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  1. #1
    Yoichinoyumi
    Guest

    The Unquiverable Might of Exactitude - 01.04.2009 Yoichinoyumi

    I am known as the Snarled Bow. It has been decided that only my keen eyes could accurately depict what has transpired this month in BG.



    I was approached to speak on their behalf, much as, Aegis, the Ford-Tough Shield of forever and ever, had done. I have recently entrusted myself to a particular ranger within their ranks, and have delighted taking target practice in the deliciously soft skin of one Rocl. I am hoping that this will train him to not be such a liability in the future.



    I have taken a liking to my new home, among Amanomurakumo, Aegis, and Gjallarhorn. I do enjoy working in tandem with Amanomurakumo as I did in that wonderful time, the Crystal War. I hear there are even more of my kin being rediscovered than ever before, especially after "the great Balrahn's" arms were found to be so weak! Ah, will you never learn Mythic Weapons? We are the chosen weapons of Altana!



    I will measure the limits of your determination to finish reading this update. I shall determine the extremity of your obstinacy to defy me!




    ZNM

    In such a foreign land, I was brought to take part in the spilling of blood.



    I love this continent of Arajidah; never has my arrows found a home so true as the innards of a pink toucan!



    But, alas, it is tainted with the scent of that dreaded crossbow...



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/...tal Lamia1.jpg
    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/...tal Lamia2.jpg
    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/...e Paintorn.jpg




    Einherjar + Odin
    Perhaps Trueflight would be better suited for striking down the Dark Rider, but for these buffoons, it seems Archery suffices.



    Hahahahaha! Trueflight! How absurd, that was a joke you see, Gastraphetes is a worthless bow.



    Have you ever met him? He still lives in his mother's basement!



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Einherjar.jpg
    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Odin.jpg





    Proto Omega Limbus
    I went forth into Apollyon and ravaged the raging beasts within. With some help, of course, but none from that disgusting Gastraphetes.



    Oh, Gastraphetes, why must you be so ugly? No one will ever love you.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Omega1.jpg



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Omega2.jpg





    Dynamis
    Ah, the realm I have called home for so long. Recently, there has been a strikingly different set of Hydra Corp armor appearing, and in greater numbers than ever before.



    I wonder if any of these poor marksman managed to grab some for themselves.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/dyBasok.jpg




    KS99 Tartaruga Gigante + Chlevnik
    Another testament to my superiority over Gastraphetes: Look how true arrows strike! Can you claim the same with your "Holy Bolt"?



    One particular mortal caught my eye here, enamored was I with is ability to cripple the prey with such powerful Enfeebling Magic.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Chlevnik1.jpg
    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Chlevnik2.jpg
    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/...ga Gigante.jpg




    Gear


    In the grand scheme of things, Aerides oft collects things of unimportance, but this month she managed to land a mark on Shadow Coat, Abyss Cuirass, and Sorcerer's Petasos! I suppose a congratulations is in order..




    It will be ill-advised for me to speak negatively to Alleya, so I can only offer my congratulations to her on her Etoile Casaque.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Alleya.jpg




    Surprisingly, Avvesione managed to get the strongest bard hand gear in the game. Very few have managed to wrestle these mighty gloves from the hands of Diabolos' realm, but he has succeeded in acquiring Bard's Cuffs. Bravo!



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Avvesione.jpg




    You can often find this hume off teaching small children to read, though methinks he needs to go over how to do so himself. Nonetheless, he scored a decent amount of Hydra Corp armour this month: Saotome Kabuto, Bard's Roundlet, Koga Tekko, and Summoner's Horn. Congratulations Blazer.




    Perhaps one of the few people to acquire more worthless items than Aerides, is Ceiyne. Here is the order this month; Duelist's Tabard, Assassin's Culottes, Koga Chainmail, and Bard's Roundlet. Oh, hmm, all of this stuff is marginally useful... He even managed to snag a Hecatomb Subligar this month, much to everyone's great joy. I guess Ceiyne does deserve congratulations this month!




