"Fuck My Life"

[remdynex]

F*** My Life - FML : Your everyday life stories.

A website people can complain anon style about shit that happened to them, always good for a laugh.

Here are some gems from today:

"Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML"

"Today, my parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday. It looked like one I had bought for myself a couple of days earlier but I thanked them and went to hang it in my closet. An empty hanger hung where I placed the shirt I had purchased. They gave me my shirt for my birthday. FML"

"Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML"

"Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML"

"Today, I was presenting a powerpoint. As I plugged in the cord that connected my computer to the projector, I had forgotten what my boyfriend had set my desktop picture to the night before. I opened my laptop and projected on the wall was me nude. I go to Catholic school. FML"

"Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML"

etc etc.

[TacoTaru]

Friend of mine showed me this a few month's ago. Some are obviously faked (well probably all of them are fake) but some are hilarious. Figured it had been posted in spam ages ago.

[Silenka]

Amusing, but some of these are just self-inflicted idiocy, like this one:

"Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn't use it. Now I can't find it. FML"

And some people need to win some Darwin awards:

"Today, while I was trying to take off my eye make up, I accidently used nail polish remover. FML"

It's not facebreaking, but give her a few years.

[_chuchu]

Friend of mine licked the frosting off of a penis-shaped borthday candle from a cake in front of the whole class before realizing what it was. FHL or win?

[TacoTaru]

Here are some of my favorites from there:

Today, my boyfriend and I were in Victoria's Secret. I saw a picture of a model and said, "I wish I looked like that." He replied with, "Me too." FML

Today, I decided to come out to a co-worker. She looked at me, then laughed, and said, "You can't be gay, you're fat!" FML

Today, this guy took me to Denny's on a first date and used a 2 for 1 coupon. It was expired. I paid. FML

[Elvis]

YouTube - Superbad - Fuck my life

[altwight]

"Today, I asked a very cute fireman for his number "just in case I needed him to come to my rescue"... He told me "Yeah sure!" and scribbled it down. After he walked away I read his note: "911". FML"

that made me lol

[Ramor]

There are some true gems in there, where I almost feel bad at the person, but I'm usually laughing too hard:

Today, this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me that when I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'm confined to a wheelchair. FML

Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "nigger." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML

Today, my parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday. It looked like one I had bought for myself a couple of days earlier but I thanked them and went to hang it in my closet. An empty hanger hung where I placed the shirt I had purchased. They gave me my shirt for my birthday. FML

people's lives suck.

[Pun]

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML

loooool

[stewie]

Today, I went to have dessert with my boyfriend. We ordered some Jello. I said that I loved Jello because it is so fun and jiggly. My boyfriend said, "Like you. Except the fun part". FML

Oh lol.

[Astarael]

genuinely, thank you so much for posting this. It's been a slow day at work, and i saw this post at 9:30am. it's now 1:50pm, and i havethe misc section left to go through!

(people keep looking at me weird as they walk past my office and im either laughing or sat here grinning)

[ZarakiKujata]

Friend of mine showed this to me a month ago, she and I have been wasting our time in classes laughing and sending eachother these since. great site

[MarkM.]

Another good website is FAIL Blog: Pictures and Videos of Owned, Pwnd and Fail Moments I normally look at both of these before I force myself into the daily grind of work, it always reminds me no matter how bad it gets, there's always people that have it worse.

[0ni0n]

I used to frequent a similar confession site called grouphug.us and it was additive while it lasted.

[Stiker]

Thank you so much for bringing this into my life.

[ferigor]

I used to frequent a similar confession site called grouphug.us and it was additive while it lasted.

I liked group hug too. as soon as I started reading this post thats what it reminded me of.

[Day]

This is blocked at work, feel free to keep copying and pasting gewd ones :3

[Jaybar]

Today, the guy I like told me in casual conversation that I shouldn't get mad at him if he makes out with other girls at the bar, he only does it when he's drunk, that he doesn't really like them. We've been sleeping together for a week now. He met me at the bar. FML

^

[Chips]

.

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he screamed out "Amanda". Amanda is his sister's name. FML

[Day]

Both of those were awesome.