Notalwaysright.com

[Souj]

a lot of these have to be made up, or at least embellished a little. Still doesnt make it less funny.

[Ramor]

a lot of these have to be made up, or at least embellished a little. Still doesnt make it less funny.

I thought so too.

Then I got a job at my grocery store's local deli this summer, it's small and a lot of old crazy hags come in to yell at me, I'm not so sure how many are made up anymore

You'd be surprised how many come in on a regular basis and tell me they want "cheese" (no specific type, we carry around 20~ types mind you) and when I ask them what type they look at me like I have five fucking heads, not to mention how many times people have said bol-og-na, instead of bol-o-knee in all seriousness.

[LD]

I have family who worked in HR and retail and things where you have to deal with people. I don't doubt that this shit happened for a second, people are crazy and will accuse you of bloody murder if they get enough piss in them.

[Melena]

I used to think the cd rom used as a coffee cup holder was fake till I did 3 years phone support for Electronic Arts. There's no story now crazy enough to not be true. I'm still wrapping my head around the guy who got mad at me for not replying to his email support question the day before he sent it out. If i can ever find the book my coworker made of some of our more epic emails, i'll have to scan it and post it online.

[Zhais]

T-Minus Five Seconds Until YouTube
University Computer Lab | Portland, OR, USA

(A student needed a stack of VHS tapes converted to DVD. The first couple tapes were nothing special but the third looked like the camera had been set up in a hotel room. The three of us working in the lab were wondering if it was even her tape until we saw the student sit down on the bed. Then she laid back. Then someone else stepped into the frame and started taking off her shirt. I ran to the phone to call the student while a crowd gathered in front of the computer.)

Me: “Hi, this is *** from the lab. We’re working on your tapes right now but we’re not quite sure about one of them.”

Her: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Well, one of them seems like it might have slipped into the stack accidentally.”

Her: “One of mine? Wha–OH MY GOD! The sex tape?!”

Me: “That’s what it looks like.”

Her: “Oh my god! Just box it up and hide it. I’ll be right down to pick it up!”

Me: “I’ll pull it right away.”

Her: “Please, don’t let anyone else watch it!”

*people cheer excitedly in the back of the lab*

Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am. I’ve already shut it off.”



----


r o f l

[Eaglestrike]

Me: “Thank you for calling [bank name], may I please have your 16-digit account number?”

Customer: “I can’t.”

Me: “That’s fine, may I please have your SS number so I’m able to find you?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need my balance right now!”

Me: “Okay, I can help you with that, but I need to be able to look you up in the computer. Do you have your account number or your social security number?”

Customer: “I’m on a cell phone. I can’t give you that, it’s not SECURE!”

Me: “Umm…okay? Would you like to call us back on a land line so that your call is more ’secure’?”

Customer: “I’m busy! Can’t you just give me my balance?”

Me: “I can as soon as I’m able to look you up in the computer. How would you like me to do that?”

Customer: “I’m not going to do your job for you! Now tell me my D*MN BALANCE!”

(At this point, I’ve had enough.)

Me: “Okay, sir. Do you have your credit card with you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Can you please take it out of your wallet and hold it above your head?”

Customer: “Okay, I’m doing that.”

Me: “Thank you, may I please put you on hold while I contact NASA to move the satellite to your location and send us a picture?”

Customer: “Okay, just don’t take too long about it!”

(I place the customer on hold and go on break. Surprisingly, he’s still there when I get back.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, we were unable to read the picture. Did you move at all?”

Customer: “Yeah, I put it back in my wallet.”

Me: “Okay, that’s the problem. Could you please just read it to me so I can look up your balance?”

Customer: “NO, I TOLD YOU I’M ON A CELL PHONE AND IN A HURRY!” *customer hangs up*

(My boss didn’t know if I should be fired or given a award.)

[Scythiroth]

(Often I enter the beer cooler with shorts, a t-shirt and some rubber-hand work gloves on.)

Me: *walks out of the cooler*

Customer: “Are you f***ing insane? It’s freezing in there.

Me: “I don’t mind it.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***! You know it’s cold. Why would you lie to me?”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m pretty sure I know my own tolerance and I’m working so I get a bit warm, even in there.”

