How to kill a tree

[Kailee]

Cut a fatty hole in the tree and have the Dish point towards the hole. 8)

[gandorf]

There is only one way to get rid of a tree, and that is to strap a bomb to yourself and take the tree and yourself out. Don't worry there maybe satellite in heave.

[guartz]

I don't agree with you killing a tree, but if you MUST do it, here is how:

Get a tie fighter, fly along the edges of it's bark until you come to an opening. Shoot missiles into the opening, and then scatter. Watch the tree explode in cheesy 70s pyrotechnics style.

p.s It might be a trap.

[wyrmtung]

Some very good suggestions. Thanks. Obviously some of you others do not know the goodness that is Direct TV/TiVo. Or you mistakenly believe that all DVRs are the same. I hope that one day your life is blessed as mine once was so that you too may know the true dilemma that I am in.

This thread is tongue and cheek. I (probably) won't do anything to the tree. For the record. Swear to gawd. Really. Not gonna touch it. Nope. The tree is totally safe.

And I love cable. It's great.

[archibaldcrane]

I'm assuming this is a large tree. Even if you "kill" it, you'll just have a big dead tree blocking the southern sky for a few years until your landlord removes it.

And because of this, you're shit out of luck.

[wyrmtung]

I'm assuming this is a large tree. Even if you "kill" it, you'll just have a big dead tree blocking the southern sky for a few years until your landlord removes it.

And because of this, you're shit out of luck.

Well, "if" the tree would die (of natural causes) then it would not have leaves. I would still be able to get a signal. Plus I live in a nice complex so im sure they would plant a new one pretty quickly.

[Takeno]

I'm assuming this is a large tree. Even if you "kill" it, you'll just have a big dead tree blocking the southern sky for a few years until your landlord removes it.

And because of this, you're shit out of luck.

Well, "if" the tree would die (of natural causes) then it would not have leaves. I would still be able to get a signal. Plus I live in a nice complex so im sure they would plant a new one pretty quickly.

Move your antena and put it on top of the tree :D

[BRP]

Oh no, you can only have cable TV. Poor baby.
I'm with the tree-huggers, let it be.

And what? Lose out on Direct TV HD? It has all the best channels in crisp and clear picture quality. That's three times the HD capacity that Cable has!

[dilbert]

Next Thread;

How to a person

[SephYuyX]

The answer is the same when killing a person; natural causes. My family owns a tree/landscaping/spraying/lighting business and sometimes I over hear things.

What type of tree is it? If it's an ash tree, youre in luck, there has been a plague of Emerald Ash Borer beetles this past year, they will quickly destroy an ash tree and the trees death will just be another victim.

You could also try Gypsy Moths, I believe theyre the #1 killer of trees in general, but youll have to wait till spring to see the effects. I did a quick search on some other bugs real quick; Longhorn Beetles do a good job, but take some time as well, the Elm Bark Beetle does a good job on elm trees, and the forest variety of Tent Caterpillars will attack most wild cherrys, oaks, maples and other forest like shade trees.

If the tree is around powerlines, you could say it was obstructing them and may pull them down, if the tree is old you could see how rotten it is and have it taken down because of that. Just pull up your local tree saftey laws for your area and take a look for a loop hole.

[Artemas]

Oh no, you can only have cable TV. Poor baby.
I'm with the tree-huggers, let it be.

And what? Lose out on Direct TV HD? It has all the best channels in crisp and clear picture quality. That's three times the HD capacity that Cable has!

Are you making a commission from Direct TV..?

[Bunnykillah]

Call Hexxus.
http://hexxus.ytmnd.com/

[Turambar]

I'm surprised nobody's mentioned stripping a ring of bark off the tree yet.

[SephYuyX]

Girdling is effective, but quite apparent that it was done on purpose.

[rezn0r]

plant another tree next to it

[Fooma]

If trees are alive, then theoretically they can come back as ghosts.

Killing it will only be the start of your problems.

[Khamsin]

plant another tree next to it

Or one of those plants from another continent that would quickly take over and hog all the water and nutrients when released here, and are a bitch to get rid of.

[oxx2]

or you could go with my good ol' friend 42" Husqvarna
http://i8.ebayimg.com/04/i/000/95/3f/e299_1.JPG

goooooooood DAM that is a sexy chainsaw

my is only 18" - i have chainsaw envy for sure

imagine trying to sharpen that thang

[Mizango]

or you could go with my good ol' friend 42" Husqvarna
http://i8.ebayimg.com/04/i/000/95/3f/e299_1.JPG

lol.

[Misterjingles]

Bullets. Lots of them.