Most Embarrassing Moment during Sex (NSFW)

[Dmitry]

The bras with the straps on the front are evil!

[Brill Weave]

Ok now for the last story. Which isn't so much embarassing as it is an exercise in my own personal shame. We've all had the rebound girl. This is that story. I had just broken up with my girlfriend Mary(not the one with the broken arm, a different one) and I was looking for some ass. So I called up this girl Heather who I always kind of fucked around with but never actually DID anything with. She wasn't exactly anything to write home about. Snaggletooth and not real pretty, but a decent useable body.

So I give her a buzz and ask if she wants to come over and watch a movie. Of course the answer is yes, so I immiediately begin my meticulous planning. Grab two champagne glasses and a bottle with a bucket of ice, and I wait for my booty call to arrive.

Heather shows up and we start watching a movie for about twenty minutes before we start making out pretty heavily. So I'm taking her pants off as she's going down on me and I'm just thinking, alright not a bad day. Take the panties off as she's mumbling fuck me in my ear. But of course you know the routine. Before you dive in you test the waters. So I test the waters. And my hand comes back smelling like something died on it.

My brain starts racing. Had I finally met my match? Did I finally run into the dreaded stinky pussy? Yes, I had. But I'm a trooper. So I continue on and try to push my way through it.

I'm laying on my back as she's going down on me. And all my mind is thinking about is the stench coming from my hand. I'm literally on one side of the bed with my arm stretched out on the other side.

Whole time I'm trying to devise ways to avoid it. Do I put my arm under a pillow? No, because then my pillow will smell like a dead rodent. Do I lay on top of it? No, because I will smell like a dead rodent. So the whole time she's doing her thing, I'm slowly losing my hard on. And then finally I pull out a classic.

She looks up and asks if I'm ok. I respond with the following.

"I'm sorry, I'm not ready yet. It's not you, it's me."

And I promptly tell her to get dressed and basically kick her out. Story over? No, not quite.

I go downstairs into my basement and I get that heavy duty industrial soap out. You know the kind that smells overwhelmingly of oranges and has the little chunks of grit in it? I douse my hand in it and scrub the living fuck out of it.

It doesn't work. Nothing works. My hand smelled for four days afterwards. The really sad thing is that I still kept stringing her along for another year in the hopes the stinky pussy went away. But everytime we started going at it, I broke it off because I was afraid of the smelly puss.

[Guitarman]

Dude...

[Dmitry]

My ex had that going on but it wasn't extremely bearable. Except the one time I talked her into using a douche. After that I could totally know what you were going through with that.

[archibaldcrane]

But everytime we started going at it, I broke it off because I was afraid of the smelly puss.

The first time I ever fucked a woman in the ass, well I went fingers first to...help her accomodate, and my fucking fingers smelled like shit for a week, nothing would get that stench off.

What else. Well, my first blowjob was from a transsexual I didn't know was born a man. But I digress.

The first time I went down on a girl was in the back of her car and a cop came by and broke it up - scared the shit out of me and he called me out of the car and told me "I'm a red-blooded american man, I understand what you're doing here, but you gotta take it somewhere else man". I enjoyed that he made sure to let me know he was red-blooded.

I had a girl going down on me when I was on my back, and she took her mouth off right as I was coming, and shot right in my own face. Actually that happened a couple times with that girl, but I only hit my face once - my graduate school diploma cover has a permanent stain on it too though...Clerks is right, that shit streaks if you don't clean it immediately. I'm just surprised I can shoot a load 4+ feet if properly inspired.

I'll probably think of more but yeah.

[Tyche]

ironically, this happened today. i'm putting it in spoiler tags, because you don't want to read it. Maybe you'll laugh, maybe you'll cry, you'll probably hate me. Don't read it...

[spoiler:3h6vigtx]This isn't really funny, or embarrassing to me, as I was just a witness to the aftermath. For a little background, I work at a rehabilitation center for the mentally and physically handicapped....you can probably guess where I will be going, I'd suggest to not venture further...





The story revolves around 2 people. One is a 40-something year old downs fellow. He's probably got the mind of an 8 year old. The other is in a wheelchair. I've seen him walk with a walker in the past, however, he has some type of muscle disorder that limits that kind of mobility. Both these males disappear into the bathroom. Another client notices the two had been gone for a long time and went to get our plant manager to check and make sure they are OK. He walks into the bathroom, sees a pair of wheels and a pair of knees on the ground. He opened the stall, and his world instantly changed. The guy with downs was going down on the wheelchair kid. The kid in the wheelchair is probably in his lower 20's. Thank god it wasn't me that went to check on them...what happens now, I'm not for sure. We don't want to contact the downs guy's mom because she's like 80 and in pretty bad health as it is. We don't want to put a lot of stress onto her.[/spoiler:3h6vigtx]

This story, somewhat tamer, takes place whilst I was nom nom noming on my fiancee. I decided to get a little bit too frisky, and I actually nommed...chewed right into her clit. Apparently this is really sensitive and it doesn't like getting bitten. This had to be quite painful, as she cried for a long time.

