Guy at my girlfriend's work asks her out after giving her a massage last week...

[kuronosan]

Do I have a right to be mad? I calmly explained to my girl how uncomfortable it makes me that she believes everything is handled... but she told him that "Maybe if I were single but I have a boyfriend sorry" and thinks that everything is alright.

He'd been talking to her at work and she says about how "We go out to dance" and "we might go out to the movies" to this guy (not saying boyfriend, but just "we") and he still asks her out anyway. He also has a kid. My argument is that whether he knew she had a boyfriend or not his behavior is not only unprofessional but ignorant. What kind of guy doesn't listen to "We went ____" and think "maybe I should find out if she has a man already"?

I'm totally pissed right now and believe that she should have said more and now she's angry at me because I don't want him giving her massages anymore.

Thoughts? Serious ones, please. I'm always offering sincere advice to you guys here. I'm in dire need of some right now.

[Akiyama]

Hrm. You have a right to be mad, yeah.. but I dunno. Just seems like a genuine idiot at work you're dealing with here. Your girlfriend is probably just trying to be really nice when she said "Maybe if I were single" etc. That's how I see it.

If I were the guy, and a girl I was interested in told me "We go out to dance" or that "We might go out to the movies".. as long as the word boyfriend didn't come up in conversation, why would I thinks he had one? That's just a guy's way of thinking. I do think it's unprofessional that he's trying to hook up with someone while at work. What sort of work does your girlfriend do? Either way.. if a girl I was interested in told me that she went dancing or to the movies.. hell, I might think she's talking about a girlfriend that she clubs with, or something.

I don't think you should be as pissed as you might be as there's some wiggle room here. I can see why you wouldn't want her getting massages from him though. One way to a woman's heart is a nice massage. Trust me.

That's about as serious I can get without throwing cake in the conversation.

[skurlover]

Do I have a right to be mad? I calmly explained to my girl how uncomfortable it makes me that she believes everything is handled... but she told him that "Maybe if I were single but I have a boyfriend sorry" and thinks that everything is alright.

He'd been talking to her at work and she says about how "We go out to dance" and "we might go out to the movies" to this guy (not saying boyfriend, but just "we") and he still asks her out anyway. He also has a kid. My argument is that whether he knew she had a boyfriend or not his behavior is not only unprofessional but ignorant. What kind of guy doesn't listen to "We went ____" and think "maybe I should find out if she has a man already"?

I'm totally pissed right now and believe that she should have said more and now she's angry at me because I don't want him giving her massages anymore.

Thoughts? Serious ones, please. I'm always offering sincere advice to you guys here. I'm in dire need of some right now.

1) Men are pigs (I know, I am one) - They will go after women that we think we have locked up anyways.
2) Slap your girlfriend. Unless he is a massage therapist and she is paying him to do it professionally, there is ZERO reason that his hands should be on her.
3) Keep at it, don't be rude, but make sure she knows what is offlimits to you. I had to do this early with mine, but she is learning that it isn't just a friendly thing when a man offers that (99% of the time).

[tyven]

i hit on chicks with boyfriends all the time. chicks ive dated got hit on all the time, its just the way it goes. chances are this dude isnt gonna stop trying to get with her even though he knows about you. dont get mad at her, just have to trust her. the massage thing is bullshit though, she shouldnt be accepting massages from some clown @ her work. ok, so be a little mad.

[Akiyama]

Well, I've given massages out to a girl or two without another motive, but yeah. It's a rare thing. As I said.. what sort of work is she doing to require a massage? If she sits at a desk and is a tech support or something, then she probably needs one. If not.. maybe you could show up some time and surprise her? Give her a massage, see how her work is doing, and scare the guy off while you're there? That's fun.

[kuronosan]

I guess I should clarify that he is a therapist, and that the clinic in question had a man arrested for misconduct... which is what I'm worried about.

She did pay, but I still think it's inappropriate that he asked her out regardless.

I give her massages all the time - feet, body, hands, whichever she needs because she sits at a desk answering phones for the clinic.

[Dimmauk]

Would your Girlfriend be OK with a girl at your work giving you massages and asking you out on dates?
Have you seen the guy? Met him? Is he bigger or better looking than you? Have you not been paying attention to your girl?
You have to trust your girlfriend, but it is not cool that this guy is hitting on her.

[Dimmauk]

I guess I should clarify that he is a therapist, and that the clinic in question had a man arrested for misconduct... which is what I'm worried about.

She did pay, but I still think it's inappropriate that he asked her out regardless.

