You've got to be joking......

[Azkarin2]

Are yall laughing at the punchline or the fact people get really involved in the 20 minute buildup and only get that lame ending?

[urat]

Are yall laughing at the punchline or the fact people get really involved in the 20 minute buildup and only get that lame ending?

That is the punchline ^_^

[Headspace]

That is the punchline ^_^

Yeah, you don't laugh at the joke, you laugh at yourself.

If you die in the game, you die for real.

[Waef]

Ending was meh, but it wasn't actually too bad of a story. I don't know how you would tell that in person unabridged, unless you have insanely good memory. Telling it in purpose, if I stretched it, probably wouldn't take me more than 5 minutes or so.

[Wintermute]

A guy is belting it down the road doing 95 in a 50 zone and gets pulled over by a cop who's only recently started and is still green behind the ears.

The cop walks up to the window and asks for the driver's license and where he was going in such a rush.

The driver sneers at the cop and declares he "doesn't have a fucking license".

The cop asks for his registration, and where he was going. The driver looks him dead in the eye and says the only thing in his glove compartment is a pistol and that he's rushing to the beach to get rid of his mother-in-law who's in the trunk.

In a panic the cop goes back to his cruiser and calls for backup. A few minutes later a seasoned officer shows up and asks what's going on and he's told that the guy in the car has no license or registration, a pistol in the glove compartment, and a body in the trunk.

He walks up to the car and asks the driver what the fuss is about his license. The driver reaches into his wallet and hands over his license asking what the problem is.

The officer asks for the registration and the driver hands over the registration without a fuss from the glove compartment. Keeping an eye on the driver the officer can see that there is no pistol.

Still suspicious the officer asks to see the trunk. The driver gets out of the car and happily displays that the only think in his trunk is a spare and some roadside equipment.

At this point the officer is wondering what's goin on and says: "My collegue back there said that you were highly aggressive, that you had no license or registration, a pistol in your car, and a body in the back seat.

To which the driver replies:

Spoiler: show

"I bet he'll tell you I was doing 95 next."

[Royal]

This joke is told a bunch of different ways. I jacked this one cause I didn't want to type the version i had out. The goal when you tell it is to make it last as long as possible. I've only managed to get it to around 20 minutes.



Johnny AND THE CLOWN

Johnny is poor and has been all his life. He doesn't mind it much, except for the fact that every year when the circus comes to town, he never gets to see it. The years pass and every year he watches the circus come and go with a tear in his eye. Then one year as the circus is leaving, he snaps. "Fuck it," he says." I'm going to get myself a job so I can see the circus."

The next day he applies for a job at a supermarket stacking shelves. He gets this job and works his heart out. He works every night stacking shelves, earning money. He spends very little, and saves heaps. He is the best worker the supermarket has ever seen. A year passes, and the circus comes to town.

As soon as the gates to the circus open, Johnny races up, first in line to buy a ticket. the excitement overwhelms him. He walks around the circus. He sees the animals, the freak show, buys a hot dog, plays on the clowns. And then he sees it, what he's been waiting for all these years...The Big Top.

Johnny races into the tent and takes a seat. Pretty soon the tent fills up and the show begins. It's a packed house and the buzz is electric. The dancing horses come out, then the elephants, then everyone's favorite, the clowns. The clowns run around and do their act making everyone laugh. When all this is finished, the head clown picks up a microphone and says "Now we'd like to pick a member of the audience to help with our show."

All the lights go out and a spotlight circles the crowd. and, as luck should have it, it lands on Johnny. Johnny is ecstatic, he nearly shits his pants with excitement. He can't believe his luck. The head clown comes up to him and says..

"Hey mister, are you the horse's head?"

"No." Johnny replies.

"Are you the horse's ear?"

"No"

"Are you the horse's tail?"

"No"

"Then you must be the horse's ASS!!!!"

And then whole tent erupts into fits of laughter all of Johnny's expense. Everyone is laughing, except for Johnny. He's as pissed as fuck. He vows then and there that next year, when the circus comes to town, he'll get his revenge on the clown.

As he's walking home, still fuming from the humiliation that the clown caused, Johnny thinks of ways that he can get back at the clown. Death, violence, poisoning....and then it hits him. Johnny will give the clown a taste of his own medicine. Next year, Johnny will blast the clown with the biggest insult ever!

