Baww... I need advice </LJ>

[travOtaku]

So it seems that a vaginal solution seems to be the best one. Is a pussy really the end all be all fix for all problems?

[Seraph]

Always seems to fix (and sometimes even cause!) the worst of problems.

[OzzofAsura]

So, he has a penis, isn't satiated by vaginal insertion and he's obsessing over a guy named Tim... Either you guys or I are/am getting expertly whooshed.

Edit: Are you in a roundabout way asking if you're gay? /confused.

[Churchill]

This is stupid. If you want help stop being such a faggot and explain yourself.

[Kaelia]

So it seems that a vaginal solution seems to be the best one. Is a pussy really the end all be all fix for all problems?

I gather that you're a male, and that you are homosexual. This being the case, it stands to reason that you do not have a very strong relationship with any pussy. Furthermore, it seems to me that you have problems that have not been solved. There's definitely a correlation there between pussy and your problems not being solved.

Seriously though, if it were me, I would probably send a SHORT (as in: not long, obsessive, or overly descriptive; you want to look like you're serious about solving a percieved issue without laying out in extreme detail every aspect of the problem) to one (not all: again, don't look obsessive) Facebook message/e-mail/text/whatever that you think he'll see and THEN just lay off for a little while and give the guy a chance to contact you when HE feels ready to.

EDIT: It could be that he's just not the type to talk about an issue when there is one. Just because he hasn't mentioned to you doesn't mean it's not a problem to him, but obviously you've already gathered that much and considered that possibility. My boyfriend is that way and it took me awhile to get used to dealing with "confrontation"/"being at odds" with him. It takes me about 5-10 minutes max to get "over" the issue and be ready to get over my anger, talk about it, and solve it, whereas he needs space and considerably more time in most cases. If I kept bugging him about it, even in an attempt to "fix" things, it would only make matters worse. Like I said, briefly mention that you perceive an issue, and that he can come to you when he feels comfortable and leave it at that. If he's anything like my boyfriend, he'll get over it a lot sooner and with a lot less complication than if you kept pressing matters. If he doesn't get over it, there's a larger issue at hand and it's something you're just going to have to live with.

[Bwelch]

travOtaku, fucking a woman won't make your obsession of boning Tim disappear. If he still avoids you after a week then he's obviously not interested in you.

Deal with it.

[travOtaku]

Helpfulness

That's what was causing me to be so at odds, I had never really been in a serious fight with Tim before, so I really have no idea if he is the "Let's talk right now and finish this now rather than later" or the "Come back to me in a week and we'll talk then" kind of deal.

My boyfriend is very much the type to need space, whereas I want any issue to be solved like 2 seconds after it has happened, and I know how annoyed he gets with me when I try and fix stuff before he is ready for it to be fixed. That was part of my dilemma, I don't wanna press an issue if Tim is the kind to prefer to just let time take care of it, and I don't want to CREATE an issue if there is not one.

Right now I feel guilty that I have been annoying him, and so part of me just wants to apologize apologize apologize because I hate it when people are mad at me and I don't like knowing that there is a problem I am involved in that is not being finished when, in my mind, it should have been solved before it even started.

This is not a complex issue, and I probably just over-thought it. I tend to do that when I cause myself trouble, I have a high anxiety towards people being angry with me, and I will tend to talk myself into the possibility of the worst when the situation may just have been a case of "I left my phone in my friend's car and didn't get your text, sorry".

It does seem like a good idea to hit him with "Hey, so I have started thinking I've been rather in your face lately, so I am going to take a bit of a time out. Hit me up when you're ready to hang out again" and see how that helps.

[archibaldcrane]

Dude, fuck this guy. Metaphorically. You suck trav. Metaphorically again.

Goddamnit talking to actual gay guys makes insulting them so much harder...

...metaphorically.

...

[Koul]

It does seem like a good idea to hit him with "Hey, so I have started thinking I've been rather in your face lately, so I am going to take a bit of a time out. Hit me up when you're ready to hang out again" and see how that helps.

Do you foresee yourself anticipating him sending you a message back? What if he doesn't talk to you for xx amount of time.... I can kinda gather that it would still piss you off even taking time off from each other

so... pretty much you gotta go the route you probably don't want to. Flat out ask him if he's mad at you... ask him if you've been annoying him. Don't take offense if you have and then move on since you know the truth.

The worst thing you can do is leave yourself to your thoughts and to come to your own conclusions. Just send him a message and be very humble with your wording

[Boyiee]

Is Tim gay?

My name is Tim so this thread is bugging the fuck out of me. We'll call me Straight Tim however. If he is straight as well, then he's being creeped out by you. He is ignoring you so that you get the hint and go away. If he is gay, then he is probably either not interested in you, interested in someone else, is uncomfortable being around you too much due to YOU having a bf, or is a faggot and just doesn't like you and/or is bothered by you bugging him.

