Opinions from married men needed

[Obev]

I'm not accusing you of it. I'm pointing out that from her husband's perspective your behaviour could be interpreted as such.

[thestalkmore]

I'm accusing you of it. You had a crush on a chick and groped her while she was drunk. You should have had the prudence/foresight to know that that's a nono and if you really cared about her as a friend and not someone who you wanted to fondle, you would have made the right choice for her.

[Skyylya]

[quote=Intense]

From the husband's point of view, you're not just an old friend. In all likelihood you're seen as some douche who felt up (read: took advantage of) his wife while she was drunk. You'd forgive him for being ever-so-slightly cautious of you.

Thats utter bullshit.

Uh, if you felt her up, regardless of sobriety, I'd never consider you just a "friend".

That does not mean I took advantage of her. I may have known she was married, but guess who else does? HER. Shes the married one, that should be on the forefront of her mind before itd be on mine. Lets not forget who initiated that whole thing either.

Doesn't matter.
Fine, you're BOTH at fault. Still means you fucked up.

It does indeed mater. Accusing someone of "taking avantage" of another person is pretty offensive. That term shouldnt be used loosely.[/quote:92ea9]

Regardless of what you might think it's not you that matters it's the guy who had to watch some guy with his wife and now she's going off to see him alone. How can you not see what's wrong with this. It's not like you and this girl are best friends according to what you've said so why is it so important to see her and cause rift in their marriage. Do the decent thing and don't see her, there are millions of chicks in the california area, find a single one.

[Intense]

Regardless of what you might think it's not you that matters it's the guy who had to watch some guy with his wife and now she's going off to see him alone. How can you not see what's wrong with this. It's not like you and this girl are best friends according to what you've said so why is it so important to see her and cause rift in their marriage. Do the decent thing and don't see her, there are millions of chicks in the california area, find a single one.

What the hell are you talking about? I already stated that I agreed to go hang out with him there. Its not "so important," I stated that I was annoyed, which I am. Whats wrong with that? I can be annoyed if I want to be, I made this thread to see if my annoyance was valid or not, which it seems not to be.
The only thing I'm defending is myself against these people making me out to be some sort of predator.

I'm accusing you of it. You had a crush on a chick and groped her while she was drunk. You should have had the prudence/foresight to know that that's a nono and if you really cared about her as a friend and not someone who you wanted to fondle, you would have made the right choice for her.

Reread what I said in the story; you have your facts incorrect.

[Skyylya]

Regardless of what you might think it's not you that matters it's the guy who had to watch some guy with his wife and now she's going off to see him alone. How can you not see what's wrong with this. It's not like you and this girl are best friends according to what you've said so why is it so important to see her and cause rift in their marriage. Do the decent thing and don't see her, there are millions of chicks in the california area, find a single one.

What the hell are you talking about? I already stated that I agreed to go hang out with him there. Its not "so important," I stated that I was annoyed, which I am. Whats wrong with that? I can be annoyed if I want to be, I made this thread to see if my annoyance was valid or not, which it seems not to be.
The only thing I'm defending is myself against these people making me out to be some sort of predator.

I'm accusing you of it. You had a crush on a chick and groped her while she was drunk. You should have had the prudence/foresight to know that that's a nono and if you really cared about her as a friend and not someone who you wanted to fondle, you would have made the right choice for her.

Reread what I said in the story; you have your facts incorrect.

Ultimately of course you'll do whatever you want as you seem to have the mind to do so anyway. But, you've already given yourself a bad name to this guy. You seem to think that you're the one who matters in all this when you're the least important person.

You're annoyed? you're not the guy who watched someone else grope their wife and then wants to hang out with her either alone or in front of you to do it again. You keep on looking at the situation from your perspective. well pardon, but fuck your perspective and look at the situation from his for a second. he doesn't know your intentions, he knows what you've already done. The best thing to do is leave them be and not bother with him or her. If you wanted to have a totally platonic relationship with this girl you shoulda thought of that before putting your hands all over her in front of him.

that's all i'm, as well as everyone else it seems, is trying to say.

[Intense]

Ultimately of course you'll do whatever you want as you seem to have the mind to do so anyway. But, you've already given yourself a bad name to this guy. You seem to think that you're the one who matters in all this when you're the least important person.

You're annoyed? you're not the guy who watched someone else grope their wife and then wants to hang out with her either alone or in front of you to do it again. You keep on looking at the situation from your perspective. well pardon, but fuck your perspective and look at the situation from his for a second. he doesn't know your intentions, he knows what you've already done. The best thing to do is leave them be and not bother with him or her. If you wanted to have a totally platonic relationship with this girl you shoulda thought of that before putting your hands all over her in front of him.

that's all i'm, as well as everyone else it seems, is trying to say.

Ive looked at this from the perspective of him actually. If I were him, Id be more mad at her than him since she is the one I'm married to and she is the one that has commitments to me; Ive alluded to this stance on page 2. Ive also admitted on page 2 that he may have reason to think he should be there.

Other than that, I have my own opinion, which are based on what actually happened and not what he may or may not have seen.. and I dont like being accused of advantaging someone when that wasnt at all the case.

[Charla]

blah blah blah advantaging someone

That's an interesting verbification.

Don't forget that no matter which one of you he's mad at, the result of him being mad is still the same.