The next morning Johnny flips through the phonebook looking for someone who can help him with his revenge. Then he finds an ad.

INSULT SCHOOL
Sick of being picked on? Come to our school and soon you'll be verbally attacking people with vigor!

'This is just what I need!!!" says Johnny. So he rings up the school and enrolls the next day.

So every day Johnny goes to the insult school, studying hard so he can learn the best and most harsh insult so he can get back at the clown. On top of this, he still stacks shelves at the supermarket to get the money for the circus. Day in, day out Johnny works his ass off.
Then his day arrives...

As soon as the circus opens it's gates Johnny barges to the front of the line, pushing people out of his way. No longer is he a kind, considerate man. He's a pissed off m.f. hell bent on revenge. He give the ticket seller the money, snatches the ticket and storms off.

He sees all the regular shit. The animals, the freaks, the clowns. He's so excited that he goes into the Big Top an hour before the show starts, just so he can get a good seat. The tent begins to fill up and the show starts...

The dancing horses come out, Johnny yawns. Then the elephants, Johnny tries to stay awake. And then the act Johnny has waited a year for, the clowns. The clowns run around and do their act making everyone laugh. Johnny wonders why everyone is laughing, it's the same shit they did last year. When all this is finished, the head clown picks up a microphone, exactly the same as last year, and says "Now we'd like to pick a member of the audience to help with our show."

All the lights go out and a spotlight circles the crowd. and, as luck should have it again, it lands on Johnny. Johnny is sits cool, calm and collected. The head clown comes up to him and says..

"Hey mister, are you the horse's head?"

"No." Johnny replies.

"Are you the horse's ear?"

"No"

"Are you the horse's tail?"

"No"

"Then you must be the horse's ASS!!!!"

And again the whole tent erupts with laughter. Except for Johnny. He sits there staring straight at the clown, a look of pure evil and hate on his face. The laughter quickly dies down as everyone knows something is going to happen. The crowd watched. This is Johnny's moment. He takes a deep breath, looks at the clown and says...

Spoiler: show

Fuck you clown

[Richybear]

A man is sitting in a pub when he notices there's a monkey behind the bar. He calls the bartender over for another drink and says "I just had to ask: What's up with the monkey?" The bartender calls the monkey over, smacks him over the head and the monkey drops down and gives the bartender a blowjob.
The bartender then looks to the customer and says "Pretty cool huh? You wanna try it?" to which the man replies "Alright, but don't hit me so hard."

[Mrcloudz]

http://img184.imageshack.us/img184/76/chinatown1qg4.jpg

So there's this guy; he's tired of screwing his wife...

So his friend says to him, "Hey, why don't you do it like the Chinese do it?" So he says, "Well how do the Chinese do it?" And his friend says, "Well, the Chinese, first they screw a little bit, then they stop, then they go and read a little Confucius, come back, screw a little bit more, then they stop again and go out and they contemplate the moon or something like that. Makes it more exciting."

So now, the guy goes home and he starts screwing his own wife, see. So he screws her for a little bit and then he stops, and he goes out of the room and reads Life Magazine. Then he goes back in, he starts screwing again. He says, "Excuse me for a minute, honey," and he goes out and he smokes a cigarette.

Now his wife is getting sore as hell. He comes back in the room, starts screwing again, and he gets up to start to leave again to go look at the moon when his wife looks at him and says,

Spoiler: show

"Hey, whats the matter with you!? You're screwing just like a Chinaman!"

http://img201.imageshack.us/img201/2...natown2gk1.jpg

[Wintermute]

A wife is sitting in bed wondering why her husband always fucks her from behind with the lights out, so she sets up some clap-on lights for the next time they go at it.

Few weeks later they're having sex and sure enough he's doing her from behind with the lights out so she claps her hands, the lights turn on, and she sees her husband fucking her with a huge purple dildo.

Shocked, she asks him what is going on and to explain the dildo.

Spoiler: show

"Sure, I'll explain about the dildo, soon as you explain to me about the kids."

[FireCrystal]

How do you lose a Jewish cop?

Spoiler: show

Take the toll road.

