Marriage and "Ray Romano Syndrome"

[Zanz L. Barre The 3rd]

He's gay? Not that hard to figure out.

[Neosutra]

Woman that cant keep up with their husbands sex drive (or vice verse) shouldnt be upset when their spouse cheats.

But that basically goes back to:

If your a fucking horndog who needs it 3 times a day (like me sadly), dont marry a woman that wants it 3 times a month.

Your setting yourself up for failure.

Oh, and if the woman said to you "if i love a man, then sex isnt important to me anymore", then you should respond with "then Im glad I dont love you bitch". Seriously, I dont think your woman understands what she said. Thats like a man saying "if i love a woman, then emotional expression isnt important to me".

For most men, alot of our relationship communication is physical and done through sex, while most woman need the emotional. Your woman is basically saying once she gets what she needs, you can go fly a kite. Drop her now.

[Metah]

I thought Debra doesn't want sex because Ray isn't Scientologist

[Boyiee]

Oh, and if the woman said to you "if i love a man, then sex isnt important to me anymore"
Thats like a man saying "if i love a woman, then emotional expression isnt important to me".

Fucking amazing.

[Pamelita]

Withholding sex as a way to punish your partner for issues outside the bedroom is a terrible way to maintain a relationship.

This can be true if a couple is not madly in love with each other. If you are in love, however, what the fuck do you expect?

I agree that it's frustrating when you want it and your partner doesn't. But do you really expect your partners to fuck you while they're pissed off at you?

I don't know about you, but sex is the last thing on my mind when I'm pissed. I have no interest in faking shit when I'm pissed, and I have no interest on someone faking it with me if they're pissed at me. And if someone has to fake something like sex, then why be together?

And what the fuck happened to compromise? You're with someone because you care about them and want to see them happy, and if neither is willing to compromise (again), why be together?

Woman that cant keep up with their husbands sex drive (or vice verse) shouldnt be upset when their spouse cheats.

Wut?

Fuck the "whaaa they don't love me", cheating is disrespectful. And you can be god damn sure anyone who is disrespected and cheated on should be upset (unless they've been disrespectful themselves). You're right about the rest, chose wisely who you get married to.

[archibaldcrane]

Fuck the "whaaa they don't love me", cheating is disrespectful.

I agree, but using sex as a carrot to make your donkey husband take out the garbage isn't treating him with much respect either.

[Metah]

Oh respect between two people who supposedly love each other is -so- over rated.

[Day]

I am a guy with a low sex drive. I am 25 years old. I have sex about twice a week with my partner, sometimes three. If it was his choice we'd have sex three times a day every day. I just think its too much effort to be honest and I don't want to bother with it. I'd rather just masterbate.

wat

OMG TEH GAYS. Run nigga run.

Anyways, communication and honesty are key. Be upfront and request the same in return. Honestly sounded like she was trying to compliment you in a odd way... I wouldn't read into it much... if you're serious about her, and are with her long enough, there will be plenty of times where one of you won't be in the mood, and that's ok, just so your open about it. You should tell her your concerns and just let her know you want to be on the same page, whatever that may be.

[Pamelita]

Fuck the "whaaa they don't love me", cheating is disrespectful.

I agree, but using sex as a carrot to make your donkey husband take out the garbage isn't treating him with much respect either.

That's why I said that you should be upset unless you've also been disrespectful. =)

[archibaldcrane]

I guess I just see sex with the person you love as something important, that petty day-to-day squabbles/stresses/minor pains shouldn't interfere with.

[Acturus]

I guess I just see sex with the person you love as something important, that petty day-to-day squabbles/stresses/minor pains shouldn't interfere with.

That's not a bad way to view it.

But what's more important is that you AND your partner view sex in the same terms. Ultimately whether you're boinking like rabbits or not, as long as both of you have the same understanding of sex as it is in your relationship with each other, then the two of you should not have too many issues with it.

[tessy cat]

:3

While I'm not married, I've been in a committed long-term relationship that rarely involved sex. When we first got together, it occurred naturally and frequently. As time went on though, and our relationship grew stale, it became significantly harder for me to be in the mood. I'm not sure if I'm atypical for a female, but I almost never crave sex. I'm usually receptive to the prospect, but for me that means lots of foreplay and letting things happen as they will. For him it was quite opposite. He was ready for it pretty much any time of day, and foreplay to him consisted of a cheesy pick up line followed by copping a cheap feel when I wasn't looking then trying to stick it in me.