[Natallon]

ironically, this happened today. i'm putting it in spoiler tags, because you don't want to read it. Maybe you'll laugh, maybe you'll cry, you'll probably hate me. Don't read it...

[spoiler:trwz85rs]This isn't really funny, or embarrassing to me, as I was just a witness to the aftermath. For a little background, I work at a rehabilitation center for the mentally and physically handicapped....you can probably guess where I will be going, I'd suggest to not venture further...





The story revolves around 2 people. One is a 40-something year old downs fellow. He's probably got the mind of an 8 year old. The other is in a wheelchair. I've seen him walk with a walker in the past, however, he has some type of muscle disorder that limits that kind of mobility. Both these males disappear into the bathroom. Another client notices the two had been gone for a long time and went to get our plant manager to check and make sure they are OK. He walks into the bathroom, sees a pair of wheels and a pair of knees on the ground. He opened the stall, and his world instantly changed. The guy with downs was going down on the wheelchair kid. The kid in the wheelchair is probably in his lower 20's. Thank god it wasn't me that went to check on them...what happens now, I'm not for sure. We don't want to contact the downs guy's mom because she's like 80 and in pretty bad health as it is. We don't want to put a lot of stress onto her.[/spoiler:trwz85rs]

This story, somewhat tamer, takes place whilst I was nom nom noming on my fiancee. I decided to get a little bit too frisky, and I actually nommed...chewed right into her clit. Apparently this is really sensitive and it doesn't like getting bitten. This had to be quite painful, as she cried for a long time.

oh my lord at the spoiler story xD

[Dmitry]

[spoiler:3cyh70c4]Did the manager let them finish at least? lol[/spoiler:3cyh70c4]

Spoiler'd response to spoiler.

[Norelco]

lol Tyche, wtf...

Brill...you got some good stories man.

[Senoska]

[spoiler:2u9cibpf]This isn't really funny, or embarrassing to me, as I was just a witness to the aftermath. For a little background, I work at a rehabilitation center for the mentally and physically handicapped....you can probably guess where I will be going, I'd suggest to not venture further...





The story revolves around 2 people. One is a 40-something year old downs fellow. He's probably got the mind of an 8 year old. The other is in a wheelchair. I've seen him walk with a walker in the past, however, he has some type of muscle disorder that limits that kind of mobility. Both these males disappear into the bathroom. Another client notices the two had been gone for a long time and went to get our plant manager to check and make sure they are OK. He walks into the bathroom, sees a pair of wheels and a pair of knees on the ground. He opened the stall, and his world instantly changed. The guy with downs was going down on the wheelchair kid. The kid in the wheelchair is probably in his lower 20's. Thank god it wasn't me that went to check on them...what happens now, I'm not for sure. We don't want to contact the downs guy's mom because she's like 80 and in pretty bad health as it is. We don't want to put a lot of stress onto her.[/spoiler:2u9cibpf]

I'm really glad I read the rest of that because I thought it was going somewhere else.

[ferigor]

My girlfriend at the time would always come over for lunch and we'd have a quick nooner and then I'd go back to sleep for my afternoon classes. We were going at it on the couch and then I smell a very nasty fart. I wanted to check with her to mke sure it wasn't actually me.
"Did you fart?"
"Yeah..."
She gets up off me and curls up on the couch and starts sobbing.
"You know, its not that big of a deal..."
"This is the first time I've ever farted in front of anyone! Not even my mom!"

The same girl later moved in with me. It was my college house so I lived with 3 other guys, but I had the nicest room, the loft up stairs (It was probably 3 times the size of the other rooms, and it had a bar with a fully functional sink! it was tits). I also had a fridge upstairs so I could keep shit away from my cheap ass roommates, but they'd still come up and grab sodas and shit. There was no door to the stairs, just a spiral staircase up and whenever my lady and I would be getting down to business, I'd put up this velvet rope that I stole so people knew not to come up.
There we are, stark naked, mid coitis, when I hear one of my friends coming up the steps. He peers over the banister and sees us going at it. Ducks down and proceeds to crawl to the fridge to grab a soda and leave. As he's leaving "Just grabbing a soda man."