Just don't say, or do anything. Wait a week, ask if he wants to do something after that. This way you cover all angles. You stop annoying him, you stop creeping him out, you stop scaring him away and force him to come to you first.

[travOtaku]

My problem is that I have this very bad anxiety toward letting people down, making them mad, sad, etc. It has something to do with something I witnessed a few years ago between my best friend and his grandmother. What happened isn't really important so I wont really go into it, but after the fact I have always been so worried about causing anyone any kind of grief. That is why I like to be over with things right away. I hate the lingering cloud. And it causes me to see everything as a slippery slope, and that's what makes it hard for me to come up with a solution to this problem.

If I sent him that text, I don't see myself being bothered by not receiving a response, but then, now that I think on it, I know that I would probably be sitting there thinking "Well, at least a confirmation would be nice, or a thank you for noticing and backing off for a bit, or something!" But I don't want to really go into detail about it, especially if I am just creating a problem in my own mind.

We don't talk everyday anyway, so it wouldn't be that difficult to kind of shut up for a week and then text him with a "hey, whats up? been a while" and give myself that week to tone down this spontaneous obsession without being an annoying crazy.

[Boyiee]

So do you not read any posts in this thread, or reply to them, besides your own? There is a spam forum, and I'm sure you have people to vent to on aim or msn or whatever you use.

[travOtaku]

So do you not read any posts in this thread, or reply to them, besides your own? There is a spam forum, and I'm sure you have people to vent to on aim or msn or whatever you use.

I don't know who you think I was ignoring, and I certainly am not only just responding to posts that I make. Several people have responded without saying I should turn straight to solve my problem, and I responded to them. I just didn't quote what they said in my response, so I guess that helped make it seem like I was talking to no one but myself.

Also, if this needs to be in spam then I do not mind if it gets moved there. This has been a problem that's been bothering me for a few days, and I kind of just wanted to hear what a few other people had to say, so that I could garner some grounded perspective, since I know that I am not the best person when it comes to dealing with someone being mad/angry/annoyed. And its nice to hear from people that are completely unrelated to the problem, I hate venting to people and inadvertently bringing them into something because they know the person that I am talking to them about.

And to answer your specific question, Tim is gay as well.

[Shuemue]

Having read this thread, it's quite obvious to me that Tim finds you fucking annoying and justifiably so.

[Elvis]

This thread has confused me.

I am confused.

[archibaldcrane]

And to answer your specific question, Tim is gay as well.

The fact that it took until page 2 to post this obviously relevant specific information leads me to believe you are an attention whore of the 7th degree who is as vague as possible so that confused people will ask a lot of questions and you'll feel like people give a shit.

I don't find myself often agreeing with Shuemue, but

Having read this thread, it's quite obvious to me that Tim finds you fucking annoying and justifiably so.

This. One hundred times this.

[Julian]

edit2: wait, you HAVE a boyfriend already?

[Septimus]

Re-Edit:

I'm gay and recently I've spontaneously become obsessed with my friend Tim, who is also gay. It kind of happened out of no where. We've been good friends for about 8 months now, and we hang out rather regularly. At least until he went away for Christmas break. When he left, he did not return for a month, and then was sick upon arrival and was recovering from that for like 2 weeks. So I had been away from him for around 6 weeks. Then we hung out last Thursday and since then I have become like obsessed with him and how he's doing and what he's doing. I don't know if he even can tell, or even cares, or whatever, but it's been driving me insane for the past like 5 days. I feel like I am suffocating him, even though I am not doing much differently that before this happened.

I asked him to hang out a few days ago, he said no, and it basically annoyed me the entire day, as I seemed to twist his words from "I'm with another friend and I am not sure what my day looks like" into "Let me get back to you if it seems like I'm not going to be doing anything fun, and if that's the case then I'd love to hang".

I have texted him a few times and have gotten no replies and have found this has started to annoy me much more than it used to (if it even did at all), and I have been getting irritated when he'll randomly post on people's facebooks for no reason and wont respond to me even when I asked him a question.

I don't know if he is mad at me, and I don't wanna confront him about it if it turns out he is not. I'm not even sure if anything is bothering him, but I don't wanna suddenly seem like Mr. WHOAMG high school drama and come at him with some seemingly stupid problem.

Would it be wise to just kind of stop talking to him for the time being until he talks to me first, to give him some space, without an explanation? Should I send him a message explaining myself beforehand and THEN stop talking to him?

Should I just chalk it up to my being paranoid and just not do anything?

