Probably the wrong place to ask......

**Ace-o-fire** · 2008-03-01 20:12

Cut the mom and your golden.

I'm a bit like the guy in this situation. My best friend ended up being my ex-girlfriend. we where kind of off for a year then we stared talking again. She went out with other guys who alwasy thought it was weird that we where best friends.

I'm just saying that the guy might not be all intrested in her, but then again he could be a douchebag

but yea cut the mom and your golden.

**Tyche** · 2008-03-01 21:08

Cutting the mom is first and foremost. She is the enabler. As long as she exists, there will always always be a problem. Taking care of that is half the battle. You have to get this guy completely out of the picture...After taking care of the mom, I don't know where you would go from there to cut the situation off completely. Him being thousands of miles away helps, but if I were a broker, I wouldn't put much stock into this turning out well.

**noblemountain** · 2008-03-01 21:20

at the end of the day...if someone cares about you and knows something bothers you, they'll stop it. period. if not...move on.

**scrockstar** · 2008-03-01 21:48

Be a man. Tell her if she wants to be with you that means she can't have any contact with this guy.

Edit: After reading more it's clear that she is NOT ready to be married or even have a serious relationship anytime soon. If you keep dating her just be clear on these two facts and don't think the relationship is something that its not.

**Denchi** · 2008-03-01 21:55

Yeah...that's what makes me feel so shitty. As soon as I tell her "Hey look, I've given up a lot for you, why is giving this guy up so difficult?" and she always just gets defensive like "Blah blah he's a long time friend blah blah."

Funny, one of the girls I stopped talking to was one of my close friends from high school. Oh but that's "Different."

She's a really sweet girl, super super nice, way smarter than I'll ever be, but she's a people pleaser. I dunno, it seems like too much to cut it off because of him, especially because she's made it pretty clear she's not interested in him. He wasn't her first, her first was my best friend in college (Who turned out to be a fuckwad) who more or less raped her. He was a big 6'6" guy who took advantage of her niceness and made her do whatever he wanted. She finally cut it off with him after more than a year, then rebounded with her friend over the summer because she was a wreck from the first guy. Her parents (Hardcore Christians who adopted her) found out they had sex in their VW Van and basically tore them apart. She told her parents that he (Summer boyfriend) was her first, and they gave her a lot of shit for it. He's also Jewish and a huge stoner. And again, he was dating another girl back in Iowa and broke it off with my gf right as summer ended.

When they do talk, they talk about their relationship still. I wouldn't be so upset about it if they really were just friends. I have ex gf's who are cool. I don't hang out with them much, but when I see them we don't talk about our relationship, I ask her how her job is, or where she got that shirt. I don't go off saying "Oh by they way I don't need you anymore." But he's not just a friend. When he asked if he could come down to Mexico, my gf was like "Yeah that sounds awesome, let me ask my bf." And he was like "Why? Why do you have to ask him? That's stupid, why don't you just invite me."

So of course I'm not gonna like this guy, who does he think he is? Ugh, this is so stupid. I thought we were at a point where this wouldn't be an issue, and it is. And she doesn't really understand why it's such a big deal. It's just hard to think this could be a deal breaker. Maybe I should just tell her to have fun in Mexico, and deal with that guy, and when she feels ready she can call me.

**Rigor** · 2008-03-01 22:00

Maybe its just me, but I'd give her an ultimatum, you or him. It's fine to have friends of the opposite sex and everything but after they have been romantically involved its never going to just be friends.

Thats my experience atleast.

**scrockstar** · 2008-03-01 22:02

Dude, I'm going to be honest with you. From what I've read it sounds like you are into this girl far more than she is into you. I'm not going to tell you that you should brake up with her, but I think that her actions in this manner should send off major red warning lights to you.

**Denchi** · 2008-03-01 22:09

Ok. last thing.

I've told her a few times over the past 1 1/2 years that he's gotta go. And she says "ok." Well he keeps coming back, 3 and 4 months later he sends her and email or vice versa or something. So, I told her in the most recent argument that he's gotta go. She said "Fine, whatever, I'll stop talking to him."

A. It didn't sound very convincing
B. It's like the boy that cried wolf, she's always ended up talking to him after a while
C. She very actively says that she doesn't think not talking to him will solve the problem.

So, yes, she's recently told me she'll stop talking to him, but I can't say I believe her. She has a pretty bad track record when it comes to that.

**Norelco** · 2008-03-01 22:10

Denchi, you have EVERY right to be pissed off, confused, worried, and whatever other emotion comes from this girl's bullshit.

I was in a similar situation. I gave the girl an ultimatum, and she chose me. We ended up dating for 7 years and we finally got married in August.

If you're serious about marrying her, tell her how it is. Him or you. If she falters then it means she still has feelings for him and your relationship wasn't meant to be.

Good luck, and for drama's sake, please keep us updated.

**Denchi** · 2008-03-01 22:16

Well again, thanks for the input guys. I'll talk to her some more tomorrow and let you know what happens. I just have a feeling I'm gonna have to grow some balls and tell her we're done until he's gone. And then like.... actually break it off.

**isladar** · 2008-03-01 22:21

I'm not ready to write another essay on this. You know exactly what needs to happen.

**Akiyama** · 2008-03-01 22:23

You know what? I think you should bite the bullet here. When it comes to relationships, I'm about as straightforward and asshatted enough to try certain things. You should let her meet with him again to "resolve" things and tell her if she chooses to, things between you two are over. Funny thing is, this guy sounds like he just wants to fuck her, which is totally obvious and I think she knows it. Guys like that only end up hurting the girl in the end so just watch. It'll be a few months, he'll dump her again, she'll cry back to you and what will happen? Seriously, I think that's the path this whole story may take, sadly. :/

Basically, what it boils down to is you need to find out if she actually loves you or if she's been using you as an emotional crutch over the last 1.5 years. That's just what she seems like she's doing. If she's gone through what you've said, she's probably scarred for life and it'll take way more time to get over things.

Then again, there's always therapy. Maybe get to the bottom of why she'd want to "save" this relationship so much, especially if he's as bad as you put it.

As far as the mom, tell her to stop trying to plant seeds in your girl's mind because that's all she's doing. I'm sure the guy has been telling her "but mom, I love her..etc" so yeah. Cut ties with that bitch quick. Anyway, all just my opinion. D:

**Xiona** · 2008-03-01 23:03

date her as long as you want but dont marry her until there arent shady issues, or at all.

**Tyche** · 2008-03-01 23:44

Ok, so I've reflected on this...Spent the past 2 hours in a deep trance of thought. I've come to the absolute perfect solution.

You have to fuck his mom. Then, no matter what happens, she goes back to him, she doesn't, whatever...you win. You fucked his mom, and there is nothing he can do to change that. I hope she's hot. Cheers mate!

**Norelco** · 2008-03-02 00:03