Weirdest shit you done as a child

[Takie]

When I was like 4 or 5 we went to my mother's aunt's house and her son, my mother's cousin, had a computer. In retrospect, it was probably a 386 or 486 with shitty ass graphics hooked up to an even worse TV, but it was a computer so it was soooooooo cool. Anyway, whenever we went there, I would become so immersed in the game that I wouldn't wanna' get up, ever, for anything. So once when I really had to use the restroom, I figured walking across the hall and coming back would take too long. So I took off my pants and took a dump underneath the table. To top it off, I used the tablecloth to wipe my ass...

Needless to say I was never left in that room unsupervised again...

ps - is kiro in bg hall of fame for best gif avatars and sigs yet?

I second this motion :nikkei:

[Dmitry]

Bumping this cuz I know you guys have got to have more stories. Unfortunately I don't have anything really weird that I can remember ever doing.

[Faris]

I dont know if that counts, but:
When I was a child I used to think that black people were different from us because my sudanese neighbor's daughter used to eat sand for attention (she was my age), so I thought they all used to do that, like their stomach digest different stuff than us.

[Natallon]

When I was like 4 or 5 we went to my mother's aunt's house and her son, my mother's cousin, had a computer. In retrospect, it was probably a 386 or 486 with shitty ass graphics hooked up to an even worse TV, but it was a computer so it was soooooooo cool. Anyway, whenever we went there, I would become so immersed in the game that I wouldn't wanna' get up, ever, for anything. So once when I really had to use the restroom, I figured walking across the hall and coming back would take too long. So I took off my pants and took a dump underneath the table. To top it off, I used the tablecloth to wipe my ass...

Needless to say I was never left in that room unsupervised again...

ps - is kiro in bg hall of fame for best gif avatars and sigs yet?

I second this motion :nikkei:

that made my life

[Atreausolis]

Thread made of win here


I used to watch raindrops fall down windows, name them, and cheer them on while pretending they were racing to the bottom.

I took a crap in the main hallway of my 5A rival High School the night of their Homecoming.

For an entire month of my preteens I thought it was "opposite month" and that everything I thought was the opposite of what I really should do. I.E. I would tell myself "Don't touch that glass" then I would touch it like 4 times.


Contrary to popular belief, and my parents belief when I was 14, I am not autistic, I have a college degree in Biology, and I absolutely have OCD.

[thegilseller]

When I was about 4 I used to run around my house on all fours pretending I was a dog. I decided one time to take it to the next level and left a nice huge piece of crap near the staircase going to my basement. My mom takes me and goes "I'm going to teach you a lesson" and shoves my face in it.


I never shit anywhere but in the toilet ever again.

[Ace-o-fire]

Thread made of win here


I used to watch raindrops fall down windows, name them, and cheer them on while pretending they were racing to the bottom.

I did that shit too!

I once bought a hamster had it for a week, and thought I could teach it how to fly, so i dropped it of the apartment window.

The weirdest would I would mask little plaster figures from the kits you where able to get at the craft store, but when they where done I would eat them. I would shit chalky crap for like a week. No one really caught on to this, but I did with up till the 7th grade.

I also filled up water glasses and left them around my house, without even drinking them, just leave them out in the open.

[Faris]

I also filled up water glasses and left them around my house, without even drinking them, just leave them out in the open.

Damn, like in Signs the movie. Mel Gibson's daughter did the exact same thing.

[Tricen]

I also filled up water glasses and left them around my house, without even drinking them, just leave them out in the open.

Damn, like in Signs the movie. Mel Gibson's daughter did the exact same thing.

No she didn't.

[Faris]

Right, my bad. just reminded me of that.

[Tricen]

You were in my LS. I was like woah, you were in my LS.

[Chastiti]

Hmm, let's see. I remember my mother was taking a shower one day and my brother, who is four years older than me, decided it'd be a good idea to stick a fork into the electrical outlet. The lights dimmed and it turned his thumb black, so he put his hand behind his back and turned to me and said "Okay, it's your turn!"

When I was really young, my mother took me to one of those churches where people are like running the aisles and whatnot. I puke in the middle of the aise and I remember all these old guys running and jumping over it.

Weirdest thing I used to think, is that, all cats are girls and all dogs are boys, they had sex and if they had a girl it was a kitten and if it was a boy, they had a puppy. >.>

[Cesaria]

Daft ones I've come across working as a teacher for little kids.