    Curtis too dipped his hand into the cookie jar of Dynamis, wrangling a pair of Valor Breeches and Koga Tekko for his journeys, as well as a Askar Korazin from some other place. Congratulations.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Curtis.jpg




    This Elvaan is perhaps one of the ugliest monstrosities I have ever seen, wait, that's all of them. This one truly takes the cake however, so congratulations on Saotome Kabuto, Ixion Cloak, Warrior Cuisses, Abyss Cuirass, and Duelist's Tabard. You don't deserve any of it, Drewbixcube, sin against our eyes.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Drewbixcube.jpg




    As with most tarutaru, this one is best known for his skill in the magical arts, but this month he managed to pilfer some gear more befitting his physical jobs. Congratulations to Fryte for Commodore Frac and Abyss Cuirass.




    Another ugly Elvaan, Gizmosan did get a pair of Scout's Braccae this month. We can forgive his ugliness, only for his choice in job. Congratulations.




    Next up is one of the rare few Galka in the rank of this linkshell. He too, has managed to nab pairs of powerful gloves, now Gorion has both Assassin Armlets and Summoner's Bracers. Congratulations.




    I won't begin to comment on this particular person, so I will only offer congratulations on them for receiving both Duelist's Chapeau and Melee Cyclas. You deserve it Grneko.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Grneko.jpg




    There are far too many Elvaan in this linkshell. This one might possibly steal the title of ugliest away, but it remains safe with Drewbixcube for now. Congratulations Tsukazen on your new, probably never going to be used, Assassin Armlets.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Kazen.jpg




    So many Elvaan mortals these days! Truly, you would think they could recruit some race that is less offensive to the eyes. I would advert my gaze, but then my arrows could not strike true. I suppose Khelek does deserve congratulations on his new Homam Gambieras, Bard's Justaucorps, and Valor Breeches.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Khelek.jpg




    The entire country of Korea received a pair of Zenith Pumps and a Mirage Jubbah this month. Congratulations.




    Black Mages aren't particularly what I prefer when it comes to adventurers, but this one is as good as any ranger I know. This Kuno here, she single-handedly pulled the Mekki Shakki from an Experimental Lamia's corpse. No small feat, if I may say, to pull a large iron rod out of a Lamia! Congratulations to Kuno for this staff to be used for beating those who would lie about the whereabouts of Trickster Kinetix.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Kuno.jpg




    A-ha! Another Ranger to speak of! Why, no, this one is not who wields me, but he did manage to pick up a Hydra Corp brand Scout Belt this month, so much congratulations are required. Bravo Marius!



    Yet another Bard manages to sneak away with the greatest of gloves! Blessed is he who receives the Bard's Cuffs, and so blessed is Masterstat.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Masterstat.jpg




    Detestable Elvaans abound, Maxxan did receive both a Mirage Jubbah and Commodre Frac this month. Yet, only one remains with him. Can you guess which one this heathenish Rosie O' Donnell kept? Congratulations on Mirage Jubbah, Rosie.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Maxxan.jpg




    Tarutaru are best shined and polished for target practice, but I think we can spare this soul's life. After all, Regen does keep the smart Ranger alive. Congratulations to Nirokun on Mirage Jubbah, Mirage Keffiyeh, and Saotome Kabuto.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Nirokun.jpg




    This Elvaan might be the best looking of them all, however, that is like finding the slightly obese person in a field of the morbidly obese. It is befitting, that this is the Elvaan to receive the holiest of hand gear. Nonetheless, Popeh deserves congratulations on his achievement as least ugly Elvaan, and for acquiring Scout's Jerkin, Summoner's Horn and the ever rare, ever powerful, Bard's Cuffs.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Popeh.jpg




    Another mighty warrior within their ranks is Ragnhild. He has felled many a monster with his bow and sword, but he is not unknown to playing second flute (quite literally). I offer this stalwart soldier best wishes for the new Koga Tekko.




    This person's existence is solely for target practice. Often times, a bulls-eye is taped to his back and he is released, flailing, into Al Zahbi, while Rangers shoot at him from above. The object is to minimize civilian casualties while maximizing Rocl casualties. This piece of armour might make him easier to spot, unless he runs headlong into a horde of black mages. Congratulations to Rocl on Sorcerer's Petasos.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Rocl.jpg




    Again we find a mortal ranger of import, though judging by which gear she's received this month you wouldn't be able to tell. Nonetheless, Ryphen deserves congratulations on Wyrm Armet, Wyrm Brais, Homam Cosciales, and Melee Hose. She, too, also wields the powerful Bard's Cuffs, so it would be well to tread lightly around her.




