Relationship advice for a buddy of mine

[Zarath]

My friend is currently dating a 17 year old, needless to say, he's blind as a bat and she's all over him... She seemed nice at first but once that was all said and done, she turned bitchy, controlling and everything a bad gf would do to a bf. We've numerously had talks to him about how wrong all this shit is but he continues with the whole "love" thing and well... we've given up on my dear friend on trying to get him out. IMO, yea they may seem mature, nice ect ect but 16 is a bit too young.

My opinion, don't do it, get out while you can.

[Skyylya]

He may love her, but she certainly can't grasp what it is to really love him back. Not at that age.

My advice? Drop the love bullshit. Have a relationship. Don't sleep with her. When she's old enough and has enough time in the relationship under her belt to understand wtf is going on for real in her head and in her heart, then he can get serious.

Not to get into a personal debate but I really can't help but disagree with this. People say way to often that age has something to do with comprehension of what love is. People of (almost, let's not throw toddlers into this) any age can understand and love someone, the difference with age is not whether they have the capability of truly loving someone but the decisions they make based on that love. The only factor age has, is in the decision making process not in whether or not someone can grasp what it means to love.

You're telling me that a 16 year old doesn't know what it means to love their parents, or a sibling? Love is love no matter who it's directed at, if you can grasp what it means to love a parent, you are equally capable of doing that with someone else.


All that said, this guy would be an absolute moron to try anything with this girl at her current age. As I said the age factor goes into the decision making and if he tries anything with this girl that's the area of his mistake (and hers too) and not whether they can grasp the concept of love.

edit: I realize I might have to clarify what i'm saying. What i'm trying to say is that age doesn't matter when it comes to whether or not someone is capable of and knowing that they are in love with someone and what that means. Where people falter is in deciding what to do with their feelings and acting responsibly and if those feelings are something that's worth pursuing. I've come to love a lot of people in my life both when i was younger and now. In each case it wasn't whether I knew i loved that person or what that implied, but in what i chose to do about those feelings, if anything.

[Maxxthepenguin]

...at that age he has NO IDEA what she will be like in 10 years, not to mention that they can't really share life as a couple should when they're in such different situations.

If they get together and stay together it will be a matter of luck and far more hard work than it should be.

[Norelco]

I think it's pretty damn easy to "fall in love" online or "find your soulmate." It's easy to put your best foot forward and make yourself look good. The real test of the relationship will come when they meet face to face and spend time with one another in person. Only then are you really going to start to get to know this person, their scent, their mannerisms, etc.

And as Maxx mentioned they are at different periods of their lives. At 24 I'm assuming this guy is graduated from college and beginning his career. This girl is STILL a year or two away from graduating highschool and going to college. Based on my college experience, I definitely wouldn't want to be tied down my freshman year. That's probably the most exciting time for any person when meeting new people and testing the waters when it comes to meeting new people and forming intimate relationships.

Needless to say I met my wife my sophomore year of college (she was a junior), and we married 3 weeks ago after dating for 7 years. I just couldn't imagine meeting my wife while I was in highschool, or marrying a highschooler.

If they truly love one another they're going to have a long and difficult road ahead of them, unless she's a hick and doesn't mind getting married the moment she turns 18, becomes a stay at home mom, and plays FFXI all day, cheating on her husband by having cyber-affairs. :D

[Nitsuki]

have him ask her if she's watched MTV her whole life. If she has then she knows that she's seen shows where cheating on people is like a sport and there's nothing wrong w/ it. And if that's the case then he's in for a wild ride.

[Intense]

Are there really no girls his age and in your area that hed need to start a relationship with a 16 year old via the net? Guy sounds like a chump.

p.s. 24 and 16 is a HUGE difference, its seriously worlds apart.

[Senji]

When you gotta ride your bike to your girlfriend/boyfriends house in highschool, its ok. When you gotta ride it to your husbands house, and you need to leave by 11, its weird.

[Division3]

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/dating_pools.png

[Septimus]

One of the many life lessons that I have learned from my time on this earth- the amount of attention that a person will give to any advice is inversely proportional to how helpful that advice is.

Our practical applications for this situation. My advice would be: "This relationship will inexorably lead to your physical, mental, financial, and emotional ruin. She is manipulative and you have no common sense, though you are probably emotionally stunted if you think that as a 24 year-old you fell in love with a 16 year-old, especially over the internet. Please try to have someone take a picture of the surprised expression on your face when she winds up pregnant, because we would all love to laugh at you, and a picture would make it even funnier. We will laugh even harder if Chris Hanson shows up and asks you to take a seat." Chock full of truth and years of other people's mistakes. But on the attention scale of one to ten, he will only heed a 1.

Here is a counterpoint to my argument: "Don't let the haters get the best of you! They're just jealous that they didn't meet a wonderful girl that you have so much in common with, like a love of Hannah Montana and a collection of Bratz dolls. R-Kelly and Michael Jackson both agree that age is nothing but a number, and who are we to argue with their record sales? So poo-poo to the naysayers! You are totally going to be the next Romeo & Juliette, but without all of the icky death and junk." If we get past the massive amount of sarcasm, there is absolutely advice value to that statement. And that is why it will hit 10 on the attention scale.

So my advice to you is to hell him that his is on the fast-track to failure, and don't be surprised when he doesn't listen. Then get a good digital camera, seriously, we want a picture of his surprised face.

[Vertabreaker]

So my advice to you is to hell him that his is on the fast-track to failure, and don't be surprised when he doesn't listen. Then get a good digital camera, seriously, we want a picture of his surprised face.

