Probably the wrong place to ask......

[ertyu]

Tell her to shape up or ship the fuck out. Don't let women walk all over you. Love them and be there for them always, but let them know that you aren't a doormat.

[Kitsumi]

Real simple. Tell her to end this shit or GTFO. Also, e-mail that cunt's mom and tell her to keep her fucking mouth shut.

Edit: The fact your G/F was actually OK with him coming to visit her and didn't immediately say "fuck no" would make me worried.

[Norelco]

I disagree with getting in contact about the mom. That can blow shit up real fast with your girl.

[Max™]

I had a similar situation, met my girlfriend online, went to meet her IRL, hit it off, been 5 years, etc, etc.

She had a couple of friends who liked to call a lot before I met her... one of them being a guy who said he was still in love with her, and would bring this up from time to time.

Anyway, after a while it just hit me that it really bugged me and I asked her why she still talked too him, even though he was performing a guy "no-no"... as in, something that if you said it in the presence of another guy, you could expect rightfully to get socked in the nose.

"He's just a friend, I don't have any romantic interest, he just makes me laugh."

Well, besides it being MY laugh (yes, I'm possessive, so what?) it was also MY woman he was telling he loved, so I finally asked her to stop, she did, and things have gotten better.

Basically, if someone is in a relationship with you, and doing something that hurts you for whatever reason, you don't have to sit there and go "well, it's their life".

It's your life too, if you're not comfortable with her going to meet this ex, I can't blame you, and I'd probably be more than a little miffed in said situation.

[Brill Weave]

I think every single one of you who are saying to contact the mom are out of your minds. Plain and simple, that won't amount to shit except the fast track to being single. Seriously, who the fuck calls or visits your girlfriend's ex-boyfriend's mother? I think you all have been watching too many romantic comedies.

I would honestly tell her I care alot about you but at this point you seem to care more about what this ex-boyfriend feels, than you care about how I feel. There's no reason to continue the relationship until she gets her shit straightened out.

Marriage? Um, no. Not unless you really feel like being one of those divorced within a year statistics.

[Lexa]

Let me put it this way.

I wanted to remain friends with my ex-boyfriend.

Then I changed my phone numbers, e-mail addresses and moved, to make sure he was completely cut out of my life and I would never see him again.

Remaining friends with someone =/= sleepovers in Mexico.

Your girlfriend needs to stop dicking around and sort out her feelings, because there are feelings to be sorted out here.

The end.

[Denchi]

Exactly, she needs to straighten shit out. But for some reason she feels like he needs to be involved in that process. It's just "Ignoring the problem" if they don't talk. What could I tell her to make her realize talking to him doesn't solve anything? I have no idea how girls' minds work, and it seems to be a recurring theme that they feel like they "owe" their ex-boyfriends and explanation or something, that they are responsible for their part of the relationship not working and they need to work it out. Which is retarded, because all the guy is thinking is "Man, she's still calling me, she must like me a lot."

[Enkidu]

Don't make yourself the bad guy. You give her an ultimatum, then what if she talks to this guy about it? All of a sudden he's the guy who "just wants to be friends" and you're the "controlling boyfriend". I was the douche bag ex-boyfriend once and I used all of that. A month later she was in my bedroom, still dating the other guy who had no clue.

Best bet is to show confidence both in yourself and her. Tell her you don't like it, but you trust her. Stuff like that. Just keep an eye on her. If she does have feelings for this guy and secretly wants to screw him, guess what? She will. I mean honestly if you have to worry about shit like this before you're married, you best wait another year or two before popping the question.

[Kooldac]

Your girlfriend needs to stop dicking around and sort out her feelings, because there are feelings to be sorted out here.

The end.

[Kytele]

Don't make yourself the bad guy. You give her an ultimatum, then what if she talks to this guy about it? All of a sudden he's the guy who "just wants to be friends" and you're the "controlling boyfriend". I was the douche bag ex-boyfriend once and I used all of that. A month later she was in my bedroom, still dating the other guy who had no clue.

Best bet is to show confidence both in yourself and her. Tell her you don't like it, but you trust her. Stuff like that. Just keep an eye on her. If she does have feelings for this guy and secretly wants to screw him, guess what? She will. I mean honestly if you have to worry about shit like this before you're married, you best wait another year or two before popping the question.

