So I think I got the clap.

[Tomk]

I want to preface my statement by saying that I think you should leave her But:

Be careful about rape. It is not "denial" that victims go through. It is "repression". I'm not an expert, but the way I view the difference is that in denial you ultimately know the truth but are trying to convince yourself otherwise. In repression the victim's brain just cannot process what has happened. This can cause them to do some wierd things.

So why do I say leave? Her story sounds fishy to me.

If you are not 100% sure about leaving her then I would say DEMAND counseling. Rape, or lack of, willl come out then and you can be sure. To give your demand some teeth, move in with your parents. Tell her that if she goes to counseling with you that you feel you can get beyond this and move back with her after a little bit. I think you will have your answer soon. If she agrees then maybe more truth cam come out and you two can salvage this. If she says no to counseling? Well then she is a lying and cheating bitch so dump her.

[Mizango]

Man that's tough, Sorry to hear about all this bullshit dude. A wife and 5 years is hard to just "toss", granted she did shit on you first. Like Izzy and everyone else said, had you not had loins of fire you would have been none the wiser, which makes me question her honesty from the get go.

As someone that has a wife, picking up and leaving spur of the moment is much easier said than done. It's not the same as dumping some ragamuffin skank (No pun intended) that you've known or met 2 months ago. But on the flip side, I see the GTFO point of view as well. It is indeed a slippery slope you find yourself on man and I feel for you.

If you find that looking at her sickens and disgusts you then perhaps it is time to move on. Falling head over heels for someone and putting up with their selfish bullshit does no one any good, for every backstabbing tramp in the world there are 5 that aren't that way. I truly believe that you can't rape the willing, if she was "forced" or "raped" don't you think she'd have come to you or "pressed charges"? I don't really buy the whole "I knew you would be mad so I opted to say nothing" defense, I mean what did she expect to happen? Good luck with everything and I wish you nothing but the best.

Btw considering that you're still posting means that you probably have yet to confront said douche of a "friend"? I would expect to see a "Donate to a pre-paid legal" thread shortly after posting this thread initially..... to which I would have gladly donated lol. I fucking HATE this cheating shit.

[Titanss]

lol Chlamydia that shit spreads like wildfire 1 drink and its gone be thankful its not herpes

[Shuemue]

I could never forgive infidelity like this.

[Edgie]

If she is calling rape but doesnt want to press charges, I m goin with BS. You should really step away while you can, especially since there arent kids involved. Your young and even though you feel like you dont see yourself doin well alone, it would be best. This is even messing with your self confidence, my last thought that you should really stress.... You deserve fucking better than what your getting.

[Azalee]

Personally, I can't ever forgive cheating.

Some people can, and that is understandable. But as it was said earlier, if you can't even look at her without being angry/disgusted, then I doubt things will ever be the same again.

I spent the last two months living with an ex who wouldn't look at me or talk to me, and it was seriously one of the most miserable things I have ever gone through. I didn't cheat, but by him acting like I didn't even exist I had multiple breakdowns.

The situation isn't good for either of you.

[Yuri-G]

what elphaba said. there's a rainbow of STD's that breed for years, waiting to destroy lives and dreams.

For some reason this quote just made my day... too funny.

[Elvis]

Endure. You can be the outcast. You can make the choice that no one else will face - the right choice. Gotham needs you.

[sock]

I could probably forgive a one time cheating, a laps of judgment for one night.
I wont lie, I have thought about it, given the right opportunity with 1-2 girls I know, I would have a very hard time not doing it.

The thing that makes me angry was the fact that I was mocked ad attacked, that's what I think about and get pissed about.

[Ashira]

If she is calling rape but doesnt want to press charges, I m goin with BS.

I'm not saying I believe her, because frankly, I'm finding myself in a very non-trusting sort of mood as of late these past few weeks... and also, yeah, I just don't buy it. However, I did just want to say be careful with this sort of statement.

Some women get raped and they don't even go to the hospital to get checked out for any STDs, morning-after pill, get the rape kit done, etc... they want to pretend it didn't happen, they want to move past it... it's not healthy, but it's not uncommon. They'll take a shower or something first thing and may become slightly obsessed with cleaning, with neatness, etc, in a sort of attempt to wash what happened to them away.

[Aerin]

As far as what actually happened I told her she need to take a few days and figure out what she wants to tell me happened, if she went to get some dick, cool, if she went to hang and things got hot and things happened. cool, if it was a very bad thing that happened, ok. I just want to know 100% what happened so I can figure out what I want to do about it and actually know how to handle it.

