So I think I got the clap.

[sock]

my best advice is to get out of there for a while. let her think about what she's done, you both get your head clear, then get together and figure out what's going to work or not. most important thing is you man... that situation is probably wreaking havoc on the rest of your life, and you can't afford to have that in the position you're in. school first, finish that shit up unless you really like the taco gig, srsly.

Think this is my problem now, I want to solve this and fast. I know I can't and if there even is a way to resolve it, it will not come fast.

[Konohamaru]

The worst part about trying to get past things like this in relationships IS you. It's impossible to forget about her cheating on you at all or even forgive. You may say you can or you do but you never really will and it will be in the back of your mind. Whenever she goes out or gives you the cold shoulder, when she gets jealous at you for no reason. You're always going to remember what happened and a part of you is going to treat her poorly for it (and rightly so).

But if you want to get past it and work it out with her you are going to have to know that there is going to be parts of the story that she will simply never tell you the truth about (and it sucks cause you'll always want to know).

This might not be the best advise or the most accurate ever given. But i never thought of cheating as just a "One time and done, heat of passion mistake" thing. It can be that but it can be deeper. Some women are just attention whores. And later in the relationship if things keep coming back up it will only lead to them doing the same thing again when they realize that what you had when you first met is so damage by her cheating that they won't have that with you again.

At least that's what i gathered from trying to forgive and forget a woman for cheating. The worst thing you can do is stay with her because that's what you are used to and all you've ever known. Because like i said above at that point it's not about the relationship it's about comfort and routine. And she'll realize that as well.

[evilpaul]

I'm with this person -- OP, cheating just means that there's something not quite right that is being unsaid between you, like she's not getting something from you that she wants perhaps or something like that. In any case you need to work it out, maybe you can't provide what she wants, in that case, it's best to realise you'll never be fully happy with each other and move on. If she just wanted to experiment a little (it sounds like you've been together a long time) and see what else was out there, but she's happy and done with that now and happy with you, then you definitely have good positive potential there

Good communication is key

"You always leave the toilet seat down so I've been fucking Steve?"

OP, dump her ass and take what you learned over the course of the relationship on to greener pastures.

[Meian]

i've been away, haven't posted here yet... that's horrible sock, the whole damn thing.

i'm older than most posters herebelieve it or not, and i've been both teh cheater and teh cheatee several times in relationships. in my unfortunately rather large amount of experience... a relationship will not recover from it, period, unless it's brought up right when it happens and the one who cheated begs for forgiveness, AND doesn't EVER even get close to that line again. it changes everything - how can you continue to trust someone who cheats on your relationship with them?

you found out because you got a fuckin STD because of it for chrissakes... and that's the only way you found out. you would have never known, because i bet you berrima's 10,000 bucks that she wouldn't have told you. that's not how it works if there is remorse. and as far as the other dude... well, what people are saying is correct. if she agrees to press rape charges, then stick by her and help until the truth is found, but this doesn't sound like it's the case and you're probably going to have to realize that she flat out cheated on you.

my best advice is to get out of there for a while. let her think about what she's done, you both get your head clear, then get together and figure out what's going to work or not. most important thing is you man... that situation is probably wreaking havoc on the rest of your life, and you can't afford to have that in the position you're in. school first, finish that shit up unless you really like the taco gig, srsly.

don't feel bad about coming here for advice, either. BG is the shit for this kind of thing, because you get the chance to talk about it without suffering RL reprecussions.

keep us posted.

^-- this

A friend of mine once said that "no secrets should be in a relationship; thats doubt."

[Xajii]

'm saying that sex with someone else is NOT equivalent to cheating

Serious?

[Intense]

File for divorce and collect alimony! :D

[Mizango]

This story needs it's own thread!

On topic...sometimes I feel that women will pull the rape card out when they regret having sex with someone that they had actually given consent to.

Thank you Izzy! That seems to be the case quite often. Playing the rape card works a lot like a "get out of a mistake free" card. I know a few people that have pulled that bullshit, yet no charges, no police reports no nothing.

This is exactly what I was trying to say earlier. Kudos.

i've been away, haven't posted here yet... that's horrible sock, the whole damn thing.

i'm older than most posters herebelieve it or not, and i've been both teh cheater and teh cheatee several times in relationships. in my unfortunately rather large amount of experience... a relationship will not recover from it, period, unless it's brought up right when it happens and the one who cheated begs for forgiveness, AND doesn't EVER even get close to that line again. it changes everything - how can you continue to trust someone who cheats on your relationship with them?

you found out because you got a fuckin STD because of it for chrissakes... and that's the only way you found out. you would have never known, because i bet you berrima's 10,000 bucks that she wouldn't have told you. that's not how it works if there is remorse. and as far as the other dude... well, what people are saying is correct. if she agrees to press rape charges, then stick by her and help until the truth is found, but this doesn't sound like it's the case and you're probably going to have to realize that she flat out cheated on you.

my best advice is to get out of there for a while. let her think about what she's done, you both get your head clear, then get together and figure out what's going to work or not. most important thing is you man... that situation is probably wreaking havoc on the rest of your life, and you can't afford to have that in the position you're in. school first, finish that shit up unless you really like the taco gig, srsly.

don't feel bad about coming here for advice, either. BG is the shit for this kind of thing, because you get the chance to talk about it without suffering RL reprecussions.

keep us posted.