This seems so stupid, but I am so stumped. I know first reaction would be WHOAMG you have a crush, but I have never thought about him in that way like EVER.

That's what was causing me to be so at odds, I had never really been in a serious fight with Tim before, so I really have no idea if he is the "Let's talk right now and finish this now rather than later" or the "Come back to me in a week and we'll talk then" kind of deal.

My boyfriend is very much the type to need space, whereas I want any issue to be solved like 2 seconds after it has happened, and I know how annoyed he gets with me when I try and fix stuff before he is ready for it to be fixed. That was part of my dilemma, I don't wanna press an issue if Tim is the kind to prefer to just let time take care of it, and I don't want to CREATE an issue if there is not one.

Right now I feel guilty that I have been annoying him, and so part of me just wants to apologize apologize apologize because I hate it when people are mad at me and I don't like knowing that there is a problem I am involved in that is not being finished when, in my mind, it should have been solved before it even started.

This is not a complex issue, and I probably just over-thought it. I tend to do that when I cause myself trouble, I have a high anxiety towards people being angry with me, and I will tend to talk myself into the possibility of the worst when the situation may just have been a case of "I left my phone in my friend's car and didn't get your text, sorry".

It does seem like a good idea to hit him with "Hey, so I have started thinking I've been rather in your face lately, so I am going to take a bit of a time out. Hit me up when you're ready to hang out again" and see how that helps.

OK, I see two issues here. First off, leave him be. Don't contact him, don't facebook stalk him, don't go out of your way to see him- in fact, go out of your way to not see him. Let him have his space, give him one of those big, square states out in the mid-west as space. Contacting him to say "I've been in your face lately" is just more being in his face, be out of his face. If he wants to talk to you, he will, if he doesn't he won't.

Second issue, and this is the important one, is to figure out why you are suddenly so infatuated/obsessed with him. If you never very attracted to him before and now suddenly you are all up ons, this suggests to me that it isn't about him, it is about something that he represents to you. Ask yourself the following questions:

• What is it that suddenly makes him so facinating?
• Exactly when did this facination start and what could have triggered it?
• Does he remind me of someone else? If so, who and and am I projecting feelings for that person onto him?
• What does he represent to me? Is he symbolic for something that I feel that I am currently missing in my life?

By deconstructing from where your feelings stem, you may be able to find a rational explanation for your emotions and get them under control. I know that some people are going to be all "oh psychoanalytic process blah blah blah", but there is something to be said for trying to figure out the deeper meanings behind what we feel. By obsessing over why you are obsessing over him, you may find that you are no longer obsessed with him.

And pay some attention to your boyfriend.

[Brill Weave]

Has it occurred to you that maybe your sword fighting friend has picked up on this sudden fixation and is actively attempting to avoid you until you get your heard straight? Because let's face it, you're not being fair to your boyfriend by constantly obsessing over Tim. And you're not being fair to yourself by putting yourself through the ringer. My advice?

Go get a jigsaw and cut a hole in a wall, preferably painted white, take a picture of Tim and slap it on there with the hole replacing the mouth. The end.

[Yuri-G]

As a recovering clingaholic, the only advice I can give you is GOOD LORD BACK THE FUCK OFF NOW. I'm not trying to be a jerk about that, the need is really that urgent.

Let me put it this way: You are ignoring reality in lieu of your feelings for Tim. IF there were ever to be anything between you, and that includes a closer friendship or a relationship, the only way it would ever happen would be for you to back off. I can tell you this simply by reading what you've done and what he has done and still be 100% sure of this, I'm an expert in the area. I'm not saying it will make him interested; it may not be, and he may never not be. But being obsessed with someone is a very easily detectable trait, whether he knows it conscious or subconsciously, he knows. I guarantee this. And he's annoyed by it. I guarantee this too. What's not going to help? Annoying him more.

However, if you back off, he MIGHT - big might there - suddenly wonder why you're not obsessing over him, and try and get in touch with you. It happens. Or he might not. You can't control whether he does or not, and being obsessively in contact with him is you trying to control that - give it up. It's not in your hands, it sucks, that's life.

Take it from someone who has been in this situation more times than he can count and has finally, over many years, broken myself of the habit. Leave him alone, it's your only chance, but realize when you do this that it's no guarantee of any kind of affection. Now I'm not saying that if he texts you, you ignore him - don't. That's the reverse obsession, or what I call the "I'm so not interested in you I'll prove it by being an asshole" reaction. No good. But if he does, wait a couple of hours before you respond, don't be an eager beaver. To sum up the last couple of paragraphs in one easy phrase: Play it cool.

One inevitable truth of the world I've found: People tend to be attracted to people that show a vague interest in them, nothing more, nothing less.