Needless to say, I was never really turned on then. When we'd have sex, which was usually about once a month unless something weird was going on with me hormonally that made me want it more than usual, it was a disappointment. He tended to be a pretty selfish and immature lover, and to this day, I still don't think he knows what a clitoris is. I'd fake it, tell him to hurry up (i.e. "oh _____, cum for me~"), and then I'd feel a lot less guilty about withholding for awhile. I tried on several occasions to sit down with him and have serious talks about what we both needed/desired out of physical intimacy, but it was nigh impossible for him to keep a straight face and he never paid attention to it anyway. I think once I even came straight out and said, "If you ever want some, just give me a fucking backrub and 9/10 times you'll get it," and he still didn't catch on.

I'd like to think the reason I wasn't interested was because he wasn't willing to make it worth it to me, or I'm a closet lesbian or something, rather than I have defective hormones. Regardless, since I wasn't very prone to out-of-the-blue wanting it, I was frustrated but altogether not too bothered by it. After three years we called it quits for a variety of reasons, but at the time the reason I stayed was because while the physical aspect of our relationship was lacking, the connection, trust, and friendship was there.

As previously suggested, talk to her about it if it's a concern of yours. Figure out what your priorities are, and if they don't align and compromises can't be reached, then end it. My point is simply that the situation isn't always what it appears to be at face value. Not trying to imply anything about your performance, but for the love of god (this goes for anyone) if your significant other tries to talk to you frankly about their sexual needs not being met, don't get butt hurt and/or giggle and try to change the topic.

[Septimus]

[quote=Howard Roark]

"Marriage is like an unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn't just last 20 minutes... it lasts forever."

[/quote:2d2s4rsv]

Wait, let's stop right here. There is a funny version of Everyone Loves Raymond? Is it perhaps in the same crazy backwards alternate universe where the Chevy Chase Show is about to celebrate it's 15th blockbuster season, philanthropist Dick Cheney volunteers in the neonatal ward of his local hospital (and not just as a ruse so he eat all of the placentas "Rah rah rah cold placenta sandwiches rah rah rah"), and Paris Hilton is a Nun who sings songs about the virtues of celibacy and not drinking or doing drugs.

OK, now that we are done with that...

Recently I've met a great girl, young (early 20s), fit, fun, sexy and what I had thought to be generally free and comfortable in the bedroom. Now she has mentioned something to the effect of "when she is in love she doesn't feel the need to have sex all the time." It's low priority for her etc. and I'm just kinda weirded out how someone could not enjoy it/want it randomly.

She did you a favor by being up-front with it. You know the old joke: "There is a food that instantly decreases a woman's sex drive by 50%, it's called 'wedding cake'." If sex is important to you, keep on stepping. This is much better than the alternative of her pretending to be into sex until she gets a wedding ring and a little poop-factory.

:3

While I'm not married, I've been in a committed long-term relationship that rarely involved sex. When we first got together, it occurred naturally and frequently. As time went on though, and our relationship grew stale, it became significantly harder for me to be in the mood. I'm not sure if I'm atypical for a female, but I almost never crave sex. I'm usually receptive to the prospect, but for me that means lots of foreplay and letting things happen as they will. For him it was quite opposite. He was ready for it pretty much any time of day, and foreplay to him consisted of a cheesy pick up line followed by copping a cheap feel when I wasn't looking then trying to stick it in me.

Are you sure that it was low hormones and not that he was a selfish lover who was not even bothering with your needs? Both partners have the right to be fulfilled, if only one person is getting enjoyment from sex it is just as bad as neither. Maybe deep-down your subconscious realized that he was immature and a bit of a jerk, and that turned you off a little bit.

[Tomk]

I have been with my wife for 13 years. We have been married for 8 years. At this point in time sex is not the defining characteristic of our relationship. I would venture to say that it should not be the defining characteristic of any relationship. Important? yes! Not the end all be all.

I would have to say that if someone is thinking of ending a relationship because of sex then it is your number one priority. If it is the number one priority then do all of us old fucks a favor and don't bother with a relationship right now. Whore it up like we wish we could. Don't waste the girls time and lie to her about love.