Customer: “WARM!? In a COOLER!? You’re a G**D*** LIAR! How can you be WARM in THERE!”

Me: “I’m Canadian, and ever since my igloo melted I only feel at home in there.”

Customer: “Oh, I didn’t know. I’m sorry for your loss.”

This website is hilarious. lol

[Kaza]

I have a couple stories like this from working as a cashier in Stop and Shop. You get at least one good story every week or two, some better than others. My friend's mom also works in customer service, for Verizon. One day she told me a guy she was dealing with. I dont remember word for word what she said, but I remember the majority of the story.

Her: <something to the effect of Verizon Customer Service, how can I help you>

Man: Hi, I'd like to switch over to your telephone service and was wondering if I could get an estimate on installation and other fees.

Her: Sure, no problem. I just need to know where you live.

Man: <gives address>

Her: That is an apartment building correct?

Man: Yes it is.

Her: Can you give me your apartment number and floor please.

Man: I'm apartment C.

Her: Ok, what floor?

Man: I'm not sure.

Her: Ok well, how many flights of stairs do you walk up to get to your apartment?

Man: I don't know, Ive never used the stairs.

Her: Ok, well do you have an elevator in your apartment building then? What button do you press to get to your floor.

Man: I can't remember.

Her: Ok. Well do you have anything that says your floor number on it?

Man: No, I just moved in recently and don't have much here.
(Shes fed up at this point.)

Her: SIR! IF YOU JUMPED OUT THAT WINDOW RIGHT NOW HOW MANY WINDOWS WOULD YOU PASS ON THE WAY DOWN?!

Man: Oh, 4 windows not including my own, why?

Her: ...

Oh i laughed! i laughed so hard at work for a good min

[Shuemue]

Fuck you for posting this, I wasted so many hours yesterday reading >_>

[Obev]

(I work in a large electronics retail chain. A guy asks me to find the latest version of Norton AntiVirus for him, which I do. He takes a look at the price and starts yelling about how outrageous it is ($100.00 US).)

Guy: “What the h***? How can you people get away with this? This is a scam!”

Me: “Sir, I can suggest another type of protection if this one is too expensive…”

Guy: “No way! This is the one I want, but I’m not paying this.”

Me: “Sir I–”

Guy: “I bet I can find it online for much cheaper. Heck, even free! ”

Me: “Sir, I think that–”

Guy: “That’s what I’ll do… I’ll find it for free online! Better than this s***!”

(A young woman nearby is listening and speaks up.)

Woman: “Yeah, you can find it online, for free.”

Guy: “Really, where? Tell me!”

Woman: “L****party.org.” (Warning: This is a disturbing porn site that I would not recommend viewing.)

Guy: “Thanks!” *turns back to me, smirking* “Ha, guess I won’t be spending any money on this s***!”

Me, to the girl: “That… was awesome.”

Woman: “Well, an a**hole like that deserves it. I figured that you couldn’t tell him that without getting fired.”

(The young woman gets a free gift card; that guy never comes back. I still wonder what went through his mind when the site popped up.)

My faith in humanity is rekindled.

[Maxxthepenguin]

My faith in humanity is rekindled.

I'll fix that




(A video rental customer approaches with two young children.)

Customer: “Hey, you guys seen Con Air?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: “Why’s it rated R?”

Me: “Well, the language is pretty strong, but it’s primarily because of the violence.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, does it have any sex in it?”

Me: “Um, not that I recall.”

Customer: “Okay, great. Hey kids, we’re getting Con Air!”

[Tomiko]

I found this site recently as well and love it.

I hadn't read the credit card one, but that made me laugh alot. lol

Some highlights of what I've read so far:

http://notalwaysright.com/tellin-it-like-it-is/1093
http://notalwaysright.com/fighting-f...th-fire-2/1077
http://notalwaysright.com/big-lies-a...mall-ones/1035
http://notalwaysright.com/canada-ame...eball-cap/1029
http://notalwaysright.com/aarp-membe...den-perks/1000
http://notalwaysright.com/definitely-not-right/999
http://notalwaysright.com/we-need-on...ore-part-2/998
http://notalwaysright.com/retail-def...te-edition/906
http://notalwaysright.com/why-context-is-important/904

[Aerin]

Oh my fucking god I love this website.