Trust me, if I were the guy in this there'd be no "I don't want to seem controlling" issue. It's still not ok to get cheated on or even allowing a chance to slip through. Then you just become a sucker. If the girl was smart she'd see through all the 'let's be friends'/'controlling boyfriend' bs. But she's dumb because apparently she still wants to boink the douche.

[archibaldcrane]

Don't contact his mom. Make your girlfriend tell the mom about the relationship she's been in for the past 1.5 years with you. Do not stand for your girlfriend only treating you like an important part of her life with -some- people, it's completely unacceptable that her boyfriend has intentionally never come up in her contact with the mom. She shouldn't want to hide that she is with you, with anyone, ever. Be calm, speak clearly and rationally, and deliver this message. Take no excuses from her, and be firm.

Be a man.

[Haelian]

Don't contact his mom. Make your girlfriend tell the mom about the relationship she's been in for the past 1.5 years with you. Do not stand for your girlfriend only treating you like an important part of her life with -some- people, it's completely unacceptable that her boyfriend has intentionally never come up in her contact with the mom. She shouldn't want to hide that she is with you, with anyone, ever. Be calm, speak clearly and rationally, and deliver this message. Take no excuses from her, and be firm.

Be a man.

For reals. Your gf definitely should not have kept your relationship a secret from the mother. In my eyes, the mother didn't do anything wrong really by trying to set your gf up with her son considering she didn't know your gf was with you and that's just what moms do you know.

Tell your gf to tell the mom about your relationship and that she is not interested in having any visits with her son unless YOU are present and it is clear to the guy that she is taken. Considering how much it seems like your gf wants to stay in touch with this guy, she has feelings for him still I'd say which is pretty shady and will probably pose a problem for a while. You could tell her to completely drop him although if it were me I'd probably say, "you can talk to each other but you have to tell me about it and if he says anything non-friend-like. And I WILL be there if you two are to hang out, no exceptions."

I got out of a relationship about 6 months ago where my ex was very adamant about staying friends (she broke up with me) even though my first reaction was to avoid her at all costs to just get over it. She has a boyfriend now who likes to complain about how she still talks to me and while I am willing to talk to this guy about it and explain it she won't let me (I'm guessing because she doesn't want to admit that she's the one that wanted to stay friends). Girls are fucked up, I could do without this friendship however my ex is a friend-less bum when she's home from college and has no one else to hang out with besides me and my friends. I should have just put my foot down about it from the get-go but I pussied out and said I'd still be her friend.

[Ddz]

Yeah...that's what makes me feel so shitty. As soon as I tell her "Hey look, I've given up a lot for you, why is giving this guy up so difficult?" and she always just gets defensive like "Blah blah he's a long time friend blah blah."

Funny, one of the girls I stopped talking to was one of my close friends from high school. Oh but that's "Different."

She's a really sweet girl, super super nice, way smarter than I'll ever be, but she's a people pleaser. I dunno, it seems like too much to cut it off because of him, especially because she's made it pretty clear she's not interested in him. He wasn't her first, her first was my best friend in college (Who turned out to be a fuckwad) who more or less raped her. He was a big 6'6" guy who took advantage of her niceness and made her do whatever he wanted. She finally cut it off with him after more than a year, then rebounded with her friend over the summer because she was a wreck from the first guy. Her parents (Hardcore Christians who adopted her) found out they had sex in their VW Van and basically tore them apart. She told her parents that he (Summer boyfriend) was her first, and they gave her a lot of shit for it. He's also Jewish and a huge stoner. And again, he was dating another girl back in Iowa and broke it off with my gf right as summer ended.

When they do talk, they talk about their relationship still. I wouldn't be so upset about it if they really were just friends. I have ex gf's who are cool. I don't hang out with them much, but when I see them we don't talk about our relationship, I ask her how her job is, or where she got that shirt. I don't go off saying "Oh by they way I don't need you anymore." But he's not just a friend. When he asked if he could come down to Mexico, my gf was like "Yeah that sounds awesome, let me ask my bf." And he was like "Why? Why do you have to ask him? That's stupid, why don't you just invite me."