Thankfully this one wasn't my class but a kid in the school a few years before I started work there used to shit his pants and then stick his hand into it and smear it all around the building, behind cupboards and everything - they were still finding his crap about 2 years later.

Taught a couple of kids who liked to masturbate under the table - try explaining that one on parents' evening.

Endless glue stick eating kids, little boys having weeing competitions all over the place and comparing tiddlers in the swimming pool changing rooms. One of the kids commented to me, "I wasn't impressed Miss" which just cracked me up. Another boy decided to ram a pencil up his mate's nose to see what happened - took about 2 hours for the nose bleed to stop.

Stuff up noses is always a popular one, and the endless experiments as to what school safety scissors will actually cut - another teacher in the school was making landscape collage pictures in art and had a tonne of blue and green fabric on the floor for the kids to help themselves to. One kid's school sweater fell off the back of the chair into the pile of fabric and unfortunately the school uniform was blue. That was a fair bit of explaining to do to parents that evening about why their kid's sweater was now several rivers in pictures on the wall. Kids cutting chunks out of their friends' hair is always a popular one too.

Best one I came across recently was the school yard that had basketball hoops in the yard. One of the kids shows up for school hideously early one morning (we're talking before half the teaching staff had arrived) and goes to muck around on the yard. Decides to model all the guys he's seen on telly swinging off the basketball hoops, climbs up the post and swings on it - hoop promptly comes off the board, drops to the ground, whacking him on the head and knocking him out.

There is very little that shocks me much anymore. Not to mention the stuff they will gladly grass their parents up for having done at home - you hear all sorts about who's shagging who, who got arrested, who's had fights with who and stuff.

[Takie]

Taught a couple of kids who liked to masturbate under the table - try explaining that one on parents' evening.

ROFL I had to reread this a couple of times to make sure you weren't the one who taught them to do it

[Takie]

My mother had this weird complex about how if she let my sister & I out to play with friends or other kids, if we came back home for a snack or something, she'd be like "That's enough for today, now stay and read a book" or some boring shit like that, so the following stories will make more sense

When I was like two or three we lived in an apartment complex with a pool and one summer my sister and I and some other kids from the complex were in the pool. My sister had to use the restroom, but if she had gone back up, my mother wouldn't have let her come back down and continue playing, so she relieved herself in the pool. Mind you, she had to go #2, not #1. To make things worse, after the fact, in order to divert attention away from herself, she said "Hey kids, what's that?" and pointed at the questionable object floating in the pool

A few months later, that same apartment complex also had a huge ass garage for all the tenants to park their cars and there was a set of stairs that led into the garage. There was a cat that lived in the basement, it didn't belong to anyone, but it always roamed around down there cause it was shady and cool. My sister, once again, had to relieve herself (#2) and picked the dark corner underneath the stairs as her location of choice. But she was afraid that the cat might come out of nowhere and scratch her ass, so I had to play lookout in front of the stairs to protect her against the cat... I got a broom and my bicycle helmet to fend off the cat while she pooped

Once while shopping with my mother, I saw a guy on the street and he spit on the floor and I thought he was so cool, so to emulate him, I spit on the floor too. Of all places, I spit on my mother's shoe... Needless to say that didn't end well...

At my grandmother's house, she had marble stairs that led to the above floor. My sister had just learned about the French revolution and Marie Antoinette and the guillotine and she felt it prudent to educate me on the matter, so she forced me to stick my head between the marble posts of the stairs and she'd drop shit on my head from above. Well, my head somehow got stuck and we couldn't get it out, no matter what we tried. Nothing worked, not even soap and stuff so people had to come and cut through the marble to get my head out... We got such a beating from my grandmother...

When I was first born, my sister had been an only child for two years and she didn't like the attention I was getting nor the fact that I would cry at night and she kept telling my parents that they should "return him to the hospital, he's no good". A few days later she saw my mother changing me for the first time and pointed between my legs and asked what that is and how come she didn't have one. For a few days she cried and whined and told my parents she wanted one too, so they were afraid of leaving me alone with her in the room in case she decided to take a scissor and claim my penis -.-

More to come when I remember... :nikkei:

[Skyylya]

I didn't do anything really outrageous I don't think. But i've had some stupid moments in my youth.

Off the top of my head I remember after seeing mary poppins for the first time i grabbed an umbrella and jumped off the roof of a shed that was like 10 feet high (don't remember how I got up there), but the umbrella certainly didn't allow me to float easily down.

another time my brother and a couple of his friends were chasing me around our yard, I climbed up our treefort type thing and went to go jump out when they started climbing up and slide down the fire pole...only I missed the fire pole and jumped down and hurt my leg.