[Falisa]

If I saw my husband and another girl groping each other, I would be mad at him AND the girl. How do you know he's not mad at her?

But in all honesty, from what you've said about her so far this girl doesn't sound very faithful all around. Being drunk is no excuse for what you do because in my opinion, alcohol just lowers your inhibitions, it doesn't make you do stuff you don't want to do.

[ertyu]

You seriously need to stop being a retard. YOU KNOW what your intentions were. HE DOES NOT. He sees you feeling up his wife and hitting on her the entire night, he can't fucking read your mind and know what your intentions were or what your past was. All he sees is an old friend hanging around and doing things with his wife that he doesn't want to be done. He probably did get mad at her, but that doesn't mean he's not going ot be mad at you too. When some shit like that happens with your wife you can't think clearly and you just get pissed off in general. You made a mistake, watch yourself because if I was that guy I would've kicked your ass right then and there.

[Dakra]

I live in Vegas, so I figured I'd just throw out my thoughts on the subject, since I see incidents like the one you described at the nightclub happen all the time.

Theres a girl who used to like me. We were really close friend but I turned her down (a whole nother thread why I did this). As a result she got with this guy and they ended up getting married. Fastforward, 2(?) years. I go out to vegas, we (including him) meet up at a club, shes flirty with me, feeling me up and letting me do the same, he sees it (i think? how could he not, we danced most the night), doesnt really do anything but gets really passive agressive. I dont think i stepped out of line, we were both super drunk but i never made any moves.

First off, you've already said you turned her down before. So this doesn't really strike me as a 'id hit it now lolz' kind of deal. You don't sound like you're out to (intentionally) break up a marriage, and with the way the facts are being presented, you wouldn't need to. You mention you were both drunk -- while that's not the best thing in the world to be, neither of you were in your normal mindsets, etc etc, so I wouldn't immediately jump to crucifying you for what followed. You mentioned she was flirty with you, again etc etc, so you're not the only one at fault here either.

It's an awkward fine line to walk. I'd say at least vocalize your concerns when you talk to her, ask her what she wants to do and whether or not it's okay with her husband/what her thoughts are on that subject. You're right, she's the one who's married to him, not you, but as her friend you've at least got an obligation to some honesty on the subject. All those thuggish "omfg id beat ur ass if u touched my wife" aren't exactly constructive either, because as someone pointed out these are all matters of perspective. No one can read anyone's mind. Just as well an old friend someone's wife is seeing could be nothing more than that -- and old friend, and still the husband could fly off the handle for speculating on the situation and it turning out to be incorrect. "Beating the shit out of ____" doesn't really get anybody anywhere, except maybe some jail time for assault/battery.

My advice would be to tread carefully. You've said you can put yourself in his shoes, so do it and determine the risks and value for yourself.

And I'd never marry someone who'd feel up another guy, etc etc. So I can't really offer many thoughts as to 'what I'd do' to someone who did.

(tagline)And what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas (/tagline)

Edit: AHA! CLAIM!

[Septimus]

Personally, I'd be a mite more careful this time.

Don't get used as the excuse to break off a marriage or as someone else's method of making a stupid decision you'll end up being caught in.

Yellow light, approach with caution and expect to stop at any time.

I am surprised that more people didn't pick this up.

Your Admiral Akbar sense should be tingling because she is using you to make her husband jealous. Just off of the top of my head, this is what she is trying to accomplish:

• She gets her jollies making her husband mad.[/*:m:3aefb]
• She is provoking her husband into violence.[/*:m:3aefb]
• She wants to sleep with you to get divorced/cause major drama.[/*:m:3aefb]
• She is trying to wrangle you into a three-way with her husband.[/*:m:3aefb]

If do not want to be involved in this very predictable trainwreck of a relationship, you need to run. Common sense should tell you to not to talk to her, not to talk to him, and to forget that they even exist. But I think that you already know what part you want to play in this impending soap opera...

[layoneil]

It does indeed mater. Accusing someone of "taking avantage" of another person is pretty offensive. That term shouldnt be used loosely.

i'll accuse you of it too. what makes you different from any other guy in the club that night?

if it was a stranger sure, go for it, that's probably why half the people are there anyway.
if it was a single friend, you'd probably have to consider how it'd affect your friendship (for most people it probably wouldn't matter) but there'd be cases where you can be seen as leading them on and that can potentially damage your friendship in the future.
if it was a friend in a relationship, than you shouldn't be doing shit. if her husband wasn't there, a real friend would've stopped her from doing something stupid with someone else.

sure it's her fault too, sure there's probably some problems between them, sure if you weren't there she might've done the same with someone else. but what you did was use your "friendship" to get first in line, that sounds a lot like "taking advantage" to me and that's not what friends do (not anyone i would consider a friend anyway).

[Mysterio]

be cautious young padowan.

Keep your distance until their relationship is officially over.

It's already unravelling evidently. It won't last.

[fantasticdan]

I don't understand the notion that he was taking advantage of her, according to his story anyway, she was coming on to him. Sure he knew she was married, but that's her responsibility. On the same note, if my wife was married and hitting on other guys, I would have a much bigger problem with MY WIFE(and my marriage) than whatever guy(s) she happened to be hitting on. Unless the guy was a friend of mine, than I guess the problem would be two-fold.

But seriously, fuck the gender bias.