What do you say when you see a TV floating at night?

Spoiler: show

Drop it nigger!

[altwight]

I read that entire joke on the previous page. I'm actually pissed off now.

[Natallon]

lol @ the TV joke

[Skjie]

I read that entire joke on the previous page. I'm actually pissed off now.

The only way to cure it is to link more people to the joke. Someone else's expression is what makes it.

[Ruiner]

What do you say when you see a TV floating at night?

Spoiler: show

Drop it nigger!

LOL.

[Norellicus]

Dude in a bar, enjoying his drink, hears "Hey man, nice shirt." He doesn't really pay it any mind, just kind of says 'thanks' while staring at his beer.

A few minutes later the same voice pipes up- "Wow, cool watch." He glances up at the bartender and again is grateful for the nice words, starts to comment on where he got the watch and how it was on sale, but the bartender isn't paying him any mind so he just goes back to his drink.

After ordering another round, the voice comes back again: "Dude, those shoes rock." This time he was looking right at the bartender and KNOWS it wasn't him, and there's nobody else nearby. Perplexed, he asks the bartender and asks wtf is going on. The bartender serves up his drink and says

Spoiler: show

oh, that's just the peanuts, they're complimentary.

[Qalbert]

Two drums and a cymbal fell off a cliff

Spoiler: show

BA DUM PSH!

[Bregor]

Chinatown joke wins.

[Abraxas]

2 brothers are looking for jobs. they both go to an unemployment office nearby, one a little while after the other.

the first brother is there, and the guy at the counter asks "what do you do?"

he replies, "I sew the inseam of pantyhose."

the guy says, "Ok, thats not bad, we can pay you $15 dollars/hour for that."

he goes home and tells his brother that he got a job, getting 15 bucks/hr. his brother says, "cool, im gonna go check it out."

The other brother talks to the man, and again the man asks what he can do.

the brother says, "well, i'm a diesel fitter." the guy at the counter says, "Nice, we can pay you $30/hr for that."

ecstatic, the brother goes home and tells the first brother that he got a job making $30/hr. The first brother says, "What!? why do you get more than me??"

Furious, he goes down and talks to the guy at the counter, "Why does my brother get double what i get?"

The man replies, "Well, all you do is sew the inseam of pantyhose. Your brother is a diesel fitter!"

The brother says, "No no no, you dont understand......

Spoiler: show

"I sew the inseams of pantyhose, and he holds 'em up and says, "Diesel FITT-er"

lame, i know. but its a stretch away from the generic racist ones

[Gregorio]

A little Jewish boy runs up to his dad and says he needs to borrow $40. The father replies: "$30?! What do you need $20 for?!"

[Silviya]

A man decides to cut out of work one particularly beautiful day and go play a round of golf. Right as he is about to tee off another man calls out, "Mind if I join you? My partner didn't turn up."

"Sure," the first man replies. So they start playing and the newcomer turns out to be a pretty good golfer. Trying to be polite and just to pass the time between shots the first man asks the second, "What do you do for a living?"

"Ha, actually, I'm a hitman." replies the second man

"You're joking!"

"Nope," says the second man, reaching into his golf bag and pulling out a Martini
sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "My tools."

"That's a beautiful scope," says the first man, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."

The hitman sees nothing wrong with this idea and hands the rifle over.

"Yeah, there's my house all right. This thing's fantastic. I can see right in the
window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha --she's naked!" the first man chuckles. "Wait a sec. What the hell, that's my neighbor in there with her and that bastard is naked, too! That fucking bitch!" Furious now, he turns to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

"I do a flat rate. A thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger." answers the hitman

"Would you mind doing a little business with me then?" the first man asks

"Sure, what did you have in mind?"

"Ok, well, first, shoot my wife. She never shuts up, so shoot her in the mouth if you can manage. Maybe that will teach the bitch a lesson."

"No problem. What about your neighbor?"

"Well, he's actually a pretty good guy and is just a kid really, so just shoot
his dick off to teach him not to fuck with another man's wife."

"All right." The hit man takes his rifle and takes aim down the scope, standing perfectly still for several minutes.

"Are you going to do it or not?" asks the first man, growing impatient.

"Shhh," says the hit man calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here."