Thoughts on this predicament

[Senji]

Perhaps its already been stated, but OP's posting their age could be useful for replys. Big difference between 15/25/35 on this relationship/girl stuff.

-teen: "lulz just go have fun with diff girls"
-adult: "kick the nutjob out before they seriously damage your future"
/greyarea- its college

etc.

[Tonko]

If she leaves him for you, she'll leave you for someone else.

[Vigilia]

If she leaves him for you, she'll leave you for someone else.

My thoughts exactly. Nutcases like that always need someone to cling onto. If you do get together with her, the day you ignore/mistreat/piss her off she will find some other emotionally vulnerable schmuck to letch onto. And read your own post Arlania..

Reason I think she's with this current guy is because she used to live in FL, got engaged to a guy that promised her the world and then turned around and treated her like shit when they moved to the midwest, this guy came along and saved her from that situation and since she has nothing she's just there with him. I guess it might be best to just give the whole thing time to let her see the differences herself w/o needing to say anything. I did however tell her that I can see he treats her like a possession more then a person.

She was with a guy, who was nice to her and then turned nasty. She found another guy that was nice to her and then turned nasty (by her definitions, I don't have a clue what these guys were like). Now she's found another guy who's nice to her..... You don't see a pattern at all?

[Charla]

It's posts like this that make you go "if only life was like erogames..."

[Maguspk]

Unfortunately the only thing you can do is just tell her you're there for her and move on, continuing to be her friend when you feel necessary. Don't try and convince her to leave her boyfriend, don't try and paint yourself as a better option, just leave her be. If she brings up her boyfriend again, just be as tactful as possible and tell her that you don't want to hear her complain about her boyfriend anymore. When she asks why, either tell her the truth (that you really don't want her to tell you problems about a guy she's staying with) or lie to her (that you don't want to hear about it anymore).

Either way, her body language is clear. If she wanted you, she'd have broken up with him. What she's doing is building a rapport with you and seeing if you're somebody worth 'jumping' to. If you're not, she'll find someone else. Until she does, she's going to stay with him no matter what she says about him. That's how some women are, unfortunately.

Best advice in the thread, I would have said something along similar lines. She's simply gauging if you're value is higher than her boyfriends and if you're worth leaving him for. Don't put up with that bullshit, it only makes you look badly.

[Izzy]

If she leaves him for you, she'll leave you for someone else.

I take back my previous post. Tonko is right. If she's willing to ditch her current boyfriend, what's to say she's not willing to dump your ass when she finds someone more interesting as well?

[Aeromyth]

As long as you would win in a fight with the current boyfriend, shes fair game now.
If he could kick your ass, you're already in some pretty hot water.

[Deejay]

Ew, isn't Arlania the one who pretended to be a girl on ffxi.

Like the thousands of other dudes who have and still do the same thing? Who cares... there are no women on the internets.

And post pictures of "herself" all over forums for his e-bf's to jack off to?

This is normal? Sorry, must've missed that memo.

Edit: Noticed he didn't use one "he" or "she" in the OP.

[kuronosan]

If she leaves him for you, she'll leave you for someone else.

That's not very good logic. Matter of fact, that's really terrible logic. As with everything it all depends on the circumstance.

[Lexa]

Not saying this goes for everyone, of course, but a lot of people who stay in shitty relationships do it out of low self-esteem, thinking they can't possibly get anything better, and shitty beats nothing at all.

Self-esteem down the shitter = more drama than it's worth. Don't do eet!

[Charla]

Psychology isn't the same thing as logic. And the most important circumstance here is that she's involved.

[wyrmtung]

If she leaves him for you, she'll leave you for someone else.

That's not very good logic. Matter of fact, that's really terrible logic. As with everything it all depends on the circumstance.

Nah, i think Tonko's statement is basically a law of nature. Sure there may be exceptions (like in the movies for example) but this is pretty much how it is for 90% of the cases out there. (And, yes, my random statistic was just made up but it still makes me look like I know what I'm talking about amirite?)

Story time:
I had a friend who was in a relationship with a married man. It was the total cliche storyline. Of course they were "in love." Of course he couldn't leave his wife because of their kid (because this guy was such a great father and all ) Of course his wife was a "bitch" so my friend had no guilt about cheating. Of course anyone (which was everyone) who disapproved just didn't understand that their relationship was "different" from the millions of other adulterous relationships throughout history. Of course he was eventually going to leave his wife because he finally found his "true love."

So anyway, I got another job and moved to another part of town and stopped talking to her. Like three years later I ask a mutual friend how she is doing. Apparently about a year later, she got knocked up by this loser. The loser, being such an honorable guy, then left his wife and moved in with his knocked up lover. They were even engaged for a while. But after they lived together they constantly fought and eventually he broke off the engagement and moved out.