The Ray Romano syndrome actually has stages unrepresented in the show:

1. Bunnies
2. Come on baby! Real quick, you won't feel a thing.
3. Meh, I didn't want your old ass anyway.
4. Get off of me woman.
5. My ass isn't that old.

[Brill Weave]

Stick it in her ass.

[Howard Roark]

First off, "Everybody Loves Raymond" is a shitty example of a good marriage. The entire show is structured on Ray's inability to lie to his family.

Secondly, have you talked to your girl about this? I mean, yes, as a married man, I can say that sex drops off a little, but not because it becomes less important to the relationship, but more because my wife and I don't make time for it.

I'd find a way to talk this over with her. You don't need to be overbearing about it (gimme sex nowz~!), but to me, something doesn't gel to me when you have a woman who supposedly uses sex as an expression of love yet feels that in a close and intimate relationship, sex shouldn't be as important.

You'd think that if sex was such a great act of intimacy to her, she'd want to be with you -more- as the relationship got closer.

I'd talk to her about it. For the love of god, don't approach it from the point of view that says, "you won't sleep with me, you don't love me, bawwww." Just bring up the fact that you are concerned by how she sees sex, and how the way she sees sex isn't matching with the increasing levels of intimacy between you two.

There may be other factors, stress at work, family issue, past relationship baggage, etc etc. Don't force answers, but be willing to open the door and let her talk to you about anything that might be an issue.

However, I also think that this is just now happening, and the relationship will go through several re-definition periods anyway. You might want to give it some time, try to woo her a little again like when you were first trying to get into her pants, and see if it sparks a little return from her.

But yeah, fuck Everybody Loves Raymond.

This post was pretty much everything I was looking to hear, and the bolded part I actually read in a way different than you intended i believe, in that I too am not viewing it with respect to the level of our current intimacy.

Long story short, I'm coming out of a 3 year on again off again that if it weren't so toxic could have ended up in marriage, high level of closeness etc, but never really quite reached that effortless 'love' that one would hope for, so it finally ended. This current relationship is newer and after inquiring to her past relationships she's really only been in love once before and I'm not convinced that she see's sex as anything more than a physical act whereas I see it as emotional, physical, and some might say spiritual, with the right person. (yes that's the short version)

more replies to follow so this one doesnt get tl;dr'd

[Nystul]

Communication communication communication. If you can't talk to the person you're in a relationship with, and you can't listen to them and work together to address your needs/wishes then everything else crumbles.

[archibaldcrane]

I'm not convinced that she see's sex as anything more than a physical act whereas I see it as emotional, physical, and some might say spiritual, with the right person.

Well then, this is your task.

Show her how amazing sex can be, and her opinion will change regarding sex with you.

No time to waste, go!

[Tricen]

[quote=Septimus]

"Marriage is like an unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn't just last 20 minutes... it lasts forever."

Wait, let's stop right here. There is a funny version of Everyone Loves Raymond? Is it perhaps in the same crazy backwards alternate universe where the Chevy Chase Show is about to celebrate it's 15th blockbuster season, philanthropist Dick Cheney volunteers in the neonatal ward of his local hospital (and not just as a ruse so he eat all of the placentas "Rah rah rah cold placenta sandwiches rah rah rah"), and Paris Hilton is a Nun who sings songs about the virtues of celibacy and not drinking or doing drugs.

OK, now that we are done with that...

[/quote:6j1ol8gj]

I already beat you to the part about the show has to be funny for something to be an unfunny version of it, but yours was better QQ>

[Septimus]

[quote=Tricen]

"Marriage is like an unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn't just last 20 minutes... it lasts forever."

Wait, let's stop right here. There is a funny version of Everyone Loves Raymond? Is it perhaps in the same crazy backwards alternate universe where the Chevy Chase Show is about to celebrate it's 15th blockbuster season, philanthropist Dick Cheney volunteers in the neonatal ward of his local hospital (and not just as a ruse so he eat all of the placentas "Rah rah rah cold placenta sandwiches rah rah rah"), and Paris Hilton is a Nun who sings songs about the virtues of celibacy and not drinking or doing drugs.

OK, now that we are done with that...

I already beat you to the part about the show has to be funny for something to be an unfunny version of it, but yours was better QQ>[/quote:3bsk0mvr]

I felt that the point needed a just a tiny bit more emphasis.