Man V. Black Bear

[Priran]

Someone needs to link this lol

it was just some knife with a carbon dioxide cartridge in it that activated when you pressed a button or something. it was extremely lame, the site's only proof that it worked was some dude stabbing a melon and it exploding. totally legit bear analogue.



edit: http://www.waspknife.com

[archibaldcrane]

I hope he got that bear gutted and skinned. I would eat bear hamburgers for years on my bearskin rug. I'd invite girls over and leave the door open so they could find me lying naked on my bearskin rug of manliness. They would just gush immediately, but I wouldn't satisfy them until they finished eating a bear-meat hamburger, which would inevitably cause their first of countless orgasms that night, considering my manliness.

This is the best fantasy ever.

[Guitarman]

I hope he got that bear gutted and skinned. I would eat bear hamburgers for years on my bearskin rug. I'd invite girls over and leave the door open so they could find me lying naked on my bearskin rug of manliness. They would just gush immediately, but I wouldn't satisfy them until they finished eating a bear-meat hamburger, which would inevitably cause their first of countless orgasms that night, considering my manliness.

http://img361.imageshack.us/img361/4...3093984bi7.gif

[wyrmtung]

I don't recall reading that the bear was using a stick to beat on the guy. He totally cheated.

[Lee]

Bears are already naturally equipped with weapons.

[Mizango]

Wait! What's that sound??

[Dimmauk]

You would think in this day in age, we wouldn't have White on Black killings anymore.

Can you imagine the pure primal rage that guy must have felt as he killed that bear?

[Brill Weave]

This guy is officially tied with the father who strangled the pedophile in his daughter's room, for badass of the fucking year.

[Dohorehn]

I agree with the above post. You can strangle a pedophile. And you can strangle a bear. But can you strangle a PEDOBEAR?


Anyway, here's where the bear messed up, he kept spamming WS on the guy (he most likely had berserk up, thus lowering his defense). The man eventually got enough TP to use "Stick Barrage" resulting in the bear's defeat.

[Mizango]

This guy is officially tied with the father who strangled the pedophile in his daughter's room, for badass of the fucking year.

^

[Woozie]

This is clearly a hate crime, but I bet the white man will be aquitted just because the bear was black. I bet if the bear would have won, people would have hunted it down and killed it.

[Ramor]

I agree with the above post. You can strangle a pedophile. And you can strangle a bear. But can you strangle a PEDOBEAR?


Anyway, here's where the bear messed up, he kept spamming WS on the guy (he most likely had berserk up, thus lowering his defense). The man eventually got enough TP to use "Stick Barrage" resulting in the bear's defeat.

this is probably one of the worst posts I've seen in a while

This is clearly a hate crime, but I bet the white man will be aquitted just because the bear was black. I bet if the bear would have won, people would have hunted it down and killed it.

by contrast, that's one of the best.

[Dimmauk]

You would think in this day in age, we wouldn't have White on Black killings anymore.

Can you imagine the pure primal rage that guy must have felt as he killed that bear?

Al Sharpton is on his way!

[Dohorehn]

this is probably one of the worst posts I've seen in a while

Let's see your man vs bear joke.

[Dimmauk]

Bare hands > Bear hands.

[Dohorehn]

http://photos-721.ll.facebook.com/ph...10740_2786.jpg

lol nice, Dimmauk.

[Brill Weave]

This is clearly a hate crime, but I bet the white man will be aquitted just because the bear was black. I bet if the bear would have won, people would have hunted it down and killed it.

Only in Texas

[Brien]

we have the right to "bear arms" so it should be allowed to go get jah some ov yah own

[Ramor]

Let's see your man vs bear joke.

i tend to not make an attempt at jokes unless they seem appropriate and a spur of the moment thing, i'm not sure how most people do it but i don't just sit around and attempt to make up bad puns and jokes (unless it's spam forum)

[Alleya]

Here's a little dog-bites-man tale we couldn't resist! Except replace "dog" with "850-pound black bear"! And "bites" with "anally violate"!

Yes, last Saturday a zookeeper at the Metropolitan Zoo had "claws" for alarm when he was attacked and raped by the same black bear he had raised from a cub! Geez, talk about gratitude!

"It was horrible, just horrible," sobbed an eyewitness. Guess she sure got an eyeful!

The bear, named "Barry," attacked zookeeper Chris Byrne as Byrne entered the cage to give him dinner. Barry lunged at his throat, goring him with his huge claws and razor-sharp teeth. Some of the claw marks were three-quarters of an inch deep. Ouch!

Then, astonished onlookers could "bearly" believe what happened next--Barry began to brutally rape zookeeper Byrne!

Frantic zookeepers rushed for rifles as others tried to divert the bear. But there was no stopping Barry! This bear kept "bearing down," and Byrne just had to grin and "bear" it! Maybe Barry was mistaking him for his "honey"!

Barry's 27-inch phallus, armed with guard hairs as sharp as red-hot needles, shot through Byrne' rectum, shattered his lower spine and skewered his colon, causing his entire lower torso to "cave" in! Yikes! Bet that wasn't the type of "cave" you had in mind when you took up zookeeping, Mr. Byrne!

And can you imagine Byrne' surprise when Barry's putrid ursine semen flooded his ruptured chest cavity? (By the way, Mr. Byrne, whatever cologne you've been wearing, where can the public get some?)

Finally, zookeeper Eric Pulliam shot Barry with a tranquilizer gun and pulled Byrne from the cage. The unconscious bear was later destroyed. Hey, this "Yogi" made a major "Boo-Boo"!

"I have worked with dangerous animals before," zoo director Kate Donegal said. "But never have I seen any animal sexually assault a human being." "Barry"? Try "Scary"!

Meanwhile, Byrne was pronounced dead at an area hospital--but at least he died grinning and bearing it! No doubt, this episode gives new meaning to the term, "Do not feed the bears!"

-The onion