I think you made the right decision there. It's going to be a difficult road no matter what you end up doing.

[sock]

if it was rape, i can't blame her for not wanting to say anything. it took me 6 months to admit what happened to me, and i never pressed charges, because i was afraid if i saw the guy again i would physically kill him, or completely have a nervous breakdown.

Yes its a hard thing to live with, but how did you act after? She has not changed one bit, still going out to dinner 1 time a week, going to the bar with friends, have sex just as much as normal. She never seemed depressed.

[Tyche]

It's safe to say that the rational thought here is that it wasn't rape basing opinions off the information that has been presented. That's not to say that the rational opinion cannot be incorrect, and that would be the largest egg on the face ever. If you told me I had to bet on what happened, I'd bet what we discussed earlier (and you agreed with me). Some guy took advantage of a sympathy situation and played her.

[Izzy]

Personally, I can't ever forgive cheating.

Some people can, and that is understandable. But as it was said earlier, if you can't even look at her without being angry/disgusted, then I doubt things will ever be the same again.

I spent the last two months living with an ex who wouldn't look at me or talk to me, and it was seriously one of the most miserable things I have ever gone through. I didn't cheat, but by him acting like I didn't even exist I had multiple breakdowns.

The situation isn't good for either of you.

This story needs it's own thread!

On topic...sometimes I feel that women will pull the rape card out when they regret having sex with someone that they had actually given consent to. I've known a girl who had had sex with a guy and bragged about it...then a few months later when they broke up, she told everyone that he "OMG RAPED ME WHAT A HORRIBLE PERSON".

I realize this is not always the case, but in this situation it sounds like that's the case.

[Kael]

Same here, cheating is unforgivable. I can not trust a person who has betrayed my trust once, because I will always be questioning their behavior after that.

If it was a 'lapse' in judgement how long before she has another? What kind of STD will she bring with her this time?

If she got suckered into it how long before someone else takes advantage of her? If she was really so gullible.



If it was actually rape, she didn't betray your trust but whomever did must be fully prosecuted. She was violated and that's another story all together. But that would be the ONLY way this would ever make me change my mind about a situation like this.

[Azalee]

This story needs it's own thread!

This story makes me seem like a horrible person lmao. I deserved what I got.

[Neosutra]

This story makes me seem like a horrible person lmao. I deserved what I got.

Was it two dudes at once, one of them being his brother, and the other being the boss that he hated? And did he find out via he paternity test on the child he has been paying for over the last 3 years?

Heard something like this on the radio this morning, so I dont think id be too suprised.

[Azalee]

Was it two dudes at once, one of them being his brother, and the other being the boss that he hated? And did he find out via he paternity test on the child he has been paying for over the last 3 years?

Heard something like this on the radio this morning, so I dont think id be too suprised.

No, haha. I hate children. >.>; Sounds like baby mama drama to me~

If anyone really wants to know the story they can PM me.

[Edgie]

I totally get that a legitimate rape victim goes thru, denial, repressed anger, self hatred...I have sympathy and would probably "de-bone" a guy If ever they raped someone I care about.
The reason I say have her press charges, its like calling a bluff, it seems like she is a lying skank and is just using the rape card as a excuse.
Im sorry, I know you've been together for a long time, but like I said before you deserve better than that.

[wintersquall]

i've been away, haven't posted here yet... that's horrible sock, the whole damn thing.

i'm older than most posters herebelieve it or not, and i've been both teh cheater and teh cheatee several times in relationships. in my unfortunately rather large amount of experience... a relationship will not recover from it, period, unless it's brought up right when it happens and the one who cheated begs for forgiveness, AND doesn't EVER even get close to that line again. it changes everything - how can you continue to trust someone who cheats on your relationship with them?

you found out because you got a fuckin STD because of it for chrissakes... and that's the only way you found out. you would have never known, because i bet you berrima's 10,000 bucks that she wouldn't have told you. that's not how it works if there is remorse. and as far as the other dude... well, what people are saying is correct. if she agrees to press rape charges, then stick by her and help until the truth is found, but this doesn't sound like it's the case and you're probably going to have to realize that she flat out cheated on you.

my best advice is to get out of there for a while. let her think about what she's done, you both get your head clear, then get together and figure out what's going to work or not. most important thing is you man... that situation is probably wreaking havoc on the rest of your life, and you can't afford to have that in the position you're in. school first, finish that shit up unless you really like the taco gig, srsly.

don't feel bad about coming here for advice, either. BG is the shit for this kind of thing, because you get the chance to talk about it without suffering RL reprecussions.

keep us posted.