Dear DC Comics.

[Septimus]

From: Septimus
To: DC Comics
Subject: Crisis

Dear DC Comics,

Considering the quality of your writing staff as of late, it may come as a surprise that many words have synonyms. You may be even more shocked to find out that a synonym is a word that means the same or nearly the same as another.

Now I know that you guys are busy planning your next slaughterfest where you substitute gruesome deaths for plot and character development to properly employ synonyms. The word "crisis" has been used quite a lot lately, such as the deplorable storyline "Identity Crisis", the continuity-defying one-shot that completely altered Maxwell Lord "Countdown to Infinite Crisis", and last but not least the limited series that brought back the greatest threat to all continuity (I mean the multi-verse, not your sloppy editorial style) "Infinite Crisis". Wow! That's an awful lot of books with the word "Crisis" in them. But now I hear that you guys have renamed the current "Countdown" series to "Countdown to Final Crisis" and that will be followed by the "Final Crisis" limited series.

But I'm with you DC, not in the sense that I'm buying your books since I've dropped a lot of them recently because Dan DiDio is the seven-headed dragon that the book of Revelations prophesied, but in the sense that I live to help. So with the help of our good friends at thesaurus.com I've made a list of new words that you can use since you have beat the life out of "crisis".

• Final Emergency- straight to the point, people to be rescued, sales to be rescued, so on and so forth.[/*:m:51c43]
• Final Dilemma- more artsy than the first choice. Let's the people know that you guys have been really thinking making touch choices. "Should we kill 20 heroes, or a mere 15?"[/*:m:51c43]
• Final Exigency- Oooo. That sounds exotic. A real meaty word, but I doubt that the people who couldn't get past the multi-verse would like this one.[/*:m:51c43]
• Final Trauma- This is what will happen when you get around to killing off the rest of the JLI and Young Justice. I know, Rome wasn't killed in one day.[/*:m:51c43]
• Final Danger- they say that the Chinese symbol for "crisis" consists of the words "danger" and "opportunity". Opportunity is long past, so viva la danger![/*:m:51c43]
• Final Quandary- Because frankly, your editorial direction has me perplexed.[/*:m:51c43]
• Final Embarrassment- Well, that name would have been better suited for "Identity Crisis", but you can't change the past. (Unless you have Superboy Prime punch the universe again.)[/*:m:51c43]

And while you are considering candidates to kill off, how about they little Kryptonian kid that you put in the Superman books recently. What are you guys calling him, Seven Kent? Seriously guys, nothing says "Well, we can't think of anything new to do with these characters, so lets add in a precocious (i.e. annoying) kid." See: Jumping the Shark.

I hope that this helps you with the next stinking wreck that you call a company cross-over.

XXX, OOO,
Septy.

[thestalkmore]

Calamity, catastrophe, extremity.

[Charla]

Cataclysm?

[Senji]

DC sucks

<3 Marvel + AP

[tyven]

no seriously. DC sucks

[Mysterio]

Great Letter Septimus. I'm sure they'd get a kick out of it if you send it.

[Not Kuno]

Rofl. Nice.

Are you really gonna send that in? If you are you should fix some of the typos. >.>

[Senji]

Yeah, I'd send it in. See what you get back.

Maybe a sticker, maybe a deep, emotional letter

[Demosthenes]

Final Fantasy.