[Elesirdur]

This is by far not the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to me during sex/sex activities. In fact, I'm quite proud of it in a rather twisted way and could not think of a more hilarious way for this to happen.

The event in question was a spontaneous pneumothorax.

My girlfriend had been off in France for over two weeks on a class junket and had just returned that afternoon. We hooked up in the evening and pretty much had our clothes off within 5 minutes her arriving at my apartment. Bad part was that she had started her period a few days before so sex was off, but damn did she really want to give me a blowjob. Now she gives some wickedly good head, but the combination of seeing her again and about three weeks of abstinance made this really amazing. So amazing that, just as I climaxed my left lung collapsed.

Yes, my girlfriend collapsed my lung with a blowjob.

At the time, I though I had a heart attack - my heart was racing, my chest hurt, I was dizzy, and really quite scared (only 23 at the time) that something so serious was happening. So, she drove me to the Emergency Room, I related the circumstances of the incident to the stone-faced triage nurse and sat in triage...for seven fucking hours with only so much as an EKG. I eventually went home in frustration at about 2:30 in the morning and went to see a drop in clinic doctor the next morning. She couldn't quite figure our what was wrong with me, but sent me off for a set of chest x-rays. The images showed that about 30% of my left lung was collapsed and off to the ER I went again to have a lovely tube inserted into my side to re-inflate my lung. Turns out tall skinny guys like me have a high incident of spontaneous pneumothorax, something to do with the lung not adhering well to the plurea because of the overall structure of the body, and it would have happened one day or another.

I related the story to the doctors who finally saw me when I received the treatment, of who the ER doctor and respirologist thought it was hilarious how it happened. I still think it's about one of the funniest things to ever happen to me, and even though my girlfriend (who I'm still with more than a year later) was very scared at the time, she's actually a little proud of her achievement.

[Senoska]

told this story before but I had testicular torsion(Thankfully by the time I got to the hospital my nuts untwisted) and got felt up by some hot asian bitch who was rubbing my nuts with hot liquid (for an ultrasound). Shockingly, my insurance apparently covers call girls. That was the only "strange" thing to ever happen to me, and it wasn't really sex... or at least to the other person it wasn't...

[Zetah]

Stop fagging up the thread already

Orgasm migraine hahahaha

It's not funneh =( Its like the ultimate bait and switch.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coital_cephalalgia

Had a girl who would only do anything in the dark (she had issues since she used to be bigger). We were going at it one night when someone started pounding on the apartment door. She made me go answer it. So I put on my boxers and went to the door. Her ex was there drunk off his ass. I told him to GTFO or I would call the cops. He stood there for a second and just stared at me funny. I shut the door in his face and went back the bedroom. When I got back in my girl started laughing and then informed me that my junk was hanging out the slot of my boxers. On the bright side her ex finally got the hint she was over him.

rofl... Funnier if your junk is bigger than his... (obviously the answer will be yes)

lol, I don't care what it's called, it's still fucking funny. Doing it and then getting a huge migraine while you're orgasming, so you look like you're hating it, and ironically something that's supposed to bring a lot of pleasure is bringing much pain. I love it.

[Meat]

1st time i was intimate with my gf she mentioned that I was making her squirm, i heard it as squirt and preceded to blurt out "that's right baby, squirt for me, quirt all over my dick", she was not ammused

[archibaldcrane]

1st time i was intimate with my gf she mentioned that I was making her squirm, i heard it as squirt and preceded to blurt out "that's right baby, squirt for me, quirt all over my dick", she was not ammused

Not embarrassing, but I fucked a hardcore gusher for a bit a few years ago - the first time I really realized it was when she was riding me and right as she was about to come she lifted up too high and slid me out...then proceeded to bathe my stomach in juice.

It was like someone shot-gunned a can of warm soda onto my torso and groin - bedsheets completely soaked on either side. Somewhat surprisingly, the liquid is odorless, just makes the sheets kinda stiff when it dries.

She said she has to do laundry a lot.

[Kaliden]

1st time i was intimate with my gf she mentioned that I was making her squirm, i heard it as squirt and preceded to blurt out "that's right baby, squirt for me, quirt all over my dick", she was not ammused

lol, that's so rad.

[Akun]

Accidentally pushed my finger into a girl's asshole when I was fingering her.

[Norelco]

"Just grabbing a soda man."

I fucking LOL'd.

[Jedimasta]

"Just grabbing a soda man."

I fucking LOL'd.

I blew by that story the first time but oh god. I wouldn't even be that pissed, I would've been laughing my ass off haha