So of course I'm not gonna like this guy, who does he think he is? Ugh, this is so stupid. I thought we were at a point where this wouldn't be an issue, and it is. And she doesn't really understand why it's such a big deal. It's just hard to think this could be a deal breaker. Maybe I should just tell her to have fun in Mexico, and deal with that guy, and when she feels ready she can call me.

I don't have any friends that don't respect my boyfriend. If they don't respect him, then they can gtfo. The problem here is that she is allowing that guy to blatantly disrespect you, and that's not fucking cool at all. This chick is definitely not ready for a serious relationship. A relationship is a partnership and your girlfriend should have better common sense than that. There are compromises.

Don't allow yourself to be ragdolled like that. You were right with what your intuition is telling you. It's him or you. Good luck! You seem like a good guy that deserves to be treated well.

[Metah]

Well you know the saying guys, women: you can't live with them, and you can't kill them either, because there's laws against stuff like that

Seriously, ultimatum, and either she stays or goes. Simple, but it won't be easy.

[clover]

from a girl's perspcetive...
if my boyfriend asked me not to invite my ex- boyfriend to mexico i would respect that. well, first off i wouldn't invite my ex-boyfriend to come visit me if i was happy in my relationship. i think it's preeeetty shady. Also, your girlfriend should understand why you wouldn't want her ex-boyfriend to visit her. i know i wouldn't want my boyfriend still talking & hanging out with a bitchy ex-girlfriend.

i'm rambling, but what i am trying to say is if your girlfriend loves & respects you she should respect your opinions on this matter.

[Norelco]

Denchi, this shit should be resolved by now. Give us an update.

[Draggy]

Real simple. Tell her to end this shit or GTFO. Also, e-mail that cunt's mom and tell her to keep her fucking mouth shut.

Edit: The fact your G/F was actually OK with him coming to visit her and didn't immediately say "fuck no" would make me worried.

Yup Tyche more or less said word for word what i wanted to say lol >.>

If you want this to work there cant be any "grey area" in between. Was going through something like this recently actually with my man-

Some people do still like certain ex-BF/GF, these things happen, but if you are uncomfortable with the way she behaves with him, or talks to him (blah blah you get the point)need to tell her straight.

If she is in this relationship as much as you are, to the point you are discussing marriage, she should be able to give up her ex BF for you. If she says no, then you should rethink wanting to be with her, dont give in to any BS excuses


P.S. i dunno if that made sense lol day and a half without sleep and no caffiene = brain implosions

Summary:

Tell her to end this shit or GTFO.

>.>

[Akiyama]

Real simple. Tell her to end this shit or GTFO. Also, e-mail that cunt's mom and tell her to keep her fucking mouth shut.

Edit: The fact your G/F was actually OK with him coming to visit her and didn't immediately say "fuck no" would make me worried.

Yup Tyche more or less said word for word what i wanted to say lol >.>

If you want this to work there cant be any "grey area" in between. Was going through something like this recently actually with my man-

Some people do still like certain ex-BF/GF, these things happen, but if you are uncomfortable with the way she behaves with him, or talks to him (blah blah you get the point)need to tell her straight.

If she is in this relationship as much as you are, to the point you are discussing marriage, she should be able to give up her ex BF for you. If she says no, then you should rethink wanting to be with her, dont give in to any BS excuses


P.S. i dunno if that made sense lol day and a half without sleep and no caffiene = brain implosions

Summary:

Tell her to end this shit or GTFO.

>.>

I agree. Don't give into the idea that "Well, who knows. Maybe it'll just pass and die down if they settled things" because it won't. You know how it goes as do all parents of young children. They give you an inch, and you take it a mile. She'd want to meet only once with this guy, then "Oh, well he's in town, figured we'd go get lunch" and then before you know it, worse stuff would happen. It's a difficult situation to be in; that of limiting your significant other from seeing someone even as friends, but in situations like these, it has to be done.

[SephYuyX]

this could be you in a few years.

This was also the first thing that I thought of.

[Kenshiin]

Everyone has given you great advice already but I just wanted to add one more thing. You have to acknowlege the fact that when you two break up she is going to sleep other men. I stayed in a relationship longer than I should have mainly because I knew that if we broke up she would be someone elses bed that same day.