Or the fast-track to prison. Either way a poloroid is required.

[Jefe]

I only read the OP's post, anyways, tell your "buddy" to forget about her. She's too fuking young to know what's going on, so is he (mentally, read:bad thing) for even considering this charade. And basically your buddy would be, to an extent, taking advantage of her etc.

Edit: Page claim mofos

[Septimus]

So my advice to you is to hell him that his is on the fast-track to failure, and don't be surprised when he doesn't listen. Then get a good digital camera, seriously, we want a picture of his surprised face.

Or the fast-track to prison. Either way a poloroid is required.

That is failure as well. lol

[Thoronas]

Ask your buddy how he would feel about going to her prom.

[Shalyn]

When I was 17 I started dating my ex who was 23 at the time. Neither of us had had a relationship before, and I say that because if this girl is but 16 and has already dated older guy(s), it seems a little fishy. Not saying that I was pretty old(ish) when I started dating, I'm just not a serial dater, but although 10 years may not be much compared to a 25-35 or 35-45, 8 years between 16-24 is a big difference.

Tell me how much you've changed since you were that age, grown up. It just doesn't work. The buddy is basically set in his ways already, and the girl doesn't know who she is yet.. that's just how it goes. Honestly, I *might* say age doesn't matter, but it's pretty sketchy to me to meet online at those ages (compared to another), and if they're really 'in love' they should put it off until she's a little bit older. If it's just a fling, is it really worth the drama?

[archibaldcrane]

My advice? Drop the love bullshit. Have a relationship. Don't sleep with her. When she's old enough and has enough time in the relationship under her belt to understand wtf is going on for real in her head and in her heart, then he can get serious.

This is the best real advice, since he's obviously going to pursue this. It'll probably fall apart in a few weeks anyway because of all the aforementioned issues, but if it doesn't this is the way to go.

Of course he'll put it in her the first chance he gets, though.

Also, talking about love before you meet someone is foolish. I know how intense e-/phone-relationship emotions can get, but if you don't have a part of your brain constantly "checking" that, you're destined to get crushed. It's ridiculous to think that you can know someone well enough to truly love them before meeting them and spending real face-time with them. It takes a long time around someone to let your guard down enough to be who you really are, flaws and all. Do they even live in the same town? If not...how...what...she's 16 and in high school - you can't move for that.

[Anyway]

Just bang her and forget about her.

[layoneil]

Just bang her and turn yourself in.

---

need more info for real advice outside of GTFO.

if he's never met her irl before tell him to keep it that way for the next 2 years.

[Zanz L. Barre The 3rd]

The answer is no. They aren't in love, and if they say so they're full of shit. As previously mentioned, 8 years isn't an extremely large age gap, but the difference between 16 and 24 is HUGE.

Do NOT go into this relationship unless he wants to anticipate a terrible relationship. He's fucked once she goes off to college, and if she doesn't go off to college he probably is holding her back, which is totally fucked up in it's own way.

[Mizango]

Just bang her and forget about her.

If theres grass on the field then anyone can play! llol amirite!? *High five.


No seriously, tell your friend that to just forget her and move on. Age differences dont matter later in life when people have comparable life experiences dealing with both the good and bad. Just because shes dated older matters very little in the grand scheme of things. You never know, her ex's could be doing time as we speak for statutory rape or pedophilia, not as a result of dating her but for inappropriate relationships with another young person.

True, but for example; There is little issue when a 65 year old man takes a 55 year old wife, why? Because they have lived life independently and gotten a chance to enjoy the different phases in life i.e. being young, partying, college, getting married, having kids etc.. At that age you can reach the same point in life. What would you say if someone who were 18-20 years old found someone 10 years old sexy and attractive? "Dude you just have to talk to her, she seems so much older than 10." Disgusting.

Being a parent of a 7 year old daughter I am especially sensitive to men...excuse me, boys, taking advantage and finding children "hot". If a man that can legally by beer, drive a car, establish a line of credit and no longer lives with his parents finds a female that that can barely get a work permit and still taking drivers ed, attractive, then something is seriously wrong with your friend. If he seriously is considering being with this Child then he is officially a pedo and should be fucking castrated with a leaky inner tube.

If her father was in the picture then this wouldn't be an issue. Her seeking love and admiration from older men and seemingly justifying it says a lot about her psyche and the underlying issues that have yet to surface. This is a catastrophe waiting to happen, stay away, stay far, far away for your own good. Not to mention, pedophilia is a Federal crime, meaning that if he were to be found out, regardless of parents consent, he can still be arrested, convicted and forever labeled a molester. A label that would follow him (Rightfully so) for his entire life. Picture posted in the local paper (Done here in Charlotte once a year), forced to register every time he moves or leaves his state and imagine the fun time his children will have at school when everyone knows their father is a child raping pedophile?

Bad news from all angles.

[Kuya]

Here is a counterpoint to my argument: "Don't let the haters get the best of you! They're just jealous that they didn't meet a wonderful girl that you have so much in common with, like a love of Hannah Montana and a collection of Bratz dolls. R-Kelly and Michael Jackson both agree that age is nothing but a number, and who are we to argue with their record sales? So poo-poo to the naysayers! You are totally going to be the next Romeo & Juliette, but without all of the icky death and junk." If we get past the massive amount of sarcasm, there is absolutely advice value to that statement. And that is why it will hit 10 on the attention scale.

Gold.