interrupting my reading or playing. So Even though I have finished my business, I'm still doing this Phoenix Wright 2 trial for like 20 minutes after I'm done. When I finally get to either the next chapter in the book or a good stopping point for the game I'm playing I finally leave the bathroom.

Same. Either I need a good save point, or if I'm reading a book, it has to be the next chapter before I'll get up.

Future hemroids! You won't even be able to read daily horoscope.

[Nitsuki]

this legendary thread will never die!!

so today at work i was simply taking a leak in the bathroom, when i see some guy run to a stall, and starts shitting and letting go of a huge fart after that and all i heard after that was "OH MY GOD THAT'S THE STUFF YEA!!!!!!" i fucking laughed so hard i had to zip up my pants fast and run out of the bathroom. Anything similar happened to you guys?