I give her massages all the time - feet, body, hands, whichever she needs because she sits at a desk answering phones for the clinic.

I'd ask her to not get massages from him anymore. Even if he is a professional.

[kuronosan]

She says I'm sexier and that nobody compares to me. I surprise her with flowers, help her with schoolwork, and I'm a good guy. Sometimes I'll bring her lunch and something cute when she's having a bad day to cheer her up without her even telling me it's a bad day until afterwards.

Also, she has no trouble getting my attention... as I give her plenty of it.

I'd ask her to not get massages from him anymore. Even if he is a professional.

I did. She said I was being ridiculous because he "Gets the point".

[archibaldcrane]

Yeah, massage = bullshit, especially now that he's made it clear that he's not gay and wants to fuck her. It's no longer a friendly gesture, it's a pickup attempt, and no longer just "a nice guy at my work who I'm friends with".

But, your girlfriend has a vagina, so guys are going to try to put their dick in her. Can't really be mad at the guy unless he's doing it in front of you, just a shitty situation, especially since your gf seems content to allow it to continue unabated.

edit: since he's a professional, he probably pulls tail from his job constantly. Sure it's "unprofessional" but wtf, he's a traveling massage therapist, I think his hitting on women is expected. But yeah, now that your he's expressed interest in your gf, she should stop using his services, IMO.

[Vandalhart]

Yeah, my main thought was.. wtf is he doing giving her a massage.
Personally, myself (well before I got married) and my friends would
respect the other guy if we found out a girl was in a relationship.

My sister works at a place that is ripe with relationships within her
department. It's creepy, and it's not acceptable most of the time.

There's at least two people there that started fooling around on their
wives with people they worked with or gotten people knocked up while
they were married. It's all friggin stupid.

[Dimmauk]

If things start getting worse...call this guy.

http://www.cheaters.com/images/site/JoeyGreco-09.jpg

[Aerin]

Do I have a right to be mad? I calmly explained to my girl how uncomfortable it makes me that she believes everything is handled... but she told him that "Maybe if I were single but I have a boyfriend sorry" and thinks that everything is alright.

He'd been talking to her at work and she says about how "We go out to dance" and "we might go out to the movies" to this guy (not saying boyfriend, but just "we") and he still asks her out anyway. He also has a kid. My argument is that whether he knew she had a boyfriend or not his behavior is not only unprofessional but ignorant. What kind of guy doesn't listen to "We went ____" and think "maybe I should find out if she has a man already"?

I'm totally pissed right now and believe that she should have said more and now she's angry at me because I don't want him giving her massages anymore.

Thoughts? Serious ones, please. I'm always offering sincere advice to you guys here. I'm in dire need of some right now.

Ya you have every right to be angry. Wonder how she would feel if the situation was reversed. Letting the massages continue only leads the other guy on.

[Aerin]

I did. She said I was being ridiculous because he "Gets the point".

Guys never "Get the point" when they really want to "Give the point"

[Akiyama]

Yeah, now that I see what the whole thing is... I'd be sort of angry too. Not to the point of expressing major jealousy, but to the point of the other guy not really getting the point and going on and on. She just thinks it's ridiculous because she likes it, lol. It is really inappropriate to be getting massages at the place she works.. especially if she's on the clock. :/ I wouldn't worry too much about it, but try and find a way to stop it without her getting pissed.

How long have you two been together?

[kuronosan]

Little over half a year. She works at a massage clinic, so massages are pretty common. It was also her day off. He waited till the next time they worked together to ask.

[Dimmauk]

Time for you to show up and get a massage!

[Tyche]

BG is batting like .900 on relationship predictions. Most of us here have been through enough to look from the outside in objectively. Here's mine...

She's not told him him that she has a boyfriend. Bad sign. She's paying him for a massage at a clinic she works at...she wants to continue to get massages from him and she is misplacing her anger towards you. Spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R. Curious, how long have you been together. Judging by a few things from a couple of posts, I'm guessing no more than a year or two max.

Edit: God damn I nailed the time. I'm brilliant.

[tyven]

before the discussion can move any further pics of your girl will be required. we need to know if she is worth the frustration.

[Sythe]

Well i think she needs to stop using the word maybe and be absolutely clear and say, No i don't want to go out with you in any way. I know if guys hear a maybe they ain't stoppin. And if she doesnt want to inform her you will be receiving oral massages at work from now on BUTit'sok! It's work, ya know. And she's totally hotter then the girl giving said massages so no worries!