Very well said Winter.

[Lordender]

This is some jerry springer shit ;x cut your losses now before you end up having kids with her.

[sock]

This is some jerry springer shit ;x cut your losses now before you end up having kids with her.

Therese no chance there, I cut other things to ensure there wont be.

As far as things now, DnD went ok lastnight, no big problems.
But it was decided she will go away for a week or 2 so I can see how I feel with out her around to cloud my judgment.

She is still basically playing the rape card, saying the first time he started messing with her she said stop, the 2nd time she just froze and it happened.
She did go to a crisis center and talk to them and did go file a report at the police department, as far as that nothing will come of it and I know that.
Any defense guy can say "Shes only saying that it was rape because she got caught, she didn't claim rape before then." and that will be the end of that.
Now even if its rape of not, the fact that she lied to me is the part that bothers me about it all.

Now I am going to see how it is around her and see if I can still be with her.

Thanks for all the reply, all the info and all the help!
I think this is it for a few weeks so I might make a new post then just to say how it ended in case anyone is curious.

Thanks Again

[Aerin]

She is still basically playing the rape card, saying the first time he started messing with her she said stop, the 2nd time she just froze and it happened.

That's not rape, that's a lack of willpower.

[Neosutra]

If every time it took me more than one line to get a girls pants off it was considered rape, Im a god damned America's Most Wanted.

Seriously, Id kick her to the curb just for the complete inability to take responsibility.

Thing is, I could get over cheating. Cheating can be overcome by any strong relationship; however dishonesty and the complete inability to take responsibility cannot.

[Mizango]

If every time it took me more than one line to get a girls pants off it was considered rape, Im a god damned America's Most Wanted.

Seriously, Id kick her to the curb just for the complete inability to take responsibility.

Thing is, I could get over cheating. Cheating can be overcome by any strong relationship; however dishonesty and the complete inability to take responsibility cannot.

^ THIS!!

[archibaldcrane]

That's not rape, that's a lack of willpower.

This is exactly what I figured happened. Most married women don't wantonly toss their vagina to random eager dudes, they need to feel like it's not their fault, and one weak "no" early on and then just going along with it (or alcohol, take your pick) helps them to feel less guilty about being an easily manipulated, traitorous slut.

[Neosutra]

Wheres a picture of this guy's balls on a platter btw?

[Day]

The guy has to be bigger than him or something, definitely would be fucking this guy up right now.... or at least trying and failing.

[Rescue]

The guy has to be bigger than him or something, definitely would be fucking this guy up right now.... or at least trying and failing.

Nothing a baseball bat to the back of the knee can’t fix.

[Neosutra]

Nothing a baseball bat to the back of the knee can’t fix.

Exactly, this is what friends are for.

What are friends good for if they wont help you dig a grave every once in a while.

[Ivve]

Fuck this. As I skim, I keep seeing more and more ridiculous shit. First she didn't fuck anyone. Then she did, but it only happened once, and she was lured into it. Then she wasn't really lured, but it was rape. Then it happened more than once. How many times is this bitch going to change her story? I don't believe she was raped, not for one second. Unless you're some kind of abusive monster, why wouldn't she be able to trust you with that situation the moment it happened? You are her husband, who on earth is she supposed to trust more than you? Why wouldn't she view you as someone who would be understanding and protective if something like that had happened to her? I think that speaks volumes about how she views you if it had been rape. Further, if she was raped, why the fuck would she walk into a situation where she would be isolated with her "rapist" a second time? That doesn't make any goddamned sense at all.

My advice to you is to unload her. You are never going to be able to rebuild the trust in that relationship, for one. You also have to ask yourself whether or not you would ever want to rebuild a relationship with someone who would lie about rape. You are married someone who is willing to completely trash someone else's entire life to cover up a lapse in judgment. Fuck that; you do not need that sort of shit in your life.

Personally, if I were you, I would get out of the relationship. Absolutely put yourself first. Go stay with some friends or family if possible. If that's not an option, kick her ass out and get a roommate to carry some of the rent burden. If she won't go, gather her shit up and put it the fuck outside. You're in school and you don't need this to ruin your shot at a comfortable future just because she's a stupid skank whore who can't accept responsibility for her own actions.

[Azalee]

I agree with what Ivve said. The biggest thing is that the level of trust you once had will -never- be back again. Even if you can forgive her, and you guys work things out, there will always be that little voice in the back of your mind, wondering if she has cheated again, if she is being faithful.

[Muzner]

If I found out that my wife cheated on me and gave me an STD... There wouldn't even be enough time for her to say I'm sorry before I booted her ass out the door, of course getting her stuff out of our apartment would take a bit longer. I could never forgive someone I married cheating on me. You pledge to be faithful towards each other, and sleeping with someone else is wrong on so many levels.