Come Walk With Uncle Brill As I Weave Tell A Legend In the Making

[Brill Weave]

Gather round little ones. Come sit by the fire and enjoy a tale as old as the land itself. A fortnight ago I weaved a tale of base treachery, loyalty, and loves lost. Now sit with me again my young friends as we journey to yet another time and place.

Many nights ago I recanted the tale of Gentle Ben upon the eve of the New Year. His base villainy went unpunished as he took his leave with our buffalo chicken dip.

It seems my friends that fate is not without a sense of irony. What has happened you ask? Did Gentle Ben meet his end? Was I forced to degrade myself by staining my knuckles with the blood of his treachery? No my friends. T'was something much much worse that has befallen Gentle Ben.

But before we delve into that dark chapter, first I must introduce you to my beloved wife's sister Annie. Annie is a kind and gentle soul. The kind who would nary lay a finger upon another living creature.

The problem is kind sweet Annie is my beloved's older sister. Once upon a time, long ago, Annie held a job with the Butler Auto Auction. Selling and buying used carriages for the noble folk of rural Pennsylvania.

Though all was not merry in Annie's world. She had once lived in a small palace with in the suburb of Bellvue. But sadly, it was not meant to be. The wicked witch raised the rent upon kind Annie, forcing her out like an urchin into the night.

With nowhere else to go, destitute and alone, Annie returned home to her father's domain. Suddenly an epiphany struck Annie upon returning home. Surely this will cut down upon the cost of my bills? Why must I continue to slave and toil in the depths of a stationary trailer?

So without further thought, Annie left her place of employ and began a life of carefree indulgence. Several weeks of unabashed revelry occur before Annie makes the life altering decision that she would like to take up a new mantle in life.

That of a noble bookstore clerk.

Now as kind and sweet as Annie is, she is not without her faults. She has the uncanny ability to divert responsibility and blame. Though not one to sully herself in physical altercations, Annie is more than willing to engage in mental warfare. The sheer assault upon the senses as she recites her favorite fairy posters in alphabetical order does more damage than a mere right cross.

Kind sweet Annie also bears a mark of shame. One that will never be washed clean. Yes my friends, it is true. Kind sweet Annie is being courted by none other than Gentle Ben. And has been for quite some time.

The relationship is fraught with peril and emotional pitfalls. Annie feels that Gentle Ben in his wealth should support her even though they are not betrothed. Gentle Ben, understandably, is wholeheartedly against this ludicrous claim.

My friends I bear witness to the shame of this relationship. I have seen Gentle Ben at his worst. And I have seen Kind sweet Annie at her worst. Believe me my friends when I say, they both could do better.

But alas, my sagely advice is largely ignored. Even fools with the best intentions are shunned because they are fools. I forewarned of the dangers of this courtship when my beloved wife received a phonecall earlier upon the morn as Gentle Ben had once again imbibed too much and with a slight slip of the tongue Gentle Ben nearly brought his entire relationship crashing down around his ears. Gentle Ben decided it would be a wise decision to kindly explain to Annie that he was not satisfied with their relationship.

You see my friends. There is one thing that will incite a man to rage and unseemly behavior. It is not spirits my friends. It is the shunning of sexual relations by a woman. Yes, gentle readers, Annie had decided to withhold sex due to a newfound sense of religious beliefs.

Their breakup lasting a lifetime, the birds no longer chirped, the sky was no longer blue, the food we ate had lost it's taste. I tell you my friends, that one day of separation was more than we all could stand as the two dejected lovers once again found their way back into the other's arms.

Now my friends for expediency's sake I shall fast track this tale. Upon receiving my lunch today, I telephoned my beloved wife. Panic set in as I heard the muffled word pregnancy. Had my wife partaken in some dalliances without my knowledge. Had the little soldier fired a live round? Nay my friends.

We could only be so fortunate.

You see my friends. Karma has a strange way of lifting your entire world upside down and then back again. The way of the world is beyond me and it would be a silly attempt for me to explain it any further.

My friends. Gentle Ben has impregnated Kind sweet Annie with his buffalo chicken dip stealing seed.

[tyven]

i havent read this yet, but you messed up your topic with the whole weave and tell thing again

gentle ben is the man

[Penthesilea]

haha I noticed that last time. I thought he was trying to say his name was Brill Weave, and that he was telling us a story.

[Tristam]

Give them a crock pot as a gift for their wedding.

[Bwelch]

Maybe that will settle him down...

Probably not.

[Brill Weave]

I intentionally fucked up the title just for TheShadyman. And our primary concern now is the health of the baby. Her due date is September so she's been drinking heavily since Christmas and she smokes a pack a day. Not a good start. Plus their father is fairly religious. So I'm assuming we'll be seeing a shotgun wedding pretty soon.

[AkashiXI]

So...if I read that right... Ben bashed the crockpot over Annie's head, raped her, then had an abortion? Pretty badass.

[Feielle]

Had the little soldier fired a live round? Nay my friends.

...is the little soldier normally shootin' blanks?

I love these stories.

[Kael]

Thats what you get when you steal a hard working mans dip. Right Brill?

[Seraph]

A soft word of warning, my good sir. Ye may have a new and novice chicken wing dip thief just over thine horizon.

[TheShadyMan]

That's THEShadyMan to you, kind Sir Weave.
EDIT: ANOTHER MAN, FAIR KOOJA HAS STOOD UP FOR HIS BELIEFS AND DEMANDS BRILLCS BE REBORN AS BRILL WEAVE! May he be an example to all of you, an inspiration of courage! Let your voice be heard!
EDIT EDIT: Really though, who the fuck is this kooja?

[Koyuki]

Ben is the fucking man, steals your crockpot with your food and then impregnates your sister-in-law.


I want to be like Ben.

[Dmitry]

I would seriously buy your book if you wrote one. Twice.

[Shuemue]

So basically you're saying your family and friends are trailer trash who don't use contraception?

[oldoldman]

Haven't read yet but

His base villainy went unpunished as he took his leave with our buffalo chicken dip.

lol

[Howard Roark]

have you ever seen girls get really excited about something maybe they really shoudln't, long before any results could porssibly be predicted?

well that was me, giddy as a schoolgirl before reading this post, and good god I lol'd at many lines

bump somesomething epic justice Brill Weave name change

[SephYuyX]

Im not your friend, buddy.
But uh yeah, I bet Ben feels bad about taking that dip now.

[TheShadyMan]

Three, three advocates!
Ah ah ah!
http://thinkdrastic.net/journal/wp-c...ntVonCount.jpg

[Akiyama]

tl;dr

Edit: Actually wasn't too lazy, read, and laughed my ass off. Great stuff.

[Howard Roark]

Three, three advocates!
Ah ah ah!
http://thinkdrastic.net/journal/wp-c...ntVonCount.jpg

lol, I was like kooja = Kuya of course, right? wrong, I saw him listed as the latest reply for the movies you saw and would reccommend thread

thought you got kuya onboard for this:\