So it's not out of line to send her an email saying "I told you so" is it?

Seriously though, getting involved with someone already in a relationship is a bad idea. And it's also worse to be the one to break them up. I also don't get why people think that the person they are cheating with is good marriage (or long term relationship) material. If they can cheat on someone to be with you then they won't have a problem cheating on you to be with someone else.

[Charla]

But it all depends on circumstance! Didn't you hear? People can change, man! [/sarcsasm]

[Septimus]

Realistic advice

She is just playing a game with you, she will eventually ruin your life. Been posted in here already, and I am very proud of our posters that generated such an amount of good advice so quickly.

Advice that you really want to hear

You can be her knight in shining armor and save her from her terrible relationship! Once she gets away from that ogre of a man and moves in with you (you paying the expenses of course), her life with become perfect and you two will live happily ever after! To hell with the nay-sayers, this time will be different, your bliss is waiting for you, just as soon as she trusts you enough to leave this guy, part of a string of horrible relationships that has absolutely nothing to do with her horrible life choices.

From your posts, I am guessing that there is an 70%-80% chance that you are not going to listen to the good relationship advice given in this thread, since you immediately jumped to her defense, so go ahead and plunge in with both feet.

My female roommate (who I love because she thinks like a gay man) wanted me to leave you with the words of the immortal Kat Williams. "Women like to complain about ain't-shit men. Maybe they keep attracting ain't-shit men because they have an ain't-shit pussy."

[Tonko]

If she leaves him for you, she'll leave you for someone else.

That's not very good logic. Matter of fact, that's really terrible logic. As with everything it all depends on the circumstance.

No it doesn't, if a person is predisposed to be unfaithful, emotionally or otherwise, they will do it in every relationship they are in, with incredibly rare exceptions. (read: Not common enough to bother banking on) It's a simple factor of personality. Remember: You are not special, you are just like everyone else, if she replaces him with you, you are still him to her.

[Jefe]

If she leaves him for you, she'll leave you for someone else.

That's not very good logic. Matter of fact, that's really terrible logic. As with everything it all depends on the circumstance.

This man speaks the truth

TC, there are two possible scenarios from your point of view:

• 1. She leaves the guy for you and you live happily ever after.[/*:m:3u2fu3ja]
• 2. She leaves the guy for you and something happens that makes you truly unhappy.[/*:m:3u2fu3ja]

Knowing that are you willing to take the risk? If you ask me, the options are about the same for every relationship in that situation. I say fuck it, go for it (if you love her) but not while she's still in the relationship! So which will you choose? Go by the one that brings the greatest happiness (ideally would be for both), good luck. ;o

PS: Unless she has a decease (an addiction, mental thing, etc.) then the chances of the patterns (see quote) have a greater number of happening. Other than that, pay no attention at those comments simply because they are illogical.

[Norelco]

Realistic advice

She is just playing a game with you, she will eventually ruin your life. Been posted in here already, and I am very proud of our posters that generated such an amount of good advice so quickly.

I attribute this to people having first-hand knowledge of this because it has happened to them, or because they know someone this has happened to, all because of FFXI or some other MMORPG.

[Charla]

Look at it this way: based on her own account of her previous two relationships, she's followed a pattern of finding someone, running into problems with him, then getting rescued by someone else and running into more problems. Therefore, logically, it's a safe assumption that she's going to continue following this same pattern.

[kuronosan]

Nah, all my advice comes from real life experience.

Oh, and for those who said "but teh omgz people change lolz /sarcasm" you simply don't understand human nature. It's true that there are a larger majority of people who are predisposed to make the same mistakes - but that doesn't mean that they will. You're basically saying that she's the type of person who will leave him when that may not even be true. People change as they mature and some people never change, but you can't say with certainty that the vast majority of people never wisen up and mature because that's just not true.

So again, it does depend entirely on circumstance. This guy could be the one guy that makes her change her relationship-jumping attitude as it is. Then again, she could continue to do this as long as she is stupid and immature. We don't know. He didn't ask us to tell him what kind of person she is. What he did ask was what he should do and the choice is unanimous - he needs to get away from her until she sorts herself out.

Because honestly, until she does sort herself out, there isn't any kind of predictable behavior you can safely assume will take place.

Look at it this way: based on her own account of her previous two relationships, she's followed a pattern of finding someone, running into problems with him, then getting rescued by someone else and running into more problems. Therefore, logically, it's a safe assumption that she's going to continue following this same pattern.

While it is an incredibly logical conclusion, and probably true, there is no such thing as a safe assumption when it comes to new relationships. Only smart choices.

[Tonko]

pay no attention at those comments simply because they are illogical.

By all means, how was my comment illogical? Please, elucidate.