(It’s St. Patrick’s Day at an Irish pub, and I’m serving a table with ten drunken customers.)

Drunken table: “Hey! We need some more drinks over here! We’ve been waiting quite a while!”

Me: “Sure, what can I get for you!”

(They proceed to order 10 different, complex cocktail orders.)

Me: “Great, I’ll get these into the bar as soon as possible.”

(Five minutes later…)

Lady at drunken table: “Hey! We’ve been waiting for our drinks! Where the h*** are they?!”

Me: “Well, we’re pretty busy and the bar is backed up a bit. Sorry for the delay.”

Lady at drunken table: “Well, we sure aren’t impressed with the service here. My husband is a doctor, and he’s on call tonight, so we really need our drinks served promptly!”

Doctor at drunken table: “Yesshh, I need my drinksh right nooow!”

[Apelila]

Not from the website, but awesome.
(I work tech support)

Me: Thank you for calling *** My name is *** How can I help you today?

Lady: Oh thank god, we got home an hour ago and my husband has been trying and trying since then and he can't get it up

Me: Extremely quick reciting of the follow up script, follow by placing on hold while I laughed for a good solid three minutes.

[Day]

I work tech support for retail stores. I work in VA. Yesterday someone called us from California wanting to know the weather in VA because they have a house here.

The weather... yeah.

[Septimus]

When I worked at a certain Convenience Store I learned very quickly that the customer is seldom right. People who are rude to waiters/cashiers/etc need to be sentenced to work at those jobs with a smile. Too fucking many assholes out there who think that they are the center of the universe.

[Wintermute]

Not mine but a frined who works at a bar last year:

Dude walks in and asks if my buddy speaks american.

"Nope, I don't sorry".

The guy says "Oh, okay" and walks out.

My friend absolutely confused by what just happened turns to his bar manager who is behind him who is also sporting a "wtf?" look on his face.

I work CS, will try and get a few stories later.

[Eanae]

Customer: “I’d like two tickets for [movie], please.”
Coworker: “That movie is rated R. Can I see your ID?”
Customer: *shows an ID that states she is 18*
Coworker: “You need to be 21 in order to purchase an R-rated ticket for someone else.”
Customer: “But it’s for my son!”
Coworker: “How old is your son?”
Customer: “16…”
Coworker: “So you’re 18… and you have a 16 year old son?”
Customer: “That’s right!”
Coworker: “Let me get my manager…”
Manager: “Ma’am, you need to be 21 to purchase a ticket for a minor.”
Customer: “But he’s my son!”
Manager: “You’re telling me you gave birth when you were two years old?”
Customer: “YES! It happens, I promise you!”

lol'd

[eunhye]

Probably Indian shopper. I fucking hate Indian shoppers. They think haggling is cool. WHenever they try to haggle with me, it just aggravates me. Fuck you god damn stinky indians.






Welcome To Retail, Part 2
Grocery Store | South Carolina, USA

(It’s my first day on the job. I just finished scanning all of a customer’s groceries and given her the total when she holds up a roll of paper towels. She hadn’t put them on the conveyor belt.)

Customer: “Why didn’t you ring this up?”

Me: “Oh. You didn’t put it down on the conveyour belt. I’ll add it to your–”

Customer: “Why is it my fault? You should have rung it up the first time!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you didn’t–”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager. ”

(I call my manager over.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Yeah, she didn’t ring this up.” *holds up paper towels*

Manager: “Ma’am, did you put it on the conveyour belt?”

Customer: “No.”

Manager: “Then how could she ring it up?”

Customer: “By sliding it across the beepy thingy, duh!”

Manager: “How could she if you hadn’t put it down?”

Customer: “… I don’t know. She just should have!”

Manager: “Well, then why don’t I take that and we’ll ring that up for you right away.”

Customer: “No.”

Manager: “Why not, ma’am?”

Customer: “I don’t want to pay for them.”