    The rippling physique of Septimus is one to be truly feared, but alas, this month it is not to be adorned with anything more. His mannequin was bestowed a Homam Zucchetto, and nothing of value was lost. Atumre did receive a delicious pair of Enkidu's Leggings, all the better for finding Disserverment skewering helpless Tarutaru for roasting.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Septimus-Atumre.jpg




    I had thought we were finished with this race of mole-men. Ugh.. I suppose congratulations and well wishes are in order for Shiznicle, who has received both Hermes' Sandals and Commodore Bottes. His newfound obsession with shoes puts his sexuality in doubt for sure though.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Shiznicle.jpg




    Alas, we come to another commanding warrior, she who wields the Amanomurakumo into battle! Copious amounts of Hydra Corp armour find their way into the hoard of Slone, and this month she can stow Pantin Taj, Summoner's Doublet, and Commodore Frac with the rest. Congratulations, Amanomurakumo!



    Sobius too received some Hydra Corp gear this month, snagging the ever useful Cleric's Briault. I suppose you deserve at least one round of applause.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Sobius.jpg




    Amazing, the further down the list I go, the more I notice the mightiest of the army lay within the bottom half of the alphabet. Tearshang is another formidable force to be reckoned with, and did walk away with Bard's Cannions, Summoner's Horn, Adaman Hauberk, Scout's Braccae, and an Etoile Casaque. Oh, happy days!



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Tearshang1.jpg
    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Tearshang2.jpg




    Try as he might, Vishodhan's new hand gear does not compare to the mighty Bard's Cuffs. However, his new boots are befitting of a true martial genius. So, I bid you a fond congratulations Vishodhan on your new Valor Coronet, as well as your Summoner's Bracers and Scout's Socks. However, you do not get congratulations for Cleric's Mitts.




    Yummy also snuck away with a pair of Cleric's Mitts this month. But alas, they pale in comparison to Bard's Cuffs, so what does it matter? Ah, well, congratulations nonetheless I suppose!




    And who deserves the most applause this month? Why, the very ranger who now wields me! That's right, Sonomaa. Truth be told, I am rethinking the name of Namas Arrow, with me now in the arms of such a splendid archer.



    http://www.bluegartr.com/img/123108/Sonomaa.jpg




    I am now free to be drawn in battle. I shall be at the side of these buffoons on any road they choose, along with the destructive power of my arrows. Come, Sonomaa, let us lay waste to the demons who so pollute this world!

  2. #2
    Oh, you've got green eyes.
    Oh, you've got blue eyes.
    Oh, you've got grey eyes.

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    I sincerely lol'd a couple times, who penned that? Or shall I say who was the ghost-writer with Mr S. Bow

    well done, although as a practicing Elvaan I'll be lodging a formal complaint with the Dhalmel Neck Rights and Freedoms Commission

    ps, with that purple circle on the petasos Rocl will indeed look like a bullseye from above for all the rangers

  3. #3
    St. Fiat
    THE TIME FOR QUESTIONS
    HAS PASSED

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    Quote Originally Posted by Howard Roark View Post

    well done, although as a practicing Elvaan I'll be lodging a formal complaint with the Dhalmel Neck Rights and Freedoms Commission
    Ironically, DNRFC is the sound elvaans make, because they're retarded.

  4. #4
    Canada
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alleya View Post
    Ironically, DNRFC is the sound elvaans make, because they're retarded.
    Yet more complaints to make!

  5. #5
    The Once and Future Wamoura
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    Quote Originally Posted by Howard Roark View Post
    I sincerely lol'd a couple times, who penned that? Or shall I say who was the ghost-writer with Mr S. Bow

    well done, although as a practicing Elvaan I'll be lodging a formal complaint with the Dhalmel Neck Rights and Freedoms Commission

    ps, with that purple circle on the petasos Rocl will indeed look like a bullseye from above for all the rangers


    It's OK Yoichinoyumi is very rude to me too

  6. #6
    Banned.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Howard Roark View Post
    I sincerely lol'd a couple times, who penned that? Or shall I say who was the ghost-writer with Mr S. Bow

    well done, although as a practicing Elvaan I'll be lodging a formal complaint with the Dhalmel Neck Rights and Freedoms Commission

    ps, with that purple circle on the petasos Rocl will indeed look like a bullseye from above for all the Dragoons
    ftfy