I remember the first time i ever jerked off it was dark and I was in bed and when all the liquidy stuff suprisingly came out I was worried that I was like hurt somehow and was leaking some necessary fluid from my penis. I was young and hadn't really learned anything about that and didn't know what semen or sperm were, but I remember going into the bathroom and inspecting myself to make sure I was ok.

I once sat on my brothers face with his nose between my cheek's and let out a nice fruitful fart (this is Briste btw )

This is probably one of the most funny stories I remember from childhood and has a couple parts.

My brother, briste, one of our friends and I used to always go behind my dad's house and cut little tree's down with the hatchet's he gave us. Well we cut one down and it fell over a marsh so I smartly crolled out on it over the water and started cutting branches off...well my brother and our friend directed me to one branch in particular so I started cutting that. After looking at it I realized or had thought that it was the main branch supporting the tree. My brother and our friend assured me it was one of the other few branches that were and so I continued cutting only to cut it completely and tumble down into the water.

Part 2: I got him back pretty good though. He decided this one time to climb up to the top of one of these tree's and cut it from the top to the bottom. So he's like 15 feet up in the air or something like that sitting on a branch cutting, while I began to cut the tree at the base. Well he wasn't able to climb down or anything and I cut the tree down while he was up at the top and he fell with the tree and landed in a pricker bush.


That's all I can think of right now.

[Ace-o-fire]

i use to pee in the stair well when i was younger.

[Kooldac]

My childhood sucked apparently. Anyways the only time I've been to catholic mass, I was dragged there by my cousin/uncle when I was 8. On the way out, there were two steps leading out the door. I was small so I looked for something to hold onto as I stepped down. The closest thing I found was a protrusion from the wall. So I grabbed on. Needless to say I found out that this protrusion had holy water in it. Some old guy gave me a dirty look behind me...

[Anyway]

I had a childhood "girlfriend" back when I was like 7. We tried to do everything sexual under the sun. Well we found a medical encyclopedia one time and flipped to the section about sex. In the picture, the man was lying on top of the woman, missionary, but you couldnt see below the waist. So we got naked, I got on top of her, and we layed there. Waiting for something to happen. Something did happen, her mom walked in. Good times

When I was like 8 or 9, my neighbor used to drive me home from school and she was such a bitch. Would always just scream at us and tell us we weren't allowed to talk the whole ride home. So one time I told her I didnt feel good and she said well youll just have to wait til you get home. I puked into one of those pouches that are on the back of seats in minivans and didnt say anything. Her son (who I hated) got blamed for it and grounded for a month.

Used to put itchy balls and those prickly things that you get from running through high grass, into my dad's shoes all the time. I thought it was hilarious.

I juI used to have one of these net things you throw a baseball at and it comes back to you. Supposed to help you pitch. Me being the genius I was, didn't like the net to be in the shade where my dad put it. So I moved it to the side of my house facing the street. Threw a wild ass pitch and it went through my neighbors passenger window and knocked over an old dunkin donuts coffee she had in there, ruining the seat as well.

[Misterjingles]

After one of the many verbal lashings from my parents for me doing something stupid (again) I decided that I had enough, I grabbed two duffel bags and a backpack and packed all my essentials (N64, Playstation, Calvin and Hobbes comics, my pouch full of Victoria Secret cutouts, beef jerky, Optimus Prime, Megazord, and underwear) to head to Canada (my reasons was that snow is cool, and probably Calvin and Hobbes live up there) So I go and call my friend and said that I was running away to canada and asked if he wanted to come, he basically agrees and meet up with me. Before I set off I yell "I'M OFF TO CANADA SUCKERS" to my parents and run out. My friend and I make it approximately 5 blocks before we see my parents car. If you seen "Old School" and recall how they got their recruits, that is basically how they pulled up to us:

"GET IN THE CAR"

"NEVER!!!! I'M GOING TO CHILL WITH CALVIN AND HOBBES IN CANANDA"

:friend goes into the car:

"WHAT THE HELL MAN?!"

"I'm tired, see ya"

"Now you have three choices: You can run away to canada where we will find you and beat your ass, You can walk home to where we will be your ass, or you can get into the car, where we will take you home... and beat your ass"

I run.













But I never really had a chance to get away. And thus ended my journey to Canada.