Manager: “Okay, ma’am. I can return them to the aisle for you.”

Customer: “No.”

Manager: “What?”

Customer: “I still want them, I just don’t wanna pay. Why do you think I didn’t put them down on the move-belt thing? You gotta give them to me for free now, because I had to call you over.”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

Customer: “I’m taking them.”

Manager: “That’s theft, ma’am.”

Customer: “Fine!” *slams paper towels on conveyor belt*

(She eventually pays, but not before flipping us the bird. How nice for my first day.)






















AND

http://notalwaysright.com/bureacracy...-benefits/1193

Bureacracy’s Hidden Benefits
Welfare Office | Minnesota, USA

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Client: “I’d like to know why I haven’t received my benefits.”

Me: “Let’s just pull up your case. Can I have your case number?”

(The client gives me their case number and I pull up the case.)

Me: “Well, it looks like you didn’t return your application. Without an application, we can’t approve welfare benefits.”

Client: “Can’t we do it over the phone?”

Me: “No, you need to come in and do an in-person interview so we can get an ID and a signature.”

Client: “So, we can’t do it over the phone?”

Me: “No, we need a face-to-face interview.”

Client: “That’s just too much work. I’ll just go get a job!” *click*


Just. wow.

[Lbelle]

Not Quite An Open And Shut Case
Video Store | Kittery, ME, USA

(This caller was a real-life version of the one in How To Open a Book.)

Caller: “Hi, I bought a DVD here earlier today, but I can’t get it out of the case. ”

Me: “Alright, is it a new or pre-owned DVD?”

(Our pre-owned DVDs are all locked with a piece of red plastic that has to be removed before they leave the store.)

Caller: “I don’t know. It was like $7.”

Me: “Well, we have both pre-owned and new movies at that price. Is the case wrapped in plastic?”

Caller: “Well, there’s plastic on it.”

Me: “Alright, so you’ll need to take the plastic off of the case.”

Caller: “That won’t break it?”

Me: “If the case is wrapped in transparent plastic, you are going to need to remove all of that plastic first.”

Caller: “How? I don’t want to break it.”

Me: “Okay. You’ll need to remove the plastic wrap. If you have problems, get a pair of scissors or a knife and use that to cut open the plastic, and then take it off the case.”

Caller: “Okay, but it still won’t open.”

Me: “Are there any stickers covering the sides of the case?”

Caller: “Yes. There’s one on the top. ”

Me: “You’ll need to pull that off.”

Caller: “The case still won’t open, though. I don’t want to break it.”

Me: “Are there any other stickers on the case?”

Caller: “No. Well, there’s one of the left side that looks like the one on the top.”

Me: “Right. You’ll have to remove that. And any other stickers that look like it.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. But it’s still not opening.”

Me: “Any other stickers or plastic wrap?”

Caller: “No!”

Me: “Okay… tell me, what does the case look like?”

Caller: “Well, there’s the side of the case that says the name of the movie and then there’s a black side that looks like the top and bottom.”

Me: “And what side are you trying to open? The black side?”

Caller: “No! The side with the title! Why isn’t it opening?”

Me: “Okay. I want you to put the case down on a table or something. Okay? Now. Put the case face up, like a book, with the front of the case facing you. Okay? Now. Go to the RIGHT side of the case, with the two black pieces of plastic–”

Caller: “Not the left side?”

Me: “No. NOT the left side. The RIGHT side.”

Caller: “So not the side with the title?”

Me: “No. The RIGHT side. Now. Pull the RIGHT side open.”

Caller: “It isn’t working!”

Me: “Are you opening the RIGHT side?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Try the RIGHT side.”

Caller: “…Oh. Thanks. They shouldn’t make these so hard to open you know!” *click*


....what the FUCK is wrong with people?

edit: This one is pretty good atleast.

Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World
Bar | Myrtle Beach, SC, USA

Customer: “How much is Bud Light?”

Bartender: “$3.75″

Customer: “Well, how much is Miller Light?”

Bartender: “$3.75.”

Customer: “D***! Whats the cheapest thing you got in here?!”

Bartender: “YOU!”